‘I do know,’ I mumble, thinking to last night and my own getting carried away with Brandon.
Kennedy smacks her forehead, as we turn onto a narrower road stacked with tall trees on each side. ‘Oh yes! I had completely forgotten! You fucked my brother! This is the famous Mulholland Drive by the way…’
My eyes widen at her bluntness and the fact that she’s being so nonchalant. Also, they really do tell each other everything.
‘Um. Sorry. Yes. I was so drunk. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just… did.’
Kennedy pulls up onto a dirt road and turns off the engine. ‘Oh, I knew it was going to happen. The chemistry between you two!’
‘Um, what? The chemistry? No. We actually don’t seem to get along very well. We’d both had so much to drink.’
‘Are you kidding me? Not getting on well is total foreplay. I should know – I’m a…’ Kennedy trails off, her cheeks pinkening beneath the layers of foundation.
‘You’re a what?’
‘A, um, person who is weirdly discussing my brother’s sex life. Gross. But my point is that you both needed a distraction from your heartbreak.’
I think of Gary barely looking at me as he left the café this morning. She’s right. It was a pretty out-there notion. Completely bonkers, in fact. Tears spring to my eyes again. I will them away.
‘Hey,’ Kennedy says thoughtfully. ‘You know… maybe fate had it aligned so that you would come here and meet Brandon and not Gary. The universe works in mysterious ways!’ She puts on a deep cheesy voice like the guy who does the trailer voiceovers for movies. ‘HE’S a heartbroken and surly American set designer slash writer, SHE’S a beautiful English book nerd with a romantic heart, both of them on the lookout for that special something. Will they find it in the City of Angels? Nobody ever said the path of true love would run smooth! With help from a hot, creative and much smarter than she looks weather girl and the best, cutest dog in California, who knows what will happen!’
I can’t help but laugh at her silliness. I screw up my face. Could she be right? I think of last night and how fun it was to escape with Brandon. And how sweet he was when I fell over on the rollerblades. Then I think of how he was so rude when I first met him. How he said I was ordinary.
‘No,’ I say to Kennedy. ‘It was definitely a one-off. Plus I’m going home, so...’
Kennedy puts on the trailer man voice again. ‘Can true love blossom an ocean apart? With an open mind and help from a hot blonde very smart weather girl, maybe it could! It is possible!’
I shake my head and nudge her in the ribs.
She bends down, rifles under her car seat, and pulls out two still-icy bottles of water. ‘Here y’go. Come on!’
She gets out of the car and I follow her lead, placing Winklepuff onto the dusty ground.
‘Where are we going?’ I ask.
Kennedy opens up the car boot and rummages around in a gym bag, pulling out some leggings and a T-shirt, which she discreetly changes into. ‘For a hike!’ she says brightly, pulling out a wet wipe and rubbing it all over her face, before spraying on a ton of sun cream.
‘What? A hike? Noooo!’ I grumble. ‘You said we were going for ice cream!’
‘You wouldn’t have come if I’d told you the truth. When we were drunk on peach wine, I told you how much I like to hike and you said that you couldn’t imagine anything more boring than hiking and that you’d rather be on hold to a company that sold radiators.’
‘I did say that. So why did you bring me here?’
Kennedy ruffles her hair out of its big stiff blow-dry and pulls it up into a bobble. ‘Because Mission Joy Ahoy is still very much in play and after yesterday at the ceremony, I think it will do you some good. Come on. It’s not long and the view is just… well, you’ll see.’
‘Sorry, Winklepuff,’ I say as we start to walk up a gently sloped trail, the blazing sun beating right down upon us. ‘I guess we have joy to find.’
He looks up at me and I’m pretty sure he’s thinking that there better be a hock of ham at the end of this trail or else he will lose his shit.
Kennedy links her arm through mine. ‘So, what did you get up to this morning?’
I think of Gary. How when he touched me, my whole body lit up. How I ached to just sit and look at him for as long as I could. How I wanted to tell him about my vision of us laughing in the ocean, how he found my glasses, how when he smiled I wanted to touch his face, how my already fractured heart shattered a little more when he left, barely even saying goodbye, how it reiterated my delusion and what a mess I am at the moment.
