by KL Donn
The judge stares at me, trying to decide if there’s any truth to Maria’s words. “Is this true?” I nod again.
“I would like to speak to Miss Ivanov in my chambers. No influential parties will be permitted.” After banging her gavel, I’m instructed to follow, and as soon as the door is shut behind us, the judge waves to a chair in front of her desk as she takes a seat behind it.
“Do you feel comfortable speaking in here?” I can only shrug because, despite her position, she isn’t someone I know or trust. “I sadly understand. I’ve seen one too many cases like yours.”
My heart cramps at the thought of anyone else feeling the way I do.
“That’s alright. You can write your answers down for me or simply nod your head.” She hands me a pen and pad of paper. “The reason I brought you in here is because I’ve seen too many children influenced by the people they’re surrounded with. In here, I can protect you.”
Biting my lip, I’m grateful for her intuitiveness and insight.
“Do you want to live with the Morello’s for the remainder of your high school education?” I nod my head. “You have a little over eighteen months until you graduate, at which time, they will be able to ask you to leave their home. You understand this, right? That their obligation towards you is only until graduation?” I nod again. Even though the idea of them kicking me out terrifies me.
“A social worker will check in on you periodically; however, the system is not perfect, and because you are a special case, having suffered abuse at the hands of the authorities who should have protected you, I am giving you my card. Do not abuse the courtesy because they ground you or make you eat your greens. You call me if you feel unsafe at any time. Day or night. Do you understand, Miss Ivanov?” I nod again as I take the rectangular card.
“I am going to grant the Morello’s permanent custody of you until such time as you graduate.” Tears pinch at my eyes. “I can see the love they have for you, and I suspect none of it has to do with the fact you’re dating their son. This is a family who wants to keep you as their own. I wish all of my cases were as satisfying as yours.” I can only smile.
“From what I understand, detectives will be in touch with your new guardians about your case soon. It’s going to get much worse before it gets better, so do not hesitate to ask for help when you need it.” I nod again.
“Thank you.” The words squeak out with more emotion than I can contain, and the way her eyes soften, I see she understands the magnitude of the moment. Even if I barely do.
Natale
Sitting idly in court, waiting for Posy and the judge to exit her chambers, has me on edge far more than I like. We all know she took my girl in there to grill her on whether or not she wants to live with us or if she’s being forced. It was written on the woman’s face, and I don’t fucking like it.
My father was right, Posy has far more strength inside of her than anyone knows or understands. She may feel weak and out of control now, but she’s a fighter. One of the strongest I’ve ever known.
Finally, the door opens, and out walks my girl, offering me a shy look and smile before standing beside my mother again. Posy hadn’t been talkative over the weekend, and at first, I thought it was my confession that had her withdrawing, but I’ve come to realize it’s just who she is.
Voice or no voice, Posy enjoys observing the world around her. She picks up on social cues, studies the people she surrounds herself with, and enjoys the simple act of basking in the sun or smelling the roses in the garden.
“Mr. and Mrs. Morello, there is nothing on this earth I hate more than when a child is in trouble and ignored. I hate when the system fails our young people. With Posy”—she takes a disparaging breath—“we failed epically. Your desire to right the wrongs of those around you is commendable, and it is on Posy Ivanov’s word and desire to be with you that I am granting you permanent custody of the girl until she is graduated from high school. This is a long commitment, and I hope you’re both ready for it.”
“Oh!” Mamma’s hands fly to her mouth before she pulls Posy in for a hug, tears in both of their eyes. “She’s ours, Your Honor. We are committed to everything her heart desires.”
“I’m glad to hear that because if she and your son break up, there is no reversal of this ruling. You don’t get to kick her to the curb. She doesn’t all of a sudden become a burden. Because, Mr. and Mrs. Morello, if I hear that this has happened, you will face the full effects of my wrath. There is nothing I won’t do to make your lives miserable.” Most people would wilt at the woman’s threat. Not my parents, they share a look of grudging respect for the judge.
“That’s fair, Your Honor. Thank you.” Papà nods his head as she bangs her gavel and signs the paperwork.
I take the moment we wait for the court officer to gather everything up for my parents and watch Posy with my mother. It’s clear that not only has she been missing out on motherly love, but my mother has been desperate for a daughter.
Papà claps a hand on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, “You gave them that.” He obviously had the same thoughts.
It wasn’t my intent, but if it makes these two women happy, then I’ll take it. Selfishly, I don’t want to share Posy’s time, but I will because it’s going to help her flourish into the woman she was always meant to become, and that is going to be magical as fuck.
“A celebration is in order!” Mamma declares as we leave the courthouse.
Nobody disagrees because she’s going to put one on no matter what anyone says.
“This weekend. We’ll have a cookout. I’ll make sure the pool is ready. Invite all of your friends. Posy, you can call your mother if that’s what you’d like. Domino should be invited too. I’ll make a list.” She talks over everyone.
Papà guides my mother to their car as I lead Posy to mine, and once she’s settled in the passenger seat, I can see there’s something on her mind.
