The End of the Innocence

by Jason Zandri

  Tim just nodded at his friend.

  “Donna is nice,” Matthew said. “I thought it might be fun, with a bigger gang at the beach, and that it might give me a chance to talk to Donna … you know, maybe sit with her a while and such.”

  Tim nodded again as they reached the van and dropped the cooler inside the side slider door.

  “We all set?” Michael asked.

  “Yep,” Matthew said, looking about the vehicle. “Anyone need to use the bathroom in the store before we get going?”

  Michael groaned. Upon Matthew’s comment, all the girls hopped out of the van.

  ***

  The girls made their way out of the bathroom in the store and Melissa hung back near the counter. Carrie looked at her. “I’ll be right out.” Melissa waved at her and headed over to her sister.

  Mark walked into the office, which gave her space should she want a quick, private conversation with Diane.

  Melissa tugged at her pullover a little and looked at Diane, who stood with a smug look on her face.

  “What?” Melissa asked, sounding annoyed.

  “I find it somewhat ironic how many times I stand at this counter to find you coming to me for advice,” Diane said in a soft tone.

  “Why is it ironic?” Melissa asked.

  “Because it’s always about boys, and you’ve dated more than I ever did.”

  “Well, maybe … yes,” Melissa said, then glanced out at Matthew and flashed the “one-minute” signal to him. “The numeric value hasn’t granted

  me any additional wisdom. Besides, it’s not as if I can ask Mom. She certainly can’t help.”

  Diane’s look toned down a little at her younger sister’s comment. She glanced out the window at Matthew, and then turned back to Melissa. “I have to scratch that,” she said. “While you tend to ask some advice about boys, it’s not so much about them in general. It always seems to be about Matthew.”

  Melissa looked over at him and bit her lip. Her expression turned soft and timid. “He’s so nice to me; he always has been. I don’t even function well around him. He’s so calm and cool around everyone. I don’t know what to say to him half the time anymore. I want to say everything and I never can.

  I’m so worried I’ll ruin everything if I pursue anything that I never do. I never let him. I make sure I stay away from him when I’m not with another boy.”

  “But why, Missy?” Diane asked. “If he makes your heart so light that it floats away on its own … don’t you want to try to capture that?”

  “I do,” she said with tears welling up in her eyes. “Almost since the day I met him in fifth grade, you know, once I started to like boys and all.” She turned and looked out the window to see him again. When he turned to look back in, she looked away and back at Diane. “What if I did, and things didn’t work out? What if we ruined the friendship going forward from the end of that?”

  “Loving anyone that much is a huge risk,” Diane said.

  “I don’t know if I would live. I would die if I couldn’t have him in my life at all.” Melissa wiped away a stray tear.

  “You won’t die from heartbreak,” Diane said, trying to sound reassuring.

  “But it will likely hurt.”

  “The way I feel when he’s around … I’d rather have that at a distance than to have it end somehow.”

  Diane sighed. “You’re a smart girl, Missy. I guess, technically, after your birthday, I’ll have to call you a woman. Regardless, you know there is no right thing to do. You’re not leading him on, so there’s nothing to fix or correct. You simply need to ask yourself ‘what do you want’ and then make a choice. I wish I could offer you more advice than that.”

  Melissa walked a little closer to the door so that none of the boys would come in looking for her. A car pulled in, so she rushed out her thoughts, “Is that what you did? With Mark?”

  “Yes,” she said softly, looking back at the hallway leading down to the

  office. “The jury is still partly out on that, I suppose. He’s only come along so far.”

  “But you risked more than just the friendship that started with him; you risked your job as well.”

  “Yes.” Diane smiled.

  “And if it all blew up? Would you change what you did and how you did it?” Melissa asked, with her hand on the door.

  “No,” Diane said. “I might have risked and lost it all, but now—at thirty years old—I don’t have to sit here and ask myself ‘what if?’ I am here now, and I know that answer.”