But it just all feels like too much to put into words, especially since Kennedy has admitted that she, like Imogene, thinks this attempt to meet Gary was more than a little ridiculous. That I am pretty damn ridiculous.
‘Ah, nothing much!’ I say, taking a big gulp of my cold water and deciding it would be easier to just direct the conversation away from me. ‘Hey, tell me more about your audition. Were you scared? How long did it take? Why the hell did you have such big hair?’
Chapter Forty
Nora
When we finally get home a couple of hours later, I am truly worn out. Kennedy was right about the view, though. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. We walked up through San Vicente Mountain Park from Mulholland Drive. At the top, there was a 360-degree view of the entire city, all hazy beneath a perfect cornflower blue sky. My favourite spot was the view down over the beautiful blue-green Encino Reservoir, which was framed in the distance by the most gorgeous mountain horizon.
We stayed there, just staring for around forty minutes and I felt a rush of hope come over me. I may not have found my soulmate and I may legitimately be smack bang in the middle of some sort of grief-related breakdown, but I’ve found something here. I’ve rediscovered how miraculous it is to be in the world, to be living in my body rather than just my head. I’ve found songwriting again. And, best of all, I’ve found Kennedy, a bona fide friend. As we looked out over the vista, she grabbed my hand and told me she’d miss me when I was gone. I squeezed her hand and told her I’d miss her too. I knew that as soon as I reached Leeds and Bradford airport and travelled back to the grey, sensible skies of Brigglesford, this whole trip would feel like nothing more than some hazy-skied, ridiculously warm, joyful, heart-breaking fever dream. And while I’ll always be obsessed with romance novels and movies with dreamy happy ever afters and soulmates and the hope of one day being as happy as Mum and Dad were, I know that there is joy to be had from just me. Nora. And all I need to do to find it is step outside of my warm safe cocoon every now and again.
After a much-needed snooze, I wake up to find the sky darkening, the twinkle light wrapped palm trees on the beach glittering and the scent of a nearby food truck wafting in through the window. Stretching my arms above my head, I smile at Winklepuff, who joined me for the nap and seems to have no intention of getting up just yet. My eye catches the many pictures of Gary on the Creepy As Fuck Soulmate Procurement Wall. I really should take them down. I yawn. I’ll do it later.
I head into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and gulp it down so thirstily that it dribbles onto my chin. Leaving the kitchen, I walk right into Brandon’s large chest.
Shit. Argh! This man has seen the face I do when I have an orgasm. I immediately start to sweat.
‘Shit. Sorry.’
‘No problem,’ he grins, reaching forward and using his thumb to wipe away the water droplets from my chin as if this isn’t a very very awkward moment.
‘Oh! Thanks.’
I zip past him and head into the living room. ‘Um, is Kennedy about?’ I ask.
‘She’s gone to a SoulCycle class, I think?’
I perch down on the sofa. ‘Really? She’s nuts. We just went on a hike!’
Brandon chuckles and comes to sit down beside me. His thigh is touching mine. ‘SoulCycle is actually really great. You should try it.’
‘I’ve done enough exercis
e this week to last me a lifetime!’ I laugh, scooching a little further down the sofa so that our thighs are no longer pressed up against each other’s.
Brandon’s eyes flick down towards my stomach, his eyebrows raising. We sit there for an excruciatingly silent few seconds. Then Brandon smiles at me, his eyes shining cheekily. He reaches his hand out, tucking my hair behind my ear. ‘Hello,’ he says. ‘How are ya?’
As he leans forward to kiss me, I suddenly know with a deep and true certainty that I don’t want to kiss him again. There’s just no point. He is hot and last night was an amazing, fun distraction, but I was super drunk and super heartbroken. I’m still super heartbroken, but I know, despite what I feel about Gary and despite what Kennedy said about our ‘chemistry’, that the universe did not send me here to find Brandon. I have no clue what it sent me here for, but it was not… this. There’s no thunderbolt through the belly. And that’s what I want. It’s what I really want.
