by Amanda Fleet
He crossed his arms, his head down. “Aeron, I’m stuck. I can’t hate you enough to renounce you, and I can’t trust you enough to give you my heart again.”
“Then we’re both stuck. I can’t leave and go back to my life Outside, which means I have to stay. As your wife.”
He chewed his thumbnail. “Do you think we can start again from scratch? Try to forget everything that happened?”
I snorted. “I’m way ahead of you on that. I can’t even remember what happened.” I drew in a deep breath, the cool air smelling of moss and damp leaves. From one of the trees forming the labyrinth, a bird started singing a complicated tune. “I don’t know. Yesterday, I buried the only man I’ve ever loved. Even if we started from scratch, I have no guarantees for you that I’ll ever love you.”
He swallowed, blinking. “Do we have any alternatives?”
I held his gaze. No one could ever replace Finn. Perhaps once Aegyir was killed, I could go back Outside. I pushed away from the fountain, blinking back tears. “We should get back to training.”
***
We trained until I ached to my bones. To my relief, the session was cut short by Lord Eredan summoning both of us to the State Rooms.
“What does he want?” I asked as we set off.
Faran shrugged.
Lord Eredan and Mathas were already there when we arrived, sitting at the long table again.
“Lady Aeron,” said Lord Eredan. “In the papers this morning, we saw very different clothing worn Outside. Lord Sondan has also told me that you think the Guardians would stand out if they went Outside in Realm clothes. Do you think that the seamstresses and tailors would be able to make appropriate clothes for any Guardians to go Outside?”
“I don’t see why not. There are plenty of pictures in the papers that Aned brought and I can draw diagrams to help.”
Lord Eredan rubbed his chin. “Even in new clothes, will they blend in?”
“They’d blend in better, and it would help if they could speak English.” I paused. “Are you anticipating they would go out armed?”
Lord Eredan hesitated. “Why would they go unarmed, Lady Aeron?”
“Because if they went out carrying a sword or daggers, the police – the Guardians there – would lock them up as it’s against the rules.”
Faran and his father exchanged glances.
“We would need to be armed,” said Faran. “Not least in case we found Aegyir.”
My brain raced. “Well, you might be able to hide daggers on you, but it’ll be hard to hide a sword.”
Lord Eredan eyed me. “The Council will meet soon to discuss this further. They may permit you to go. Faran, how would you rate your wife’s skills in combat?”
Faran glanced at me. “Not as good as they were before she was banished, but she’s split my lip, blacked my eye, got me to the ground, and kicked me harder than I thought she could.”
A flicker of admiration skated across Lord Eredan’s face. “There aren’t many who can say they’ve managed to do that to you. If she went Outside and Aegyir attacked, is she an asset or a liability?”
Faran took a long breath before answering. “At the moment, I think she would be more of an asset with the language and customs. With another day or so of training, I think that she would also be a valuable asset in combat.”
Lord Eredan beckoned to a teenaged lad in the russet colour I’d realised was the livery of the messengers and clerks, giving him instructions to call the Council together and to fetch Aned. He turned to me. “Lady Aeron. Stay. You need to give evidence.”
As soon as everyone had assembled in the Great Hall, Lord Eredan stood at the centre. “Council, we need to discuss the plans for a group of Guardians to go Outside and deal with Aegyir.”
An older man sitting on the second row of the seats raised his hand. I’d drawn him on my first night here and Faran had told me that his name was Lord Rehan.
“Does this need further discussion, beyond choosing who should go?” he said.
Lord Eredan pinched his nose. “New information has come to light that complicates things. The language spoken Outside is very different to that of The Realm and the Guardians do not speak it. Given that Lady Aeron claims fluency, should she be part of the mission?”
“How easy is it to learn this language?” asked Lord Balwen.
Lord Eredan flicked his fingers towards me.
“A long time,” I said. “It’s a complicated language.”
Lord Balwen rubbed his bulbous nose. “Who is scheduled to go?”
