by Amanda Fleet
The healer burst into the room. “She’s meant to be resting!”
“Out!” Faran and I bellowed in unison and the man retreated as rapidly as he’d come in.
I glowered at Faran, breathing hard, memories flooding back, unbidden – of him, of us, of my trial. “At my trial, you all only asked me what I’d done. None of you asked me why I did it. You immediately believed that I’d betrayed you – just like now. Yesterday, you asked me to forgive you for not believing in me, and then today, you instantly doubt me again. Why is it so easy for you to believe what Orian says, rather than what I say? Has he been such a staunch supporter of yours? No! He’s the one who was supposed to have got The Realm ready for Aegyir’s attack. He was supposed to have organised the Guardians so that the moment Aegyir entered The Realm, he’d be trapped.”
Faran looked away, but I ploughed on. “But, it’s me who got put on trial, not him. It’s your treacherous brother who you believe, rather than the wife you claim to love. If you’d told me our marriage was arranged, I’d understand, but you say you loved me. Well, you are so far from being a man I could love, you might as well renounce me, or call me a traitor and have me hanged, because I want to stay here with you, like I want a hole in my fucking head!”
Before I could say any more, his father stormed into the room. Faran rose from the bed and bowed and I dipped my head, unable to move properly.
“Lord Father.”
“Lord Eredan.”
“Why are you arguing with this spy?” roared his father. “If she’s healed enough to fight with you, she’s healed enough to stand trial.”
“Lord Father, she isn’t a spy. Her clothes were not made of the correct materials. My leathers protect her. I’ve arranged to speak to the Senior Technician.”
That checked him. But only for a moment.
“And the book?” He jutted his chin at the notebook still lying on the bed.
“It’s to help Lady Aeron remember who everyone is,” said Faran. “I helped her with it. Do you think I’m a spy, Lord Father?”
Lord Eredan’s lips thinned. “No. I think you’re a fool. And your argument can be heard across The Realm.”
“It’s okay, Faran’s just leaving,” I said. “Perhaps you would escort him out?”
Lord Eredan’s brows almost hit his hairline. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do!”
Faran rested his hand on my shoulder and I tried to rearrange my face into something more contrite.
“We still have things to discuss,” said Faran. “We will endeavour to be less heated. I’ll see you later?”
Lord Eredan’s scowl swept from me to Faran and back again, before he stalked out.
“What do we still have to discuss?” I demanded as soon as he was gone.
“I need you to know that I do love you.”
“Don’t you dare, Faran. You only care about keeping your role.”
He threw his head back. “That is not true!”
I glared at him, still wracked with pain from being stabbed and too close to tears for my liking. “Just fuck off. I’m sore and tired and I don’t want to be anywhere near you.”
***
Lilja arrived about half an hour later, not long after the kitchen staff had taken away the dishes from my lunch. She poked her head around the door from the sitting area. “Faran wondered if you might want some company.”
I smiled. “Am I taking you from anything?”
“No. He also said you two had had a fight. Do you want to talk?”
Lilja was the only person in The Realm who seemed to support me and I needed a friend right then, more than I needed oxygen. “I would love to talk. Grab a chair?”
She returned with one of the tub chairs from the sitting room and plonked herself down next to the bed. “What happened?”
I told her, finishing up with, “Finn would never have thought I was a traitor or a spy. He would have been straight over to make sure I was okay.”
Lilja leaned back, pursing her lips. “Did you ever cheat on Finn?”
“What? No! Never.”
“Did you let him down in any significant way?”
I met her eye. “Yeah, okay. I know where you’re going with this. No, I never hurt Finn or let him down. You think I should forgive Faran?”
She crossed her ankles, her hazel eyes settling on me. She sucked in a long breath and let it go with a sigh. “I think you don’t understand him or his position. Or your options. Faran loves you, despite what you think. Despite the fight. What happened with Aegyir… it broke his heart. If Finn had betrayed you, you’d have been broken-hearted. You may have learned to live with the hurt and you may have forgiven him. But if someone suggested he’d done the same thing again? Don’t tell me your mind wouldn’t immediately jump to that.”
I raked a hand through my hair. “He should have believed me the first time round! I didn’t betray him, or The Realm.”
She loosened off her jacket, revealing a cream woollen top beneath. “He heard you say you’d done exactly that.”
“Okay. But no one ever asked me why I’d done it.”
She shrugged. “You confessed to everything. No one needed to know why. Doesn’t Outside have a plea of guilty? Don’t people confess there? If someone says they’ve done what they’re accused of doing, why would anyone waste time arguing?”
I rubbed my eyes. “I hate this place. The only person I’ve ever felt I belonged with was Finn, and he’s gone. I certainly don’t belong here.”
“But you do belong here. You’re a Guardian of The Realm. You think that Faran doesn’t love you? It would be easier for him if he didn’t. He’d have argued for you to be banished again. Or if you stayed, he’d have renounced you. You make his position almost untenable. He’s supposed to advise the First Lord and be an example to the Guardians, yet he chooses to stay with a convicted traitor. He appears to have put his personal feelings above duty. And we all know how much this place demands duty.”
