Renata and the Fall from Grace

by Becky Doughty

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Reuben shoved back from the table so hard the bench he and Levi shared fell backwards, sending Levi tumbling to the stone patio so hard it knocked the breath out of him. Tim scrambled to his feet and raced to the boy's side, one big hand on his chest to keep him from trying to get up too quickly. Levi made a terrible keening sound as he tried to take a breath, then began sobbing when the air finally did fill his lungs.

  Simon sat like a stone, unmoving on the bench he shared with Judah, hands braced on the table in front of him.

  Judah, taking advantage of the chaos around him, tore into the donuts and had three piled up in front of him before Reuben snatched the box from his hands and hurled it at Tim who knelt over Levi, the donuts flying in every direction.

  "You bastard!" Reuben shouted. Judah reacted in horror, not over the bad word, but over the terrible waste of good donuts, his wail rising like a siren.

  "Reuben!" Shock shuddered through Renata at her son's language, at the rage that tore out of his mouth, at the color of his face as he glared at Tim.

  "Couldn't keep your hands off her, could you! I'm not blind! I see you watching her, your eyes bulging out of your head, practically drooling over her. Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't know how this works? I'm almost twelve, not two!" Reuben picked up his cup, still half full of milk, and hurled it, too. "That's my mother, you—you—" His words broke off as though he couldn’t come up with a word foul enough to call the man.

  Fortunately, the cup was plastic, but milk splattered the front of Tim's shirt and face quite effectively, the cup bouncing off his chest and hitting Levi in the forehead.

  Levi cried harder, now holding both hands to his face.

  Renata was on her feet and grabbed Reuben's arm before he could throw Levi's cup, too. "Stop it! Stop, Reuben!"

  He turned on her then, his eyes filled with angry tears, and between gut-wrenching sobs, his words blasted from his mouth like weapons. "You're the one who's stupid, Mom! Did you really think we'd be happy about this? You let Dad's back-stabbing traitor friend scr—"

  "Reuben John Dixon!" Tim roared, effectively cutting off the ugly word. He rose to his full height, and even with his shirt front splattered with milk, and donut crumbs in his hair, the man was intimidation personified. "Don't you ever speak to your mother that way again, son.”

  “I’m not your son!” Reuben yelled, struggling half-heartedly against Renata’s hold.

  “I’m not finished,” Tim said, taking a step toward the boy. “Don't you ever speak to any woman that way, do you hear me? I don't care what she's done—or what you think she's done—that is not the kind of language a real man ever uses. Ever." His voice shook with his own fury, the words coming out clear and hard, each one cut out of the air with precision.

  At the table, Simon still had not moved.

  Renata released Reuben, who suddenly deflated under Tim's reprimand, and she hurried to Levi's side, crouching down next to him. He was trying to sit up and she stopped him. "Did you hit your head, honey?" Her own voice shook, too, but with the adrenaline rush of shock.

  "No," Levi whimpered. "Just my back. I—I couldn't breathe." He let her help him stand, then the two of them stepped back while Tim righted the bench.

  Renata glanced over at Judah who sobbed around huge bites of donut.

  Reuben turned as though to leave, but Tim stopped him with a gentle command, his voice much calmer now. "Don't you leave, young man. We've got a mess to clean up."

  Reuben's eyes scanned the patio. Harry and Sally had discovered the Krispy Kreme manna from heaven and were eagerly doing their part to help with the clean up.

  "I'm not talking about that mess. Sit." Tim pointed at the bench where Levi was already settling back into place, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand. "I'm going to go change my shirt. You boys sit here and get your heads on straight until I get back. Anyone gets up, you'll deal with me." He gave each of them a ferocious glare. "Judah, stop crying. Now."

  Judah looked up, eyes wide, a chunk of chewed donut falling from his open mouth, but he didn't make another peep.

  Renata sat back down in her own seat and did her best not to cry, too, but silent tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. This was all so wrong. She'd seen things going so differently.

