by Ember Pierce
* * *
Someday, after her sisters and brothers were all married, she would live and eventually die in the house of her childhood.
* * *
May had committed to an unmarried life. The life of a spinster. And when her parents were gone she would still be able to support herself by teaching. She wouldn’t be required to live in the house of one of her brothers or brothers-in-law.
* * *
Sometimes, at night, when she woke from a dream and couldn’t sleep again, she would think about the future she might have had with Jimmy. Those times invariably ended in sobbing.
* * *
But when she thought about teaching for the rest of her life, it warmed her soul. She would never have her own children, but she had many that she taught.
* * *
Just the month before she’d had a visit from a girl who had been in her very first class. The girl was now twenty and she had brought her own child to meet Mae.
* * *
Mae had been happy for her student, but it had marked a turning point. It had become fully real to her that she would be alone for the rest of her life. Well, the men she’d known, except for Jimmy, had only wanted to know her because of her great beauty.
* * *
Everyone in Mae’s family was attractive, in fact people used to say that they were quite a handsome family. The two boys were tall and broad-shouldered, with blond hair and piercing blue eyes like their father.
* * *
Her two sisters and Mae herself were all petite with honey-blonde hair. Her sisters had blue eyes, tilted up slightly, as her own were, but only Mae had inherited the bright, clear green of her mother’s eyes.
* * *
The Andrews girls were known far and wide for their beauty although Mae was considered odd. It had gotten to the point where most of the men her age seemed content to enjoy her exquisite looks from a distance. But there was another reason the men in Havenshire had been all but ignoring Mae.
* * *
The reason’s name was Bill Masters.
2
It was hot, even for August, in Fable Springs, Texas. Scott Henderson was weeding in the vegetable garden at the side of his small house, on the edge of a relatively small town. Scott’s land stretched far out behind the house and reached all the way back to the treeline of the woods and beyond.
* * *
He’d always kept the vegetable garden, but this was his first season as an actual farmer. Up until about a year before, Scott had held the distinction of being Sheriff Scott Henderson.
* * *
He’d been elected in two consecutive elections, gaining the coveted spot for the first time at the age of just 22. At the start of the last year of his second four year term, Scott had been injured. Badly. He’d chosen not to go back to work, or to run for another term.
* * *
As a result, his deputy had stepped into his spot and, with Scott’s blessing and endorsement, had run and been elected. The deputy had become the current sheriff and Scott had made his peace with all of it.
* * *
Or so he thought as he sighed and wiped his brow with the sleeve of his shirt. There was a lot to be done today, even though it was Sunday. He was glad he’d gotten an early start in the garden.
* * *
He had to paint the fence that surrounded the house and clean the windows after dinner. It was going to be a long day. He glanced up. It looked to be about nine o’clock. He’d been working around the house since six. He’d take a break soon. Have a cup of coffee.
* * *
“Howdy, Scott.”
* * *
The voice of his best friend roused him from his mental list of chores for the day. He looked around.
* * *
“Ephraim!” Scott grinned. It was always good to see his old friend. “I didn’t hear you come up so quietly. I must be getting soft! Two years ago I would have heard you from twenty-five feet away.”
* * *
“Sad but true,” Ephraim said with a grin. “How long have you been working?”
* * *
“A few hours. I was just going to take a break for a bit.”
* * *
His friend didn’t say anything. He was looking out over the field behind the house.
* * *
Scott studied his friend for a minute. ”Hey, I can take that break now. Care to join me?”
* * *
“If you’re going to take a break anyhow, how about coming with me to Church? You haven’t been in...a long time.”
* * *
Scott stopped working at the hoe. “No thanks, Ephraim. I realize, as mayor of Fable Springs, it’s your job to keep up on the welfare of your citizens, but you can take me off the list of visitations or ambushes, as the case may be. Would you do that? Just take me off the list? And you can give the same message to Pastor Jones.”
* * *
“I don’t...I’m not ready...to go into town. Not yet. Maybe not ever.” Unconsciously he touched the left side of his face. He winced and dropped his hand.
* * *
“I just wanted to remind you that you can’t avoid people forever, Scott.”
* * *
Scott shrugged. “If you say so. I’ve been doing just fine by myself for the last eleven months.”
* * *
“How much longer do you think you can go on the way you’ve been? It’s not healthy. A man needs to be around other people.
* * *
“Says who? I’m perfectly fine by myself. I’m too busy to think about anything else these days but the farm. It’s been a long, hard year. If the weather stays like it is, I’ll have feed to sell. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, I’ll have to dip into my inheritance. Something I was trying to avoid. I have to make sure the farm is making a profit, Ephraim. It’s important. I can’t mess this up.”
