by Ruby Dixon
"You want a kiss for luck?" Tia asks, and flings her arms around his waist.
I wince when R'jaal does. The female does not seem to realize R'jaal is not interested. He turns to look at her and she tries to pull him down to her mouth—
And then I'rec is there.
I see the Shadow Cat hunter grab R'jaal by one of his horns and pulls him away from the female. She screams, and then R'jaal leaps onto I'rec. Furious, they attack one another, the heavy thuds of fists striking hitting the beach. A few of the females scream, and then everyone on the beach is scattering.
This is bad.
I rush forward with a shout, even as T'shen lets out a bellow of anger. I am on I'rec a moment later, pulling him off of R'jaal even as he pounds his fist into my clans-mate's side. R'jaal's teeth are sunk into I'rec's tail, and both are bleeding and covered in sand. I'rec lets out a growl of anger and lunges at me, his claws striking at my jaw and scoring my skin.
A moment later, he is held back by his own clan.
"What the fuck!" Buh-brukh exclaims. Nearby, T'ia is sobbing, her hands clasped into tight fists against her chest. One of the watching females moves forward as I offer a hand to R'jaal. "Is he okay? I'm a nurse." She pushes me aside and drops to her knees next to R'jaal in the sand. "Your eye looks bad. Does it have grit in it? Should we rinse it out?"
"It will be fine," he grumbles. "If not, the healer will fix it."
"Right, the healer," the female says, and her tone is scathing. "Forgive me for trying to fucking help."
R'jaal gives her a mystified look as I haul him to his feet. "You are bleeding," he points out to me.
"It is just a scrape on the jaw." I watch the angry female march away and notice she casts an ugly look at T'ia. In fact, everyone is giving the female accusing looks. Of course they are. If she did not tease I'rec so, he would not have attacked R'jaal because the female gave him attention.
"You come with me," Buh-brukh hisses, grabbing T'ia by the arm. "You are in some serious shit now, girlfriend. This is a real mess you've created."
"I didn't do anything," T'ia sobs, but she meekly goes with Buh-brukh.
"Didn't you?" Buh-brukh snarls. "You've been egging this shit on for months and it's finally caught up with you. Come on. You're going to talk to the man in charge." With an angry stride, she leads the crying girl away.
"It is fine," R'jaal protests. "Let us game for the knife already. We can get out our frustrations that way." He dusts more sand off his hide and touches the broken skin over his ribs. "I have had worse falling out of a tree."
I'rec—still held back by O'jek and A'tam—just huffs with irritation.
"No games today," T'shen says. His expression is somber. "We must not fight each other."
"You have not been around our island clans," I'rec snipes. "We fight. That is what we do."
"Yes, well, now you are not on the island, and we must all live together," T'shen snaps back. It is the angriest I have ever heard him. He is normally all smiles and easy-going attitude. Everyone is prickly this day. "I will speak to Raahosh and see what we must do. If all of the games will provoke fights, then perhaps no one should get a knife at all."
Groans chorus amongst the men, and R'jaal looks furious. Others are gathering, brought from the shouting, and I see V'za and his mate, and K'thar and his. Soon the entire beach will be here, angry at I'rec and R'jaal and T'ia.
It is a mess.
I swipe at my jaw, and more blood is streaming down my chin. Others are gathering, and I notice that Mari is among them. A mess, just like Buh-brukh said.
"Are you bleeding?" Mari cries out in a high-pitched voice, rushing toward me.
My gut fills with warmth at my mate's concern. Her expression is distraught as she moves to my side, reaching for my jaw. "What happened?"
"It was a small clash," I reassure her. "Nothing more."
Her lips purse and she gives me an unhappy look. "You've got blood all over yourself."
"It is not a deep wound, I promise." My khui may be silent, but my heart sings right now. "It will stop bleeding soon enough. Do not worry."
"At least let me clean it up for you," Mari says, a stubborn note in her voice. She takes my hand and tugs on it, as if she will drag me from the beach.
