by Helen Bell
‘Tamaani. Tamani . What did I say, then?’
‘Emphasis on the end implies a more intimate meaning. You said, 'Vel is brave, and I’m your bed-mate.’
She coloured up, cheeks flaming. ‘Better you say it to me than to someone else on the other side of the water.’ He returned to Ilmaenese again. ‘Try it once more.’
‘Vel is brave, and I am embarrassed,’ she said in a tiny voice. He laughed at that, but not unkindly.
As they rode on he turned to easy things she should know by now, listing the months and numbers up to one hundred, to give her a chance to get over her mistake. After a while she fell silent again, staring off into the middle distance as the horses plodded, and a look of vacancy came over her face. Kerin thought she must have forgotten the next numbers, but when she spoke it was in Mhrydaineg again.
‘East and south – a long way away,’ she said, head tilted as though she was listening.
‘Use Ilmaenese,’ he instructed, but she did not.
‘He’s in the east, where the mountains start.’ She cocked her head the other way, and looked confused. ‘Somewhere high up, but... deep? That doesn't make sense.’
Kerin suddenly grasped that she was somehow in communication with Jastur. He took her reins and stopped Bluey, waiting for her to say something else to give him more clues.
Vel and Jesral caught up with them. ‘What's wrong with her?’ Jesral asked.
‘Quiet, Jesral,’ Kerin snapped. ‘Renia, this place… tell me more about it.’
‘He knows it so well, he’s not thinking of the name. It’s rocky and barren, and there's rock all around him – and no windows. It’s cramped and so dark there. But there’s something else wrong too. There's food on the floor for him, but he won't eat; it makes him worse. He’s trapped and desperate and he can’t see any way out. No, you can't give up, not now! Please, hold on a little longer.’
Kerin grabbed her arm when he saw that this last was spoken to Jastur and not to himself, but she said no more. Her eyelids fluttered and she started out of her thrall.
‘Oh. It was him, wasn't it?’ she asked, as though he had been party to both sides of her dialogue.
‘You tell me! But something is wrong with him. What is it?’
She shrugged worriedly. ‘I don't know. I just caught a snatch of his thoughts. He felt so weak, so desperate! He thinks there's something wrong with the food and he daren’t eat it. Could they be trying to poison or drug him?’
‘Never mind that, Ren,’ pointed out Vel. ‘Do we still have enough time to reach him?’
She never got a chance to answer, as Jesral distracted them by starting to sob. The terrified expression on her face was all too familiar to Renia and Vel.
‘That is not normal! That is definitely not normal.’ Jesral slid quickly off Vel’s horse and tried to tug her pack from Renia's baggage roll, but it was too firmly strapped on. She backed away, crossing herself, throwing a look containing both apology and fear at Renia.
‘Give me my stuff. I don't want anything to do with this. I'm sorry, but no. No.’ When they did nothing she decided not to wait, turned and stumbled back the way they had come, glancing over her shoulder at them as if she thought they would try and stop her.
‘Hell's teeth!’ Vel shortened his reins to turn his horse after her. Kerin stayed him.
‘Best go on foot or you'll panic her,’ he advised, so Vel did.
oOo
Jesral quickened her already fast pace when she heard his steps approaching, determinedly not looking back. Vel was well able to keep up.
‘Jez,’ he called when he was about three feet behind her. She spun round so suddenly it stopped him in his tracks.
‘Just stay away from me, d’you hear?’ she hissed. Her eyes blazed with anger and fear. He put up both palms to indicate assent, but he was not going to give up.
‘Jez, it's all right. I just want to talk.’
‘Don't waste your breath,’ was her recommendation as she carried on walking. He quickly caught her up and grabbed one wrist.
She snatched it away.
‘Don't touch me!’
‘Jez, this is mad…’
Her panicky laughter cut him off.
‘This is mad?’ she asked incredulously. ‘She’s having a conversation with someone in a cave somewhere, while you two expect her to ask questions of him, and you think walking away from the three of you is mad? You’re the ones who are mad – or bad. I'm not staying to work out which.’
