by Amanda Fleet
I smiled. “No. The whole thing just smacks of women being commodities. If I hadn’t loved you and you’d asked for me, my father would just have passed me on to you, regardless of how I felt. Orian’s pissed enough at you that you got his dream job. Imagine if he had loved me too. Put yourself in his shoes.”
Faran stuck his lip out, acknowledging the point. He didn’t give the impression he’d lost a lot of sleep over how upset his brother might be.
I changed topic. “What will happen with the factions in the Guardians if you, Lord Sondan and Cerewen don’t come back?”
“There would have to be a vote to determine a new Elected Successor. I don’t know who would get it. Lord Balwen possibly. Although he’s older and the Elected Successor is usually a son of someone on the Council.”
“Never a daughter?” I’d seen very few women at all so far. A smattering on the Council and a few more in the Courtyard.
“No.” The way he answered made it sound as if I’d asked a completely stupid question.
I finished the shading around his chest. “What do female Guardians do? There don’t seem to be many.”
He shifted position briefly before returning to the exact pose he’d had. “Well, before they marry, they train and defend The Realm. After they marry, they have children.”
I looked up sharply, but he wasn’t joking. I remembered what he’d said earlier – it was our duty to produce more Guardians to defend The Realm. Was that my future? To have children?
“But we don’t have children,” I said.
“Not yet. You’re still twenty-two?”
I laughed. “Almost twenty-three. I suspect my birthday is different here.”
“Probably. We have a couple of years then.”
I paused, my pencil resting on the page. “What do you mean?”
“We’ll be expected to have children by the time you’re twenty-five.”
I digested this for a moment. “Before I was banished, how good a fighter was I?”
“One of the best. Better than almost everyone except me and my father. Perhaps Sondan could beat you, but rarely. No one else. Why?”
“So, I was one of the best, but the expectations on me would have been to have children? When I’m better at defending The Realm than many of the men?”
He smiled. “However good men are, they cannot bear a child. When the children are old enough to go to school, the women return to training.”
“What about child care?”
He frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Outside, women get child care so they can go back to work.”
“Why would you give your child to someone else to look after? No, parents look after their children until they go to school.”
“So where are all the women and children? I haven’t seen a single Guardian child here! There are none in the gardens and none at meals.”
“In the family quarters. When we have children, we’ll move to bigger rooms, a bit further out. There are meal halls and gardens there. What happens Outside?”
“Women aren’t shunted to the periphery of society. And there’s less expectation on women to have children in some places. Some women choose not to have kids at all. Could I choose not to have children here?”
“No. We’ll be expected to have two. Or three, depending on the average birth-rate.”
I paused. “Seriously? There’s no choice?”
He frowned. “How is the population size controlled Outside?”
“It isn’t.”
He didn’t speak for a moment, obviously struggling with the concept. “Do you want children?”
I paused, focusing on drawing his hands while I thought about it. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.”
I finished drawing him and handed him the book, then sat next to him on the bed, curling my legs up under me. He gazed at the drawing, smiling, his eyes shining.
“This is excellent,” he said. “Thank you.”
“Hm. It’s not as good as I’d like. I’m still getting used to the fact I don’t have a little finger. Normally when I’m drawing, I can use it to control the rest of my hand. The way you do with a sword.”
“It’s amazing.”
He stretched his back and uncoiled long limbs. The curfew bell sounded outside, and he cocked his head. “Bed?”
I hesitated.
“Aeron, you shared the bed with me last night.”
It felt completely right to share with him, but it also felt like the biggest betrayal of Finn.
“Okay. But I’m only sharing space. Don’t get any ideas.”
Once we were under the covers, he drew me into his arms, one hand stroking my back, the other resting on my backside. I tensed.
“Relax. I’m just holding you.”
I lay still, aware that the lump in his shorts was getting larger and harder.
“Uh, huh?” I nudged him with my thigh.
“Do I need your permission to think about what we used to have?” he said, his eyes light. “Or to think about stripping you slowly or kissing every part of you?”
“Behave. Or I’ll sleep out in the other room again.”
“Are you wearing night-clothes? Am I wearing night-clothes? Am I doing anything other than holding you? Then I’m behaving.” He stretched under me, adjusting his shorts, his expression far from apologetic.
I settled my face into the space by his neck, guilty I was so turned on. “Can I remind you that you’re not wearing a box? Go to sleep.”
I waited until his breathing was slow and regular and eased out of his arms. He pulled me back to him once, half stirring, but didn’t share Finn’s ability to keep a tight grip on me while asleep and eventually, I was on the other side of the bed.
I stared up at the sky through the glass ceiling. How deeply did he sleep? Could I go Outside now? I had clothes in the laundry basket I could put on. My bag was in the closet and I wouldn’t be able to get his knives from his drawer. I did a quick calculation. It was late October Outside. I didn’t have gloves, but could probably buy some.
I pushed the covers back and swung my legs out. Faran rolled over, tucking an arm around my hips. “Where are you going?”
“To get a drink of water.”
