“You’ve got a lot of games.”
When he glances up, he finds Jake bent over, hands on his knees, looking over the collection of games on the shelf. Kyle refuses to admit that Jake’s ass looks really good in those jeans. “Thanks,” he says, heat crawling under his skin as his voice cracks slightly. He clears his throat. “Only about half of them are mine. The rest are my roommate’s.”
“Oh,” Jake straightens, pointedly looking around the room with a slight purse to his lips. “I was kinda wondering if you had one. I mean, all the extra furniture comes with the dorm, so you could’ve just spread your stuff out.”
Kyle shakes his head. “No, I have a roommate. He’s just, uh... not here a lot on the weekends.”
“What kinda guy is he?”
Kyle’s face scrunches up in thought, lip curling a little as he struggles to find a word for it. “Um... artistic?”
Jake laughs, and while Kyle’s not so sure what’s funny about that, he finds himself smiling anyway. He doesn’t mind Jasper. He smokes a lot, lazes around their room, but he’s a nice enough guy. He talks to Kyle about Cry Thunder and has offered to be a beta tester. They’re not friends, exactly, but he’s pretty good for a roommate.
“What about a girlfriend?”
The question catches him off guard, and Kyle blinks, staring up at him. “What?”
Jake is turned back to the shelves of games, occasionally pulling one out to look at the case. “You know, a girlfriend? You got one of those?”
“Uh, no. I don’t.” His heart feels like it’s bruising his ribs, but the accelerated rate is different this time. There’s an underlying tension in the air and a squeezing of his lungs. The question isn’t pointed or barbed, not prying or searching. Just general curiosity. There’s no way Jake could know... right? Kyle hasn’t been that obvious. He scratches his cheek, eyes cast to the side. “I’ve actually... never had... a girlfriend.”
The admission is filled with tension as he bristles, prepared to defend himself if he needs to. But Jake just hums his acknowledgement, not expressing any surprise or pointed follow ups. In fact, he seems lost in his own thoughts, like he barely registered Kyle’s awkward admission at all.
“I just broke up with my girlfriend, so I suppose I don’t have one either. Or, I guess, she broke up with me.” He says it offhandedly, but there’s something deeper there. Something beneath his couldn’t-care-less facade. Something... sad. Something that has Kyle’s heart aching for him in a way he’s not used to. Jake continues to pick through the games, though Kyle is certain he’s not really looking at them. “She said I wasn’t smart, or whatever. Which is rich coming from her. We were supposed to go to a party together tonight, but I didn’t really feel like going after, you know, that happened. I don’t even know if she’s going still. Not that I really care. It was bound to happen eventually. It was fun while it lasted, I guess. At least now I can focus on my whole GPA problem without worrying about her.”
There’s a pause, and Kyle squirms in his seat, not quite sure what to say. He finally settles on, “I’m... sorry to hear that.” And hopes it comes across as genuine as it feels. There’s a hollowness surrounding Jake when he talks about it, and that’s... something Kyle can relate to.
Jake straightens, blinking in surprise as he turns. He scratches the back of his neck as he smiles. “Oh, uh, sorry. I didn’t realize I was rambling. I know you don’t wanna hear about my relationship problems.”
Kyle waves it off, opening up his textbook again. “It’s fine.”
They end up getting back to work, and Jake has found a new surge of determination and focus. Whether it’s to prove himself or distract himself, Kyle isn’t sure. He walks Jake through the chapter, explaining concepts and business models while ignoring the twisting leaden knot in his gut.
He’s seen Jake around with his girlfriend before, both classically pretty and perfect together. He’s had suspicions that Jake is straight, and it’s not like he’s deluded himself into thinking anything could or would happen between them. Especially since no one knows Kyle likes men, and he’s not about to change that. But... just that confirmation that Jake is even more out of his league hurts a lot more than he thought it would.
Chapter Five
Jake has always had a fondness for coffee shops. Coffee itself is a goddamn blessing, but the atmosphere of coffee shops has always been alluring. Meeting up with friends, hanging out and wasting time between classes, meeting dates, all that good stuff.