“Lord Sondan, Faran and Cerewen. And Lady Aeron if the Council agrees,” said Lord Eredan.
Lord Sondan rose. “Lord Eredan, I know you have reservations over allowing Lady Aeron to join us Outside, but perhaps her loyalty would be ensured by the presence of me, Cerewen and Faran.”
The implication being that if the three of them couldn’t deal with me, they couldn’t deal with Aegyir.
Lord Eredan smoothed his hand over the back of his head and neck. “Faran, if you thought that Lady Aeron was betraying you, would you be able to deal with her? She’s your wife. Perhaps you would stay your hand.”
Faran stood, his shoulders back. “Lord Father, if she betrayed me a second time, I’d kill her.”
I didn’t think he was joking. Apparently, neither did anyone on the Council.
Lord Eredan scowled. “Perhaps the Council should vote on whether to allow Lady Aeron to join the other Guardians.”
To my surprise, the vote passed easily in my favour. It was agreed by the Council that the Scouts should go Outside hourly and continue to bring papers for me to read. Lord Sondan, Cerewen, Faran and I, would go Outside as soon as clothes were ready.
“Lady Aeron. The seamstresses will meet you in your rooms shortly. Council is dismissed.”
I was going back Outside. I couldn’t work out if the thought thrilled me or terrified me.
11
Faran and I returned to our rooms and waited for the seamstresses.
“When do you think your father will send us out?” I asked, my insides fizzing at the thought of going home.
“Tomorrow or the day after, depending on when the clothes are ready and assuming Aegyir hasn’t already attacked. Can I stay while you talk to the seamstresses and tailors?”
“Sure. Why?”
He sat on the sofa and stretched out long legs, crossing them at the ankle. “I’m trying to understand Outside. Maybe then I’d understand you better. I realise why I haven’t understood some of the words you’ve said to me since you returned. You’ve been speaking English words if you didn’t know the Realm words.”
I thought back over all the blank looks he’d given me.
“I don’t think that you’ll ever grasp what Outside is like,” I said. “It’s completely different from everything you know.”
“At least let me try,” he shot back.
The seamstresses and tailors arrived before I could reply and I pulled out some pictures from the glossy magazines. We spent the next hour with me describing clothes, showing them pictures from the magazines, and sketching out how the clothes worked. Although I could see Faran was bursting with questions, he didn’t interrupt, although he did insist on the clothes being made of blade-proof Guardian leather. I designed a couple of jackets resembling biker jackets that could go over regular leather trousers, in the hope that we could all look like a group of friends on a motorcycle holiday. Faran was adamant we had to take at least one sword, so I drew a design for a long leather coat too, though it wasn’t going to fit the story or help any of us blend in. Maybe we’d met our Goth cousin while on vacation. Finally, armed with some of the magazine pictures, drawings and sketches, the tailors and seamstresses left, with reassurances that I was happy for them to come back if they needed any clarifications. They arranged to bring some mock-ups the next day for approval and scurried out, chattering excitedly.
Once they’d gone, Faran picked up the three glossy magazines. Some of the pages had b
een torn out of two of them – Good Housekeeping and a gossip magazine. The TV guide remained intact.
“Talk to me about these?” he said. “Why didn’t you take any pictures out of this one? Is it a storybook?”
“Do you have storybooks here? Aren’t they a bit frivolous for The Realm?”
He stared at me. “We have storybooks. With pictures. Admittedly, the illustrated ones are more for children,” he conceded.
I sat next to him on the sofa. “Okay. No, it’s a guide to what’s on the television, so that you only need to switch it on when there’s something you want to watch. The pictures weren’t all that helpful.”
I described the variety of programmes that were on, bewildering and intriguing him in equal measure, especially over whole channels being devoted to a single theme like sport or history.
“What entertainment is there here?” I asked. “Don’t you have sport?”
Faran shook his head. “We have dances. Not while we’re on full alert, though. And musical evenings – singing and people playing instruments.”
Sheesh.
