I’m jealous because he’s gotten the opportunity to be around my daughter. I take in a deep breath and tell myself that it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now, and my little girl will know who her father is.
Now it’s our time. “Yeah, I met him. I have a friend I may bring over. She has a fun costume too.”
“Oh! What kinda costume?!” Zoe’s eyes light up as bright as the night sky as she talks to me.
“She’s a kitty cat, but an old type of kitty. Have you ever heard of Sphynx cats?” I smirk, chatting with my girl. I was nervous about today, terrified that she’d resent me for not being there for her all these years. Now I know that it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters now is that we continue and move forward.
We’ve got our entire lives to catch up.
21
Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.
-Anonymous
Rebel
I sit at the island in Nikolai’s kitchen, watching him cook us dinner since Zoe wanted to stay at a friend’s house. Since school isn’t in session tomorrow, I didn’t care. Whatever it is, it smells amazing. I haven’t bothered to ask what it is, which is shocking considering I hate surprises. “Did today go well?” I’ve been expecting him to ask this question for quite some time.
“Yeah, I think it did. She seemed to have a good time, and he seemed happy as well.” I admit, taking the glass of Pinot Grigio, I take a sip. I was a bucket of nerves these past few days, trying to not be an anxious wreck. I will say, I’m proud of the way Widow and I handled ourselves. We were two people, successfully co-parenting, even though we have a world of drama and baggage. We put all that other shit to the side and focused on what truly matters – Zoe.
“Good. I’m glad he didn’t cause any issues. You knew I was apprehensive about letting you go alone.” Nikolai stops whatever it is that he’s doing and turns towards me.
He thinks that Widow would physically harm me, and I know that would never happen. “Don’t. He won’t ever physically hurt a hair on my pretty little head. Trust me.”
“Good. If he even tries, I’ll cut his fingers off one by one and feed them to the fishes.” Fishes … he doesn’t mean fishes. Nikolai has an exotic fish collection if I can even call it that. Throughout his home, he has varieties of tanks on display. Some have piranha’s, others have different types of sharks. Gah, I still get a chill when I think about them.
“Just like the bodies you’ve fed them before, hmm?” I joke, but I don’t get a laugh from him. He stares at me like I’ve said something that he’s done. “That was supposed to be a joke, Nikolai.”
“I think we should both talk more about my past before we eat dinner.” He turns his head back to look at the stove, “In a couple of minutes, I have to put the meat in the oven to cook through anyway.”
“Why before we eat dinner?” I ask the question before I can really think it through, and I wish I had waited.
“Because I don’t want you to get sick if you can’t handle the things I’ve had to do, Rebel.”
Nikolai turns back to the stove and does whatever it is that he needs to finish prepping dinner. I take a couple heavy sips of wine while I wait as my nerves rock me to my core. “We all have things in our past, Nikolai. I doubt any of yours will scare me.” I murmur, needing the words to help me feel a bit braver.
I know Nikolai is bound to have many skeletons in his closet. He’s told me a few small parts, but he hasn’t gone into detail. I know he’s a mercenary for fucks sake, but besides that … I know nothing. I have a feeling that tonight he’s going to tell me everything I need to know, if I’m ready or not. “Mine aren’t as simple as leaving my cheating ex while I was pregnant.” I don’t know why it pisses me off that he throws my dirty laundry back at me, but it does. It pisses me off so fucking bad.
“Thanks for bringing that back up. I totally forgot that even happened. I mean, shit!” I make sure my tone is icy, showing him, it isn’t appropriate. Emotions and feelings are high right now and it isn’t appropriate. If we’re talking about him then great, but we don’t need to go over mine.
“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to tell you that we’re from two different worlds. Your past is a lot lighter than mine is, Rebel. You know I was with the Spetsnaz, but you don’t know about what happened after. How I went from being a highly honored man, to someone who the rich would use to get rid of their problems. It was a dark path, love. A story that I wish I didn’t have to tell you.”
I listen to what he’s saying and ask him the million dollar question. “So why tell me?”
“Because I refuse to ever lie to you. If you are with me, it is a decision that you have knowingly made and come to terms with every part of me. And I mean, every part.”
“I don’t think you know just how much I respect you, Niko.” I call him by his nickname, something that I’ve been able to get away with for the past few days. I want him to know that I care and show him that I understand the seriousness of our conversation tonight.
“I’ll start at the beginning as every story does, my childhood. I grew up in a small town in northern Russia. My mother and father raised me, which is why I went into the militia in the first place. My father and grandfather had done so before me, so it was the proper thing to do – to follow in the man’s role, in their same footsteps. I wanted to bring my family honor, and in the part of Russia where we lived … there was not much else to do. I was not a man who would live in poverty like I had seen so many do.”
I listen as he continues to speak, enjoying learning more about him. I already know he is a good man, but I want to know what turned him into the man he is today. “Things were simple for a time. I enjoyed being with the Spetsnaz, but they saw my talents and used them for their own personal gains. I was no longer a man of honor, but instead I became a death bringer, a mercenary. I left the Spetsnaz as soon as I could, however, there was nowhere for me to run. People would find me wherever I went, and they continued to search for me wherever I moved.”