I go, of course. An excuse to have my mate touch me? I will take every chance I can get. Mari's touch is worth a thousand slashes on the jaw. I grin to myself. Today is getting better and better.
The only thing that would make my smile bigger? If my khui sang. But it is a traitor, and just as silent as ever. I will go around you, then, I vow. Tonight, I will woo my mate with words alone. If you will not sing on your own, perhaps we will convince you.
I like this thought. I like it very much…and I cannot wait for sundown.
"You don't have to look so thrilled to get cut open," Mari grumbles, and I just laugh.
15
MARI
I use the excuse of needing hot, boiled water to clean T'chai's wounds to sit by the fire. In reality, the khui will probably stop most smaller infections, and as long as the cut is clean, he should be okay. But my heart tells me to clean everything fiercely, and twice, and pack it with herbs, all because I remember those long, awful days in which he struggled to breathe, his entire body hot and swollen from infection.
"Pobrecito," I cluck at him as I dab at his wounds.
"Poor little one?" He pulls away from me, stung. "You think I am a kit?"
"It's an expression," I reassure him. "An affectionate one. Now give me your jaw." He looks a bit mulish but does as I say, letting me carefully clean the grit out of the cuts with a bit of softened leather. Gail hands me a bowl of steaming water sprinkled with cleansing herbs, and I shoot her a grateful look, then return to concentrating on my mate. For all that T'chai thinks it's not a big deal, it's a deep cut, and I could kill I'rec for doing this to him. Just walk right over to his big arrogant face and choke him to death.
"You are scowling," T'chai murmurs, his hand trailing up my pants leg to rest on my hip.
"I'm mad at I'rec," I whisper. "And Tia, too. That little shit." I try to put myself in Tia's shoes. I was a huge flirt when I was in high school, too, but I knew better than to flirt with a bunch of older men that had never had a woman before. The testosterone on the beach has been building to a damn crescendo lately. With each pair that resonates, the remaining males get a little more anxious and desperate. Shadow Cat is already full of hotheads and the fact that none of them have resonated to anyone has not been lost on anyone. They're wound up, ready to explode—and it happened today. "She's been playing with fire and now we're all getting burned."
"Everything is all right," T'chai soothes me. "No one was truly hurt."
"Oh, I'm sorry, cabrón, is this not your blood all over my hands?"
"You are very mad," T'chai points out, and there's a hint of wonder in his voice.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I like that you are so protective of me," he murmurs, trying to nuzzle against my hand.
That sets my cootie off in a jarring way, and it sends a flare of dislike through my body. I ignore it—because fuck that stupid thing anyhow—and continue to tend to my mate. "I just don't like you getting hurt. And look at R'jaal's eye. It's terrible. All because a little girl wanted all the boys to pay attention to her." I cluck my tongue, and then stop myself. Tia is young. I'm not going to attack her for being young and stupid and boy-crazy. I'm just mad because the sight of T'chai with blood all over his face nearly made my heart stop in my chest. "You're not allowed to get wounded," I remind my mate. "Not even a scratch."
He chuckles, his breath warm against my fingers as I dab at his wounds. "If I get this attention, I am going to show up with small cuts all the time."
I mock-scowl at him, but my heart feels lighter at his flirting. Not just because of relief, but because I like talking with him. I like being with him, and flirting. I like when he smiles. Even if everything seems to be falling apart around us, wh
en T'chai smiles, it feels all right.
Then he touches my hand and that feeling of wrongness sweeps over me again, and my happy mood dissipates. Can't it stop for a freaking day? A freaking hour? I clench my jaw and wet the cloth again, focusing on T'chai even as voices rise around us.
"It's not my fault," Tia sobs. "I didn't hit anyone! Why is everyone mad at me?" She storms through camp, all thick black curls and angry tears.
Liz trails behind her, a baby at her breast and an angry look on her face. "I'm not done talking to you! Get back here!"
"You're not my mother!" Tia bellows at her, and then storms into the women's cave.
Liz sputters, her face red with fury as her mate comes up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder. "Jesus Christ, remind me that I can't choke her to death?"