In the gloaming, I saw him open his eyes. “Have you forgotten that Father’s put Guardians on every portal, as well as the guards?”
“I’m just getting a cup of water.”
He snorted. “Well, go and get it then.”
I padded to the bathroom to fetch some water, sipping it as I returned. I put the cup on the bedside cupboard and climbed back into bed, wondering how long it would take for him to get back to sleep. He curled himself around me, kissing the nape of my neck.
“If you’re not sleepy, I can think of better things to do than disobey my father and get yourself hanged.”
I elbowed him away. “Behave.”
He rolled on to his back, taking me with him. “Don’t break your oath. Please?”
“Go to sleep.”
“Not while I think you’re going to be stupid enough to try to leave.”
There was no way I’d be able to slip out of bed and get dressed, never mind avoid the guards on the portals. Not now he was awake.
“Goodnight.”
He tightened his grip on me. “Goodnight.”
We were both awake, long into the night. Whenever I thought that he’d dropped off again, as soon as I shifted even a tiny amount, I was held in an iron-like grip. Eventually, I gave up. Somehow, I needed to find a way to escape before Faran, Cerewen and Lord Sondan went Outside.
20
I woke as entwined around him as I had the morning before. His fingertips skimmed over the skin at the small of my back, sending goose bumps racing over my skin.
His gaze slid to me. “Good morning.”
“Good morning. You have a very sultry look in your eyes.”
His nail ran down my spine, making me quiver. He felt so familiar, but I wanted a blond head next to
me.
“Finn,” I breathed, his name rushing involuntarily to my lips.
I might as well have thrown a bucket of iced water over Faran. He moved back rapidly, pushing me away from him. “No. Your husband, Faran.”
My temper flared. “Oh, don’t get pissy with me! You’re expecting too much, too soon! I’m going to shower.”
I stalked away, leaving him in bed. When I emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, he scrambled up from the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry. Forgive me?” He tailed off. “I’m worried about today.”
“Lilja is a very junior Seer. Or so you keep telling me.”
“With a very clear vision of me dead.” His voice shook.
My heart jumped up to my throat. “So let me go too.”
“It’s not my decision.”
I rubbed his shoulder. “Go and shower. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m worried about today too.”
My new leathers had arrived while I was in the bathroom and I dressed rapidly. They fitted as closely as the ones Mya had made but were equally flexible. Faran smiled approvingly when he joined me in the outer room. He drew his knife out and pressed the tip into my forearm. The blade dimpled the leather but didn’t cut it.
“Faran. I have blade-proof leathers and the talisman—”
“If you’re not quiet, I’ll kiss you so that you cannot finish that sentence,” he said, a warning note in his voice. I closed my mouth again.
“The fact that I think you’re right, won’t prevent me from having to reveal what you’ve said if I had to testify,” he murmured. “Please don’t give my father even half a reason to hang you. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either…”
“Sh. Come. Breakfast.”
The Great Hall was bathed in light. For once, The Realm’s grey clouds had rolled away completely, leaving a vivid blue sky, though droplets on the glass ceiling showed it had rained in the night.
The atmosphere in the Great Hall surprised me. I’d expected a strained hush – three Guardians were going Outside to face Aegyir – but the room buzzed with excitement. Perhaps the thrill of a Guardian going Outside for the first time in years outweighed the fact they were predicted to die when they got there.
Faran ushered me to a table in the corner. Most of the room was looking at us. Scratch that. Most of the room was looking at Faran for a change. They all went back to their breakfast and their whispering, but there was no mistaking he was the centre of attention. He held my hand across the table, rubbing my fingers.
“You look tired,” I said quietly.
“I am. I stayed awake half the night to make sure you didn’t try to leave.”
I looked down at the table.
“Did you want to practise some English?” I asked.
“Will I learn enough to make a difference?” He rested his chin on his free hand, his green eyes dark against his pale skin.
“No. Does your father really think you’ll be able to find Aegyir and trap him?”
“The Senior Seer doesn’t say we won’t.”
I made a face, not sure I trusted Mathas. “That’s not the same thing as the Senior Seer saying you will. We don’t even know for sure where he is.”
He shrugged. “The Scouts are bringing more papers today for you to read.”
“There’s a better way.” He glared at me and I laughed. “You won’t kiss me in the Great Hall. Not even to shut me up.”
“Don’t try me.”
I smirked at him as one of the serving staff brought bowls of porridge, and he kicked me under the table, a half smile in the corner of his mouth. It faded quickly, replaced by sadness. I turned his hand over and drew circles on his palm. “Talk to me after breakfast? Somewhere less public.”
He nodded gratefully. I traced letters on his palm and he frowned.
“You’re writing something?”
“Mm. English lesson,” I said, repeating the motifs. “S…M…I…L…E.”
He did, his face soft. “Thank you.”
As the serving girl put a stoneware jar and a spoon on the table, his face lit up.
“Honey!”
I raised a brow, wondering why he was so thrilled about it.
“We don’t get honey very often,” he said, spooning a giant dollop on to his porridge and pushing the jar towards me. “Only a few times a year. Try it. It’s delicious!”