“The dances are fun,” he said defensively. I’ve never been blessed with a poker-face. “You used to love dancing.”
I caught my breath, thinking of Finn dancing like a muppet.
“Yeah. I did.” My voice cracked.
Faran caught my eye. “Are you okay?”
“No.”
He held his arm out, offering me a shoulder. I ignored it.
He dropped his arm back down and handed me the gossip magazine. “What’s this one about?”
I laughed hollowly. “This is the Courtyard, but in print. Who’s seeing who, all the intrigues, plus lots of horrible things like she’s too fat or he’s losing his hair. It’s not a very nice paper.”
“And this one?”
I did my best to explain Good Housekeeping. He seemed to accept the recipes, but the decorating parts and fashion were obviously concepts too far.
“If people are equal, they should wear the same clothes,” he said. “Mallan who is young and inexperienced wears the same style and quality of clothes as Lord Eredan. There might be innovations in the design or the leather, but then all new outfits are made to the new design.”
“Yes, but Outside, people aren’t equal. And people with power want to demonstrate they have power through their clothes. To be able to change styles each season needs money. To have money indicates power. Some clothes are expensive and only the rich – powerful – can afford them. The Realm wants everyone to be the same, whereas Outside, everyone wants to be different. Your clothes say a lot about you. Some clothes would result in you being denied entry to some places. What you choose to wear indicates who you believe you are. Like here. The Guardians wear leather; the seamstresses don’t. The Seers wear an entirely different palette of colours, even though some of their clothes are leather.”
Faran checked the time and clicked his tongue. “I have to meet with Father. Did you want to wait here until dinner?”
“No. I want to go running in the countryside. I want to eat pizza and go to the cinema. I want to get absolutely, fucking legless.”
He waited, holding my gaze, and I sighed. “Fine. I need fresh air. Walk me to the Courtyard?”
***
Faran led me to a bench in the Courtyard Garden, near to the central fountain.
“Wait here for me? I’ll come and find you when I’ve finished with Father.”
I ground my teeth. “Can’t I go and explore the city?”
He sighed. “And get lost, or cornered by Valgan and Lord Elwen again?”
“You think I couldn’t defend myself?”
He paused. “I think you fight well enough to challenge me, which few can claim here. But your clothes aren’t blade-proof.” He huffed his breath out, exasperated. “Just sit here and wait for me. Or wait in our rooms, but you said you wanted fresh air.”
“So I’m not safe in the corridors, but I am safe out here?” I scowled.
He planted his knuckles on his hips. “Describe the route from here to RGS 04.”
“RGS?” I didn’t recognise the code.
“Mm. The residential area for single Guardians. It’s where Valgan’s rooms are.”
I threw my arms out to my sides. “How the hell would I know the way there?”
“So how would you know your way back if they dragged you there?” He leaned in close. “Valgan has a nasty reputation. He wouldn’t think twice about forcing you to his rooms. Wait for me here. It’s public enough that you’ll be safe.”
I didn’t reply, but I sat on the bench, glowering at him.
As soon as he was out of sight, I got up. I wasn’t going to sit out here like a lemon. Okay, there was a risk I might end up taking fists to a knife-fight, but I’d held my own against Faran today. At least some of the time.
Before I got very far, I almost ran straight into Lady Morgan.
“Aeron.”
Lady Morgan swept her hair over her shoulder, standing in the middle of the path, barring my way. Short of barging past her, I was going to have to speak to Faran’s ex.
“Morgan,” I replied, watching her bristle. If she wasn’t going to call me ‘Lady’ I wasn’t going to honour her.
“Faran isn’t with you?” Her eyes picked over me as if I were a pile of dog shit.
“He had business to attend to with his father.”
“He doesn’t love you,” she said bluntly. “You do know that? Less than a week ago, he was discussing arrangements with my father for our betrothal.”
I didn’t answer. What could I say? I didn’t love him either.
“Don’t think that I’ll give him up,” she added.
“Is it Faran the man, or Faran, Elected Successor you don’t want to give up?”
