“Thank you again for letting me stay here.” Were her words slurring? “If it’s inconvenient, I can still go to a hotel. I just thought it might be fun to pretend I was normal for a night.” Tears stung her eyes again. “I’ve never spent the evening drinking with a girlfriend in my life.” The first time she’d even come close had been with her sister on Friday night.
“You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like. If I’d had a friend five years ago, I’d like to think she would have stepped in and helped me when I needed it most.”
Hope swallowed, sobering a bit to focus on London. The woman had been through a lot. Much more than Hope, who was currently subjecting London to a pity party. “I’m so sorry. I’m being so dramatic.”
London shook her head. “Don’t be silly. I’ve learned to never quantify abuse. It doesn’t matter if it’s physical or emotional. The damage can be just the same.”
Hope nodded slowly. Never in her life had she considered her situation with Montgomery and her family abusive, but London had educated her today in eye-opening ways. The way her mother raised her had been emotionally manipulative and damaging.
Hope hadn’t lived her own life. She’d done as her mother expected nearly every step of the way. She’d been brainwashed into believing there were no alternatives. Including regarding her engagement.
And Montgomery had taken up where her mother left off. He’d expected Hope to fall into her role as trophy wife and eventually mother. In return he’d fully intended to withhold affection and ignore her feelings. Also emotionally abusive.
What Hope knew beyond all else tonight was that no one was ever going to dictate what she did and didn’t do again in her life. It was her life. She would make her own choices. Not her mother. Not Montgomery. And not Aaron. Especially not Aaron.
The man was not going to treat her like a child, give her ultimatums, and expect her to toe the line when he demanded it.
Except maybe in the bedroom. She flushed as visions of him making her body hum flooded her memory. He could do anything he wanted to her in the bedroom, and she’d be a perfectly willing participant for the rest of her life, as long as he respected her limits, of course.
Did that make her a hypocrite? Why would she let a man dominate her sexually while insisting he not control her in other aspects of her life? The incongruence made Hope’s head spin.
Hope slouched back against London’s sofa, a heaviness taking over. So tired. Exhausted. She just wanted to sleep.
“Why don’t you go to bed?” London suggested. “The guest room is all set up for you. You can sleep as long as you want. I’ll leave ibuprofen on the counter in the bathroom. I need to go to Zodiac in the morning, but feel free to relax. I know you need time to think. Consider this apartment a safe zone. No one is going to force you to do anything here.”
Hope smiled at her new friend. “Thanks again. I really appreciate it. I think I’ll take you up on the offer and go to bed. The room seems to be spinning sufficiently that I will surely pass out the moment I lie down.” She pushed to standing. How many shots had she had? Five? Six?
She’d purchased the tequila from a liquor store before she arrived at London’s, knowing her goal for the evening would be to get drunk and find a way to forget. It had been successful. Now she needed to sleep it off.
With absolutely nothing to go on, Aaron spent the night tossing and turning and feeling like an asshole. He never should have let her walk away from him yesterday. He’d known better. He’d been as stubborn as he claimed she was by insisting she go back to Miami without giving her a chance to talk through her problems.
After spending four solid days with her, he knew more about her than anyone he’d ever met, but he’d cut her off every time she’d mentioned her unwillingness to return to Miami. He should have let her talk it out. Listened better. Tried to understand.
He got up early, went for another run, showered, and headed for Zodiac. He had several web clients he needed to take care of today, but first he wanted to see how progress was coming along and perhaps talk to Colin about Hope. Maybe Colin would have an idea where Aaron should look for her.
London greeted Aaron in the entrance. She was sitting at her makeshift desk with an open computer and a pen in between her teeth. She pulled it out to say, “Hey. What’s up? I wasn’t expecting you today.” She looked a little stressed. Her hand was shaking.
“Yeah, got a problem I need to discuss with Colin. I won’t be here long.”
Just then Colin came through the entrance. “Did I get my schedule mixed up? I thought you were coming in later.”
“No. You’re right. Need your help.”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I dropped Hope off at the airport yesterday, but she either didn’t get on the plane or she flew somewhere else because she didn’t show up in Miami.”
Colin stopped moving. “Seriously?”
“I wouldn’t joke about something like this.”
“Have you called the police?”
Aaron shook his head. “No. I don’t think she’s missing. I think she’s hiding. She didn’t want to go back to Miami. I pushed her. Apparently too hard. I spoke to Faith. She shed some light on what Hope will be facing in Miami. I understand it better now, but I’d like to find her so we can at least talk.”
Colin pulled his phone from his back pocket. “I think we should call Pierce. He’ll be able to give us some direction. I don’t like the thought of her being off on her own, making no contact with anyone. After the week she’s had trying to process running away from her wedding, it doesn’t seem like it’s the safest idea for her to be alone.”
“I agree.” Aaron felt bad dragging a detective into this since he was incredibly confident Hope was someplace licking her wounds. But on the other hand, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate until he found her.
London interrupted just as Colin started to place the call. “Don’t call Pierce. He’ll kill me.”
Aaron’s gaze shot to London at the same time Colin’s did. Then Colin groaned. “London, what have you done? Do you know where she is?”
