by JH Terry
Book II: Tribulations
XIII: Infinity Circle
Elziwarry fell into the darkness. It seemed to swallow him into its murky depths. Just when it logically seemed that he could fall no further, he continued downwards. Closing his eyes he could still see her face. He could see first her fear, then her rage and finally the cold stillness of death in her eyes. Elziwarry began to cry. Heldan was a pure monster for what he did. Killing in cold blood. There was no way that he could justify the actions he had taken and yet in his psychotically detached mind he had every right to. That another’s life, even the life of an innocent child, should mean so little was disturbing to Elziwarry. Even more than that it should be condoned by the other Titans seemed abominable.
Elziwarry opened his eyes to see lace blowing against the gentle gusts of wind. It was then that he realized he was laying on a bed. Looking around he saw he was in sheets of the most refined gossamer. However it was not the gossamer that gained his notice but the eyes peering at his. At the bottom of the bed he saw there was Etlen.
“I was so very worried about your welfare that I attended to you myself. How are you feeling, Elziwarry?”
He was shocked that she, a Titan, would spend time away from her duties to attend to him a mere Sorarian. “I am feeling much better, thank you great Etlen.”
She peered curiously upon him. He felt as if she looked right through him into his soul. He looked away in shyness. “Elziwarry, you have for millions of years served us Titans well. You are the most faithful of the Sorarians. Unop turned to darkness, Denia perished to the Infinite, Vertrudis clings to savage war, Rajiin lays in hiding in the depths of Mount Vulquant in Sigamour, and the Story Portals lie in methodical chaos. I see in all of the worlds something that has changed and a way of life that is dying. I do not know why but I believe the struggles we endure in each of these worlds starts here with us Titans. I cannot say who, when or what started it but for several centuries there has been a change to our allegiances. This change has caused havoc to all creatures who depend upon us for their sustenance. The dysfunction in our rule has caused a ripple in the Infinite. Do you know that the Infinity Titan no longer inspires to Thovian?”
Elziwarry looked to Etlen in shock. The Infinity Titan was formless, infinite, speechless source of all. It was beyond light and dark, space and time. From the Infinity Titan there came the Titans, Sorarians, and all that was being. And when all being passed to death it became part of the Infinity Titan. To not be inspired by the Infinity Titan was to not be settled with one’s soul. “How can it be so?”
“When a Titan moves away from the path there can be no joy, love or harmony. Thovian is not the only one. Even in myself I feel a transformation that takes me further away from it. It is something that is not based on the expansion of my heart or consciousness, but a fanatical craze that fills my heart with a deadly desire.”
Elziwarry looked at her, wary of what this all meant. Why would a Titan talk as such with a mere Sorarian?
“Elziwarry, I talk so frankly with you because I do not know who I can trust. There are so many who have turned against the old ways and are foreign to me. All but you.”
“Whatever you wish is my command great Etlen.”
“I need you to go and find out what is the source of these occurrences. You will need to search far and wide. I need you to be my secret investigator. I don’t know how long you have or what kind of state any of us Titans will be in when you return.” Elziwarry looked to Etlen worried. He wondered what she meant. “Be careful and trust no-one, not even a Titan. Only take faith in your intuitions. You may meet a Titan who lures you with words. This is the most dangerous Titan and you must be wary of his or her. I know this is very sudden but I had to make sure I healed you myself so that you could make haste.”
“Yes Etlen. I will do as you command. How should I let you know what progress I have made?”
“I will find you Elziwarry. Remember not to seek the help of any Titan or else they will know you mission. We cannot afford it. Now go.” With her words Elziwarry disappeared from the room. With a fling of her wrist the bed was made up with drapes covering and what seemed to be a figure snoring in the sheets. Etlen then left the room and barricaded the doors. As she walked away suddenly from out of a dark corner a figure spoke.
“Afternoon Etlen.”
Etlen turned to the corner to see Heldan come out of the shadows. “Afternoon Heldan. Playing Hide and Seek?”
“No, just enjoying the solicitude of the dark.”
“After your blood bath I am not surprised.”
Heldan smiled. “Well, we cannot win them all.”
Etlen looked onto him with her face full of rage, “It is not about winning or losing, Heldan. You lack the wisdom as always to really understand the implications of your actions.”
