Home on the Ranch--The Cowboy's Dilemma

by Pamela Britton

  She couldn’t move. Her feet were stuck as she looked up and met his gaze. The urge to grab his hand was so overwhelming she had to look away to stop herself from doing something stupid.

  Gratitude. That was all it was. She loved him in that moment. Not, like, love loved. Love like friendship love. That was why it felt as if her heart swelled to twice its size and why her whole body flushed with a warmth that filled her.

  “Will you marry me, Flynn?”

  It was a joke. Or it was meant to be, but for one panic-stricken moment she thought he might take it wrong.

  “No, thanks. Not today.” But he smiled and she knew he’d picked up on the fact that she was just trying to ease the tension.

  She tipped her chin up. “Okay. I shouldn’t drag you into this any more than you already are, but I can’t seem to stop myself. You’re a saint, Flynn. You really are. I’m naming my kid after you.”

  “What if it’s a girl?”

  “Then I’ll call her Flynnanita. Either way, it’s happening.”

  They both laughed and it felt good, it felt so dang good to have someone by her side through this. The thought instantly sobered her.

  “Thank you,” she said softly and earnestly.

  A hand reached for her own, his big fingers squeezing her gently. The look on his face was probably the same one he wore when he was saving baby cows and rescuing evil roosters.

  “You’re welcome.”

  And she wished—oh, how she wished—Trent could have been more like him, a decent guy...someone just like Flynn.

  Chapter 10

  He was taking this babysitting thing way too seriously, Flynn thought, waiting with Amy for the doctor to arrive. She’d been asked to lie down on a table, her brown hair splayed out beneath her, her hands nervously fidgeting with the edge of her shirt.

  “If they ask me to put my feet in those stirrup things, you do realize you’re going to have to leave,” she said, but the words were said with an edge of hysteria to them. “I mean, you’re a good friend and all, but we’ve got to draw the line somewhere.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said with a reassuring smile. “If they ask you to put your feet in those stirrup thingies, I’ll be gone before you take off your boots.”

  “Oh, goody.”

  But she was terrified. He could see the pulse beating at the base of her neck and for a moment he felt such a deep-rooted sense of empathy for her that it was nearly a physical ache. Her chest rose and fell, and she flinched when the door opened.

  “Okay,” said a female doctor who didn’t look old enough to practice medicine, much less be an obstetrician. “Are you ready for your—” The white-coated woman stumbled to a stop. “Flynn.” She pulled the tablet she’d been holding up against her chest. “Oh, my goodness, Flynn, I haven’t seen you since high school.”

  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Amy glance over at him. But for the life of him he couldn’t remember who the woman was.

  “It’s me, Christine Nelson. I helped you pass integrated math back in high school.”

  The blurry image of a woman with thick-framed glasses and a mouthful of braces rose up in his mind. But the woman in front of him didn’t look a thing like the Christine Nelson he remembered.

  “Of course I remember you,” he lied. Well, maybe not. The eyes were the same.

  She smiled up at him bashfully, her blond hair pulled off her face. She seemed to have forgotten Amy was in the room.

  “Uh, how have you been?” he asked, glancing at Amy again. She seemed strangely amused.

  “Good, good,” Christine said, nodding her head. “I ended up going to medical school just like I said I would, but I changed my mind about pediatrics. I decided to be an ob-gyn instead. I’m a resident here.”

  “That’s great.”

  She kept smiling at him. Flynn turned back to Amy.

  “I went to school with her,” he told Amy.

  “So I gathered.”

  That was definitely amusement he heard in her voice. He could see the laughter hiding behind her eyes.

  “And you must be Amy,” Christine said after peering at her digital chart.

  “I am.”

  “Amy is a friend of mine,” he said with a smile, although he had no idea why he felt the need to explain. “I’m just here for moral support.”

  “So if you ask me to strip naked,” Amy said, “he’s going to have to leave the room.”

  Christine looked between the two of them, but her gaze settled on him. “It’s so sweet of you to support a friend like this. Did you ever become a famous jockey?”

  Was he blushing? Damn, the mention of riding racehorses brought back memories he’d long forgotten, and the words solidified it really was the Christine he remembered. He hadn’t thought about being a jockey in years, not since he shot up in height his sophomore year.

  “Not a jockey. But I do ride horses for a living.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Christine asked, but she looked down at Amy with a professional smile and said, “All I’m going to do is lift your shirt a little bit.”

  Flynn averted his eyes just in case. “My dad got into cutting horses. We breed and compete on them. I’m in charge of the horse operation.”

  “So still horse crazy, then?” she asked with a smile, pulling a machine toward her, one that was on rollers so that she could easily maneuver it so they could both see the screen. She pulled on some latex gloves while waiting for Flynn to answer.

  “I guess you could say that,” Flynn said.

  Christine took a seat on a stool next to Amy and gave her another professional smile. “I’m going to put some gel on you now. It should be warm, so no worries.” The doctor-to-be flipped on a screen. Flynn watched as she grabbed what looked like a showerhead and placed it against Amy’s stomach.

  “And your brothers and sister? How are they all doing?”