I move away and smile at him. ‘Listen,’ I say, shuffling uncomfortably. ‘I think last night was… maybe a one-off? I mean, it was great. Really great. But… you know…’ I trail off because I have no clue what to say.
Brandon blinks, his chin tucking into his neck with surprise. His cheeks turn slightly red. ‘You’re kidding right? ‘
‘Um… no?’
‘Wow. I mean, I’m not trying to have a relationship with you, Nora!’ he scoffs. ‘You’re here for a few more nights… I just thought. Last night was nice, right?’
I nod. ‘It really was,’ I say, admiring the way his big tanned arms look in his tight white T-shirt. ‘I just… My head’s all over the place and I…’ It’s my turn to flush red. ‘I’m… in love with someone else.’
Brandon laughs out loud. ‘Gary Montgomery, huh?’
I shrug and give a little laugh. ‘Of course I know now that I’ll never have someone like that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the way I feel. It’s weird, I know.’
Brandon’s mouth twists. ‘Understatement.’
He reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out his phone. He taps onto the screen and hands it over to me. It’s a YouTube clip. My whole body burns as I see the title: ‘EPIC FAIL!! Creepy Girl Tries to Attack Gary Montgomery!!!’
With a trembling finger, I press play. It’s a mobile phone video of me from the back, taken right after I was pushed, although of course, you can’t actually tell that I’ve been pushed. It looks like I’m running towards the podium before falling into the cement box. The way I wobble forward before tripping does look a little as if I’m trying to rush desperately towards Gary. I feel a sweep of relief that the video doesn’t show my face and then another spike of humiliation as I watch John Alan pushing past everyone, grabbing me around the waist and carrying me away. The phone camera zooms into Gary’s face. He looks completely alarmed. The video ends freeze-framed on his horrified expression.
‘Read the comments,’ Brandon says.
I know that I shouldn’t. I know that the comment sections are never a good place to end up. Nevertheless, I scroll down.
Poor Gary M! Psycho alert!
Obeeeeeeeeese.
She looked like she got pushed forward by the crowd
A future millionaire will like this comment.
She’s trying to kill him! She could sit on him and he would full dead of suffocated.
Tori Gould is SO ELEGANT WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WORSHIP HER
I Have Watched This 10 timezzzz, When She Falls. LOLOLOLOL.
What a dumb fat bitch
I click off the screen quickly, bile rising into my throat.
‘I didn’t need to see that,’ I say quietly to Brandon, dropping his phone as if it has burned my hands.
He shrugs. ‘Maybe you did…’ He puts his hand on my shoulder and rubs it as if to comfort me, his finger trailing along my back. Is… is he coming onto me again? Right now? After he just made me read my own hate comments?
‘What is wrong with you?’ I cry, standing up from the sofa, fury burning in my chest, at him and at myself. ‘I don’t want to sleep with you again, Brandon. Jeez!’
He stands up too. ‘Wow… I thought I was helping you out! I… I thought you’d be grateful.’
‘Helping me out? What?’
‘I mean… look at you. I thought we could distract each other is all. You’re a lovely girl, but you’re not exactly model material, Nora…’ His eyes travel over my body.
And it suddenly becomes clear to me. This isn’t chemistry. Brandon’s grumpiness isn’t sexy or hot or Mr Darcy-ish. His heartbreak isn’t the only reason for his odd and moody behaviour, for his ability to make me feel shit about myself. He’s just… a bit of a dickhead.
Tears of frustration spring to my eyes. I take a shaky breath and lift my chin. ‘I get it,’ I say quietly. ‘I don’t look like the other women in this city. But, you know, I like my thighs. And I like my belly.’ I poke my belly like he did last night. ‘And I like that I was brave enough to do something so outlandish because I believed that maybe I could experience the magical, once-in-a-lifetime love that my parents had. And yeah, I may not be model material, but I’m not someone to be pitied either.’
Brandon holds his phone up in the air. ‘I think we both know that’s not true… Everyone is laughing at you.’