“Spill it,” I tell her as soon as I’ve pulled into traffic.
By the way she nibbles on her lip, I can tell she wants to speak but is working on her confidence. It’s not coming as naturally as I wish it would, but I know we’re getting there.
“I don’t want to invite my mother.” The words are tortured. Like she had to physically wrench them from her soul.
“So don’t.” I shrug. Frankly, the woman pisses me off nearly as much as Posy’s sperm donor. Neither deserves my precious girl.
“It would be rude not to.” Chancing a glimpse at her, I see her eyes closed, nose pinched, and cheeks flushed.
“She pissed you off because she didn’t take custody of you.” It’s not a question because it’s exactly how I feel too. Posy nods. “You’re allowed to be angry with her. Hell, you can yell at her until you’re blue in the face and she’s a blubbering idiot for all I care. The woman doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you as far as I’m concerned. But I can see the anguish it’s causing you, so I will talk to Mamma and see if she’ll back down. Maybe I can convince her to celebrate another way.”
The sheepish smile when I give her a compliment or say something that pleases her makes an appearance, and I find my addiction vastly growing. Posy has never been in an environment where she can be herself, and I hope she’s finally getting that.
“Thank you for understanding, Natale.”
“Hungry?” I ask. I am. But not for food.
I’ve been attracted to her since the moment I laid eyes on her, but the more I get to know her as a person, the stronger the connection becomes. And waiting to make her mine is becoming more and more difficult as the days pass by.
“Could we go down by the river?” I frown, curious about her request, but turn off where needed.
The sun's heat warms the cool air, so when I park, and Posy immediately climbs out, I follow her. The sounds of the river flowing, birds chirping, and the wind blowing through the trees is the only sound.
I watch, helpless, as Posy white knuckles the post along the pathway, s
taring down into the murky depths of the water.
Water that has carried away many bodies over the years.
“The first time I ventured from home on my own was to here. I would pretend I was a fairy in a magical forest of mystical creatures and elves.” Her head turns to gaze into my eyes, and I know this story will wind up with me in a homicidal rage.
“I would find the biggest branches I could and pretend they were swords and fight back the monsters trying to ruin the land.”
I don’t miss the innuendo. She wishes she could have fought back.
I wish she could have too.
I wish I was there to fight for her every fucking single time.
“The first time he touched me, I puked until my throat was so raw it bled. Then I ran here.” Her arm waves out, encompassing the area.
“To the fairies and elves,” I murmur, pressing my body into her from behind. Placing my hands on her hips, I lean my forehead onto the crown of her head. Breathing in her sweet scent.
“Only they were gone. They had vanished.” My fingers flex as her voice cracks.
“Don’t do this to yourself, tesoro,” I plead with her. And I don’t know if it’s for her sanity or because I know I will kill her father and his partner for every second of her suffering.
“I didn’t just lose my adolescence that day, I lost my imagination, my creativity. I lost myself.” Her words may be subdued, but they vibrate through the trees with every ounce of terror and loss she felt.
I perceive it all, and it only fuels my white-hot rage.
Posy
I never imagined expressing the words, purging what I felt and lost, would help me breathe again. I know Natale is fuming behind me. I know he wants to destroy the people who have hurt me the most.
He is a killer, after all.
When he shared that little tidbit, I wasn’t as shocked as I should have been. I’m not sure why, but after spending a few days with his family, I picked up on a few subtle cues. And one of them was that society would think of them as bad people.
But they’re my saviors. I’m indebted to them in a way I can never repay. They saved me.
Natale saved me.
But I haven’t told him everything either.
“I’m dirty, Natale. Tainted.” Every muscle in my body tightens, ready to snap at the first sign of rejection.
He shelters me further, bending his body over mine so that all I feel is him. The way his muscles ripple with each breath, the thundering of his heart against my shoulder. The hot air puffing out of his mouth.
“Do you have blood on your hands?” he growls.
“No.”
“Do you hold a life in your soul?”
My throat clogs. “No.”
Spinning me around, he pins me against the post, the cool metal seeping through my pants as he searches my gaze.
“I do. I’m the devil in your nightmares. The killer in your heart. You, tesoro”—my eyes close as his fingers brush my wayward hair away from my face—“are pure and everything good in the world. You may be broken. You may be damaged. But never are you tainted or dirty. They are.”
“I wish I could see me the way you do.”
Our lips smash together. Like a collision, Natale breaks down my walls, tangling our tongues, and sucking on my lower lip. Taking more from me than anyone else ever has.
And for the first time in my life, I give it willingly.
“I need something from you, Natale.”
“Anything.”
“I need you to erase his touch. I need your hands on me. I need you to take from me what he was never able to.”
Natale pulls away, staring down at me, an unreadable expression on his face as he registers what I’m asking of him.
Watching him pace back and forth, stopping to mumble under his breath, I feel cold inside. My soul is so cold, and I just want to be warm again.