I added some to my bowl. It was exactly like honey Outside, making me wonder just how many creatures and plants were the same in The Realm as on Earth.
Lord Eredan arrived, along with Cerewen and Lord Sondan. Lord Eredan and Lord Sondan were stony-faced, their posture stiff. Cerewen was more buoyant; almost bouncing on his toes. They didn’t wait for an invitation to sit and join us.
“Aned’s Scouts will have more papers for you to read immediately after breakfast,” said Lord Eredan. “Faran, there has been a short delay over preparing gloves.”
There it was. My window for going Outside and getting some decent information on Aegyir.
“We could go without the gloves,” said Cerewen, clearly eager to get on with the mission.
“Have you any idea how cold it will be Outside at the moment?” I said. I wasn’t about to lose my only window. “There’ll be frosts and ice. How long is the delay, Lord Eredan? I wouldn’t want to have this mission jeopardised by the fact the men’s hands are too cold to be able to hold a sword or dagger.”
“Half an hour.”
A day and a bit Outside. I could be out and back in that time.
“Then I think for the sake of half an hour, they should wait and go out fully prepared,” I said. “But of course, you must decide what’s best.”
Faran kicked me under the table again, hard. My shins were already pretty bruised from him. I kicked him back, and he glared.
“It will be cold enough that water freezes?” Lord Eredan asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Then we’ll wait for the gloves to be ready. You will read the papers and advise where Aegyir is.”
I nodded as meekly as I could manage. Since Faran kicked me yet again, he must have thought it wasn’t meek enough.
“Quit kicking me!”
“Is that a useful English phrase for the men to learn?” Lord Eredan narrowed his eyes.
“It’s a useful one for my husband to learn. But no, not generally. Forgive me. Should we practise English?”
“Yes.”
I spent the rest of breakfast running common greetings and phrases past them and correcting their pronunciation. I coached them on how to ask for directions to a number of local towns. None of them followed the answers, so I taught them, “Please could you draw a map?” Faran watched me closely, but stopped kicking me at least.
The State Rooms adjoined the Great Hall – all part of the central complex – and as we headed there after breakfast, Faran drew me back. “You’re less stressed at the fact we’re all terrible at English. Why?”
“I don’t think you’ll need to use it,” I said without thinking.
He held my gaze. Shit. Would I be able to slip away from him and leave?
“What’s the phrase that would be useful for me to learn?” he asked.
“Quit kicking me.”
He laughed. “Well, show more respect and follow the rules then!”
“Never my strong point.”
His face fell. “No.”
We sat at the long, polished wood conference table. Lord Eredan, Lord Sondan and Cerewen sat opposite us. Cerewen’s body language exuded eagerness; Lord Sondan and Lord Eredan were still stiff and taut. Next to me, Faran held his head up, but I knew from the tightness in his back how uneasy he was. Aned handed me another bundle of papers and I read through them. I totted up the average death rate, my mouth drying.
“How many people does he need to have killed to be able to kill any of the Guardians?” I asked.
“We don’t know,” said Lord Eredan. “How ma
ny has he killed?”
“Over a thousand.”
I suddenly felt a lot less confident about going Outside, and certainly over Faran and the others going. I gathered the papers together.
“We will meet in the Great Hall when the gloves are ready,” said Lord Eredan.
***
Each sitting for meals lasted about an hour and the gloves had been delayed by half an hour. Somewhere in the next ninety minutes, I needed to get away from Faran, who knew damn fine that I was trying to leave.
“Back to our rooms?” I said.
He cocked an eyebrow at me.
“Well, there’s no point training and I don’t want to spend what might be my last hour with you strolling around the Courtyard Gardens.”
He grinned mischievously. “What do you want to do?”
“Come and find out.”
Before we reached our rooms, Orian appeared. “Lady Aeron. Faran.”
“What do you want?” said Faran.
“Father wants to see you in the State Rooms. I wondered if Lady Aeron would like to go for a walk while you were with him.”
Faran stared at his brother for a moment. I could almost read a speech bubble above his head: “If Aeron’s left alone, she’ll try to leave, but I don’t want it to be Orian that keeps her company.”
“Of course,” he ground out.
“Or,” I said. “I could just wait for you in our rooms.” I wanted to leave The Realm. I did not want to spend time with Orian.
Faran looked from me to his brother, torn.
Orian turned to me. “I would very much like to talk to you about something.”
Faran flicked his head at me, indicating I should agree. I bristled, but Orian’s expression made me wonder what it was he needed to say. He looked panicked at the thought I wouldn’t talk to him.
I shrugged. “If you must.”
Faran drew me to the side to speak softly to me. “Stay alert. And don’t trust Orian. However much he might seem like your ally, he isn’t.”
We re-joined Orian and Faran glared at him. “Lay one finger on her and I will beat the shit out of you.” He turned back to me, his face softening. “I’ll see you soon.”
He leaned in to hug me and Orian’s breath hissed. Faran spoke softly into my ear. “Be careful.”