* * *
“Scott, why are you trying to lose yourself in work? Life is hard enough without blaming yourself for what happened a year ago. Everyone knows the explosion wasn’t your fault. Even Annie’s parents don’t hold anything against you. No one could have known what was going to happen.”
* * *
“So now you offer me pity? No thank you, Ephraim. I should have known that Wayne Bixby was going to come after me. I was the sheriff who put him away in the state pen. When Bixby got out I knew he’d have it in for me, so why didn’t I know he was coming for me? I should have known he’d try to hurt me. He wanted to rob the bank. He took Annie hostage and wanted me to hand over the keys to every business in town as well as the bank. Should I go on? Have you forgotten?”
* * *
“You’re too hard on yourself, Scott. No one could have anticipated Bixby’s next move. I mean who knew he’d go into the mine along with the other miners? Who knew he’d sneak down into the slope with the night shift? Who knew he got to know the tunnels because he’d planned the kidnapping for weeks?”
* * *
“No one knew, especially me. But I should have known. That’s my point. Do you understand me, Ephraim? It was my job to keep Wayne Bixby in my sights. I failed.”
* * *
“You never did tell me what happened that day,” Ephraim said softly, his eyes sad.
* * *
“Bixby found the boarded up, abandoned tunnel,” Scott said, feeling the need to tell someone. Anyone. He had held it in long enough. “Wayne had the perfect hiding place. By the time I knew Annie was in the mine, Bixby had left the abandoned tunnel through the back by knocking out the wooden gate that had been built there. When I went into the mine, I knew I had to find the tunnel to get to Annie.”
* * *
“You’re just a man, Scott. You couldn’t have known Bixby’s every move…”
* * *
Scott interrupted Ephraim, not needing his pity and wanting to finish telling the story.
* * *
“I knew approximately where the old tunnel was and ran
along the main one looking for it. Just as I reached it, I could hear Annie calling for help. Then the gas ignited. The pain hit my face and I fell back from the force of the blast. After that, there was thick black smoke, screams, groans, screeching mules. It was chaos. It was like war but it wasn’t war. The men ran, trying to get to the entrance. They were panicking. Someone dragged me outside. Five men were killed, Ephraim. Have you forgotten? Five good men. And Annie.”
* * *
“I haven’t forgotten, Scott. No one does. But we have forgiven. There was nothing to forgive. But it is time that you forgive yourself. It wasn’t your fault. You have to understand that.”
* * *
Scott ignored Ephraim’s comments. It was his fault. And he wouldn’t forgive and he couldn’t forget. He went back to work, talking as he did so.
* * *
“Now, I know you’re trying to help me. But I don’t need it. Why can’t you just let me live my life? No one misses me in town and you know it. They’ve all seen me at least once. And I’ve seen their revulsion. They fear what they don’t understand. They’re repelled by it and I’m more comfortable when I’m not around their discomfort. I know no one means to be rude or callous. It’s just the way things are. I think everybody’s happier if I keep to myself. It’s alright. You know I’m a loner. I like staying home.”
* * *
“By no means am I making light of what happened to you, Scott. Annie was like a sister to me, remember? We didn’t know, at first, if you were going to make it either. It was touch and go those first days. But, I’d like to point out there are men who came back from the war who had endured far worse.”
* * *
“Do you think I don’t know that? That I don’t think about it? I can’t imagine what those men went through. I mean we were there, Ephraim. It was what I imagine hell to be. But those men were injured and maimed fighting for something they believed in. A cause. A country. At least they have that comfort. They’re heroes. I couldn’t save Annie. I came back from the war unharmed. My scars came to me along with the death of my fiancé who I was unable to save. There is no honor in how I was injured and scarred, Ephraim.” He shook his head side to side.
* * *
“Still, I don’t think it’s good for you to stay home all the time. You never come to the saloon anymore. I know you miss Annie, but it’s been almost a year, Scott. You need to let go. Believe me. It’s not my intention to be insensitive. But I’m worried about you. Don’t let your scars be an excuse to hold you back.”
* * *
“I’m not doing that. It’s just been a difficult time. I still haven’t grieved properly. There’s too much, it seems, in my brain. I feel as if I’m going mad sometimes.”
* * *
“Maybe that’s because you rarely talk to anyone. You’re turning into a hermit over here. It’s time you get out some, Scott.”
