by Zachary Ryan
“Thanks for accepting my apology.” We ended up hugging, and it was nice. “What now?” I asked.
“We enjoy the rest of our time in high school, we keep in touch, and we see each other during breaks,” he said.
“Sounds good to me,” I said. “And if you get that big ego of yours, I’ll have to rough you up again.”
He laughed. “And I’ll make sure you don’t let the great Howard name get to your head again,” he said as he tapped my head with his finger.
I joined in on the laugh, and it was good that we could end on such a high note. “I better get going. I have one last stop before I get to Lane’s.”
“I’ll see you at prom?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’ll make sure to save you a dance,” I said.
“It better be a slow one because I want to look long and hard into your eyes,” he said.
I nudged him. “You’re so stupid,” I said. I walked away, but I paused. I turned around. “Remember that you’re as smart as Max. I know you’re not all about the academics, but you’ve created this social media empire. That’s something your dad should be proud of,” I said.
He gave me a weak smile. “I wish he saw it that way, but it’s good to see someone believes in me.”
I didn’t feel there was anything else to say. I said my goodbyes to Chet, and I drove off. I knew that we would still continue to be friends and have each other’s backs. I knew Gabe would think I was still a traitor, but he didn’t understand that some friends had fights, but you forgive each other to move forward.
****
You always thought that I would take the easy road out, and I wanted to prove to you that I can put the work in too,” I said, when I placed my recent pay stub on Gabe’s grave.
“You want to believe that I’m a coward, arrogant, or I wasn’t a loyal friend. I don’t care anymore what you have to say about me,” I said. I looked at his name written on the grave. “You were right that I was a coward on somethings, and I’m growing on that. I accept my mistakes, and I can grow. I don’t think the same thing for you. Gabe, you left us with all the pain you caused. We’ve all been struggling, but we have each other. If you came to us truly, then we could have helped. You were our friend, but you didn’t let us be yours.”
I thought about Lane sitting in the hospital, Cass and her nervous breakdown, Zachary feeling like she couldn’t talk about her vocal loss, and everyone else that has been on eggshells since the shooting. I even thought about what I did to Lane, and what Gabe did to Lane. “You were truly a fucking monster. You used Lane’s weakness against him for your selfish ways. I did the same thing but I had remorse. Did you have remorse when you knowingly killed Colby to get back at him? Was it all worth it to make Lane feel like he pulled the trigger to kill Colby too?”
I pulled out a picture of all five of us from freshman year. I put it down next to the paystub. “You played the victim, the cheerleader, the protective big brother, and the villain. I will always wonder which side of that was the truth. I always hid behind the great Ben Howard, but you played too many masks for us to ever know which part of you was genuine.”
I knew all four of us had different experiences with Gabe, and we would never agree on how to remember him. I thought maybe that was best for us. We would always have this elephant in the room when we came together, but eventually it would fade. Gabe always loved being on the radar for whatever reason, but he wouldn’t get what he truly wanted. He would eventually fade to the back of our minds, and he would get to watch as we walk away from him I felt the wind pick up, and I saw I needed to get to Lane’s house shortly. “I hope wherever you are that you find some peace.” I looked down at that pay stub, and I believed in what it meant. I was going to continue to make a path for myself, and a part of me would feel smug towards Gabe. He was part of the reason I wanted to make it on my own. I wanted to prove him wrong.
We would keep a part of him with us, but I wasn’t going to let him be the forefront anymore. I wasn’t going to be known for my Howard name or the life my father wanted for me. My parents had eighteen years to control me, and it was time I controlled myself. I left Gabe’s grave knowing that I had made my fair share of mistakes, and I would own up to that. I didn’t believe Gabe could say the same, and that was all I needed to know leaving his grave.
Chapter Eighty-Four
Lane
“You look so cute,” Zachary said, as she put on my boutonniere. She then touched my rainbow flag pin. “Your poem in the lit magazine was amazing by the way,” she said.
I gave her a soft smile. “Thank you. I still can’t believe that I did that.”
She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “You should be proud of yourself. I know you still have guilt and doubts, but I’ll beat you with compliments until you believe it yourself,” she said.
There was a knock on my door. My mom walked in. “Cass and Ben are downstairs patiently waiting to take pictures,” she said. My mom and dad had become more accepting of my sexuality and even made their profile pictures the rainbow flags. They haven’t argued with their friends on their political views, but it was a baby step.
“I’ll give you a second,” Zachary said. She grabbed her purse and walked out of the room. Cass, Zachary, Ben, and I decided to rent a limo and go to prom all together. We didn’t know who else we would go with. We had been through so much together that it made sense that we went through these final steps of this part of our lives together.
