by Adams, S. C.
This at least makes me laugh.
“I’m so sorry, Abby. I thought what you had was different.”
“So did I,” I say, finding my voice. “He told me he loves me. You don’t just go around telling people that. If he’d said he just wanted sex, I would’ve been hurt, but I could have gotten over it. He led me on, acted like he wanted to meet up next weekend…”
“He’s an asshole,” Caitlyn repeats. I sob into her shoulder. “You’re better than him, Abby. So much better. You don’t deserve this.”
I wipe my eyes even though the tears don’t want to stop. “Thank you for not telling me you told me so.”
“Oh, sweetie, we never wanted to be right about him. Not once we realized how much you care about him.”
“But you were.”
“I’m sorry we were.”
The girls continue to hold me on the couch until I’m all cried out. They flip through the channels on my TV until they find something that isn’t romantic at all for us to watch. We end up with an action movie that none of us care about, but it’s better than feeling sorry for myself.
“Thank you for coming over even though you both wanted to sleep all weekend. You’re always there for me. I can’t believe I ever ditched you for some guy.”
“We all do stupid things for the people we think we love,” Jessica says. “Just know that we love you, and we’re not going anywhere.”
Her statement rings true because long after I fall asleep, Jessica and Caitlyn fix themselves makeshift beds in my apartment and stay the night.
I wake up a few times, feeling sad all over again, but even though I feel lonely without Carter’s love, I know I’m not alone. And that almost makes my heart whole again.
19
Abby
Eight weeks have passed since we got home from the cruise, and things are looking up for me. I only think about Carter every other thought now, which is an improvement.
And I’m working on my scuba teacher’s certificate. I already have my license to dive, but teaching is a different accreditation. It took a while, but after I realized the guy I loved was a flake, I threw myself into the process. I have most of the qualifications already completed because I love the water so much that I’ve collected certifications over the years. The only thing left is to finish one hundred open water dives and take a course on diving. I’m at seventy-six, including the two I went on with that guy from the cruise, so I only have a few more to go.
“Did you do it?” Jessica asks, looking over my shoulder.
“Not yet. Geez!”
She’s referring to the IDC, the instructor development course I have to take in order to become a scuba instructor. I’ve scheduled my remaining dives to take place over the next four months, so I’m about to finalize my scheduling of the first IDC session. There are two sessions, then a test, and then I can quit my job and become an instructor.
At least one good thing has come from this horrible stuff with Carter. I probably wouldn’t have gone through with the certification if it weren’t for him.
I click the button, saving my spot in the IDC class. “Done.”
“It’s done?” Caitlyn echoes, joining our party at my desk. Any minute now, our boss is going to tell us to get back to our numbers, but I’m too happy to care about that right now.
“It’s done!” I confirm. “Can we go out and celebrate tonight?”
“Of course!”
My stomach rumbles, and not in an “I’m hungry” way. More like an “I’m about to be sick” way.
“Hey, you okay? You look green.”
“I’m fine,” I say. “Just my stomach.”
“Nervous about the course?” Caitlyn asks.
I nod. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”
Jessica bites her lip. “You know, you’ve been sick a lot these last couple of weeks.”
“You keeping tabs on me?”
“I’m just worried about you.”
“Well, I’m fine,” I snap. I wipe my face with my hand. “I’m sorry. I appreciate that you care.”
On cue, our boss rounds the corner and points toward Jessica and Caitlyn’s desks. I catch Jessica giving me weird looks for the rest of the work day, but I figure she’s just worried. After a couple trips to the bathroom to dry heave a bit, I feel fine. It’s definitely just nerves, or maybe I ate something weird and I haven’t totally gotten rid of it yet. I’m sure it’ll go away by tomorrow.
“Meet at my place at six,” I text the girls. They respond with celebration emojis and promise to be there.
At five on the dot, I power down my computer and leave the office. I’ve gotten really good about only spending the minimum amount of time at work. It gives me more time for myself, and I’ve been able to arrange for a few post-work dives next week as long as I stick to the schedule.
Never on Tuesdays, though. Those are still my days for dinner with the girls. It’s Thursday today, but we’re making an exception because it’s a celebration. Plus, I can never have too much girl time.
At six on the dot, the girls knock on my door. I answer it wearing my favorite dress, a sleek black number I bought last week hoping I’d get to wear it soon. It’s the perfect dress for celebratory drinks.
Except that when I open the door, Jessica and Caitlyn are wearing their work clothes still. Not ideal for celebratory drinks.
“Why didn’t you change?” I ask. “We can stop by your places on our way out. It’s time to celebrate!”
They don’t budge.
“We need to talk, Abby,” Jessica says. They push through the door and close it before sitting down on the couch. “How long ago was your last period?”
Her question takes me by surprise. It’s an even bigger surprise that I don’t actually remember when it was. Before the cruise, I think. Wait, has it really been that long? That can’t be right… “I don’t know exactly. Why?”
Jessica bites her lip. It’s her tell – she’s nervous about saying something. She never holds it in long. “You’ve been sick every morning for almost two weeks now,” she says finally. “You’ve been a little more irritable than usual.”