However, as he sits in one of the tall chairs at a high table in the back corner of the campus's main coffee shop, chin resting on his open palm and eyes wandering around the room, he realizes this is probably the first time he's ever studied in one.
Or at least, he should be studying.
"Do you have your practice questions done?" Kyle asks without looking up from his laptop.
"Uh," Jake looks down at his open textbook and his noticeably blank notebook. "Not... exactly?"
Kyle glances up then, leveling him with a flat look over the top of his glasses.
Jake leans back in his chair, draping one elbow over the back of it and gesturing at Kyle with his pencil. "Hey! Before you go judging, it's busy in here. There's a lot of distractions."
Kyle blinks at that, owlish and confused. He turns then, glancing around the coffee shop. They're in the corner, away from the main foot traffic, but the rest of the tables are mostly full. The room is filled with the soft, general din of mingling voices. "Oh," he says. "I hadn't noticed."
Jake snorts a short laugh but doesn't call attention to Kyle's single-minded focus. It's cute, kind of. For someone so smart, he's kind of oblivious to a lot of things. "Why can't we just study in your room again?"
Kyle stiffens a little, eyes flickering back to his screen. The sound of typing picks back up again. "My roommate is there now, and I don't want to disturb him."
"Would he get mad?"
Kyle shrugs. "I don't know, but I'd rather not push it."
"What's he like?"
Kyle glances up. "My roommate?" Jake nods, and Kyle's lips purse, brow furrowing like he's thinking of a particularly difficult math problem. "He's fine, I guess. We talk about video games, and sometimes we play together. Other than that, we don't really talk much. He's nice though, that's all I care about."
Jake's eyebrow rise. "Are you guys not... friends?"
Kyle tilts his head to the side, eyes wide and curious once more. Jake swears his glasses make him look far too innocent and adorable for his own good. "Why would we be friends?"
"Uh, because a lot of people try to befriend their roommates? And I dunno, maybe you guys knew each other before college."
Kyle scoffs lightly, pushing his glasses up his nose. "No, we were randomized roommates. And he's not really my friend. He's not a bad roommate, though."
"Do you have any friends?"
The question is out of his mouth before he can really register what he's saying, and when Kyle visibly bristles, Jake realizes his mistake. Kyle's eyes narrow, frown becoming more apparent. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Jake sits up straight, hands going up in a placating gesture as he tries to backtrack. "No, wait! That's not what I meant. I mean like— uh— like, what'd you do in your free time?"
Kyle, however, doesn't relax, and when he speaks, it's stiff and closed up. His walls are firmly back in place. Dammit. "I play games, and I work." He turns back to his computer, hunching as if that might help him hide behind it.
Jake frowns, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. "Yeah, but, like... what about a social life? Like what'd you do with friends? Where do you go when you go out? For fun and stuff."
Kyle doesn't look up, nor does his typing slow, but Jake can see the tension around his mouth. His head tilts, catching the light of the laptop screen in his glasses and keeping Jake from seeing his eyes. "You should really work on those practice problems. We have a test on Friday, and we need to figure out where you need the most
help."
Jake may not be academically inclined, but he's not stupid. He knows what Kyle is doing. He knows Kyle doesn't want to talk about it, but he gets the impression it's because there's a level of embarrassment there. He probably should back off, but his interest is caught, and he's always been stubborn.
"Come on, you've gotta do something. Any clubs on campus? There's like a million of them. Probably not sports, but like... I'm sure there's even a video game club. Gaming club? Something like that."
Kyle purses his lips but says nothing. He simply ignores Jake and continues to type. He does that a lot in their tutoring sessions. He does some of the work with Jake, but he doesn't need to dwell on it as long. He always ends up back at his computer typing up something Jake can't see.
"Do you go out to eat? Meet up with classmates?"
Silence.
"What about parties? You can't be in college and not go to parties! Plus, everyone gets drunk, and when they're drunk they're super friendly. Everyone becomes your best friend. I'm sure you can meet people if you come to a party with me."
