Office Wars: Bathroom Politics

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Office Wars: Bathroom Politics Page 7

by James Patton


  She had crawled over to me, and even with Fungi trying to fend her off he could not stop what happened next. In her hand, she had her remaining high heel and slammed it into my gut, right above the navel. I felt it slide in, and there was a part of me that felt violated. This foreign object forcefully entered my body, and I was reminded of getting vaccine shots as a child. I felt the needle inside my body as I feel the heel now, and my brain was horrified by my body’s defilement.

  You lost 40% health due to a mortal wound. You are bleeding to death, find medical aid immediately.

  I was feeling a little bit woozy, and I checked my health. My health was down to 44% with a Bleeding status.

  You lost 4% health.

  “Nevi! Hurry before I bleed out.” I cried out in fear and tried to crawl away from the Project Manager. I did not even see her die in my panicked state.

  Fungi pulled the high heel out of my leg and picked me up and put me on my feet. His strength was something else. He slapped me on the back and said something I did not hear, but he was smiling. I pointed at my ears and shrugged at him, which made him laugh even harder.

  You lost 4% health. You are at 36% health, seek medical aid.

  Nevi was there a few seconds later and wrapped some kind of cloth around my stomach, and a few seconds later the bleeding icon disappeared. The wooziness started to fade away, but she was frowning as she looked at my ears.

  The Pact was animatedly discussing my wounds, but I heard none of it. My leg gave out while they talked and I found myself laying on my back, but I had no idea how long I had been there. Nevi was cradling my head in her lap while she tried to heal me. The dressing went around my head and ears, and it made me look like a head trauma victim. It was an awkward way to fix my hearing, but it did seem to be working.

  Not that I paid her much attention as I laid there, not moving. Lost in my thoughts.

  It took me awhile, but I realized I was traumatized. The leg wound I could live with, but getting stabbed in the gut sent me into a panic that I had never felt before. These people that I barely knew had saved my life, including Nevi. I was feeling guilty about my actions thus far, because they are decent people with their own consequences for failing.

  Sometime later I started to hear a high pitched tone and had to close my eyes to concentrate on blocking out the sound because it was excruciating. Several minutes went by, and the sound disappeared. I could hear them talking, but it was somewhat muted.

  “You good?” Bob asked.

  “Fuck no, but I’ll live. Thank you, everyone.” I replied.

  “You are a crazy son of a bitch, I knew I liked you for a reason.” Fungi said.

  “I admit, while unorthodox and maybe slightly crazy, taking out your hearing was kind of inspired,” Zingo said.

  “I am going with crazy,” Alexa said shaking her head at me.

  “I am not fighting any more project Managers, those things are bat shit crazy.” I said amidst their chuckles, and then pulled out the laptop and handed it to Alexa. “Here. You guys decide what to do, I am going to lay here and rest a moment.”

  You gained the skill Toughness. This is a fixed skill and does not level up. This skill grants +1 Strength and +1 Charisma.

  Toughness is awarded to those that perform an unorthodox feat in spite of the pain that person would endure. This skill will reduce pain by 3%.

  Warning: You cannot use this skill until your Strength is 10 or above. The attributes are still applied.

  I laughed at the skill. Completely outside of my class, but I would take it.

  Chapter 5

  Gantt Can Suck It!

  “You really ok?” Alexa asked me quietly. I had not even seen her sit next to me.

  “Yea. I would be lying if I said I was not scared shitless. The pain in this game is really high. Trust me, do not get hit.” I told her and shivered.

  “I do not plan on it. Why did the Project Manager target only you?”

  “The laptop. It was a triggered event, and then I could not shake her because of it. I am confused about the Risk skill she used because it kept targeting me. That seems wrong. Am I the biggest threat?”

  “Ahh. You are dangerous, and threat is measured by more than physical combat. You have no end to your tricks.” She slugged me on the shoulder laughing. “Either way, let’s avoid Project Managers, yea?”

  “Thanks,” I said laughing with her. Alexa nodded and stood up to join the others. Finally, back under control, I stood up and followed her.

  “You ready to move?” Bob asked me.

  “I am. Fair warning, do not get hit. I am fairly sure our pain levels were adjusted higher. I have felt nothing like that in all of Neuroma.”

  “About that,” Zingo said. “I think it's this instance. I know about Project Managers, but I was told we would not see them until much later. If this is a group instance, it might have pain levels adjusted higher.”

  Two Hours have passed. 198 (711 total) people eliminated today. No one has found the exit yet. Two and half hours until the wheel.

  “I no longer know if that is good or bad. I have no idea where this area is.” Bob said.

  “What happened to the first-hour warning?” I asked. “And that death count seems high.”

  “You were unconscious.” Nevi said. “And it is high, it jumped almost 150 in the last hour.”

  “Oh.”

  “Speaking of, here you go. We agreed you should have this.” Bob handed me an item, and I assumed it was looted from the Project Manager. It was a ring, and I noticed I had received 100 Poker Chips for beating the boss.

  Ring of the PMBOK

  This item grants the skill Gantt Chart.

  Gantt Chart overloads an opponent's mind with data stunning them for five seconds. Can only be used once an hour.