‘Oh, come on, you've been with us for days, you know that's not the case.’
‘Normal people don't do that,’ she said, looking back at Renia who still sat on Bluey, making no effort to move either toward or away from them. She looked very ordinary, sitting there. ‘Oh, God. You believe her, too… believe she really can hear someone.’ Jesral did not know what to think any more, struggling to keep a grip on her sanity. ‘She was pleased I joined you. She said so.’ She couldn’t drag her eyes away from Renia. ‘Mama used to tell me: Be a good girl. If you aren't the gwrachod will know, and they'll come and take you away because they'll think you're one of them.’
‘She's not a gwrach, Jez.’ There was warning, as well as understanding, in Vel’s voice. He had heard the same himself as a child. In front of him, he realized, was someone who had dismissed such stories long ago, but now found herself fearing they were true after all, and wondering how far caught up in one she was.
This was not a thing you could reason with people about. Past experience had shown him that. So he saved his strength.
‘Look,’ said Vel with a sigh, ‘we aren't going to make you come with us. If you want to go back, that's fine. You can take your stuff, and enough food to get you home.’
‘You won’t get me round by pretending to be nice.’ Jesral said it without much force, but it was still enough to irritate Vel.
‘Then let’s assume you’re driving me beyond endurance and I’m contemplating throttling you and throwing you in the marsh. Would you care to make a decision? I think it’s plain other lives than yours depend on us getting on with this journey.’
‘Vel, I'm sorry! I don't know what I'm saying at the moment, I'm too scared.’
‘Well, don't be. Ren can't hurt you; she wouldn't hurt you. None of us would. You've got to come back for your stuff anyway.’
She followed him back apprehensively. Vel laid a hand on Renia's pack, and turned to Jesral as she trailed up behind him.
‘Well, should I unload your stuff?’
She glanced at the other two. Kerin still held Bluey's reins; the stare he gave her held a mixture of anger and contempt. Renia's gaze was steady and unaccusing, and she was careful not to lean over Jesral when she spoke.
‘It doesn't matter, Jez. Everyone feels this way when they first find out.’ Kerin made a little movement; Renia looked at him, challenging him to deny that he had felt something. He could not hold the stare for long.
Impulsively, Jesral steeled herself and seized Renia's skirt.
‘How do you do it?’
Renia shrugged.
‘I don't know. It just happens.’
‘Often?’
‘Not very often.’
‘What do you want me to do?’ Jesral finally asked of her. The question startled Renia and she looked to the others, but only she could answer it.
‘I want you not to be scared of me,’ she said simply. ‘I want you to go with us, if that's what you choose.’
Jesral wrestled with the alternatives, looked up at Renia again.
‘If you don't do this, I won't be scared of you,’ she reasoned. ‘You've just done it, and you say you don't do it often, so I'll take my chances. I'll go on with you.’
Renia looked relieved; so did Vel. Jesral looked as though she was still not sure it was the right move, but managed a nervous smile. Kerin's relief was inward, and partial; this momentary alarm might be over, but its cause, the news about Jastur, had renewed the tension in him. He wore his most inte
nse frown.
‘Repeat what you can remember again, Renia,’ he said, so she did as accurately as she could. He nodded as she spoke, eyes shut, trying to fit the facts together – high, but deep, where the mountains start, in utter windowless dark...
He opened his eyes.
‘Karn. He is in Karn.’
And even with an army, he could not see how he could ever get his brother out of Karn.
Chapter 11 – Keep Your Enemies Close
The estuary of the river opened out before them the next day like a great lake; the Pool, it was called. At its south-eastern end lay Greatharbour, where the depth of the water was sufficient to berth long-haul ships of substantial draft.
They wore their best clothes to ride into town, so that they would not look too out of place on horses. First thing to be done was to visit the Harbour Control House, where notices of sailings were posted outside. Kerin fretted as he scanned the lists; he wanted to sail within a set time, or he was ready to go to another port. By good fortune, there was a ship sailing late next morning for Beloin, well to the east along Ilmaen's coast. But the Dawn Wind could not carry livestock, so as they had suspected they would have to sell the horses before they left.