Kyle looks up then, eyes narrowed in suspicion. He doesn't look in the least bit convinced, but Jake has his attention, and that's a victory. He feels his heart squeeze briefly, and— yeah, that's weird.
Kyle looks him up and down before saying slowly, "With you?" His lips twist strangely, like the words taste sour on his tongue.
But the sound of them has Jake's heart slamming into overdrive, and— yeah, that's really fucking weird. He smiles, straightening and leaning over his elbows and over the table. "Yeah, dude! You can come to parties with me. I can introduce you to people. You can get out of your dorm and enjoy college life a bit." He snaps his fingers, pointing at Kyle as an idea occurs to him. Kyle jumps a little in his surprise, but Jake just grins. "That's it! Not only will I pay you for tutoring, but I'll show my thanks by helping you make more friends. Like, my new quest. You'll be my little buddy. What'd you say?"
Kyle's lip curls, nose crinkling and glasses lifting higher. "No."
Jake feels that bubble of excitement that had been building in his chest start to deflate. "Come on, dude, it'll be good for you!"
Kyle shakes his head, nearly dislodging his glasses and having to push them higher up his nose. "I'd rather just be left alone. People are... loud and messy, and... I'm better off on my own."
Jake frowns, slouching as his shoulders hunch. He feels... off. He knows this feeling, and it doesn't make sense. Disappointment, acute and sharp, twisting in his gut. He doesn't know why it stings so much to have Kyle say no. After all, he's just his tutor. Just some kid Jake was trying to reach out to. Show his appreciation and everything.
Kyle just said he doesn't want to make new friends, so why does Jake feel like he's rejecting him?
And why does he care?
"Seems pretty lonely," Jake mutters, tapping his pencil on his notebook. He sounds dejected, and he knows it. He's never been great at hiding his emotions. "You seem pretty lonely. You're just shy and anxious, but don't worry, with my help—"
"I am not," Kyle snaps, and Jake's eyes fly to his. He's sitting up straight, glaring at him fiercely. His lips are pursed into a scowl.
"I'm just saying—"
"I'm not lonely." Kyle closes his laptop with enough force that Jake winces. "I'm not shy, and I'm not anxious. And I don't need your help. I'm fine just the way I am, and I don't need you to fix me."
"Kyle," Jake tries, but the boy is already shoving his laptop and his books into his backpack. "Kyle! Come on, that's not what I meant—"
Kyle turns to glare at him, and the look in his eyes is enough to make the words die in his throat. "Finish your practice problems, and we'll meet up before the test to go over them." He says it stiffly, with a bite that has Jake flinching.
He then throws the strap of his backpack over his shoulder and stalks out of the coffee shop, leaving Jake reeling.
Behind the fire in his glare and the bite of his words, there had been genuine hurt. Jake had seen it. There were shadows and pain that made his gaze glassy and his lip tremble, if only slightly.
Jake had hurt him.
Jake had fucked up. He'd fucked up big time.
He'd just been trying to help, but... god, he feels terrible. And the worst part is that he's not even sure how he fucked up. Well, sort of, anyway. He realizes that calling Kyle shy, anxious, and lonely probably wasn't a good call. He seemed pretty stuck on that. But Jake isn't stupid. He can feel that there's more to it. There's something a lot deeper and a lot darker that's eating at Kyle. The worst part is that he has no idea what it is, and at this point, he doubts Kyle would be willing to tell him.
Once again, he's stuck with the question of why does he care?
Jake sighs, staring down at his text book. His foot bounces incessantly, pencil fiddling in his fingers, and he knows he's not getting anything else done right now. He'll try to do it later. He's got to if he wants to prove to Kyle that he's serious about the tutoring thing. But right now, his mind feels to scattered, and his emotions too unstable and confused.
He shoves his book and notebook back into his bag and swings it over his shoulder. He drops his empty coffee cup off in the trashcan on his way out and shoves one hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone with the other.
He doesn't realize what he's doing until he's scrolling through his contacts and stops over a familiar name. A small ghost of a smile tugs at his lips. Of course his first instinct is to call her. She always has a way of knowing him better than he knows himself, and she's always been incredibly grounding.