“Hey!”
“And your boobs look bigger than they used to.”
“I’m wearing a better bra,” I say. “And they’ve always been big.”
Caitlyn ushers for me to sit down. “When you slept with Carter, did you use protection?”
“I don’t want to talk about Carter!”
“Abby, we don’t want to upset you, but this is important.”
I dissemble.
“Um, I don’t remember. I was caught up in the moment.”
As I’m saying it, I know it’s not true. Carter never once used protection, and he came inside me a lot, even though we talked about pulling out.
Shit. I’m such an idiot! How could I not be more careful? I’m not on birth control – I’ve never had a reason to be. Everything with Carter just happened so fast, and the cruise felt like a different world…
Jessica reaches into a bag that I hadn’t noticed before. “I can tell by your face that you didn’t use condoms. We brought you this. You need to take it.”
She hands me a pregnancy test.
“No. I’m not pregnant.”
“Fine. Just take it to humor us, then.”
“Whatever. You’ll see, it’ll come back false, and then we’ll go out and have drinks because today is a big day for me.”
I lock myself in the bathroom to pee on the stupid stick. Yeah, I slept with Carter without protection, but that doesn’t automatically mean I’m pregnant. Any number of things could be causing my stomach to hurt. My boobs totally aren’t any bigger than they used to be. And I’ll probably start my period in the next few days. I’ve just been under stress, that’s why it’s late. Everything’s fine!
Once I’ve done the deed, I carry the test back into the living room. Jessica starts a timer on her phone, and we try to avoid staring at the thing until it buzzes. Once it does, we
look on the count of three.
The damn test is positive.
“No. You got a broken test.”
“I thought you might say that,” Jessica says, reaching into her bag again. “So we brought another. Different brand, this time.”
I take that test too, and it’s still positive.
“Shit,” I say. The girls both nod.
“Have you slept with anyone other than Carter?” Caitlyn asks.
I shake my head. “It has to be his.”
“Why don’t we try calling him again? Maybe it didn’t work because the ship was docked or something. He did say it was his special phone.”
I pull out my phone and move to Carter’s contact. Yeah, okay, so maybe I saved it in my phone even after we realized it was fake. I’m a masochist, I guess.
I put it on speaker and hit call, but we get the same disconnected message. I try the email again, and it’s the same problem. I got fake info from the guy I fell for, and now I’m pregnant with his baby.
Shit.
“We could call the cruise line,” Jessica suggests.
I shake my head.
“If Carter wanted me to contact him, he wouldn’t have told his secretary to give me a fake number and fake email. He obviously doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“Abs, you’re having his baby. I think the circumstances warrant some detective work,” she ventures. I shake my head vehemently.
“I’m having the baby, and he doesn’t need to have anything to do with this.”
The girls nod. “So, you’re keeping it?”
It hadn’t even occurred to me not to keep the baby.
“Of course I am!”
“What about scuba teacher training?”
“Scuba training can wait until after I have the baby. I won’t be able to dive while I’m pregnant. I’ll just reschedule the test for next year. It’ll be fine.”
Caitlyn and Jessica pull me in for a hug. “We’ll be here every step of the way. We’ll be the best aunts to this baby. He or she will be totally spoiled.”
I laugh, although I’m feeling numb. How did I get myself into this mess? Carter is to blame. I want to hate him, but it’s hard.
I’m having a baby. I may not be thrilled with how it happened, but I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
And it’s not like I’m doing it totally alone. I have two best friends and a family that will be more than willing to help me.
This won’t be too bad.
I can do this.
I have to.
20
Carter
No matter how hard I try to forget about her, I just can’t.
I miss Abby.
The woman stole my heart and then ghosted me, but she takes up every inch of my heart. She shouldn’t, but she does.
I take a sip of my drink and scan the bar one more time, searching for the best prospects. This is how I used to do things on every cruise. It’s how I found Abby.
But it doesn’t have the same appeal that it used to.
It’s been six months since Abby left without a trace. The next day, I double checked with Miss Havisham that Abby got my email and my phone number. She swore up and down that she gave Abby the info.
I figured maybe she was settling back into life on the shore and that was why she didn’t call me right away. Or she thought I was busy and waited until the next day. Then Sunday ended, and she still hadn’t called. Okay, maybe she still thinks I’m busy? I thought. But when a full week went by without a call, I knew I had been played.
Abby was different, or so I’d thought. She liked me for me, and she listened when I talked. And damn, she was the best lover I’ve ever had in my bed. I couldn’t get enough of her tight, sweet pussy.
Apparently, it never mattered to her the way it did me. She was only in it for a week of screwing before returning to real life and forgetting all about me.
There were a few times I thought about contacting the cruise director and getting Abby’s info from him. It wouldn’t have been hard to convince him to pull up her account from that trip and tell me her number so I could call. I never did, though. That would have been too embarrassing. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have called.