I stare at him for a few seconds. He may be more attractive than me. And more successful than me. But he’s not a better person than me. I am Nora Tucker. I’m a good human who believes in true love and kind people. My mum and dad loved me. My sister loves me. I don’t need anyone to make me feel like I should be grateful for their attention.
‘I might have done some really very embarrassing stuff,’ I say, looking directly into Brandon’s blue eyes and holding their gaze. ‘And I’m probably a little bit delusional, true. And you were right… Someone like me will probably never get someone like Gary Montgomery… but thanks for helping me to realise that I’ll also never allow myself to settle for someone like you.’
Brandon’s mouth opens and closes.
I swallow down the sob in my throat, turn on my heel and return to my area, hiding under the covers until I hear the gentle thud of Brandon’s feet heading upstairs to his bedroom.
Chapter Forty-One
Nora
I find myself waking up naturally at 5 a.m. after a long and dreamless sleep. I spent the rest of last night hiding out in my room. Kennedy came in when she got back from SoulCycle. She’d obviously spoken to Brandon, but I just pretended to be asleep. All I can think about is those horrible YouTube comments and how quickly Brandon’s true colours shone through when he was rejected by someone he thinks of as ‘lesser’ than him. Yikes.
With bleary eyes, I creep out of the bed, pull on my swimming costume, scrape my hair into a bun, put in my soothing eye drops and, leaving Winklepuff curled up in his bed basket, head outside to the beach. The sky is that amazing bluey pink and the sun is bright, but it’s a little chillier than it has been over the past few days. The Santa Anas are still hanging about.
As I walk across the sand towards the ocean, I feel a touch of trepidation at the size of some of the waves further down the beach; they’re pretty aggressive-looking. I head to my favourite spot and wade in, sucking in my breath sharply as the cooler-than usual water hits my legs, then my waist and finally my neck. I gather up the courage to duck my head under and then I start to swim, feeling my muscles stretch and warm in a way that they never really got to do back in Brigglesford. I spot a man on a surfboard further down the beach, taking the waves cautiously. I lie on my back and do my favourite thing, staring at the blooming sky and this magical fuzzy light that I’m going to miss so much. Nothing I could conjure up in my fantasies could be as beautiful and enchanted as this sky.
I’m thinking about the fact that Imogene must be pissed off with me because she hasn’t texted since I told her I was staying here a little longer – when I hear a short shout of distress from down the beach. I flip over from my back quickly and n
otice the man further down the beach is nowhere to be seen, his surfboard bouncing violently on an aggressive wave. Oh shit!
Without thinking about it, I immediately start to swim over to where he was, but outside of my gentle and shallow patch of water, the large waves are too much to deal with. I’m not strong enough to tackle them and a swathe of water flops right over my head, getting in my ears and up my nose. When my head pops up and I manage to get my bearings, I notice that the man’s head has also popped up and, without grabbing his board, which seems to have gone off on its own journey, he swims to shore. He strides out onto the beach, holding his arm to his chest. His hunched stature shows that he’s hurt himself.
‘No!’ I whisper, swimming back to the beach and running over to him as quickly as I can, not even caring that running is not my natural state and that my gigantic boobs keep hitting the bottom of my chin.
I reach the man, who is looking down confusedly at the gash on his forearm. It’s bleeding quite heavily, the blood dripping onto his toes.
‘Shit, are you okay?’ I ask, rubbing the salt water out of my eyes.
‘Um, I think so, I got a little cocky out there and this happened.’ The guy holds up his arm before lifting his head.
I inhale sharply as my eyes meet his.
Oh god…
What is Gary Montgomery doing on the beach outside Kennedy’s house?
He stumbles back a little.
‘It’s you,’ he says, frowning in recognition.
‘You sure you’re okay?’ I ask, noticing how pale his face looks and worrying that he might pass out.
‘Feeling a little woozy. Very masculine,’ he says, pulling a silly face, although he is clearly in pain.
He Will Be Mine: The brand new laugh out loud page turner! Page 22