  Tim returned less than five minutes later, his hair free of crumbs and frosting flakes and combed back from his broad forehead, wearing a red t-shirt that had seen better days, one he must have had stashed in his truck. He surveyed the silent group, then lowered himself slowly into his chair at the end of the table.

  Reuben's head hung so low his chin rested on his chest. Simon blinked often, but otherwise, had not changed position. Levi had salvaged a donut from somewhere and was pinching off tiny pieces of it and sticking them in his mouth. Judah had devoured all three of the donuts he'd scored and was squirming on his seat in a way that Renata recognized as urgent.

  "Excuse us, Tim. Judah and I will be right back." She stood and grabbed Judah's gooey hand, pulling him from the bench. They made it to the bathroom just in time.

  After washing Judah's hands and face, she splashed cool water on her own face, then took a few deep cleansing breaths before heading back out to the patio with him.

  To her surprise, the donut mess was cleaned up, the milk that had splashed on surfaces other than Tim was hosed down, and the boys were sitting quietly in their seats, Tim with his elbows on the table, hands folded together in front of him. She and Judah quickly filed into the thick silence.

  "I want to make something absolutely clear." Tim's gentle expression belied the firmness of his tone. "I want you to look at me, all of you." He waited until the boys complied. Renata watched him, too, a little in awe of this authoritative man opposite her.

  "Reuben, your accusations and disrespect toward your mother are absolutely inexcusable. I understand your concern, but ask questions first. Never assume. Your language? Unacceptable in any company." He took a deep breath, then turned to face Renata. "Time for a birds and bees talk."

  Renata's eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth to speak, her glance darting around the table at the various aged boys.

  Tim laughed when he saw her face, but he held up his hand to stop her. She closed her mouth with a snap and crossed her arms, hoping against hope she could trust him.

  "It usually takes nine months for a baby to grow inside a woman. It's the end of July and your mom has been pregnant for almost six months. Reuben, Simon, you do the math."

  When there was no reply, Tim nodded as though he could read the calculations in their minds. "That's right. Your mom got pregnant in February. Before your dad died. I, comrades, had nothing to do with it."

  "Well," Renata muttered, eyeing him across the table. "That was candid."

  "Nothing wrong with candid, Renata." He put a hand on Reuben's shoulder and gave the boy a gentle shake. "We're dealing with a few young men, here. Not babies."

  A weighty silence settled around the table as the adults gave the boys a chance to process the information. Levi was staring at Renata, a funny expression on his face. Judah flopped onto his side on the bench, his head bumping into Simon's elbow. Simon scowled at him but didn't retaliate. Reuben's eyes were glued to his lap again.

  "I thought you were getting fat," Levi finally said. "But you're just growing a baby, right?"

  Tim made a big show of coughing and Renata gave him the evil eye. "Yes, Levi. I'm growing a baby." She stood up, smoothed her dress over her belly and turned sideways. Five sets of male eyes, including Judah's from his position on his back, widened in an array of expressions: surprise, dismay, guilt, curiosity, and in Tim's eyes, that same look of yearning she'd seen when he'd first arrived that morning. She sat quickly.

  "Did you swallow a baby?" Judah asked, sitting up, one of his hands going subconsciously to his own rounded belly.

  "Does it move?" Levi wondered.

  "When will
it be here?" Simon finally spoke, but his expression didn't change.

  Reuben said nothing.

  "I did not swallow a baby, Judah. There's a baby growing inside me and in a few months, it will come out and live with us." She could see the wheels turning in his little red-haired head, but she moved on before he could ask anything else she wasn't prepared to answer. "Levi, yes. She does move. This baby is a she, not an it. I can feel her moving sometimes from the inside, but it might not be very easy for any of you on the outside. In another month, though, you'll definitely be able to feel her kick and punch."

  "Is that how she's going to get out? Pow! Kablam!" Judah threw a double punch out in front of him, and Tim snatched his water glass away moments before the little fists made contact.

  "And Simon, she's due November 7th. A few weeks before Thanksgiving." She turned to her oldest son. "Reuben, what about you? Do you have any questions?"

  It took him a while, but she could tell he had something on his mind. Finally, he lifted his head. "Did Dad know about her?"