  Melissa let her finish, and then made her way toward the door.

  “Hey,” Diane called to her. Melissa stopped short. “Matthew is special.

  It’s a safer risk.”

  “How so?” Melissa asked.

  “Regardless of how it might go, unless one of you was completely horrible to the other, like a full break in trust or something, you will always be in each other’s life.”

  “How are you so sure?” Melissa asked.

  “Because of all the things that have happened over the years, with all of us—” Diane waved her finger around in a circle. “—because of the kind of boy he’s been and the man he’s become. Because of how you are and how you feel … even if the two of you somehow don’t stay in love with one another, assuming it goes there; you will always love each other.”

  Melissa wiped another loose tear away, then headed out the door to rejoin her friends.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The August summer sun moved high into the sky, and Michael, Tim, and Matthew moved from the water back over to the blankets where everyone was sitting and laying out.

  Liz sat up next to Marie and Donna. “How was the water?” she asked while she pulled her red hair back tighter in the ponytail, and then glanced over at Matthew, still making his way up.

  “Not too bad really,” Tim said and took a seat next to Patti. “It’s never super warm, but it’s a good break from the ninety-plus degrees … Hey, Sandman!” Tim yelled over to Matthew, who still lagged behind.

  Matthew looked up at him, and Tim shouted, “We should come again tomorrow with whoever is off. It’s going to be hot again, and the summer is nearly over.” Tim looked back over at everyone nearby. “Anyone in?”

  Marie looked at Donna, then shrugged, “Wouldn’t kill me to come again.

  Liz, can you drive again?”

  Liz paused for a moment. “I’m not sure. Maybe.” She looked up at Matthew, who finally came all the way over. “Matthew,” she said, leaning in a little further and allowing her suit top to hang. “I like the idea of all going in one car; is there enough room in the van?”

  “Mike …” Matthew looked over and stretched his arms up over his head.

  “You said you were out for tomorrow … you have to work?”

  Michael looked on while Lesley said, “Me too. Well, not work, but I have to help my mother with some stuff during the afternoon, so I’m out as well.

  But I’m in the next time for sure.”

  Matthew looked over at Donna, “Can you come with us tomorrow? I could come by and pick you up?”

  Donna gave Matthew a bright smile, which drew Melissa’s attention.

  “Um … I think so,” Donna said, and although she sounded reserved, she looked as if she had to hold back a grin. “I would have to double check with my mother, but I can’t think of a reason I can’t go.”

  Matthew grabbed his wallet from inside his sneakers, which sat next to his bag on the beach. He took a pen out of the bag, but then tossed it back, and pulled a business card from his wallet. “This is my number at home in my room. Give me a call when you get home tonight; I’ll take your number then, and we can square up the details for tomorrow.”

  Donna looked at the business card. “You have a line in your bedroom?”

  “Well, I pay for it with the money I earn mowing the lawns,” he said, and

  pride lit his eyes. “Speaking of which,” he said and turned to Tim. “We can bag the lawns tomorrow to
come to the beach again, but it’s supposed to rain over the weekend. I’m going to need your help on Friday to finish up all the work.”

  Tim flashed a “thumbs up” and leaned in and kissed Patti, playfully tipping her over. Melissa watched the two of them kiss.

  Liz glanced over at Matthew’s business card in Donna’s hand. Slowly, she slid over to Matthew. “Can I have one? I didn’t know your father set you up with a business already.”

  “Oh no,” Matthew said, looking uncomfortable. “It’s nothing that formal.

  I started cutting lawns, and I bought a trailer to hook up to the van to haul the mowers around. I got cards made because people kept asking for my information and that was easier. I pay the insurance for liability and such, and then the insurance and fuel for the van; the rest is just for whatever.”

  “He’s being modest,” Tim said, pulling away from Patti.