Natale Morello can warm me in ways no other ever will.
“Do you have any idea what you’re asking me?” he finally barks out from five feet away.
“Yes.”
“Then why the fuck would you?” His anger pulsates in sonic waves as his fists ball at his sides.
Frustrated at his lack of understanding, I shove my hands into the pockets of my coat. “I trust you, Natale.”
His body remains stoic, but I see it. His pupils dilate, and he inhales a deep breath.
“It won’t be pretty,” I tell him. “It won’t be sunshine and flowers and rainbows.” My chest is already tightening with dread. And yet, I still anticipate our coupling. “I’ll fight you, and I’ll scream. I’ll cry until I can’t breathe.”
“How can you want this then?” His demand for answers isn’t unreasonable.
Stepping towards him, I try to express all the emotions inside my heart. “Because you know me. You comprehend what I’m saying without words. You understand when I’m hurting, without a sound. You would know when I truly need you to stop, when I’ve reached my limits.”
“This is…” He can’t get the words out, and I feel like I’m about to shatter. “This…” His head hangs.
“It’s dubious consent, but I’m giving it to you. Right here, right now. I want to feel you inside of me. I want to feel the warmth of someone who cares about me. I want to feel you, Natale. And I need to scrub his touch away forever.” My sobs shake my body so violently that he has to hold me still.
The sound of his thundering heartbeat pounding in my ear is soothing in a way I didn’t know I needed.
“Alright, tesoro. Alright.” I know his agreeance is tentative and not a commitment. Not yet. “There are rules, though. And it’s not happening right away.” I nod against Natale as his hand cups my head, holding me tighter against him.
Chapter 9
Natale
For a little over a week, Posy has been living in my home, occupying my bed. Sharing it. Invading my space in ways that I had no idea were so intimate. Slowly, she’s gaining more confidence in her place in my life, in my family’s life.
True to the judge’s word, detectives came a day after the hearing to talk with Posy about her father and Brian. She was able to provide them with more information about Brian’s abuse and how long she had been suffering at his hands. My girl also had information about possible payouts from criminals. Her father was a compulsive gambler who wasn’t very good but always had the cash to burn.
According to Posy, once or twice a month, a suspicious man would come to their house with money. They would lock themselves in her father’s office and talk. Posy was smart enough to record a couple of the meetings where they discussed payoffs about drugs and how the mystery man needed a particular day and time to be clear of cops. She couldn’t record more because she was afraid of being caught.
It was enough for them to find Ethan Ivanov in his home and arrest him. However, we learned that after twenty-four hours, he was granted bail and is walking free, with the addition of an ankle monitor, until his trial begins and they can capture the mystery man Posy spoke of.
She is terrified that he’ll come for her and still startles awake in the mornings, wakes up crying in the middle of the night and jumps at loud sounds. She waits for violence to burst out of my father when she enters a room he’s in. Not because he’s done anything to make her feel that way, but because she’s so used to such acts from any male authority figure in her life that she’s finding it hard to move past it. He’s patient with her, though, and I think it’s working. Just this morning, while reading at the breakfast table, she didn’t duck and try to hide when he sat across from her.
Even if my parents couldn’t tell, I knew it took everything in her to remain still. I watched her mouth move while no words surfaced as she repeated to herself, “Carlo is coming soon,” until he was sitting and staring at her.
Much like I am now.
Today is our first day back at school. We have two classes together, and we’re in our second one now. My gaze is continuously torn between my
girl and the clock. Even knowing that Anatonia will be in her other two classes, I’m not enthusiastic about leaving her.
The last time I did that, she was nearly raped.
Fuck.
Dragging a rough hand down my face, her request from days ago filters through my mind. I still haven’t decided what to do.
Posy wants me to take her by force, and I’m not sure I can do that. Not to her, even when she’s asking me to.
“Mr. Morello!” the teacher barks.
“What?” I snap back.
“Care to join the rest of the class in the real world, or do I need to separate you from your little girlfriend?”
The anger. The fucking enmity striking through me is unstoppable. I stand so fast and with so much force, my chair bangs against the desk behind me before landing on the floor.
“Don’t fucking threaten me!” The animalistic sounds rumbling through my chest make the man step back behind his desk. “You don’t get to fucking take her from me.” My rage is so consuming I can’t see straight.
“Natale,” Posy’s voice whispers from my side as she tugs on my arm. It’s not until her hand on my cheek forces my head to turn that the fog clears my mind, and I can see her again. “Please,” she murmurs and squirms between me and the desk, resting her head against my chest. Tapping a finger along my side in tune with my irregular breathing.
“This was a mistake,” I hiss down at her. “I shouldn’t have let you come back.” Scooping Posy up in my arms, I grab her bag and leave the class, the teacher threatening me as I slam the door shut.
“What are you doing?” Anatonia queries from her seat in the hallway.
“Going home. This was a mistake.” I don’t stop walking.
“Never took you as selfish, Nat.” Ana’s words have my steps slowing. “Taking from her what she most wants.”