  Renata brought a hand up to her mouth. His question, heavy with all the mixed emotions of the morning, hit her in the middle of her chest. "Oh, honey. I didn't even know until the beginning of May, and even then, I didn't want to say anything until I saw Dr. Flynn a few weeks later so he could tell me everything was all right. But the moment I found out, I told Daddy. I lie in bed every night talking to him about her. He knows, Reuben. He knows."

  Her oldest son nodded and lowered his gaze again, swiping the back of his hand across his eyes.

  "Why didn't you tell us then?" Simon's eyes were bright, but he still kept a stoic face.

  "Well, I've had a hard time getting pregnant lately." She hadn't planned on the conversation going in this direction, and she didn't know if Tim was aware of her past miscarriages or not, but he was already invested, whether he liked it or not, so she took a deep breath and dove in. "In the last year and a half, I've been pregnant with three other babies, but each time, something went wrong, and those babies went back to heaven before they were born. I wanted to make sure we'd get to keep this one before I said anything, that's all."

  Simon took a deep breath in, held it for a second, then blew it out slowly. A tiny smile curled one corner of his mouth. "Maybe God took them back so they could help Daddy not be so lonely for us."

  "Pow! Kapow- pow!" Judah muttered after a few moments, scooting off the bench so he could air box without interference.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  “Just so you know, Reuben apologized to me. And to his brothers," Tim said after climbing into his truck and rolling down the window so he could talk to her. Even from where she stood a couple feet away, she could feel the heat emanating from the cab, the summer sun beating down on the black vehicle.

  The boys were busy out back going through the camping stuff Tim had brought down from the attic for them. They'd all worked together to set up the tent in the backyard to make sure all the parts were present and accounted for, and had left it up for the boys to play in over the weekend. Tim would stop by on Wednesday after work and have them help him dismantle it and load their gear in his truck. They'd head out Thursday morning early and come back some time on Sunday.

  "I'm glad. Oh Tim," she put both hands to her cheeks. "I'm so sorry about how that went down. I just didn't think—I had no idea he would think—that Reuben…." Her voice trailed off, fading into her embarrassment. She shouldn't have said anything.

  "You shouldn't be sorry, Renata. I'm proud of Reuben. He might have handled it wrong, but his reaction was justified." Tim squinted at her in the bright sun, then leaned forward to turn the key in the ignition. "He is the man of the house now, and it's his job to defend the castle."

  The truck came to life, rumbling quietly beneath him. He waited a minute or two before switching on the air conditioning. "Maybe it's time to rethink these Friday nights, Renata. Maybe it's time to move on, you know?" His expression was odd as he studied her; she kind of thought he was hoping she'd contradict him. But she'd been pondering much of the same thing all morning. If the boys jumped to those conclusions about her and Tim, what would other people think?

  On the other hand, Renata had only been thinking those things. Now to have Tim voice them made her feel a little hollow. She looked forward to Friday nights with him and the boys all week, she realized, even more than Tuesdays with her grandparents.

  Suddenly, she realized that her fear of him moving on, of Tim getting a life of his own and no longer spending time with the boys was also because she was afraid he'd leave her, too. She stared at his big, solid chest, then realized she was doing so and looked away. "Oh. Okay," she said, her voice coming out a little shaky. "You might be right."

  Tim grimaced at her response, but nodded, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard it made his knuckles go white against his tan skin. He peered out at the garage door, obviously seeing something else in his mind, the corners of his mouth pulling down in thought. Finally, he said, "Hey. It's hot. You should head back inside and put your feet up. Let's just think about it, okay? I'll be back Wednesday."

  Renata stepped back, feeling dismissed, and crossed her arms. He waited, as though expecting her to say something more, but what was there to add? She didn't like it, but she knew he was right. They'd gotten pretty comfortable playing little family over the last month and maybe, just maybe, they were losing their perspective on things. It wasn't about what she wanted, but about what was best for the boys now, for this new baby.

  A little voice cried out inside her, however, as Tim backed down the driveway and pulled slowly out into the street, lifting a hand for one last wave. Maybe, just maybe, Tim might be the best thing for the boys, for this new baby.