I’m not desperate. There are tons of girls here who would love to sleep with me. I don’t need to chase some woman who clearly wants nothing to do with me. I’m a total idiot, that’s for sure, for believing she cared about me the way I cared about her. That doesn’t matter anymore. It’s time to move on.
I move toward the first woman I can see clearly in the dark club. She’s not great, to be honest, with frizzy blonde hair and a big rack. Unfortunately, the tits are fake and they seem to move in opposite directions as she bobbles to the music. At least it’s pretty dark so I can pretend she’s Abby.
“Hi,” I say when I reach her. She’s standing by the bar with a group of girls all wearing the same shirts. Bridesmaids. “I’m Carter.”
“I’m Abby,” she says. You’ve got to be kidding me.
“Abby?”
“No,” she corrects me. “Gabby.”
Oh. That’s not much better.
“Nice to meet you, Gabby,” I say. “Would you like to dance?”
She checks with her friends, and they shoo her away. No need for deliberation. The girls are probably here hoping some guys will ask them to dance.
“So, your friend is getting married?” I ask. It’s a ridiculous question, but I can’t take it back. With Abby, the conversation flowed freely and easily. I can already tell it won’t be like that with Gabby.
“Yeah, about time! She’s been dating Kevin since we were freshman in high school.”
“Wow, that’s a long time.”
“Fifteen years, almost,” she says. Gabby is older than I thought, not that it’s a bad thing. The age difference was probably part of why Abby decided not to call. She was a baby when I started my company twenty-five years ago.
“Good for them. It’s not often you get that.”
She pulls back a bit. “Is that what you’re looking for?”
“Yes,” I say without thinking.
Gabby lets go completely. “Shame. If you change your mind and want a fling, come find me. I’m not looking for attachments right now.”
I’m not either! I want to shout, but the words won’t come out. It wouldn’t matter anyway. The music is too loud for her to hear me, no matter how loudly I yell.
Abby has ruined me. I guess I just need some more time before I can get back in the game. Six months is barely a blip on the radar when you think about it. Surely it won’t be this hard forever.
After the failed attempt with Gabby, I call it quits at the club. My head is starting to hurt anyway.
My office on this ship is on the way to my room, so I pop in. I’m surprised to find Miss Havisham still sitting at her desk.
“Hi, Flora. What are you doing here so late?”
She looks up, confused. “Carter? What brings you by?”
“I was just on my way to my room, and I figured I’d pop in. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, yes, dear, of course. I just wanted to tidy up a bit in here.”
It still looks just as messy as it was when I left, but I don’t say anything about that. “Good. What’s on tomorrow’s agenda? I forgot to ask when I rushed out earlier.”
There had been an emergency below deck that I had to attend to, and once that was done, I’d headed to my room to shower and change for a night out that had turned into a bust. It’s not even ten yet.
“Board meeting at five over Skype and then dinner with the captain at seven, but other than that, all clear.”
“Flora, that was today’s schedule.”
She stares at the paper. “Was it? My apologies, Carter. Tomorrow, you have a morning meeting with the cleaning managers, lunch with a few executives on board, and we’re expecting the decision about your new ship proposal sometime in the afternoon.”
I’d forgotten about that proposal. It
all went down when Abby was here, and she’s clouded every thought surrounding that week. And every week since.
“Thanks, Flora. Why don’t you head to your cabin and get some rest?”
She looks around the messy office and shrugs. “I suppose this office is tidy enough. I’ll see you tomorrow, Carter.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I watch her leave, hoping she finds her room okay. Miss Havisham’s mind is clearly going, but I don’t want to lose her. Maybe if Abby was around to keep me grounded and push me to be my best, I could let Miss Havisham go, but I don’t have that anymore. I don’t think I can run this company without someone here to guide me, which means keeping Miss Havisham around.
My mind lately has been almost as bad as Flora’s. It constantly drifts back to Abby and our week together. My work is suffering because of it, and it’s only a matter of time before the board notices.
I need to let her go for real. Getting on top of someone else isn’t going to help, but I need to put Abby out of my mind.
She didn’t want me.
That’s something I’ll just have to live with, even if it breaks my heart.
I head back to my room, forcing myself not to think about Abby. It goes well until I lie down and close my eyes, and all I can see is her.
Giving her up isn’t going to be easy. But I know it’s what I have to do.
21
Abby
A year later.
My mother practically pushes me out the door.
“Abby, he’ll be fine.”
I stare at the sleeping baby in the carrier at her feet. Timmy looks so much like his dad it almost hurts to look at him, but I love that little boy so much.
“Are you sure? I can stay…”
Mom fixes me with a hard look. “Abigail, you are going on this cruise with your friends. You haven’t done anything for yourself since you found out you were pregnant. And you just passed your scuba certification! It’s time to celebrate.”
I kneel down and kiss Timmy’s head. He’s only three months old, but he’ll be starting daycare as soon as we get back from the cruise. My mom is right. I deserve to spend time with Caitlyn and Jessica. They’ve been so supportive of me over the last year – encouraging me through my pregnancy, being there when Timmy was born, and helping me with my business plan to open my own scuba training company. This trip is for us to spend time together and celebrate.