"You cannot choke her to death," Raahosh says in an equally flat voice. "But something must be done with her. I'rec, too. Fighting is not allowed inside the tribe. If we all swung our fists as we pleased, everything would be chaos."
R'jaal gets to his feet, holding a wet cloth to the side of his swollen face. I know I'rec's in Veronica's tent, and R'jaal declined having the healer look at his injuries. He has a guilty look on his face, his expression sad as he looks around the camp. "You must punish me," R'jaal declares. "I am a leader, and I fought with him as much as he fought with me."
"Oh, everyone's getting punished," Liz declares angrily, and then the baby at her breast begins to cry. "Oh, goddamn it."
Raahosh takes his mate by the shoulders before she can stomp off, and then cups her chin. "Calm yourself, my mate. I will make sure everything is taken care of."
Liz's jaw clenches, but she nods, letting out a deep breath. "You know how I feel."
"I do." He caresses the hard set of her jaw with his thumb, smiling faintly at her, and I'm filled with envy at their easy relationship. Why can't it be that easy between me and T'chai? Why can't I be the one with a baby at my breast?
"I can hardly wait for our girls to turn into teenagers," Liz says wryly, and then takes the crying baby away from the camp, making soothing sounds.
Raahosh just rubs his brows and glances over at us. "Your mate is not harmed?"
"It is nothing," T'chai begins.
I cut him off by putting my fingers against his lips and turning to Raahosh. "Not harmed? You want to see these gouges on his face?"
"They are not deep," T'chai mumbles around my fingers.
"If the wounds were on my face would you feel the same?" I ask him in a tight voice. Shit, I'm almost as mad as Liz. I'm practically shaking I'm so frustrated.
"I'rec will be punished," Raahosh reassures me. "He will be so busy with hunting he will have no time to talk to the females."
"And me?" R'jaal grimaces and moves the cloth from his eye. "I fought just as much. You cannot blame I’rec for everything. He thinks I was encroaching on his female, and I let my dislike of him get to me.”
"You will be punished as well. And Tee-ah, too," Raahosh says.
“Is she his?” T’chai asks. “I’rec’s mate?”
“No. She has been mouth-mating with several of the unmated males. It is no wonder they are all upset. Both O’jek and Sessah have been by to ask about her.”
Gail clucks under her tongue. "Kissing half the camp is bad news, but she's just a young, hormonal girl around a bunch of attractive men. What do y'all expect? She'll grow out of it."
"Then perhaps it is best that she not be around the males until she does." Raahosh crosses his arms. "I have spoken with my mate and with the other hunters from Croatoan, and we feel she might be better off at the village, where there are no males to be bothered. It solves all the problems."
Tia will haaate that, but it might be the right thing to do. "How are you going to get her to them," I ask. "I thought we couldn't go to the village until the brutal season is over? Bek and Elly said it's too hard to walk." I know, because I've asked. There's a healer at Croatoan, and while I'm not keen on healers right now, I've given it a thought a time or four.
"Ash-tar says he will brave a flight if it is important. I believe this is important." Raahosh has a stubborn look on his face.
T'chai touches my hand again, and that skittering feeling of “wrong” moves through me again. A whole other village. Away from the men here. Maybe Tia isn't the only one that should go. My heart hurts at the thought but…I wonder if it might not be easier on both me and T'chai to not be around each other.
I make a mental note to talk to Veronica later. If Tia goes to Croatoan, I probably should too.
I'm quiet as we head back to our hut, my mind on fire with all the possibilities.
I have to go to Croatoan. Not just because there's a healer there. Because if this thing between myself and T'chai can't get fixed…I'm going to move there, permanently. It'll be easier than facing him every morning and knowing that I willfully destroyed what we had. Never mind that we had no other choice. I still feel like I did something wrong. Like I betrayed him and his khui both. It'll be easier for both of us if we're not around each other, constantly faced with our problem.
Maybe that's just me trying to run away again, but I don't care. I'm so very tired and defeated at this point. I think of last night and I just want to cry. I wanted to make love to my mate. I wanted to touch him, and my cootie gave me nothing in return. Separation is the best answer.