Morgan’s face darkened before she smiled sweetly. “You won’t win. You’re a traitor and a slut with ideas of revolution. Does Faran know that you think that all classes should have a say in the running of The Realm?”
I stayed silent. Where did she get her information from? Mya? Lady Morgan smoothed a hand over her slim waist.
“I won’t lose him,” she said firmly. “I haven’t worked this hard to let everything slip away so easily.”
She stalked off and I closed my eyes, feeling the late sun on my face.
They snapped open almost immediately, as someone blotted out the sun.
“Mathas. Hi.”
“Lady Aeron.” He made a half bow and lifted my hand to his lips, then led me to sit at on a bench a few paces away.
About Lord Eredan’s age, Mathas had dark curly hair and a mischievous light in his eyes that reminded me of Lilja. Belatedly, I remembered he was Lilja’s uncle. He smiled, forcing a dimple into one cheek.
“Finally, someone other than Faran and Lilja who smiles when they see me,” I said.
“Lady Aeron, I was always a supporter. Nothing you’ve done has changed that.”
“Not even betraying my husband, betraying The Realm and inviting a demon in? You must have a very low bar.”
He held my hand on his lap, chuckling. “Ah, but I know why you did all that. It was all a trick to get Aegyir into The Realm to trap him.”
“If I was so clever and had planned it all, why did so many die?”
He patted my hand, lightly. “Because you trusted the wrong man. And I see that you will trust him again when you shouldn’t.”
“Who? Faran?”
He blinked, owlishly. “Faran? Oh, my dear child, Faran is as honourable as a man can be. How are things with him?”
“Difficult.” I thought of the conversation at the labyrinth and the fact I was sleeping on the floor with a chair propped against the bedroom door. “It’s a big adjustment.”
“Of course it is. For both of you. But especially for you.”
“Mm.”
My gaze spun out over the gardens. However beautiful they were, they were still a cage, and I had to resist the urge to run through them, screa
ming.
Lord Sondan walked along the path parallel to the one we were on, a pretty, slim woman I recognised from the Council on his arm. I didn’t know her name. They seemed engrossed in one another.
Mathas shifted so that he faced me and picked up my other hand, his eyes kind. “Finn is gone, my dear.”
I choked. “How do you know about Finn?”
He laughed. “My dear, I am the most senior Seer in The Realm, and Lilja’s uncle. How do you think I know about him?” The mirth in his face faded. “You have to let him go. Your happiness, your life, depend on Faran.”
I swallowed, blinking wet lashes. “Have you told Lord Eredan why I invited Aegyir in?”
“I did. At the time. He does not always heed all of my advice.”
“And now?” I pulled a hand free to rub a stray tear from my cheek.
He released my other hand, his face falling. “Let’s just say that I see things that make it difficult. I don’t yet know how to interpret what I see.”
My pulse quickened. “Why? What do you see?”
“I can’t tell you. I should not tell you until I’m sure of its meaning. But, my dear Lady Aeron, I’m your friend and ally. You must come to me if you need anything.”
“Thank you. Mathas, did you tell Faran why I did what I did?”
“I tried. He wouldn’t hear your name spoken. I will try again. He needs to start to heal.”
Blood-coloured petals spilled from the flowers in the border, landing on the slabs in front of me. I spiked a hand through my hair. “Can you see what’s happening Outside? Has Aegyir reformed?”
“Not yet. What you read in the newspapers was correct. I’m glad the Council has decided to send a group out to tackle him. If Aegyir gains the strength to attack, The Realm will suffer very great losses.”
“Even though the Guardians don’t speak English and will blend in about as well as a brick in a bunch of flowers?”
Mathas laughed. “Indeed. Despite that, Lord Eredan’s right not to want you to go Outside.”
“Why?”
“Ah. That I must keep to myself for the moment.”
I chewed it over, not understanding how it could be better for the Guardians to go Outside without me helping them. Perhaps Mathas was still thinking of Aegyir torturing me.