All The Befores

by Samantha Chase

  She walked over and gently guided him back to his chair and then stood behind him, massaging his shoulders. “I’m sorry. And it’s been so cold out too. I hate thinking of you working outside like that.”

  Her hands felt so good that Colton instantly began to relax. “I’m used to it. I’ve been doing this for over twenty-years so I barely notice the weather anymore.”

  “Still,” she said, her hands kneading deeper, “I wish you didn’t have to work so hard.”

  It was something she started saying after they began work on the house. Colton had a crew full of guys who were younger than him and as foreman, he probably could get by with delegating what needed to be done. That wasn’t the way he worked, though. He was a hands-on guy and that meant if his guys were swinging a hammer, so was he.

  Her hand hit a particularly sore muscle and he hissed.

  “Sorry,” she whispered.

  “Nothing to be sorry for. It feels good.”

  “That wasn’t a sound of something feeling good,” she teased.

  “Trust me.” His head leaned back and rested against her which caused him to hum with approval. “How about you, Suz? How was your day?”

  “Still going over the comment cards everyone filled out this weekend and trying to make adjustments for the grand opening.”

  “What does that mean? Did people complain?”

  “No. Not really,” she said, moving her hands so they were both working his right shoulder. “More like suggestions.”

  “Such as?”

  “There were a few suggestions about the selection of toiletries we offered – some of the scents were not a hit.”

  “Okay, that’s not huge.”

  “One complaint about the pillow selection…”

  He glanced over his shoulder. “Seriously?”

  She nodded. “A little like Goldilocks – one was too firm, one was too soft…”

  “Good grief.”

  “Another person wrote that I didn’t have enough gluten-free and vegan options for breakfast, but I asked everyone when they made their reservation about dietary needs and restrictions so I’m not too worried about that one.”

  “You know you’re not going to be able to please everyone, right?”

  “I know.” Now she shifted to his left shoulder. “But in the beginning, I really need to be aware of what people want and try to accommodate as much as possible. So if that means having extra pillows stocked, I’ll do it. If I have to add a few items to the menu, it’s not a big deal. Same with the toiletries. I’ll add a couple of varieties.”

  “I just don’t want you killing yourself and jumping through hoops. That’s all.”

  Leaning down, she kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” Giving his shoulder one last squeeze, she stepped around him and finished putting the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. When she was done, she came back over and sat down beside him. “I’m glad you came over tonight.” Reaching out, she took one of his hands in hers. “I missed you.”

  Colton couldn’t help but smile. “I missed you too, beautiful.” He loved seeing her blush when he called her that.

  “I baked some apple cobbler for dessert. You know, when you’re ready.”

  She definitely spoiled him. Susannah was a fantastic cook and she seemed to get real pleasure from making special treats for him.

  And he appreciated each and every one of them.

  Placing a hand on his stomach, he grinned. “I’m still full from the pot roast, but thanks.” He paused. “So have you finalized your Christmas plans? Will everyone be here for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? I know you and Georgia were deep in discussion over that last time we talked about it.”

  She laughed softly. “Christmas Eve here, Christmas Day at Georgia’s. You’re coming to both, right?”

  “Uh…”

  Truth be told, he wanted to. He planned to up until a week and a half ago. Now he wasn’t so sure of his place and didn’t want to be the guy hanging out where he didn’t belong.

  As if reading his mind, Susannah sighed. “Colton, we’ve got to talk about this.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” And honestly, he couldn’t be sure what exactly she was referring to. “I don’t expect you to invite me to every family gathering, Susannah. I don’t need to be with you for both. And besides, your cousin might not appreciate my being there.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Georgia loves to entertain and the more the merrier.” She smiled at him sadly. “And that’s not completely what I was referring to.”

  He arched a brow at her and waited for her to explain.

  She let out a long breath. “I know things got a little…awkward…but you said you weren’t going anywhere and…you kind of have.”

  “Excuse me?” Straightening in his chair, he studied her hard. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means…it means you left the night of the opening and you didn’t come back until tonight.”

  “Susannah…”

  “No, I know you have other jobs you need to focus on, but I feel like you’re pulling away and…and it bothers me.”

  “You can’t have your cake and eat it too,” he murmured, raking a hand through his hair as he jumped to his feet.

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, you can’t keep pushing me away with one hand and pulling me back with the other!” And yeah, he was frustrated.

  “That’s not what I’m doing!” she cried.

  “Let me ask you something,” he began and didn’t wait for her to respond. “Do you love me?”

  Her expression softened. “You know I do.”

  “But not enough to marry me,” he stated.

  “You know why…”

  “Honestly, Susannah, I don’t. I mean, I know what you’ve told me – I know what you’ve been telling yourself, but I think it’s a convenient excuse.”

  “What?!” Now she stood and stalked over to him. “How dare you!”