They found an inn with stables and took two rooms. With the horses settled in, brushed down and fed and watered, they went to sit in the girls’ room and discussed their next steps.
Kerin drew them a map of Ilmaen on a large scrap of cloth, laid it on the floor between the two beds and outlined the route to Karn. He sat back afterwards, frowning. ‘This will be a long journey east, almost to the borders, and then we must go far south to find allies. Even with Melor’s generosity and the price of the horses, we may stretch our funds to breaking point.’ Jesral looked at the map on the floor and read into his words what he did not say; another passage to pay, another mouth to feed, for as long as it took them. She said nothing though, overawed by yesterday’s experience and more cautious now with these people.
‘What if you and I work our passage to Ilmaen?’ suggested Vel. The idea appealed to Kerin.
‘You think they would take us on?’
‘Well, I know my way round a ship, and you have all your eyes, arms and legs, and that’s more than many they get to choose from. But it would need to seem as though we can only scrape together enough to pay the women’s passage.’
Kerin nodded.
‘So, ladies, are you agreeable?’ They both looked surprised to be consulted. Jesral shrugged absently while Renia asked, ‘Who goes to book the berths, and who takes the horses to market?’
‘We should leave the horses until we know we have the berths. I’d prefer to do it tomorrow morning. We’ve paid for stabling till then – and I like to cover contingencies, when I can. As to our passage, best if the captain meets those of us with least experience of the sea, then he can’t say he didn’t see the worst.’ Kerin turned to Jesral and said bluntly, ‘I presume that’s you and me.’
They dressed down and left the Ty’r Athres to wait; Vel started a game of patience with himself, while Renia settled to some repair work on her good wool skirt. Jesral and Kerin’s shadows passed the window of the ground-floor room as they walked down the road. Renia craned to watch them, but the glass was too opaque for her to see anything. She sat back, resisting the urge to scratch at her ankle where the skin was mending itchily, lest Vel saw.
oOo
The quayside was huge, and in total chaos. Cranes and people and packages filled it. It took Jesral and Kerin half an hour to find the Dawn Wind, and then they had to try and make themselves heard by her captain over the din. He was busy bellowing out orders in Ilmaenese as his main cargo was loaded – regardless of the nationality of the dockers and sailors he was shouting at.
‘Oi! Go gently there! That stuff's fragile. And be shiftin' that loose rope, sailor, ‘fore someone falls over it.’
‘Ho, captain!’ Kerin had a reasonable voice on him, but the other man must have been deaf, or else standing where the wind did not carry the sound. A second try did no good either, and as Kerin stepped back to yell again he bumped into one of the stevedores loading goods into the hold. No damage was done; indeed, the man was helpful enough to tap the captain on the shoulder as he passed and point out the two new arrivals.
He hung over the bulwark and peered at them in none too friendly a fashion.
‘Wha' d'you want?’
‘There're ourselves and two friends, a brother and sister. We men seek working passage as crew, and the women will pay for their berths. We saw you offered both options on your bill at the Control House.’
‘Aye, we have both, but you don't get guest berths as passage-workers. I'm runnin' a business here. You and your friend would be in the crew’s quarters.’
‘Understood.’
‘Hmm. Any experience?’
‘Myself, I can only offer a keen will and a strong body, but my friend's sailed extensively, mostly trawling for fish further down the coast.’
‘Hmm. Hmm. You appreciate that passage-workin' means you do as you're told twelve hours a day, get three meals and a hammock each for eight hours – and you stay out of the guest berths?’ Kerin nodded as humbly as he could, but looked a little offended. The captain peered at him closely.
‘You're Ilmaenese, yes? Wha's the purpose to your voyagin'?’
‘I'm Ilmaenese, but my friends aren't. They go to Ilmaen to find their fortune. Me – I go to be home again, I suppose. I've been away too long, I need to see the old country.’ Kerin flashed his disarming smile at the captain, and nearly received one in return, if the man was capable of smiling.