  Zingo was already laughing, and I joined him.

  “You guys are assholes,” I said.

  “Ya bud, we are.” Fungi said and slapped me on the shoulder laughing along with the rest, and I found myself getting pulled out of my funk. These people were alright.

  “Thanks again, you especially Nevi, that shit hurt,” I said.

  “Ok so Alexa opened the laptop, and we are definitely keeping it. That thing is like finding a super rare artifact, and it has a list of ‘staff’ as well as entry points for IT. She can even hack a camera if it's nearby.”

  “What about Vent-Guy?” I asked.

  “We should be able to avoid him. The conference room is glass, we can break through the other side, so we are out of the outer circle.” Bob said.

  “There is a vent in there, it's how he signaled to us. And I kind of already broke the glass. If we go through there, we risk Drones, and we won’t avoid him.” I said.

  “Shit,” Bob said.

  “I think if we want to keep the laptop, we will have to kill the Vent-Guy,” I said, and now I wondered if Thim was right about me. I am not even sure why I said that.

  “Or we convince him to let us have it after he uses it,” Zingo said shaking his head at me.

  “Think Vent-Guy has a low perception attribute?” Bob asked.

  “I do. Asshole left out a lot of details on this crazy quest.” I said.

  “I agree with Onion,” Zingo said.

  “If worse comes to worse, I stun the son of a bitch with a Gantt Chart,” I grinned evilly, and twisted the my new toy around my finger.

  We decided to head out to the hall since the Drones were still around and it might not be a good idea to get them riled up. Fungi managed to push the panel back mostly into place, and his skill could have fixed it. We left it as is, just in case.

  Vent-Guy was there, but he was not coming out.

  “We have your laptop,” Bob said to the vent.

  “Excellent. Now open it up, and yes I know you already accessed it.” Vent-Guy said.

  Alexa opened up the lid on the laptop and showed it to the Vent-Guy. He gave her the passwords to access some server files. Alexa opened everything up and
showed him the screen again.

  “Delicious! Now on the desktop open the folder called images and delete the folder labeled Goats.” Vent-Guy said.

  “Uh what is going on?” Fungi asked. “Why do you have folders about goats? And never use the word ‘delicious’ again, that is creepy as hell.”

  “Mind your own business fat ass meat grinder,” Vent-Guy said.

  “Well, that is not very nice you goat fucker!” Fungi said.

  “Say it again tubby butter, and I will show you what a goat fucker is!” The Vent-Guy shouted back. “I mean I will kill you, not a goat. Just fucking delete the files before I delete you.”

  “Touchy isn’t he?” Fungi asked me.

  “No idea,” I replied smiling, and Fungi started groaning before my horrible joke came around. “I’m not a goat.”

  “Shut up!” The Vent-Guy squealed, “I’ll fucking delete you too, with a spoon.”

  “Go ahead and try you freak. I just fought a Project Manager that you neglected to tell us about. Dick!” I growled back at him. “Wait. Did you just say you will delete me with a spoon?”

  “The files are deleted,” Alexa interrupted us.

  “Good, now find the folder labeled Furry.”

  I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.

  “I promise Onion, I will spoon your ass.”

  “I cannot tell if that is an insult or if you are propositioning me. Not into dudes, or animals for that matter.” To which the Vent-Guy made no reply.

  “What the hell is happening?” Nevi asked, and I just shrugged. This really was the most pointless shit ever, and someone had way too much fun with their bizarre quest.

  “Thank you, everyone, except Onion. Fuck that guy.” The Vent-Guy said.

  “With a spoon!” Fungi chimed in.

  Quest Complete: Raiders of the Lost Laptop

  Reward: Laptop, 2 unassigned attribute points, and 100 Poker Chips per participant. Vent-Guy has also opened a way for you to traverse into the inner sections.

  “Why all the hate man?” I asked. “Nevermind. Don’t care. Let's get out of here.”

  Before we moved out, I added both attributes to Strength. It was out of character for me, but I really wanted to activate that Toughness skill.

  Strength +2. Your Strength is now 8.

  All of us headed down around the bend a little further and found a panel had slid inside another wall revealing some cubicles. A player was there staring at us confused.

  “How did you get here?” The guy asked.

  “Where is here?” Zingo asked.

  “Our analyst said it is the third section, right before a horde of Drones killed her.”

  “Oh really? That is awesome. I take it back that passage was totally worth it.” Fungi said.

  “How did you get past the horde of Drones back there?”

  “No idea what you are talking about,” Bob said.

  “Some conference room made of glass, it was shattered, and hundreds of Drones were pouring through it destroying everyone. I barely made it through, but the people I was with are all dead.”

  We all looked at each other. I did not even need to read their minds to know they were all thinking, ‘Dammit, Onion!’ Not much I could do about it, shit just happens.

  “You guys know something don’t you?”

  “Sort of. We passed that conference room on the other side. There were a lot of Drones over there. They must have broken through.” I said, which was mostly true.

  “It is probably a timed event,” Zingo added, backing my play.

  “Does that mean anyone who tried to take the direct route through the cubicle farms is pretty much going to die?” The player asked.