I walked over to my desk to grab my wallet. I saw the picture of Colby and me. I had put the poem I just published in the final lit magazine right next to it. I picked it up and read it to myself.
You had no clue what it was like to live in a life of black and white.
I prayed that you were looking from above with your stupid smile.
Believing that I would find my way down the rainbow road
You showed me the beauty within myself
Tragedy took you away from me
But you’ll always have a part of me
And I a part of you
Forever in my heart, I walk towards the light
Knowing I know longer have to hide the true me
Or believing that no one could ever love what’s being my mask.
“Lane, can you please get down here. We don’t have all day,” Zachary screamed, from up the stairs.
I placed the poem down and walked down the stairs. They were all standing there with smiles on their faces. I didn’t know why this was the perfect way to spend my final dance. We all took pictures together. We had to get multiple pictures, poses, and couplings to make all the parents happy.
We said our goodbyes to my parents as we got into our limo. We knew that tonight was going to be a night we would never forget, but there was one place that I knew we needed to stop. We couldn’t go to the dance without stopping and reflecting.
I had informed the limo driver beforehand where we needed to go. Cass turned and saw we were going towards the woods. “Lane, where are we going?” she asked.
As we drove to the destination, we passed Gabe’s house. We saw a for sale sign and a clean yard. We prayed Gabe’s mom found happiness in her next chapter. We would check in with her once we figured out our lives. She might have lost her son, but she had four other children to praise to strangers moving forward.
“I think we needed to for a moment first,” I said. The limo had stopped, and we only had a short amount of time. I pulled out a small flask from my coat. I grabbed the champagne flutes that were in the limo. “Come with me,” I said.
Everyone got out, and they realized we were at Pierce Lake. “Why are we here?” Ben asked.
The sun was starting to set. It was lowering behind the trees and giving off an orange and yellow beauty to the sky. “We’re about to go off into different directions in our lives. I didn’t want us to go to the prom without having a moment for ourselves,” I said. I poured a little bit of the vodka into the champagne flutes. “We had been thr
ough so much these last couple of months, and I wanted us to cheers to making it through it all,” I said.
Cass, Zachary, and Ben all looked at each other and smiled. “Who would have thought Lane would have come up with an idea all on his own,” Zachary said, with a wink.
I blushed. I raised my glass. “To us and that stupid lunch table freshmen year,” I said.
“That stupid lunch table freshmen year,” they repeated as we toasted our friendship. We took a little bit of vodka and turned to watch as the sun finally set. We took that time to reflect on our own struggles, our friendships, and our views on Gabe. None of us could fully forgive Gabe for what he did, but he wouldn’t hold us back anymore. We had each other to move forward with our lives, and this was what we would think about when we thought of senior year. We were a band of misfits trying to find love and acceptance in the world. Only to find out that what we were looking for was at a dirty, disgusting table during fifth period lunch.
Extras
They all thought they did a masterful job of keeping their secrets close to their chest. These stupid fools thought they were the high court of this kingdom, but they had no clue who was really pulling the strings. You might wonder to yourself, who would be that heartless to make them backstab their friends, expose other's secrets, and lose their morals? You don’t need to know who I am, but you better remember my name, The Marked Queen.
Danielle, Andrew, Delilah, Aman, and Jasmine all are now faced with a mysterious villain whose one goal is to ruin each of their lives. They must protect their secrets at all cost, or they'll be the next victim on Marked Day. They know what’s at stake, and they’ll stop at nothing to continue being: the rich spoiled girl, the normal teenager, the girl who isn’t banging the principal, the straight vlogger, and the girl who isn’t her dad’s punching bag. What happens when The Marked Queen changes up the game just in time for prom? Will each of our favorite puppets survive? Or are they willing to backstab each other just to keep up their personas? The only thing lost at this prom wasn’t going to be their virginity.
Sex, Lies, and High School Queens explores the major theme of self-acceptance. Can they learn to accept all their flaws or pray victim to The Marked Queen? Each chapter continues to fill your sweet tooth until the climactic moment at the prom where you get to have that final bite of the bitch cake you’ve been dying to consume.
About the Author
Zachary Ryan grew up in a black-and-white box in Maryland, before moving to Chicago to start a new life. There, he found that he was accepted for his misfit status—and learned that it’s perfectly normal to spend your twenties feeling lost and confused.
After a disastrous sexual encounter, Ryan stumbled on a group of true friends, or “soul cluster,” that he connected with. Through his writing, he hopes to help other broken souls out there find comfort amid the chaos.
About the Publisher
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