He keeps his eyes trained on me as he speaks, “Rebel, I have killed many men, women and children because I was ordered to. I have done things I have not wanted to do, but knew I had to out of fear of retaliation. Threats were made against my mother and father for years, until they were tortured for hours and left to die after I didn’t follow a direct order from my … boss. I had to come home to the sight of my mother’s blood all over my home, seeing my father’s limbs scattered across the kitchen, and somehow both were alive. I did everything to protect them, but in the end … I had to be the one to end them. They begged me for mercy, to take them out of their misery.” His voice chokes up as he speaks, his accent coming out thicker than I’ve ever heard it before.
“I did not want to do it, but I had to. I wouldn’t allow them to be in pain any longer. I couldn’t allow my parents to be held over my head like a sword, constantly ready to come down on my neck. They knew about part of my struggles, but they didn’t know about all of them. All they knew was that I was working for a very dangerous man. A man who used me because I wanted a better life for them. I worked for the Bratva, my dear.”
Bratva? What is the Bratva?
“The Bratva is the Russian Mafia, and their leader is a despicable man who uses fear as his power. While others may operate from having the respect of their people, Valentin does not operate like this. Long story short, I had moved countless times, but it did nothing. He was able to find me. After a long time of deliberation, trying to figure out what my next step was, I faked my own death to evade him. Changed my name and started a new life, here in America. I have been out of his clutches for over seven years, Rebel, and I don’t plan on ever going back.”
I finish off my wine and stare at him, taking a moment to get off my chair and walk over to him, rushing into his embrace. “Thank you for trusting me with all of this. I know it had to have been hard on you. I promise I won’t ask yo
u anything, except one thing. You know me, and I want to know you.”
“Anything.” He replies,
“What is your name?”
“Cheslav Mikhailov, but do not ever call me that. I am Nikolai now.”
I smile at this man, who happens to be my boyfriend, and think about how amazing he is. If my story was a little more fucked up, we’d be two peas in a pod. But I guess we are in a sense. We’re kindred spirits, somehow meant to be. I’m not a believer in love at first sight, but I do believe that when you know, you know.
I know what my future holds with Nikolai, and I can’t wait for whatever is to come. “I’m starting to fall more in love with you every single day, Nikolai.” I confess my feelings, something that I haven’t even given him the smallest indication of. I didn’t think I’d say anything for a while … but tonight it felt right.
He grabs the back of my neck and crushes his lips down onto mine in a way that I’ve never been kissed. This man somehow makes me feel like I am the most treasured thing on Earth, and this is how I know.
It’s how I know that in some way, we have been destined for one another.
22
Sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful.
-WachaBuy.com
Widow
“Did it go okay?” Amara asks the second I get back to the club.
I give her a curt nod, “Yeah, it went better than expected. She’s fuckin’ perfect, ‘Mar.” I can’t help the smile that breaks across my face. Zoe just brings it out of me, I guess. I get out of my head and look back at her, seeing that this is hard for her. She tries to hide it so well, but I can see past her mask.
“You alright?”
She nods once, “Mhm, just really happy for you.” Before she walks away from me. I know she just lied, but letting her walk away was the best thing I could do. She needs to process everything on her own and I can’t help her do that.
“What the hell did you do to her? She scattered off so quick.” Tania points out, “Looks like she ran off with waterworks flowing down her face …”
“It’s complicated. I met my daughter for the first time today. My ex had her and hid it from me. Meanwhile, I dated Amara for a few years. My ex is her best friend.”
“Whoa. If that isn’t complicated as fuck, I don’t know what is.”
“Yeah, I wish it was easier. I did want to ask you out on a date, though.”
Tania rises from her seated position on the pool table and walks over to me, hands on her hips. “Why in the world do you ever think I would go out on a date with you?”
“Have you seen me?” I point out, flashing my pearly whites.
“And here comes my comment about how everyone that looks like you are a self-righteous piece of crap.”
I chuckle, “Relax, I was only fucking with you. My daughter did invite me over for Halloween, though. I told her I’d invite my friend who likes to dress up as a Sphynx. She got really excited.”
“Really? You’re trying to use your kid to pawn my ass into a date with you?”
“I wasn’t trying to, it just sorta of happened.”
She tosses her hands up in the air, “It never sorta happens. You must think I’m a fool.”
“No, I think you’re incredibly hot and want to take you out. It’s a plus that you can meet my daughter and we can do something normal, like go trick or treating with her.”
“I might not even be here in two weeks.” Tania replies, starting to walk away from me.
“Do you think I’m going to let you leave?” I say it loud, even louder than I thought I would but something about what she said bugs the living fuck out of me.
She cranks her neck back to me, looking at every single brother in this clubhouse. Cobra and Chaz are fuckin’ around doing god knows what by the new pac-man machine we had added. Hawk is behind the bar and Dixon is sitting across from him. No matter, whatever they were doing, they stopped to watch the show.
“Excuse me?” She snarls out of those perfect lips.