  “Probably. So far the direct route has turned out to be a suicide run for most people. Either way, we should not stand around. If there are that many Drones, then there is no reason to believe they will not come this way.” Bob said.

  There had to be a better warning system than making me sick every time my perception triggered.

  Perception +1. Perception is now 30.

  You have ranked up in Perception. Escape the floor to receive your rank.

  I ducked my head behind Bob so the other player could not see my mouth and whispered. “Do not trust him. I feel nauseous every time he talks.”

  “Same,” Alexa said.

  Bob started walking away from the cubicle farm, towards a hallway that was to the left of the way we entered. The moment we began walking, the other guy tried to come our way.

  “No offense bud, but we do not travel with randoms,” Bob said.

  “Aww, you know you want me to join you.” The guy said smiling, which only confirmed my suspicions.

  “No. We really do not.” Bob said, and the man frowned. Apparently not used to getting told no, and I started to wonder if Bob’s skill also protected us. “You should find your people.”

  Bob’s skill was coming into play, but I was not sure it was strong enough to convince the guy. Thankfully the guy was not stupid, and he knew this was not a fight he was going to win.

  “Well played. Watch your backs, I see a lot of green bounties, and I aim to collect.” The guy said and turned to leave.

  The guy had a yellow bounty, which meant we would not get penalized for killing him. He stumbled and stopped moving.

  “What the hell is a Gantt Chart?” The guy asked, and I laughed.

  The others knew exactly what I just did. Bob and Fungi did not hesitate and struck him down. I hate to be the aggressor, but no way was I letting that guy loose behind us.

  Zingo looted the man, and we left the area quickly. The hallway opened up into another cubicle farm, and we stood around for a few moments processing the room.

  “Why?” Bob asked after we vacated the other area.

  “I really have no thought process for my actions. It had to be done, that is why.” I told him, but could not think of a better way to describe that would make sense. I just did not over think things, and if something needed doing, I did it.

  “I agree with the decision.” Fungi said. “That guy gave me the creeps, and I did not want to look over my shoulder.”

  “Well, I do not think you were wrong,” Zingo said. “The guy has over 400 poker chips, so he was definitely killing off players. Also, he dropped a pretty decent weapon, a Lead Pipe.”

  “You keep it for now unless Onion wants it?” Bob said, but I shook my head. “Did he have anything else? He killed a lot of people it sounds like, should be more stuff on him.”

  “Probably was, but this was a player kill. Only one item drops.” Alexa said.

  “Ah,” Bob said.

  “How about we talk about the Drones getting free.” Fungi said smiling at me.

  “I did not break it. The project manager did.” I said defensively, but releasing them might have been an indirect consequence of my actions.

  “I am messing with you. There was another wall of glass and a locked door. The Drones might have escaped on their own, but I doubt it. I think that guy let them out.” Fungi said grinning at me.

  “Ass.”

  “Did he have a bounty?” Alexa asked.

  “Yea, a yellow one,” I said, knowing why she asked. “Does that laptop show a way out of here?”

  Alexa shook her head. “It lets me access systems if there are any nearby. Think of it like a key and not a laptop.”

  “Anything interesting in the files?” I asked

  “No… And I am not checking them,” Alexa said, and Fungi was laughing hysterically.

  “I will check.” He said, still laughing.

  “Ok you two work on that the rest of us spread out and look around, but stay within shouting distance,” Bob said.

  Wandering around seemed to work for us, so I just let my feet carry me. I walked past a cubicle, but something made me turn back. I stepped in to find a desk along the back and right wall. A file cabinet above the desk and a large chair that was nearly impossible to see around. So I spun it towa
rds me ready for a Drone. I found another one of those skeletons instead.

  Bob must have seen my reaction over the cubicle wall, because he came over. “What did you find?”

  “Not sure. This is just like the guy in that storage room. Could be something.”

  “Why the long face?”

  “Something feels wrong about these skeletons. These skeletons were players originally, and I am hesitant to call it a prop.” I pointed at the name tag, which read ‘MikeBolton.’ “The skeleton in the storage room was sitting on a bucket, so I thought maybe something happened. This one is sitting in a chair like he was working. I cannot shake the feeling there is a more sinister aspect to it.”

  Bob nodded and shrugged as he checked the corpse and came up with another piece of flair. I heard the Poker Chips click in my inventory as some amount was auto-divided among us. Then he found the note, and as I watched him read it, Bob started frowning.

  Without a word, he handed the flair and the letter to me.

  You have acquired a Piece of Flair. 26th of 37.

  I turned the flair over to read it, ‘My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.’ I had no idea who Rodney Dangerfield was, but I liked his style. I put it in my inventory with the other one and then read the note.

  I killed her today. Part of me knew she was already gone, wasting away in that prison she called a body. I broke her skull broke open, and the worms tumbled out. I was not fast enough, and they burrowed under my skin. I did not want to die alone. So I came to work, knowing already that I was dying. I am not sorry either because all these fuckers actually deserve to die. This whole place was a bunch of shallow and vapid pieces of shit. If you find this letter, I would say I am sorry, but the truth is… fuck you too.

 

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