He presses the call button and puts the phone to his ear as he starts off across campus, heading back towards his apartment. She answers on the third ring.
"Hey, loser, long time no talk. You avoiding me?"
He finds his smile widening. "Babe, you know I'd never. Besides, I'm calling you now, aren't I?"
She hums thoughtfully. "Not your babe." She says it offhandedly and light heartedly. It's an exchange they've had a million times. One that means nothing but playful teasing, filled with inside jokes. "Anyway, what's up? I haven't heard from you since you told me Cindi broke up with you. She's not begging for you back, is she? Need me to run interference?"
"Nah, haven't heard from her since that night. And you're acting like I only call you when I need you."
"Don't you?" He can hear the smile in her voice.
"Maybe I just wanted to talk to you."
"Mmm, can't blame you. I'm a gem and a pleasure to be around."
"Damn straight."
“I’m bi, and you know it."
"Damn bi, then."
"Better. So, what's up?"
"Got time to talk?"
"I've got ten minutes before my next class."
"Cool. So, how're things going? How's Becca?"
"Amazing and beautiful and kicking my ass on a daily basis. She misses you, too, by the way. We haven't had time to hang out lately, so we should definitely do that. But I get the feeling you didn't call in the middle of the day when you know I have a class coming up just to talk about my relationship. Methinks you're calling about your own love life."
"It's not my love life."
"But you are calling about something specific." He can hear the amusement in her voice, and he knows he's been caught.
He sighs. "Fine, yes."
"Good. So, what's up?"
"You know how I told you I convinced this guy in my economics class to tutor me?"
"Mhmm, the cute one."
Jake stiffens. "I never said he was cute."
He can hear the smile in her voice still, and he hates it. He hates how well she knows him, even as he loves it. "You didn't have to, dude. It was very clear in the way you described him to me. In how you talk about him. Are you calling for advice on how to ask him out?"
Jake sputters, heat rising rapidly to his cheeks. "That's not— no! He's my tutor, Liddy!"
"So? Isn't that why you asked him to tutor you?
"
"I asked him to tutor me because he's super smart!"
"Yeah, but you were very persistent that he be the one to tutor you. Hell, dude, you could've asked me when he said no, but you wanted him. I thought it was pretty obvious."
"That's not— I wasn't thinking about that." He wasn't... was he? That isn't why he asked Kyle to tutor him. Kyle just looked like the smartest kid in the class, and Jake's decision has nothing to do with how adorable it is when he scrunches his nose up in thought or how he tends to wear hoodies that are too big for him.
"Mhm, sure you weren't, big guy."
"He's not even my type."
At that, Liddy laughs, loud and boisterous. The blush on his cheeks is hot and fierce. He ducks his head as he walks, shoulders hunched and hissing into his phone.
"Stop laughing— Liddy! He's not my type!"
"I'm sorry— oh my god— I'm sorry, Jake, but that's a load of shit."
"What're you—"
"Listen. I don't have a lot of time before I have to get to class, so can I be blunt with you?" Jake makes a disgruntled noise of acceptance, and she steamrolls on. "You've been on a string of short lived, and quite frankly shallow, relationships with a bunch of girls who fawn over you because you're a big baseball star. You're hot. You're confident. You're the perfect jock, dude, and so you get to have your pick of superficial girls, and boy have you been having your pick. And that's fine and all, I'm not shaming you. But when it comes to guys, you have a very different taste. Don't even try to deny it. When we dated, you wrangled me into several threesomes, and you were very particular about the kinda guys you like."
"Oh, yeah?" He grumbles, because really, he can't deny it. He's not happy about having to admit it though. "Then what's my type, oh wise one?"
"I know you're being sarcastic, but I'm gonna spell it out for you anyway. You like small guys. Nerdy kinda guys. The soft and vulnerable ones you can pick up and cuddle and protect. The kind that get swallowed by your jackets and clothes when they borrow them. Also, you love boys with dimples and glasses. Does your new tutor check off all those boxes?"
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