I remembered that Signar wasn’t her choice of husband and that Penna, the man she’d loved, had been made to marry someone else.
“Think about your options,” she went on. “As I see it, there are only three. You leave The Realm, you leave Faran, or you stay with him and make it work. If you leave The Realm, what is there for you Outside? Because no one will leave here with you.”
I traced a fingertip along a seam in the quilt. “A murderous demon seeking revenge.”
“And no way of killing him on your own. So, a lifetime of torture while he demands that you invite him into The Realm. Who is there Outside for you?”
“I don’t know who might still be alive. Finn’s mother. My adopted father. A couple of friends.” My chest filled as I thought of them all. Had they given up on me by now? Did they assume I was dead? What if I went Outside and found that Aegyir had killed them all?
“Then you stay here but leave Faran, or persuade him to renounce you.” She pushed a lock of light brown hair back from her face. “What do you think happens then? If Faran doesn’t support you, everyone will believe you to be a traitor. Someone will try to kill you. No one will marry you. You’ll have no respect, few friends and will be constantly looking over your shoulder.”
I closed my eyes and let my head sink back on to the pillows. “When do I get to grieve, Lilja? In public I’m supposed to act like Faran’s right to stay with me and in private I’m never alone. Faran’s not exactly going to enjoy watching me weep over Finn and say how amazing he was and how much I loved him and miss him.”
“Shall I talk to him? Tell him that you need time alone?”
I shook my head, and we lapsed into silence.
“Has nothing come back yet about your life with Faran?” said Lilja, eventually.
The expression in her eyes implied she knew a number of things had come back to me. I fiddled with my fingers. “Um. Some things.”
“What?”
Heat burned my cheeks, and she laughed. “Oh. Those kinds of things.
Have you told him?”
“No. I don’t know if they’re memories or if I’m merely remembering dreams. And I have no desire to re-enact any of it with him!” I fiddled with the edge of the quilt, needing to change the subject. The row with Faran was one thing; what might be coming was something else. “Aegyir will be reformed soon,” I said quietly. “I’ve been here three days. Six months outside. I haven’t seen any recent papers. He might be reformed already. I don’t think the Guardians have the first idea what Outside is like. I should go with them.”
Lilja’s face hardened, and she tilted her chin up.
“Aegyir was trapped. It’s not The Realm’s fault he was released, yet it will be the Guardians who have to destroy him. It will be Guardians who’ll die in the process. Why was he released?”
“It was by accident.” I didn’t know for sure, but I was fairly certain that Aegyir had been released during a fracking process.
“How? He was trapped far deeper than any foundations would be dug. He should have been trapped there forever.”
“Hm. Outside, they were breaking up rocks to get to buried fuel. I’m pretty sure that was how he was released.”
She scowled. “Aegyir was trapped in a place he should never have escaped from, but the Outside’s greed and stupidity have freed him. Why should more Guardians lose their lives to deal with him?”
The ferocity of her words surprised me. Did The Realm generally hate Outside? Was this yet another reason to despise me?
“We didn’t know he was there. And if Aegyir can only be trapped by Guardians, how will Outside survive unless The Realm helps?”
She turned her face away, her jaw clenched.
“Be careful with your words, my dear Lady Aeron. Your duty is to The Realm, not Outside.”
My head shot up. Mathas stood at the side of the bed, next to his niece. I hadn’t even heard him come in.
“My dear, it would not be wise to give Lord Eredan any reasons to doubt your loyalty to The Realm.” His eyes were hard. “You are a Guardian of The Realm. The survival of Outside is not your concern.” He smoothed a hand over the front of his pale grey jacket. “Lord Sondan, Cerewen and Faran will be in the library soon, as will some of the Scouts. Lord Eredan orders you to teach them English.”
“Are you joining us?”
“No. I came to remind Lilja that she has duties elsewhere.”
Lilja excused herself, but came and stood next to me. “Give Faran a chance. I know that you’ll love him again.”
“Yeah? You see it?”
Her cheek dimpled with a smile. “Yes.”
“Don’t be too hard on Faran, my dear,” said Mathas, standing back to let Lilja move towards the door. “You feel as if you’re the only one in the marriage facing difficulties. You aren’t. He loves you but doesn’t know how to show you. He needs someone to talk to, just as much as you do.”
15
The library lay behind the Great Hall. Faran perched at one of the tables, violet shadows under his eyes, his cheekbones knife-sharp. He caught my hands as I arrived, holding them firmly.
“I’m sorry,” he said, softly. “Can we talk after the lesson? Please?”
“Do I have a choice? There’s nowhere else I can go except our rooms. My leathers aren’t blade-proof and everyone wants me dead.” I pulled my hands free.
The Guardians arrived, accompanied by a small bevy of nervous-looking Scouts. I welcomed them all in and made them sit next to each other, rather than in blocks. The Scouts all wore the same style of woollen leggings and tunics that Aned did, in varying shades of brown and muted greens. The Guardians towered over them – all a good six inches taller than any of the Scouts. Lord Eredan joined too, standing at the back, legs astride, arms folded, glowering at me.
The lesson was a disaster. No one managed to learn any of the smattering of phrases I tried to teach them, not even, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” which frequently came out with the composite syllables in any old random order.