* * *
“Time I get out some? Do you reckon I’m a big oaf? Or possibly my brain has fallen out of my ear? Do you actually think that I don’t know what subject you’re tiptoeing around, Ephraim?”
* * *
“Now. Scott.”
* * *
“What you’re saying is it’s time for me to court someone. Aren’t you? Do you have someone in mind? Because I tell you I am not exactly a catch to the ladies of Fable Springs and the surrounding county. Interestingly enough before the accident, I had some trouble keeping more than a couple of those town ladies at bay. That was even after it was common knowledge that Annie and I were to be married.”
* * *
“I know it, Scott.”
* * *
“But, look at me, Ephraim. Really look at me.” He tore his hat off and lifted his face to the bright sunshine. “All the girls in three counties know about my affliction. If they haven’t seen it for themselves, they’ve heard stories that make it sound even worse than it is. They’re afraid I’ll talk to them, because if I talk to them it would only follow that I should ask one of them to court. They’re afraid of me. Appalled. Not one of them would be seen with me for fear of what others would say. Who I am doesn’t matter to any of them. I look like a monster.. Or rather, half of me looks like a monster and the delicate natures of the ladies are offended. That’s all that matters.”
* * *
“Stop it, Scott. There are options, you know. What if you were to advertise for a mail order bride?”
* * *
“A mail order bride? That’s still being done? It’s 1870, Ephraim. There are enough women in the west.”
* * *
“Ah, but it’s the discontented eastern women who are the new breed of mail order bride. They’re adventurous young ladies, some widows, some a little older than the average bride, and some who are plain curious. They’re all looking for excitement in a new environment. But they’re nice girls, Scott. Ladies. Even if some of them come from simple farming communities. At the very least you’ll have some companionship through correspondence. If you decided you wanted to bring one of your writing partners to Texas, you’d have someone to share your meals with. Someone to help you tend to the garden. Someone to talk to, Scott. You spend entirely too much time alone.”
* * *
“What’s wrong with being alone? I like being alone. I have no problems with my own company that I need to be distracted by a pretty face, Ephraim.”
* * *
“Will you just look at one of the marriage publications? Just to get an idea of the kinds of women who want to come west?
* * *
Scott shook his head. “No.”
* * *
“What does that mean...no?”
* * *
“It means no. I’m not interested. I don’t need a wife. I’m perfectly fine with my life as it is, Ephraim. I mean it.” He glared at his friend to back up his words. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, really I am.”
* * *
“Just look at the publication…”
* * *
Scott was losing patience. “Why don’t you look at the publication? Are you going to tell me that you’re already engaged? Yeah, I know that you are...to your blessed job. Why are you so insistent on getting me to look...maybe you’re having second thoughts about your own bachelorhood. You ever think of that.”
* * *
Ephraim frowned. “It’s just hard to see you alone like this, Scott. Sure, I’m unmarried. And would I like to have a lady friend?” He appeared to consider it. “You’re right. I suppose I would. But, I’ve decided that the Lord will send me a good woman when it’s my time to have one.”
* * *
“Oh, ye of little faith! Do you think I’m unworthy to wait for what God sends me?”
* * *
“No, Scott. It’s just that I’m not hiding from the world over there in the Mayor’s Residence. I live my life, I socialize, I have Sunday dinner at the homes of our town residents.”
* * *
“Very simply put, Ephraim, you’re a catch. What woman, in her right mind, doesn’t want to see her daughter preside over town as the mayor’s wife? Do you really think they want to look at me across their Sunday dinner tables? They don’t. I can guarantee you.”
* * *
“You know you’re like my brother. We’ve known each other for over twenty years, Scott. And you haven’t been yourself since the accident. I’ve been worried about you. You have to pull yourself out of this...this hole you’ve put yourself in. I can’t stress it any more than I already have. Please look at what you’re doing to yourself. Look at the kind of life you’re setting up for yourself. It’s empty. And lonely. You always wanted a family, Scott. A wife. A home. What happened to your dreams?”
* * *
“I used to want a wife...and a family. Now, I don’t. It’s just the way things are. It has nothing to do with dreams and everything to do with what is real. What has become my everyday life. My existence. But, I’m okay, Ephraim. Please...don’t be angry with me for n
ot wanting a wife. I’m truly moved by your concern. Truly. But I’m not ready to talk to anybody yet, much less entertain the idea of tricking some unsuspecting eastern woman to come here and marry me. I might never be ready to go back into Fable Springs. As it is, right here on the town line, I’m too close to everything and everyone.”