“And you waste time with your words and intricate yet empty verbosity. I am a Titan of action, Etlen. Without action what do you have?”
“With it you sure as hell don’t have any sense.”
Heldan sighed. “It does not matter anyway. How is your minion?”
Etlen eyed him curiously. “He is still recuperating from the display of before. At this moment he lays asleep. Very plagued by your actions of course.”
Heldan smiled and peered at her with his cold golden eyes. “You won’t always be there to save him, you know.”
“Heldan you are a fool. With so few Sorarians to intermediate between us and all of the living creatures in the worlds, how to you expect us to maintain our rule?”
“If you ask me there are too many barriers between us and the creatures. We should have dominion over them. They should bow down in fear and awe at the power we control. Our names should be at the tip of their tongues each and every day, grateful that we allow them the ability to live their piteous lives.”
“What is your need for control? I cannot fathom where it comes from and what drives it on.”
“For thousands of years we sit, wait and wander these worlds for some being we have not heard in eons. And for what? Do we even know it even exists? Do you know what does exist? This room, these hands, and the desires that enrich my soul do. The touch of tender flesh, the beautiful, crushing emotion that is love. I would rather live a thousand times in the world that enraptures my soul and follow my heart, than slouch serving a figment of a delusional mind.”
“How little do you realize that the heart is only a gauge dependent on the compassion of the being. I’m sure the humans you killed would rather you to have kept your desires to yourself.”
Heldan suddenly bowed down to Etlen. “It is time for me to take my leave.” With a flick of his wrist Heldan disappeared. He quickly appeared down another corridor. He could not help but feel something tug at him. He could not place what it was, but somehow it made him feel a way he did not want to feel. It was this feeling that made him despise Etlen. Who was she to judge? She was always taking the high moral ground. The perfect Titan. The most beautiful and wisest. If she were so wise then she would tend more to her husband Thovian. It was her very nature that drove him to the beds of other women. How could a man believe in his own significance when his wife always made him feel guilty.
As Heldan walked he hardly noticed as Jacald walked by. “Hello brother,” said Jacald as Heldan swiftly walked forward.
Heldan smiled once he noticed it was Jacald. “Hello baby brother. How is the Titan of knowledge, survival and growth?”
Jacald shrugged his robust, muscular shoulders, “Well enough.”
“Musing on the world and how to make it a better place?”
“It’s all I ever do brother.”
“Such was your luck to take those boring domains. There is nothing stronger than healing, health and death. I bring the power to live or die, what is greater than that? Without me there would be no dominions to speak of.”
“This is indeed true brother. You hone your craft like a puppet master. I feel that no one yet knows the truest depths of your po
wers or where they could go. You take a creature to its end and I the promise of a beginning. It is very becoming that we should be brothers.”
“Yes, along with Jacald our beautiful sister.”
“Yes, I go at this very moment to meet with her. Do you not want to come along?”
Heldan looked away from his brother’s greenish gaze. Jacald could not understand why but Headland looked ashamed. “No, I have business to attend to. You go ahead and give her my love.” Then just as suddenly had he stopped by had he just as suddenly left. Jacald looked onto Heldan with curiosity. He wondered what musings were on his brother’s mind.
Jacald walked towards the courtyard. As soon as he entered there was dozens of beautiful scents. From lavender to rose, dianthus to gardenia, hyacinth to lilac. It seemed as if the fragrances around him were transporting him to another dimension. With each step he breathed in the scent deep through his nostrils, past his trachea and bronchi, until they reached his alveoli. The aroma perfused from his alveoli to his blood, as from his blood wastes travelled into the saturated air in his alveoli. Then traveling back from the same route it had come the air passed back into the courtyard.
“Jacald?” so enraptured was he with the fragrance that he had hardly noticed she was there.
“Jolina,” said Jacald with a smile as he hugged her. Jacald could not help but feel closer to his twin than Heldan. To a degree Jacald and Jolina were opposites. Jacald’s green eyes to her blue, his blond hair to her black, and his muscular seven foot frame to her voluptuous five foot one. However as they had shared a womb they also shared a great friendship. She the goddess of light and dark, whose power was stronger than any of the other Titans save for Thovian.