  “Married,” he said, looking at the screen and wondering how the heck anyone could make sense of what was displayed.

  “And you? You married yet?”

  “Nope,” Amy answered for him.

  Christine glanced at Amy quickly before meeting his gaze again, and for some reason Flynn went back to blushing. He had to look away, focusing on the screen. “Do you see anything yet?”

  “Not yet.” Christine focused her attention on the monitor. “Let me just move this around.” She did that for a few seconds before saying, “There. Right there.” She pointed to the screen with her finger. “There’s your baby right there, Amy. See that light spot on the screen? And see that area flickering? That’s baby’s heartbeat right there.”

  Flynn leaned closer in amazement. He’d seen baby horses on sonograms before, but a tiny human life? This was a first. It was so small.

  “You’re just about nine weeks, by the looks of things,” said the doctor. “Good placement of the placenta, too. Nothing to worry about there. You’re all good.”

  When he glanced at Amy, she was back to looking scared again. He found himself reaching for her hand, squeezing it.

  “It’s going to be all right.”

  “I know,” she said in a tiny voice. She stared at the screen and the tiny picture there. Suddenly things just got very, very real for her. Flynn could tell.

  Christine was staring between the two of them. “Would you like a picture?” she asked.

  Flynn looked at Amy, who nodded minutely. He answered for her, “Sure.” And then he smiled down at her. “Our first picture of Flynnanita.”

  That made Amy smile, but only a little. Christine pressed some buttons and then removed the wand. “They’ll print them out for you up front.”

  And that was that. Christine wiped Amy’s stomach down before stowing away all the equipment. When she’d finished, she stood up and removed her gloves, tossing them in a bin next to the bed.

/>   “Well, it was good seeing you, Flynn.”

  “You, too, Christine.”

  But she didn’t leave right away and Flynn wondered if she had something further to say. She stood there, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

  “We should get together. Catch up.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  She stood there, waiting, Flynn didn’t know what for. “Give me a call sometime.”

  “I’ll do that.”

  She finally turned away, leaving the room. Flynn turned back to Amy, who started to shake her head.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She was waiting for you to ask for her number, you idiot.”

  “No, she wasn’t.”

  Amy just rolled her eyes, tugging her shirt down, but when she sat up, her hand covered her belly and he knew she was thinking about the baby again, about what it meant for her future and everything that went along with having a child.

  “What am I going to do?” he heard her ask.

  “You’re going to think positive and eat right and take care of yourself.” He wagged a finger at her. “No more climbing trees.”

  But she didn’t answer him. Her eyes had lost focus. “Am I making a mistake, Flynn? Should I really be having this baby right now? What if I’m a terrible mother?”

  He closed the distance between them, grabbed her hand again. “You’re going to be fine.”

  She met his gaze and that was when it hit him, that was when he realized how badly he’d wanted to kiss her earlier when she was looking so glum. He dropped her hand and stepped back, because it was insane. He’d just been staring at another man’s child in her belly. He should not want to kiss her.

  But he did.

  “I’ll bring the truck around. Meet you outside.”

  She stared up at him strangely. “You really should give that pretty doctor your number. She seemed nice.”

  “No, thanks.”

  Because he didn’t want to give Christine his number. He wanted to tell Amy to call him.

  He turned. “I’ll see you outside.”

  Chapter 11

  Flynn had been strangely quiet on their way back to the ranch. That was okay. It’d suited Amy just fine. She kept pressing her hand against her belly, as if she could feel the little life inside her. She couldn’t, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Oh, no. It was there all right. Today had confirmed that.

  It was real. It would really happen. At some point early next summer she’d be a mommy.

  She supposed on some level she’d wondered if the pregnancy tests had been wrong. Of if maybe she’d read them wrong. It’d been a ridiculous thought. A doctor’s office and a store-bought pregnancy test wrong? Alas, that wasn’t the case at all.

  She’d have to call her mother.

  She realized she’d been holding off on doing that until today’s appointment. But now it would have to be done because if she didn’t tell her now, early on in the pregnancy, she’d never hear the end of it.

  Who was she kidding? She’d never hear the end of it, anyway. It wasn’t that she didn’t get along with her mom. Growing up, she’d had only her mother to take care of her, Amy’s dad having taken off. But Amy had always felt like her mom couldn’t wait to be rid of her. Almost as if she were a burden. So the moment Amy had graduated high school, she’d moved out, started college, pursued a degree in hospitality. Her mom? She’d moved to Florida without so much as a word to Amy. She’d heard about the move from a friend. Her mom claimed the job market was better in Florida, but that was a load of malarkey. Her mom had worked retail her entire life. She could find a job anywhere. So there was a part of Amy that always wondered, just a tiny little bit, if her mom had moved all the way across the country to get away from being a mom.

  I won’t ever make you feel that way.

  She patted her belly, breathing deeply to stave off panic. She might be doing this alone, but she’d do it better than her mom ever had, that she promised the tiny life inside her.

  “You okay?” Flynn asked.

  She nodded, but her throat had gone thick. She would be fine. She didn’t need to worry. When she’d moved out of her mom’s apartment she’d been scared to death, too, but she’d managed. College. Even an internship with one of the area’s biggest wedding planners. She could do this, too.