  “Sweetheart, you and I both know that you are an extremely levelheaded, confident woman. You don’t shy away from a challenge of any kind. You’re an amazing mother who raised two incredible kids! You tackled turning this old house into a bed and breakfast that is going to be a huge success! Everything you put your mind to, you give it your all and make it succeed!”

  “You don’t know…”

  Reaching out, he grasped her shoulders. “Yes, I do! And do you know how I know that?”

  She shook her head.

  “Because you’re an extremely intelligent woman who worked out every possible angle for this business and put it into play! Because people love you and you make them feel welcome! Because you made this place the kind of destination where people are going to want to stay!”

  “Colton…”

  “You’ve taken a chance on so many things, Suz. Why not on me?” And damn, he hated how desperate he sounded, how needy, but he couldn’t help it. He needed to know.

  Her mouth moved but no words came out and he cursed himself for backing her into a corner like this.

  Then he cursed again and claimed her lips with his.

  It wasn’t tender or sweet, but a little untamed. Her arms wrapped around him just as his went around her – as if they both needed to be as close as humanly possible. Her soft curves always drove him wild. He loved being able to grab and caress them and he loved the sounds Susannah made when he did.

  Without breaking the kiss, he lifted her onto the counter and stepped between the vee of her legs and growled with how good it felt. He might not be a young man anymore, but he still enjoyed making love – especially with Susannah. They’d come a long way since those early days when she wouldn’t let him even look at her naked.

  Speaking of…

  His hands snaked under her t-shirt as he pulled back long enough to whip it over her head. Diving in for another kiss, her legs wrapped around him. It didn’t seem possible that they could still feel this kind of urgency for each other. Ten minutes ago, h
e was exhausted and couldn’t imagine anything feeling better than the shoulder massage she was giving him. But now he was wide awake and wanted her. Needed her.

  Reaching up, he cupped her breasts, the calluses on his hands snagging on the delicate lace covering her. He used to feel bad about it, but he knew from experience how much she loved how rough and scratchy his skin was.

  The kiss went on and on – changing, softening, before going deep and wet again. In a perfect world, he’d strip them both down right here, right now. But the back kitchen wall was floor to ceiling windows along with a pair of French doors leading out to the deck. Mallory and Jake were known to walk through that door without any advanced notice and the last thing he wanted was for Susannah to be caught in a compromising position.

  They’d had that happen more than once while Sam was still living here and he wasn’t looking forward to it ever happening again.

  Susannah’s nails scratched along his back before trailing up his neck and into his hair.

  He loved when she did that.

  It still amazed him that she was this wildly attracted to him. He knew he was still in decent shape because he had such a physical job, but he also knew his hair was graying, he wasn’t quite as firm in places that he used to be, and…his stamina wasn’t what it once was. He’d lost count of how many times he had silently wished he and Susannah had met when he was younger and more in his prime.

  Judging by the sounds she was making and the way she was rubbing against him, she didn’t have a problem with any of it. And that’s what spurred him on to lift her back off the counter and stride out of the kitchen to her suite of rooms. No one was staying at the inn tonight and that meant he wasn’t going anywhere.

  Still, he kicked the door closed just in case anyone stopped by unannounced.

  He didn’t stop until they were in her bedroom and he was gently placing her on the bed where they finally broke the kiss. Both were more than a little breathless but the way she looked up at him was beyond sexy. He pulled his shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside before he reached out and let his hand skim up her belly to her breasts again.

  “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. “I could look at you all day.”

  Even in the dim lighting of the room, he could see her blush. “Stop,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “I know I don’t have to, but I want to because it’s true.”

  “Colton…”

  He placed a finger over her lips. “Shh. To me, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” He swallowed hard. “Always have been. Always will be.”

  A soft smile crossed her face. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” he said gruffly, lying down beside her. He touched her – gently skimming his hands along her arms, her face, her throat. There was no rush to finish stripping them down, no need to hurry. They had all night.

  Even though he had to be up at five a.m. to go to work.

  Still, a night of slowly making love to Susannah was worth missing out on some sleep.

  They rolled toward each other as they began to kiss again – her lips soft and a little wet against his. Her skin felt warm and wonderful and for several moments, they simply enjoyed the pleasure of this lazy exploration. It was familiar. It was comfortable. Some nights it was all fast and frantic, but tonight felt a little more intimate.

  And he was more than okay with that.

  Lazily, he stripped off her jeans and panties and she helped him remove his pants and boxers. There was one small bedside lamp on and he had to admit, he loved looking at her. She had such soft skin that was fairer than his and he loved the look of his tanned hands touching her. Her back arched beneath him as he caressed and teased her. Her breath caught when his mouth latched on to her nipple. And she cried out his name over and over as he made love to her.

  And later, as they lay together in a tangle of limbs, she placed a soft, sleepy kiss on his chest. He could tell she was practically asleep and he hugged her a little closer.

  “Stay,” she whispered. “Always stay.”