“You look so beautiful sister.”
“And you look handsome brother.”
“I saw Heldan in the walkway. He said he could not come but told me to give you his love..”
Jolina looked away from Jacald with a face full of shame.
“What is wrong Jolina? What has happened?”
“I feel very used Jacald. For on this very day Heldan, my own brother, tricked me into doing something that was reprehensible.” Jacald looked at her startled. “He asked me to bring more light onto desert area on Earth. He said it was to help someone. So little did I know that it was actually to deter a Sorarian in their quest set out by Etlen. I did not know, and there ensued a fight between Merolus, Tabitine and Heldan. Even Thovian and Etlen came. If I had known, if the Sorarian had just come to me and not Merolus I could have done something. I feel so ashamed.”
Jacald held Jolina in his arms. “Dearest sister, you did nothing wrong. If anything you tried your best to do the right thing. You thought you were doing good, but were only misled by Heldan.”
“Yes, I know, but still.”
“Still nothing. This has been a great learning experience for you. You need to be more suspicious of Heldan’s actions. You have such a good heart full of love and understanding that I think you forget about what plagues men’s souls.”
“Did you hear what he did to that woman and her household? She was pregnant with a child and almost ready to give birth.”
“I do not blame Heldan that it was her time to answer. He did not choose the time or place for her to make a choice. What about Etlen - why did she not question why the infinite would choose this gravid human? Why does she never question the source of her duties? No, she just blindly follows what could be her very own insecurity.”
“Insecurity?”
“Etlen is a woman of many wants and fears. There is no surprise that she and Thovian are in a bad place. He willingly shares himself with humans and brings forth children. Would it be surprising that she should feel a jealousy even unknown to herself?”
“I cannot believe it Jacald.”
“Out of all of the Titans I have seen her grow the least. She seems to never change. So very stubbornly fixated on a bygone past that no one remembers.”
“I remember it. And despite your musings I think you do too. So what if she does not change, that is no reason to blame her for Heldan’s actions. She did not force him to kill.”
“But she did lead the innocent to the slaughter.”
Jolina looked to Jacald with uncertainty. What he said made sense, yet somehow it felt as if there were some logic missing. “My logic is sound Jolina. All things in the world move, grow, evolve, change with the times. It is how they survive. If Heldan’s task were to kill anyone who answered wrong, as he has always done in the past, then how was he to blame? This woman chose her answer. I do not blame the action but the rudimentary thoughts that brought that action on.”
“When you say it like that then yes, Jacald, you are right.” Suddenly both heard a rustle in the bushes. Looking over they saw that Merolus and Tabitine were walking into the courtyard. However upon reaching the gaze of Jolina and Jacald, the couple left. “Jacald I must talk to them and explain.”
“Why waste your time? You did nothing wrong.”
“I cannot help it. I love you dear brother and thank you for your advice. I must get to them before they are too far away.”
Without waiting for a response Jolina ran out of the courtyard towards Merolus and Tabitine. She rushed towards them as they tried to quicken their pace. However soon enough they stopped in the hallway. Molina supposed that this was due to them realizing the futility of their flight. Soon Jolina reached them. They looked at her with a seething contempt thinly veneered with a friendly disposition as they spoke.
“Hello Jolina,” said Merolus with a slight bow of his head. “How do you do?”
“Merolus and Tabitine, I have come to extend my deepest apologies for what happened between Heldan and yourselves. I had no idea why he wanted me to shine the light so brightly. If I ha known it was to deter that Sorarian it would not have been done. I only wish the Sorarian had come to me and not bothered you two into a fight with Heldan.”
Tabitine looked at Jolina and smiled, “Dearest Jolina, I did not think it was done in maliciousness, but he is your brother. We did not know for sure.”
Merolus looked to Tabitine and the contempt fled his face, “Yes, indeed, I just naturally assumed. It did not dawn on me that he had misled you. I do not know what has happened to Heldan, but he is hardly the Titan we used to know.”
“Say that for yourself Merolus. I told you all how he was but no one listened to me.”
“Well Jolina dear, make sure to be more cautious around him. He is not in the right frame of mind anymore. Neither him nor Thovian. I do not know what has become of them.”