“You heard exactly what I said. I told you, you’re gonna have my cock in your mouth again, which means you’re not goin’ anywhere.” Talking to her like this, showing her that she’s my bitch and I’m not gonna give up that easy just turns me on. She’s makin’ my cock rock hard right now, giving me all this attitude and sass.
Tania charges up to me, throwing her hand out to grab me, but I take control and grab her neck, slamming her down on the pool table. Her back is against the table while her eyes incinerate through me. I wonder if she knows what I’m about to do, because I sure as fuck do. I’m taking her, in the way I’ve wanted to since I’ve laid my eyes on her. I’m gonna fuck her right here in front of my brothers, so they know they can’t touch my bitch.
With my free hand, I yank her denim shorts down and reveal her perfect tan body. Her pussy is a beautiful shade of pink, and even better, it’s glistening. She shakes against me, trying to move. I’m wondering if she knows what this means, me fucking her in front of my brothers like this. She probably does, but she’ll know what it means in a moment.
Unzipping my pants, I pull my cock free and bury myself deep inside her soaked pussy. She puts up a fight with me most days, but I know she fucking wants me. Why else would she banter with me? Why else would I catch her checking me out? The woman knows she wants me, and she’ll need to fuckin’ admit it soon.
I tear off my cut and put it over her, in the background, I hear someone go, “Did he just do what I think he did?” but I pay no mind to it.
The only thing I’m concerned with right now is ramming my cock so far up into her cunt that she squirts all over this table. I pull myself out of her and slam back into her pussy time and time again. I can see from the way she bites her bottom lip that she’s trying to hold back her moans, but she can’t. She’s enjoying this too much.
I pull her ass closer to me and prop her legs up on the side of the table, spanning them out. I rub my finger over her clit while I rock inside her, feeling her pussy tighten up around me. I’m nice at first, but then ravage her cunt, slamming myself into her, stopping to slap her clit and start back up again.
If I’m going to make her come in front of my brother’s, it’s going to be good. “Motherfucker!” She curses under her breath, causing me to smile.
I lean over her body, and whisper in her ear, “You can let go anytime you want to sweetheart. Just know, I’m filling that pussy of yours up with my come and you’re gonna take it all. I’m claiming you as mine, marking you as my bitch, my property, my kitten, because there’s never been another woman that has aggravated me as much as you have. You keep me on my toes, darlin’ and I plan on keepin’ you around for a long time. Now tell me, is it the same for you?”
“Just keep fucking me, you arrogant piece of shit!” I thrust myself into her harder on command and I feel herself lock around my cock. I graze my finger over her clit, and she loses all control, her juices spilling out over my cock. It sounds like I’m fucking a slushy with how wet she is. I just can’t stop now, she might be done … but my cock lives for this bitch.
My balls tighten and the head of my cock swells and just like that I release myself inside of her, growling like the savage beast I am. I’ve never minded voyeurism, but we just might have to make this a habit.
“Whoa! If you’re done fuckin’ the Sphynx, then you’d better go find Damon. He’s been looking for you …” I hear Kat say from the other end of the room. I pull my cock out of Tania, slide up her shorts and pull her down to me, making her lick off our combined essence.
“I’ll find you later, sweetheart. We need to finish what we started.” I tell her lowly.
She hands me back my cut, “I won’t ever give my control over to a man like you, so don’t ever expect it, arsehole.”
23
I like you brave. I like you breathing free. I like you feeling all of you in you.
-Butterflies Rising
Widow
“Vinny showing up soon?” I
ask Damon. He’s sitting on the bench out front, staring out into the desert. The only thing here is our trailers, the Jackal’s van and RV, plus what we just had added this morning for Onyx and her girls. Until now, we were paying for them to stay at a motel in town. A couple of the guys have been on constant guard, watching who was coming and going, ensuring that they’ve been safe. That was the agreement after all. The only thing is, Onyx thought we could get her housing situation set up as soon as possible. I think the woman forgets that it takes time to make shit happen.
Damon crosses his arms and turns to face me, a furious look crossing his face. “Bastard better be here soon. I’m tired of him pussyfooting around when he knows we need shit. Fuck, he’s cancelled two times already. If you ask me, that just means he’s up to some shady shit.”
“Looked like a pretty shady fucker if you ask me.” I comment.
Damon’s glare stays trained on me, “I wasn’t askin’.”
Just like that, we both see what we can naturally assume is Vinny driving down the lane. He comes to a halt, parks his vehicle and pops out. “You sure enjoy keeping a man on his toes.” Damon tells him, and everything about his tone tells me that he’s pissed.
Vinny, like the idiot he is, comes walking up smiling at Damon. He extends his hand to my Prez, but Damon meets his fist with Vinny’s face instead, throttling him so hard that he falls back on his ass. “Next time you want to keep me waiting, don’t. I don’t have time to waste, and you’ve wasted a lot of it over the past few days. I don’t like pieces of shit, Vinny, so tell me. What’re you? Are you a slimy little fuck who’s gonna continue to waste my time?” Damon cranks his head and looks down at the man, lookin’ like he has a fuckin’ crazy eye.
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