  “You don’t look okay.”

  And then, strangely, and from out of nowhere, came a sense of complete and utter calm. Her eyes stopped stinging, her throat cleared. Okay, maybe not calm. She’d just gone...numb.

  “No. I’m good.”

  But when she glanced over at him, she was reminded of the good doctor and the way the beautiful MD had blushed the moment she’d realized she had Flynn Gillian in her exam room. Via Del Caballo royalty, she’d heard the Gillian family called. She would bet the doctor had had a crush on him back in high school. There’d been something about the way she’d peeked up at him through her lashes. She looked back out the window because Flynn deserved a woman like Dr. Nelson. Someone who had her life together and the future planned out and who’d be as kind to him as he was to everyone else. He deserved kindness.

  “I think you should call your ex,” he said. “Send him a picture of the sonogram.”

  “Why? So he could claim the picture is of someone else’s baby?” She shook her head. “Because that’s what he’ll do. Once the baby is born I’ll be able to prove it’s his. Until then...”

  “Can’t you do a DNA test now?”

  She shook her head. “Too expensive. It’s better to wait until the baby is born.”

  “So that’s it, then? You’re just going to do this all alone?”

  “What choice do I have?”

  “Surely you have family?”

  “It’s just me and my mom, and she lives in Florida, and I haven’t told her yet.”

  “Why the heck not?”

  She shrugged. Because she had a feeling her mom wouldn’t care. Because she didn’t want to ask her for help when she didn’t want her mother’s help. Because no matter what she told herself, her mom taking off on her had hurt. Badly. Only now, when she was pregnant, did she realize just how wrong it was to disconnect so completely from your child. She would never abandon her kid. Not now. And definitely not when they were older.

  She was so engrossed in thinking about her mother that it wasn’t until he pulled up in front of her house that she realized they were home.

  “You look upset,” he said before she could open the door and slip outside.

  “I can’t thank you enough for going with me today, Flynn.”

  He met her gaze, his eyes dark beneath his cowboy hat, and, man, did she wish things were different. What would it have been like if Flynn had been her baby’s father? How much easier would things have been? How much more secure would she feel? But he wasn’t. Instead, she had to deal with a man just like her mother. Someone who put his own selfish needs first.

  She let herself out of the truck, waiting to see if he’d follow. He didn’t, though, and it was ridiculous how let down she felt when he started to back down the driveway, Amy waving at him as if her mind wasn’t spinning and her world wasn’t turned upside down by the ultrasound and her thoughts about Flynn and the ever-present disappointment in her mother. She forced herself to take a deep breath, facing her front door and her future.

  Behind her she heard the truck stop moving. When she heard the door open, every muscle in her body tensed because she needed him, needed Flynn, someone to wrap their arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. She turned back just in time to see him slip out of the truck, leaving it running. He approached her slowly and she tried to tough it out, to make it seem as if everything was okay and that her world wasn’t cracking open and her heart breaking in two.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  H
e tucked his hands in his front pockets and she had to lean back to look up at him. A bright blue sky framed his face and cowboy hat. His eyes were the exact same color as the heavens above.

  “I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re amazing.” His shoulders flexed, as if he wanted to move but couldn’t. “I mean, I know I’ve said this before, but I really admire the fact that you’ve decided to keep the baby.”

  She had to look down at the ground because she didn’t trust herself to keep looking in his eyes. “If you knew how often I’ve second-guessed myself, you might not think so highly of me.” She inhaled in shame. “You have no idea how many times I’ve thought my life would just be easier if I...” She took a deep breath. “If I just...”

  She couldn’t even finish the sentence.

  A hand slipped free of his pocket and she knew what he would do before he did it, his fingers soft as he gently brushed the side of her face. It felt as if he touched her with a feather. She closed her eyes, and it seemed as if time stretched to the point of snapping while she waited for him to do...something.

  “Amy,” she heard him say.

  She couldn’t look at him. If she did, he’d see it in her eyes, the need she felt for him to do more than touch her, and she was ashamed of that need because she was pregnant and still in love with Trent. Maybe. She didn’t know. The point was she carried another man’s child.

  But she had to look, had to peer into his eyes. The softness there. The kindness. The look of gentle understanding.

  “What are you doing to me?” he asked.

  The same thing you’re doing to me, she wanted to say.

  “Kiss me, Flynn, please.”

  His pupils flared and his face tensed and she waited for the rejection. Who would want her? Not someone like Flynn. But then his head lowered and she thought that maybe, just maybe...

  His lips lightly grazed her own.

  This was her yes, the yes she’d been silently saying to him. Yes, it was okay to kiss her. Yes, it scared her, too. Yes, she didn’t understand it, either.

  Her eyes closed again so she felt rather than saw him close the distance between them, and when he hooked a hand in the loops of her jeans and tugged her up against him, she silently cried out “Yes” all over again. His head tilted, his mouth silently asking for more. She gave it to him, parting for him, the warmth and the taste of him causing her body to warm in ways it shouldn’t.