  Michael looked over and said, “He is.” Then he stood and took Lesley’s hand. “He’s made more since April with Tim helping him than some people make all year at a fast food place.” Lesley brushed the sand off the back of her thighs and wrapped her arm around Michael as he continued. “He could probably get a couple of leaf blowers for the fall and a plow and blower for the winter …”

  Matthew waved his hand in the air a little, “No, no, no … for the extra money it’s great, but I don’t think I want to do this the rest of my life.”

  “What do you want to do?” Liz asked, still holding out her hand for a card.

  A quick look of contempt came over Donna’s face once Liz monopolized the conversation with Matthew.

  Tim smiled at Liz’s question and walked away with Patti toward the water and away from the group.

  Carrie nudged Melissa, who then sat up and switched over to a kneeling position closer to where Patti had stood prior, taking up her space.

  “Honestly?” Matthew said while handing the card to Liz, and then closing up his bag. “I wanted to be an on-air DJ on the radio. I even looked into the broadcasting school up in Bloomfield. It’s not terribly expensive, and after the courses are done they offer job placement services.” He stood up and Liz followed his frame as he took a step away. “But I also looked into the future track of that career in the overall job market with Michael—sharp as shit he is

  with stuff like that, and what we figured out is that the career is in a decline.

  So … I guess I’ll have to look into something else.” Matthew took a few steps backward toward the water and looked over at Donna. “Of course, I have all of senior year to think about it. Right now?” He smiled at her. “I’m just looking forward to tomorrow, the warm weather, the beach, and the company.”

  Lesley tugged at Michael and the two of them walked away and toward the parking area in the direction of the ice-cream trucks.

  ***

  Donna focused on Matthew as he turned and headed over to the water.

  She watched him jog away, hoping he’d turn around to look at her one more time. He slowed and turned his head part way, but never turned around fully.

  That was good enough for Donna.

  Melissa watched Matthew head away as well.

  Donna spoke up, “What the hell, Liz?” Donna moved closer to her.

  “What?” Liz asked, looking all innocent with wide eyes.

  Carrie and Alecia stopped what they were doing to pay attention, as now just the five girls occupied the blankets.

  “Robert and Stan aren’t enough? Matthew shows some interest in me, and you have to twat block me?” Donna said with a set jaw and narrowed eyes.

  “Wow,” Melissa whispered to Carrie and Alecia, and all of them leaned in further. “A second ago I was pissed at Donna for getting Matthew’s attention, and now I’m on her side.” Melissa leaned back and watched Matthew enter the water at the shoreline as light waves from the Atlantic Ocean crashed in.

  “You know what, Donna?” Liz stood quickly. “If he had a solid interest in you, I wouldn’t be able to pull his attention. Clearly it’s equal or at least divided.” She tugged down on her top. “The question you need to ask yourself is ‘how far am I able to go to get and keep his attention?’”

  Donna couldn’t respond more than just opening her mouth. Liz smirked, turned, and followed Matthew’s path to the water.

  Marie touched Donna’s shoulder while Carrie moved over to close up a tighter circle.

  “You know what?” Marie said. “If Matthew is that easily swayed by her, you don’t want to waste your time with him.”

  “Oh,” Donna said. “Yes, I do. He’s a nice guy … mostly. He’s like everyone else when it comes to Liz. She’s like this siren that none of them can resist.”

  “That’s because she’s a huge slut whore,” Alecia said and adjusted her sunglasses.

  “She’s going to go out there now and just pull him into her web, you watch,” Donna said, somewhat upset. “By the time she’s done with him, he’ll take her to the beach tomorrow and won’t even remember to call me back.”

  She looked at his business card.

  “Look,” Melissa said, and a conflict of emotions crossed her face.

  “Matthew tends to ‘walk the walk’ as they say. He showed an interest in you; he’s going to follow up. Liz is going to be a challenge for him; he’s been infatuated with her since the first day he ever laid eyes on her, but that infatuation is the only power she has on him. He’s otherwise level-headed.”