Having me go Outside with them would be a far better idea than them going alone, but with Lord Eredan hurling death-stares at me from the back, I wasn’t about to raise this. Since it wasn’t possible for me to teach them enough English for them to be able to converse with anyone or read the papers to find out what was happening, I wondered what Lord Eredan’s plan was. Did the Scouts continue to go out and steal newspapers and the Guardians go out and wait for Aegyir to find them? Maybe I could ask Faran later since he wanted to talk.
We closed with a general question-and-answer session. By the time we finished, I was beyond exhausted but we’d barely scratched the surface of how Outside worked.
“Lord Eredan, do you want me to do any more lessons?” I asked, hoping he didn’t.
“No. Focus on training tomorrow. Faran, practise this language with your wife.”
My spine sagged. Training? Right now, I could barely walk back to our rooms.
Faran and I made our way to our suite in an uncomfortable silence. Another bundle of newspapers awaited me on the side desk there. I’d just picked them up when there was a loud knock at the door. A seamstress and a tailor stood nervously on the threshold, clutching bundles of clothes. Faran ushered them in.
I was pleasantly surprised by the clothes. They’d concentrated on producing a jacket that could be made of the special blade-proof leather, but which would look as close to a biker jacket as I could design, given that The Realm hadn’t embraced zips yet.
The long coat was more of an issue. I made Faran try it on. He looked as if he’d escaped from The Matrix, but there wasn’t any other way of concealing a sword on him.
The tailors made a couple of notes on some minor adjustments that were necessary, then the group bowed and scurried away.
As soon as they’d gone, Faran sat on the sofa next to me and the air suddenly thickened with emotion. “Can we talk? I know you’re tired, but please?”
I moved my hands back in case he tried to hold them. “What happened when you saw Mya?”
He stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankle. “She tried to deny it. Said that there was only one reason why a Guardian’s leathers failed. I told her that they failed on me too and asked if she wanted to accuse me of being a traitor.”
I smiled, despite myself. “I take it she backed down?”
“Mm. Though she hasn’t confessed to deliberate sabotage. She says that the leather treatment must have been at fault and apologised profusely.”
“What will happen to her?”
He shrugged. “Unless we can prove she did something deliberately, she’ll be reprimanded. Demoted from Senior Technician.”
I nodded, trying to block the barrage of memories assaulting me – his blade slicing deep into my flesh, the pain, the fear of dying. “Do you think the plan was for you to kill me? Accidentally. With a back-stop of being able to accuse me of treason.”
“Probably.” He nibbled his thumbnail.
“How did Orian know about the notebook?”
He sighed. “He asked me whether there was anything else remotely suspicious about you. Anything that might indicate you were spying for Aegyir. I told him about the notes and he came and got them while I waited with you.”
I drew a knee up and clasped my arms around it. “Mya said to me that she thought Orian would make a better Elected Successor than you.”
Faran straightened. “When?”
“The first day I was here. I think she was setting you up. Making it look as if you trusted me knowing I was a traitor.”
“It almost worked. I almost killed you. A blade’s width to the side and I would have stabbed you through the heart and not even the best healer in The Realm could have saved you. If you had died, no one would think to test if the leathers failed with anyone else.” He rubbed his nose. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Tired.”
“I’m here if you want me to hold you. But I do remember that you said I wasn’t a man you could love.” Pain prickled
his voice.
“No.”
He closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping. “Do you remember anything of what we used to have?”
I hesitated. “Mm. Not sure I want to tell you.”
He looked at me, unsure. “That bad?”
I fidgeted, drawing doodles on my leg with my fingertips. “No. That good.”
“Tell me?”
My blush probably did, but I demurred. It was disconcerting enough to be beset by memories of us in bed, without telling him.
Humour sparked in his eyes. “Okay. But they’re good memories?”
I cleared my throat. “Do I have to go to the Great Hall for dinner? I’m not sure I’m up to it.”
“No. I’ll go and ask the kitchen staff for food in a minute. Nice deflection.” He smirked.
I pulled a face, making him laugh.
He disappeared off to the kitchens, returning with a couple of serving staff in tow who set covered dishes on the low table in the outer room. I sat on the sofa, exhausted, wondering how long it would be before I was back to full strength. I didn’t want to ask in front of the serving staff. Once they’d gone, Faran passed me a plate and some cutlery. “Beef tonight.”
“And let me guess, some kind of sponge and fruit to follow? God, I yearn to be able to cook you something different. Some Thai or a curry or something.”
It struck me as soon as I’d said it that if I stayed here, I’d never cook anything again. All I had ahead of me was training and politics. I couldn’t think about that now or I’d end up bawling. “How long am I going to be this weak?”
He canted his head. “You should be better by tomorrow. Why?”
“Because I’m neither use nor ornament until I can fight.” I pushed my food away, the smell of the beef turning my stomach. “Faran, you were all awful at trying to speak English. Is there any chance of you persuading your father that I should go too? You, Cerewen and Lord Sondan are the three most skilled Guardians after your father. Would he seriously risk you all on a mission that had little chance of success?”