London scrunched up her face. “Yeah. She’s at my place.”
Aaron gasped. “Your place? Why?”
“She went there as soon as you left her at the airport. I’m sorry, but my loyalty had to lie with her. She’s been through a lot. There aren’t many things I take a strong position on in this life, but I will always stand up with a woman in solidarity against a man forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do.” London stood taller. Aaron had never seen this fierce side of her. She narrowed her gaze to a slight glare.
He couldn’t help but smile and lift his hands in defeat. “You’re right. I fucked this up myself. I should have listened to her better. I take full responsibility.”
“Great.” She rolled her eyes. “I had four friends in Denver. I’m sure that just got narrowed to two.”
Colin frowned at his sister. “Why would you say that?”
“I broke Hope’s confidence, and Pierce is going to chew my ass out for worrying you guys.” She turned around and stomped through the door to the main room.
Aaron felt bad. He would have to do his best to smooth things over with London. Later. For now, he simply wanted to make things right with Hope.
Colin quickly typed something into his phone and then lifted his gaze. “I just texted you the address. Go talk to her.”
“Thanks, man. I owe you.”
Aaron turned around, shoved through the door, and jogged to his SUV. Luckily, London only lived a few minutes away, and he was at her door knocking, slightly out of breath and anxious, in no time.
No one answered. He didn’t even hear any noises. So, he knocked again. Nothing. Was it possible she’d left? Or had peeked through the peephole and not wanted to answer? Finally, on the third try, the door opened.
A very ragged-looking Hope stood there, hair pulled in a bun, face pale, eyes squinting at him. She sighed and then turned around
and walked away. At least she didn’t shut the door on him.
He followed her inside, closing the door behind him and then trailing her toward the small kitchen area.
She opened the fridge, pulled out some orange juice, and poured a glass, all without saying a word.
“I’m sorry,” he stated to start the conversation.
She tipped the glass back and downed the juice all at once. As she set the glass on the counter, she finally glanced at him. “Fine. Apology accepted.” She turned around and left the room.
For a moment, he was stunned. Where was she going? He’d never seen her in this mood. Despondent perhaps. “Hope?” He followed her, finding her climbing back into bed in what he assumed was the guest room. “Are you okay?”
“Peachy. Let yourself out.”
Ignoring her request, he entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He’d never been this nervous. It seemed like she had totally written him off in less than twenty-four hours. He needed to do a bit of groveling. “Look, I was wrong. I spoke to Faith last night. She explained some things. Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
She rolled farther away from him and tossed a pillow over her head. “Can’t you just let me sleep?”
He frowned. “No. I want to work this out.”
Nothing.
“Hope, I’m not leaving here until we talk. I’m sorry I didn’t listen before.” Please, God, give me some direction.
Finally, she flopped onto her back, set the pillow to the side, and threw her forearm over her eyes. The room wasn’t bright. The only light was coming from the window, but it seemed like it was bothering her. A lightbulb went off. “Are you hungover?” He couldn’t help but smile slightly.
“Yep. And I’m a grown woman, so if you think you should lecture me on my drinking habits, you’d be wrong. Get the fuck out.”
He smiled broader. London had empowered her more than he had apparently. He’d spent five days with her and she’d never sounded this forceful. “Tequila?”
She groaned. “Don’t say that word.”
He chuckled and set a hand near her thigh, afraid she might punch him if he touched her. “I warned you.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes people just have to learn things on their own. I’m not your responsibility, so you don’t have to concern yourself with my drinking habits.”
This wasn’t going well. He was glad she had found a stiff spine, even if she was trying it out on him, but she was beyond furious with him, and it was going to take a lot of groveling to get her to look at him. “Have you taken anything?”
“Yes, Dad.” Sarcasm oozed from every pore.
That stung. He winced. “Don’t call me that. Please. Ever.”
She rolled her head his direction. “Why not? Aren’t you going to lecture me about drinking? I’m pretty sure you made it clear you didn’t want me having tequila.”
He shook his head. “No. You misunderstood. I would never tell anyone what they can and can’t drink. Unless we were in a scene. You can drink yourself silly every night if you want. What I won’t do is have sex with someone under the influence. They can’t consent.”
She groaned. “Whatever.”
Yeah, if he was going to stick with this woman for any length of time, he was going to have to get used to sassy. After seeing all her other sides, he decided sassy was probably worth it.
“You want to spank me for talking back to you now?” she asked, tossing her arm back over her eyes.
“No. Because we’re not playing right now. Hope, there is a distinction. You know that. I didn’t dominate you all day, every day. Don’t act like I did. I kept it to the bedroom. My dominance with you is limited to sex. Nothing else.”
“Whatever,” she repeated. She was starting to sound like the child she didn’t want him to accuse her of being. But pointing that out while she was in this mood would be detrimental.
He was man enough to know she was hurting—emotionally and probably a little physically from the hangover, and she was testing him. She needed him to stick this out. If he got mad and walked away, she would be broken. No one had ever stood in her corner and proven they would not walk away, no matter what. Even if things didn’t work out for them in the long run, for right now, this moment, in this space, Hope needed to know someone cared unconditionally.