  “Ah …” Carrie said, flipping her short brown hair. “But which head is more level!”

  The girls were quiet for a second, and then they all screamed and giggled at the comment.

  ***

  Matthew swam out deeper into the ocean to a point where he stood upper chest deep in the water. He turned to look back to the shore and saw Liz coming out toward him.

  He stared at her wet, slicked-back red hair, and then looked into her eyes, which mesmerized him. She stopped a little further back from him so she could stand in the shallower water.

  “Are you going to come back in a little?” she asked with a twinkle in her eyes and with her back to the shore.

  “I guess I could,” Matthew said, and then looked around. “Other than the jet skiers way out there—” He pointed across the way. “—and the ones on the boogie boards, we’re the farthest out.”

  Liz looked pleased when he came in somewhat, and she took two steps toward him.

  Matthew looked back over to where the girls all sat together. They’d huddled up and looked to be deep in conversation. Liz glanced back at them.

  “They’re talking amongst themselves.” She reached under the water and touched Matthew on both hips. “I’m right here, and you have my full attention.”

  Matthew flinched at her touch. Despite the fact that they had been familiar and friendly with one another—innocently—over the years, each time Liz touched him it felt like a static shock, and he never could prepare himself for

  it.

  “I’ve always meant to tell you—” she said with a slight tone of mischief in her voice. “—that I am always turned on by your response to my touch.”

  “I’m not sure I understand,” Matthew said.

  “All of you boys … well … I guess you’re all men now that you’re over eighteen … you all collapse when I touch you. You come at me and take me.

  You think I’m all yours but, when it comes down to it, you’re all mine.” She smiled at him. “Not you, though. Oh, you want to give in,” she said and lowered her hand across the outside front of his bathing suit and felt exactly how excited he was. “But you resist. Why?”

  “I’m not like all the others,” Matthew said, doing his best to maintain his composure. “I won’t be put into a box with everyone else.”

  “No, you’re not like everyone else,” Liz said, still in her playfully-evil tone. “Still …” She loosened his drawstring and slipped her hand inside his suit. “You’re only so far removed.”

  Liz wrapped her hand tight
around him and played. She used her other hand to part her two-piece top and expose herself.

  Matthew grunted and took a small step backward, but Liz matched with a forward step.

  “It’s clear you’re excited,” she said. “You’re underwater. To the whole beach, it looks like we are two people out here talking.”

  Liz sped up her movements, and Matthew’s resistance failed completely.

  What she did to him captivated him. Matthew tried to look back at Donna, but Liz moved back into his view.

  “You want her?” she said, still playful. “She wants you; you can have her tomorrow. Right this moment, you’re all mine. I will have you.”

  Matthew couldn’t look away anymore. His attraction to Liz had always been strong, and with her right in front of him, doing what she was doing, he couldn’t break away. Even if he could, he didn’t want to. Her ministrations felt so wonderful and way more than he’d ever imagined he’d have with her.

  He swallowed hard and his breathing became short and shallow. Liz curled up her lips more at his response. She stepped forward and kissed him, still moving her right hand rapidly. When she pulled her top left and away with her free hand, and then touched her chest to his, it was more than Matthew could stand. He lost control and let go. Liz stopped kissing him and touched her forehead to his; she looked down into the water and squeezed her right hand in response and rhythm to him. He huffed a couple of times and

  groaned. Then he reached out with his hands and pulled her in from her hips.

  “You can go now,” she whispered. “All I wanted was your response …

  today. I have it. You can go back to Donna now.”

  Matthew drew back when Liz let go of him. “I love and hate the way you make me feel … you know that, right?” Matthew said, and irritation showed in his voice.

  “I know,” she said. “And right back at you.”

  Matthew backed away and looked at her. “I don’t do what you do. The taunting and teasing. You do that intentionally.”

  Liz said nothing and only smiled. She drew her right hand up, out of the ocean, and over her tight belly.