  Maybe, just maybe, he might be the best thing for her.

  "But we're not the best thing for him," she argued as she turned and headed back inside, her footsteps dragging. It was too much to ask of any man.

  She had just settled into the corner of the couch with a glass of lemonade when the boys came charging inside, hot and sweaty from work and play, but apparently all getting along for once. As an amoebic unit, they swarmed the kitchen, filled short tumblers with lemonade for themselves, then sat at the table with their juice, knowing better than to bring the sticky stuff into the living room where one or more would inevitably spill.

  Things got really quiet and Renata wondered what was going on in their little heads. "Mom?" It was Reuben, the go-to spokesperson. Judah knocked over his glass, but it was already empty.

  Renata got up and came to sit at the table with them, grabbing the pitcher on the way over and refilling everyone's cups. "What's up?"

  "I'm sorry I said those things to you outside. That I thought those things about you and Tim." He swallowed hard, but courageously kept his eyes locked with hers. "And I'm sorry I used bad words, too, especially in front of Judah who doesn't know better."

  Renata smiled at him and nodded, her heart melting over how mature he sounded, how hard he was trying to make things right.

  "I'm going to help do dishes every night until we go camping." His expression made it seem like he was signing up for latrine duty. "And I'm going to work for Tim for a few hours after we get back from camping to pay him back for the donuts, if that's okay with you."

  "Of course," Renata agreed, relieved that Tim had covered the consequences of Reuben's behavior so effectively.

  "We also want to tell you we're glad you're having a baby. It's like a present from Dad, right?"

  "Even if she is a girl," Simon added.

  "I like girls," Judah chimed in, his youthful lisp making it sound like 'ghouls'. "They have pretty pantsies."

  "Judah!" Renata stared wide-eyed at him. "What on earth are you talking about?"

  "Tina at school always wears fancy pantsies," he explained. "They have dots and flowers and butterflies on them. I like them."

  "So you want to wear girl panties?" Simon poked Juda
h in the side of the head.

  "No! Don't poke me!" Judah tried to retaliate, but Renata grabbed his arm and kept him firmly in his seat.

  "Simon, cut it out. Judah, yes, girls often have pretty things. But just so you know, some girls like Spiderman and Batman underwear, too, okay?"

  "Yeah, there's a girl in my class who wears boxers," Reuben chimed in.

  Renata turned to him with raised eyebrows. "And how do you know that?"

  "Because they hang out over the top of her jeans, Mom. She's not dropping her drawers to show us." Reuben rolled his eyes at her, then stopped, realizing what he was doing.

  "Is she going to sleep in our room?" Levi asked, his eyes suddenly wide.

  "No, honey," Renata chuckled. "My room will be the girls' room, okay? She'll sleep in there with me." There were sighs of relief from three of the boys.

  "She can sleep wiff me sometimes," Judah said, shrugging his shoulders in a gesture that reminded Renata of Reuben. "I could tell her stories."

  "That's very nice of you, Judah. Maybe when she's a little older, she'd like that."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Late Wednesday afternoon, Phoebe came for dinner at Renata's request. She was grinning broadly when she let herself in the front door.

  Renata looked up from the granola bars she was making for the boys to take camping. "Hey Phoebe."

  "So I see Mr. Toolbelt is back. That's his truck out front, right?" Phoebe sashayed into the kitchen, set down her huge handbag, then hugged Renata from behind, splaying her hands over the baby bump. "Hi girlie."

  Renata smiled, but kept working. "They're all out back if you want to say 'hi' to everyone. Getting camping gear organized."

  "Well, I might just do that. How do I look?" She fluffed her hair and pursed her lips, striking a super model pose.

  "You're beautiful," Renata said. She meant it, too. Phoebe looked like Monica Bellucci, with her shiny black hair and full, pouty lips painted red. She was the epitome of sultry, and although Renata knew Tim wasn't really Phoebe's type, she also knew her sister had eyes in her head, and Tim was definitely easy on anyone’s eyes, tool belt or no.