“Thank you Merolus for the advice. Let me take my leave of you then. You were on your way when I interrupted your walk. I wish both of you a good day.”
“Good bye Jolina,” said Merolus and Tabitine as she walked away.
“What do you think?” asked Tabitine when Jolina was no longer in view.
“I think she is the strongest yet also the weakest of the Titans. She has so much growing up to do. I wonder if she is afraid of her own abilities and the havoc it could reap. And you?”
“I believe her. If there is one thing Jolina is no liar. She is just too sweet.”
“I agree,” boomed a thunderous voice behind them. They both turned around to see Thovian was there. They wondered how long he had been there. “She is an angel. The sweetest of all of the Titans.”
“Yes,” said Merolus, the contempt back onto his face. “We have things to attend to Thovian, good bye.” Without an acknowledgement the couple left.
Thovian stood alone in the hallway. He mused on how that was always how he felt - alone. He the ruler of the Titans. He the God of Space and Time, who could control the infinite fabric which held the essence of life itself. Yet with his power came a solemnity that ate at his mind. The universe was infinite yet the every being that existed within its confines had a finiteness unknown to them. On a whim their entire life would end. Was it fair? Did it make sense? For Thovian for so long he had ju
st done what was told of him. Plagues, wars, and diseases were ushered onto the worlds without a thought of those affected. Not a thought as his judicial wife stood by his side urging him on to do the right thing. His acts gnawed at his conscious. He thought it was merely indigestion when his stomach hurt, or an inability to sleep when he got those headaches. Yet when he started to get the panic attacks he could not ignore it anymore. Maybe he did not have the stomach for it like Etlen, but he could not disavow the feelings he had and ignorantly discard them as nerves. It was more than that. It was something Etlen could never understand. It was this that drove a wedge between them. What was once love and driven to derision. With each day it only got worse and his heart, still yearning for love, lay in the beds of whomever would show him kindness or any sort of attention.
Thovian looked into the Courtyard and eyed Jolina walking amongst the bushes. She would sweetly smell each and ever flower, filling her lungs with its scent. As Thovian looked at her he could not help but wish to share in the love she had for those flowers. Unknown to Thovian as he looked on at Jolina that he was being watched. Thovian turned around to see Etlen in the hallway. Startled he turned to face her.
“Hello, Etlen.”
Etlen turned her gaze from him to Jolina, and then back to him. “Hello, Thovian. Sun gazing?”
“What?” asked Thovian.
“I asked if you were sun gazing? I should I say light gazing?”
Thovian furrowed his brow. “I am merely appreciating the beauty of the flowers.”
“Whilst you are enjoying being the voyeur to Jolina.”
“And what of it?” sneered Thovian. “It is no concern of yours.”
“Really? We have come to that point in our relationship. Let me get one thing straight into your sick, devious and pornographic mind. I despise you. Everything that was once you is gone and I see only a shell of what was a great man. You were strong, smart and in control. Now you are just…”
“Like a human.”
“No, far worse. You’re like an animal with the coarsest of instincts. I cannot understand you anymore.”
With a flick of his wrist Thovian silenced Etlen. She stood frozen in the hallway as every creature, animal, plant and even inanimate, stood still. Thovian walked over to Etlen, anger on his face. “I hate you too. There is not a warm, loving part to you anymore.”
“Thovian?” asked Jolina. Thovian turned around to see her.
He smiled, “Dearest Jolina. How are you doing?”
“Thovian, what have you done?” asked Jolina. Her face firm and resolute.
Thovian’s smile dissipated. “I was just talking to Etlen. She made me so angry…”
“Your powers are not to be abused. Why not just try talking to her? It seems as if all you two ever do is just fight.”
“I have tried Jolina, but it is so hard. You do not know what it is like.”
“I know that Thovian, but you must let time continue. You know as well as me the consequences of such a thing.”
Thovian shook his head in understanding. As Jolina went away Thovian looked at her with longing. If only he could have her see him as more than the ruler, but as a being that desired her. With a flick of his wrist time came back. Etlen came to but as she looked around she could see Thovian was gone. She angrily eyed Jolina in the garden. Thovian thought he could dispose of her but it wouldn't be that easy. She would make sure it was not.