‘Well, well.’ Kerin could see he had his doubts, but was apparently weakening. The captain was measuring up Jesral now, though she was unaware of it; since Kerin did not seem to need any input from her in this discussion, she was looking around the quayside. The captain made the mistake, in the light of what Kerin had said, of interpreting this as a sign that she did not understand Ilmaenese.
‘One thing though – how're your womenfolk for travellin'? You know how ladies are. I don't want any wailin' about the passage bein' too rough... or any, er, mess in the cabins.’
‘We’re paying good money for the berth, sir. If I wish to be sick I shall be, and at my own leisure. And you won't get any wailing from me. A good tongue-lashing, maybe, if it’s your navigating that’s bringing us a rough passage...’
The captain stared at Jesral, then roared with laughter. She stood with arms folded and an angry pout on her face.
‘Enough! Enough with the black looks! You have your berths, and your workin' passage. For the berths it’s cash on embarcation. I want you on board and stowed away afore eleven tomorrow. And don't you be late! I’ll miss your money sooner than miss the tide.’
He was out of sight before they could say goodbye, and before Jesral had got all she had to say offloaded. The grin Kerin wore was as good a reason as any for her to thump him hard on the arm.
oOo
In a proper bed again for the first time in days, Jesral still found it hard to sleep that night. She tossed and turned, sighing to herself.
‘Jez?’ A match was struck, and the lamp blazed into life. She sat up. Renia was sitting up too, one knee pulled to her with hands clasped round it and her other, bandaged leg resting on the covers. The lamp’s warm glow lit her face – which was worried-looking, as it almost always was.
‘Sorry, Ren, I didn’t mean to wake you.’
‘No, I was awake anyway. I wanted to ask you a favour.’
‘Yes?’
‘In the morning, will you make sure Vel sells the horses to a trader who looks after his animals? You don’t have to go to market with him or anything, just ask him. So it comes from you and not me.’
‘Yes, of course. You’re rather attached to Bluey, aren’t you? But why not just ask your brother yourself?’
‘I need to toughen up for this journey. They can’t keep making concessions to me, Jastur doesn’t have time
for that – but where Bluey’s concerned, I’m not quite ready to be tough yet.’
‘Mmm.’ The mention of Jastur brought back unpleasant memories of yesterday for Jesral. She’d chosen her path but still wasn’t comfortable with everything she was encountering on it. On the one hand, Renia had a power that let her far-see the business of the ruling classes; on the other, she was a soft-hearted soul who loved horses… Jesral shivered and sought to cover it.
‘You’re sure of where Kerin’s brother is?’ she asked.
Renia rested her chin on her knee. ‘Kerin seems sure.’ Her head came up again. ‘I’m sorry, Jez, I know what I do has frightened you. It’s not something I can help.’
‘I gathered that. No, I got myself into this; my own fault, for eavesdropping and then letting Kerin know what I know. It seemed such a good chance to make an escape from the Three Villages. Oh, I don’t know – is it just me, or do you find you jump on to life’s ships, thinking you know where they’re bound, only to find they’re going somewhere completely different?’
‘Yes, something like. Only life press-ganged me aboard this particular ship, and then handed me a chart that says here be rocks on every course I can steer.’
‘I don’t understand why you didn’t take the chance to get out of this when you had it. We’d have taken you in; they’d have left you enough money to get by.’
‘I couldn’t. I’m needed, in some way – oh, damn it, I can’t explain. I’ve tried so hard to make it make sense to them, but it clearly doesn’t, not even to Vel. I’m not sure if I’ll ever forgive him for being prepared to leave me behind.
‘But they were right about going on; Kerin’s urgency isn’t misplaced. Time is running out for Jastur. Since that last vision, I have this picture of him stuck in my head, shadowy and far away. It’s like something you can only see out of the corner of your eye, not if you look straight at it. But it’s getting dimmer all the time, and I know that can’t be good…’