  A smile tugged at his lips as he reached over and turned out the lamp. Kissing the top of her head, he replied, “Okay.”

  All day the next day, Susannah had a smile on her face. She felt good. Happy.

  Almost deliriously so.

  And with George Michael singing on the 80s station she had on, she allowed herself to sing and dance just like she had back in high school.

  It was four in the afternoon and Colton said he was coming for dinner again. Well, she had invited him for dinner before he left for work this morning and he accepted. She had a chicken roasting in the oven and had just put a salad together that she placed in the refrigerator. As she moved around wiping down the granite countertops, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the night before.

  Having Colton work on the inn meant he was here with her almost every day for a year. She got used to seeing him every day – looked forward to seeing him. Once the work was done and he had to move on to other jobs, they still saw each other every day. Sometimes they’d meet up in town for lunch, but they tended to eat dinner together every night and took turns staying at each other’s homes.

  This new turn in their relationship really forced her to think about what she wanted for them and their future.

  Mallory had oversimplified things the other day when she said it was just about sleeping together.

  But it wasn’t.

  The truth was, she wanted to go to sleep beside Colton every night after they talked and laughed and shared a meal together. She wanted to wake up in the morning and talk about what they each had planned for the day. It would be a lie for her to say sex wasn’t a factor. It was. But really, it was more of a bonus because even if they never had sex again, she enjoyed the companionship they shared. He made her feel good about herself and Susannah hoped she did the same for him. And even though they could keep things as they currently were, she wanted to live with him and if that meant taking the big, scary leap and getting married again, she’d do it.

  Was she scared? Yes. Was she suddenly over all her insecurities? No. But at the end of the day, she knew Colton accepted her for who she was – the good and the bad, the insecure and the confident. Why hadn’t she realized that sooner?

  Feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she decided that she’d broach the subject with him tonight. Although…how was she supposed to come out and ask him to propose again? Was that even allowed? Proper?

  With a groan, she considered calling Mallory and getting her input but the sound of footsteps coming through the front door stopped her. She glanced at the clock and wondered if it was Colton arriving already. Was she ready for him? For this? For all that she wanted to say?

  She held her breath as she waited for him and when he turned the corner and strode into the kitchen, she couldn’t help but feel giddy.

  This was it.

  She was ready.

  He smiled as he stepped in close and pulled her into his embrace, kissing her softly, thoroughly.

  When Colton lifted his head, his eyes scanned her face. “All day,” he said gruffly. “I looked forward to this all damn day.”

  She melted against him, her arms wrapping around his waist. “Me too.”

  Resting his head on hers, she could almost feel him smile. “Really?”

  She nodded. “As a matter of fact, I was just thinking about you and how I couldn’t wait to see you.” Taking a steadying breath, she led him across the kitchen and asked him to sit down. “Can I get you something to drink? A snack?”

  He chuckled softly. “I’m good. Although I wouldn’t mind a shower. I thought I’d go home first and do that, but I just couldn’t wait to see you.”

  That single comment boosted her confidence.

  She sat down beside him and reached for one of his hands. “So…I wanted to talk to you.” His expression fell slightly and she was quick to reassure him. “It’s nothing bad
, I swear! At least…I don’t think it’s bad.”

  “O-kay…”

  For a minute, Susannah tried to work out what she wanted to say and the right way to say it.

  “Susannah?”

  She let out another long breath and stared at their joined hands. “Okay, here it is…I thought I was doing the right thing when you…you know. I was a little shocked and surprised by your proposal and I let fear make my decision for me.”

  Looking up at him, she saw his expression was fierce but he didn’t say a word.

  “I’ve done nothing but regret it,” she went on. “Every minute of every day. I’ve thought long and hard about everything – about what I want out of life, about us…”

  “And?” he interrupted, his voice barely a whisper.

  Shifting in her seat, Susannah took a moment to collect her thoughts. “You have to understand. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

  “You said that already.”

  “I know, I know. This is much harder than I thought it would be.” When he went to interrupt, she stopped him. “You deserve to have someone without so much baggage. Someone who will be a good wife for you. Someone who’s good enough.”

  His grip tightened on her hand and he tugged to get her attention. “You listen to me, Susannah Westbrook. I am done listening to you talk about yourself like that! Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand by now? There is nothing wrong with you! Any man would be lucky to have you!”

  “But…”

  “No!” he snapped. “So what if you weren’t enough for him – for Mark? You’re more than enough for me!”

  Tears stung her eyes. “Colton…”

  He shook his head again. “No, everything you’re saying – all of your fears – that was a long time ago. That was before. You can’t let the words of a man who walked away from the amazing family he had rule your thoughts, Susannah. He doesn’t even deserve consideration in anything you do or say because he was wrong. So very wrong. You are everything that is good and sweet and pure in this world!” Reaching up, he cupped her face. “I am honored that you think so highly of me – that you think I deserve so much. But all I want – all I need – is you. Don’t you get that?”