But I know T'chai won't like hearing that, so I keep it to myself for now. I'll have to figure out how to approach it…just not yet.
"You are quiet," T'chai says as we head into our hut.
"Just thinking." I turn to him, studying his cheek. "Are you still bleeding?"
"It has closed up. Before you ask, I do not need the healer." There is a teasing look in his gaze, and it breaks my heart all over again. That stupid knot returns to my throat and I swallow hard, trying to keep from crying. He notices my expression, though, and his immediately changes. "Mari, what is wrong?"
"Everything," I whisper. I move to my furs, sinking onto them and hugging a thick pelt around my shoulders. I want to hide away, but this is about as good as I can get right now.
"Is it more than my cheek? Are you upset for T'ia?"
I shake my head and look over at him. "Her leaving will be good for the tribe. It's not that she's a bad person, she just needs to grow up a little, and Shadow Cat needs to cool off a bit. I'm sure she'll be hurt at first, but I think it'll be good for her in the long run."
"Then why do you cry?"
I lick my lips. "You know what I just said about how going to the other village will be good for her in the long run?" I hesitate, and then blurt it out to him before I can lose my courage. "She's not the only one I think it'll be good for."
Confusion is written across his face. He watches me, uncomprehending, and then reaches for my hand. "You wish for us to go to Croatoan as well? Do you want to live there?"
No, I don't want to live there, I want to say, but I keep that cry bottled up inside. Instead, I rephrase it tactfully. "I think I should live there." I glance up at him. "Just me."
T'chai recoils.
16
MARI
I feel like the worst person ever. There's blatant hurt on T'chai's face at my announcement. I knew he wouldn't like it, but I also didn't expect to feel as if I'm gutting him with my words.
"You would leave me?" he asks, and there's a rough edge to his voice that makes me ache so badly.
"It's not you," I promise him. "It's me. It's this stupid mistake I made and if I can't fix it, it might be easier for both of us if we're not together."
He stares at me. Slowly, he shakes his head. "No. I do not agree."
"What we have isn't working—"
"You did not give up on me, not even when I was at my sickest," he points out. "But you will give up on me now?"
"That's not what I'm doing!"
"You will just leave me, then? As if my hurts do not matter?"
I flinch. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm
doing this because I want both of us to stop hurting."
He shakes his head again, then sinks down on the furs next to me. I fight the urge to scoot away, knowing now is not the time. "No, my mate. You think I will hurt less if you leave my side?" He leans in, watching me with such an intent stare. "Just because our khuis no longer sing to one another does not mean that things are bad between us."
"Are you kidding me?" The words choke from my throat and I clutch the blanket tighter. "Every time you touch me, it sends a 'no, bad' signal through my body. I hate that! I hate that I ever chose to turn things off. It was such a mistake and now I feel like we're both paying for it—"
"You chose that to save my life," T'chai murmurs. "How can I feel that was a mistake? You did it out of love for me. I will not forget this."
I suck in a deep, shuddering breath. "The only reason I suggest moving is because I'm tired of hurting you, T'chai. I know your cootie isn't as turned off as mine is. I know I'm the problem. And maybe if I'm not here, your cootie will pay attention to someone else. Maybe you can resonate to another—" I choke on the words. They gag me, and I press my fingers to my mouth. I don't want T'chai to touch another. He's mine, even if my khui won't recognize it. I can tell from his expression he doesn't like that idea, either. He looks as if the idea is repugnant to him.
"You think I would choose another?" He looks offended.
Licking my lips, I struggle to find the right thing to say. "I just want you to be happy—"
"I am happy," he says in a gentle voice, reaching for me. He drops his hand at the last moment, but remains near, and I ache, because I want him to touch me. I do. Or rather, I want to want it. "When I wake up and see you next to me, I am happy, Mari." He hesitates and reaches out to touch a strand of my hair, rubbing the curling end around his fingers. "When you smile, I am filled with joy. Mating is not everything in a relationship. The khui brings us together, but it does not sing all day every day. The rest of the time, it is you and I."