Aaron kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed to settle alongside her. He set his fingertips on her arm and stroked up and down. “I’m sorry I was such an ass about you going back to Miami. I should have given you more time. I should have listened to your side. I see that now.”
“But you still think I should go.”
“Yes. Eventually. When you’re ready. I won’t pressure you.”
She lifted her arm and squinted toward him. “You’ve done nothing but pressure me about going home since I got in your car.”
He leaned closer and cupped her face. “I know. I was wrong. I think I was worried about you relying too heavily on what we had and twisting it into a fake reality. I want you to be able to face your demons. You can’t fully move on until you do.” Was he digging a deeper hole with that speech?
She blinked at him. “So, you’re still buying into the fact that everything we did was a rebound fuck that can never amount to more than that because I’m just some immature debutante who can’t know her own mind.”
He cringed. Yeah, that went badly.
She pushed to sitting, wincing, undoubtedly because her head hurt at the sudden movement. Leaning over him, she got in his face. “I’m not a baby. I know my mind. Maybe it started out as a rebound fuck, but it meant more to me than that. You may have been faking, but I wasn’t. If you’ve come over here to point out I’m still wrong, then please leave.”
He snapped, knowing it was time to go all in. Lurching forward, he grabbed her shoulders, flattened her on her back, and reversed their roles. “Not one second of our time together was fake. Not. One. Second. I just spent five days with the first woman I’ve ever cared enough about to consider a committed relationship with in years.”
She licked her lips.
He kept going. “It scared the fuck out of me. Maybe I pushed you away partly because I was scared. I’m not the one who was engaged five days ago. I don’t have entanglements holding me back. No current baggage that needs to be unloaded before I can invite someone into my life.”
“I get that,” she whispered.
He shook his head. “I don’t think you do. You can’t understand because I was too chicken to tell you how I felt before I dropped you off at the airport. I was losing my mind at the thought of you leaving, willing you to tie things up as quickly as possible so you could come back to me. That’s what I wanted.
“It scared the hell out of me that you might go back to Miami and realize you belonged there in some capacity. Maybe not with Ainsley but in your other life. I wanted you to come back. I wanted you to give me a chance to show you how much better life can be with someone who cares about you as much as I do.”
He dug his hands in her hair and held her head. “I don’t want you to be someone you’re not. I want you to find yourself and know what it’s like to be supported in those choices. If you drink too much tequila, I want to hold your hair. If you need to rant about your mom, I want to listen. If you need someone to dominate you until you let go of your troubles, I want to be the Dom to take care of your needs.
“I want you to give me a chance to be someone you can rely on who isn’t trying to get you to conform to anything. Yes, I’m a Dom, but you know that works for you too. Know this—I don’t need a full-time submissive. Maybe I thought I did, but I was wrong. I would never demand you follow any sort of rules or do as I say outside of sex. I was wrong to demand you return home. Do I believe you’ll be able to move forward easier after dealing with your past? Yes. But it’s your call to make, and I’m sorry I forced that deal on you.
“Even worse, I specifically told you I would never be like Rowen and force a woman into a situation
she insisted wasn’t healthy, and then I turned around and did exactly that. It was a dick move. And I’m sorry.
“You’re your own person. You know your mind. You’re a strong woman who’s growing stronger every day. You don’t need anyone telling you what to do or when to do it.
“I will keep my dominance to the bedroom only. Our sex is fucking hot when you submit to me. I love it. But our D/s relationship ends there.
“When we’re not fucking or getting ready to fuck, you will never submit to me. It doesn’t suit you, and it would get between us. I never want you for one moment to feel like you can’t argue with me or disagree with me or come to me with a problem. I’m not like your family or Ainsley. That’s not who we are together.
“I realize you’ve been submitting to people all of your life, and it sucked. You don’t need that kind of shit. In bed, you can trust me to rock your world. In life, you can trust me to let you rock your own world.” He took a breath and lowered his voice. “Please forgive me, baby.”
She swallowed, her eyes wide. “Okay.”
For a while, he studied her eyes. “Okay?”
“I thought our time meant so little to you that you wanted to dump me and get back to your life.”
“I know, baby. That’s my fault. I was too proud to risk my heart, and I didn’t trust you to know yours. I hoped you could return to Miami, figure things out, realize you missed me, and come back.” He smiled wanly.
“Yeah, you maybe should have made that clearer. If you had indicated there was a possibility of a future for us, my head wouldn’t currently be pounding like this.”
He laughed, and then he leaned closer and kissed her gently. “Come back to the apartment with me. You can sleep all day. I’ll make you soup and bring you crackers until you feel better.”
She nodded. “Okay. But only because my head hurts too badly to get on a plane.”
“I swear I won’t mention it again. You do what you need to do on your time.”
She sighed. “You’re right, though. I was being immature. I was just feeling so good and strong and independent on my own without my mother or Montgomery dictating my every move. But I do need to go home and face my problems. I won’t truly be free to move on until I do. I’ll re-book for tomorrow.”
Trusting Aaron: Club Zodiac, Book Five Page 16