by L A Cotton
“He says he doesn’t remember anything. I’m sure he’ll want to see you soon.”
“Yeah, maybe.” But as I said the words, I knew it was just a lie I was telling myself to ease the ache in my heart.
Maverick wasn’t going to let me in.
Which meant I had to decide whether to force my way back in.
Or sit back and wait and hope for the best.
Chapter Eight
Maverick
“Are you ready?” Miller, my physical therapist, clapped his hands. He looked like a surfer type: shaggy, sandy-blond hair falling over his eyes; a rope necklace tucked into his polo shirt; and that easy fucking smile.
The smile I didn’t want to see yesterday or today or any day this week.
“No, I’m really not.” I ran a hand down my face. It was getting easier, feeling like half a man. Well, physically at least.
I no longer woke every morning with dread in my stomach when I couldn’t feel my legs. Instead, I woke up with an ache in my chest.
Lo hadn’t been by again.
It had been days. But I’d told everyone to keep her away.
I was a coward. They told me as much. But I didn’t want her to see me like this. Weak and dependent on people to do everything for me.
Miller gave me a pointed look. He was a no bullshit kind of guy, and on another day, I probably would have respected the hell out of that. But not today.
Not when all I wanted to do was close my eyes and dream of a time when life was simpler.
A time when life was whole.
When I was whole.
“The doctor said you’ve been getting some sensation?”
“I guess.” I shrugged. The strange tingles I’d felt didn’t feel like a win, just another reminder of what I’d lost.
“That’s a good sign, Maverick. As your injury heals and the swelling reduces, we hope to see you gain more and more feeling. With intensive physical therapy there is no reason why you won’t be able to live independently again.”
“But I’ll never play again? Walk?”
“We don’t know that yet, but the body is an incredible thing.”
“I’m currently pissing into a bag.” And I didn’t even want to talk about bowel movements. That was a whole nightmare no one ever needed to know about.
Miller’s lip curved. “Good to see you still have a sense of humor underneath all that anger.”
“Give it to me straight... what are my chances of a full recovery?”
The doctors wouldn’t tell me, said they couldn’t. But surely they saw this kind of thing all the time? Surely, there were statistics and national averages? We’d all heard of the medical miracles in professional sport who defied the odds and recovered from devastating injuries to make unprecedented comebacks. But they were the outliers, not the norm.
“If I could give you a straight answer, I would. An incomplete SCI is a complex thing and no two cases are the same. The fact you’re already regaining some sensation is a positive sign.” He raked a hand through his messy hair. “The best advice I can give you is a positive attitude goes a long way. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be a hard slog. You’re going to hate me by the end of every session and there are going to be times when you want to give up.”
“You’re not really selling this to me,” I grumbled.
“You want to get out of this bed again? To walk? To play ball?” His brow lifted.
“Yeah, but—”
“No, no buts,” he said. “You can do this, but not if you don’t take the first step.”
“Really?” My brows hit my hairline. “You’re going there? Isn’t it a little too soon for walking puns?”
Miller regarded me for a second before smiling.
“What?” I barked because nothing about this situation made me want to smile.
His lips morphed into a faint smirk. “I think you and I are going to get along just fine.”
Lo
“Thank you,” I said to the server as she slid my cocktail over the table.
“Ooh, bring it to momma.”
Me and Summer shared a bemused look as we watched Laurie slurp her Dirty Martini.
“Good?” I arched a brow.
“What?” She shrugged. “I need this. We all do. Especially you. Now drink up.”
I toyed with the pineapple slice jammed onto the side of my glass. I hadn’t wanted to come out for drinks, but Laurie and Summer insisted it was time to get out of the house.
It had been more than a week since I’d seen Maverick. Seven days of longing. Seven days of moping around the pool house unsure of what to do with myself as I waited for updates about Maverick from my family. I was like a person starved, grateful for any morsel of information.
It was always the same though. Maverick was withdrawn. Angry and frustrated. His physical therapy was a slow process given how recent his injuries were. And more often than not, he sent his visitors on their way.
Every day, he reiterated his desire to not see me.
And every day, I felt the chasm widen between us.
“Oh no, no tears.” Laurie reached for my hand. “We are here to drink and forget our woes.” She knocked back the rest of her drink and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
“How is he?” I asked, knowing it had been a tough few days for her dad.
Sadness washed over her expression. “He’s deteriorating much quicker than we expected. It kills me to see him so frail.” Laurie swallowed a whimper and Summer wrapped an arm around her.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea?”
“No, I need this.” She took a shuddering breath. “I need to be with my friends. Part of me wishes he’d go quickly, ya know? It seems so cruel and unnecessary. He isn’t going to miraculously get better, so it’s like we’re drawing out the inevitable. It’s so hard for my mom. She’s a mess.”
I motioned for the server and she came over. “We’re going to need some more drinks,” I said.
“Same again?”
“Better make it two each.”
She left us to it and Summer shot me a weary look. “What?” It was my turn to shrug. “It’s been a shitty week.”
“He’ll come around.”
“And if he doesn’t?” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
I knew Maverick. I knew how stubborn and hardheaded he could be. If he thought for a second that his prognosis was going to be life-changing, he wouldn’t hesitate to set me free. But what he didn’t realise was, I loved him enough to stay. I didn’t know what the future held for him, for us, but I knew it wouldn’t ever change the way I felt about him.
“You and Rick are the real deal, Lo.” Laurie smiled. “You know, I always thought it would be you walking down the aisle first. I was sure of it. But then Kyle beat him to the punch and he never did it.”
I ran my fingers around the smooth edge of the glass, unable to meet her sympathetic gaze. “I think... I think he was going to propose, the night of the accident. They found a ring box.”
Summer gasped. “Oh God, Lo. I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” Tears sprung from my eyes. “I love him so much, but I don’t know what to do here. Do I push him? Do I take a step back and let him handle things his way? I just wish I knew what to do.” I inhaled a shaky breath.
“It’s still early days,” Summer said, her eyes glittering with understanding. “Rick is... complicated.”
“You’re telling me,” I muttered.
“But it doesn’t change the fact he loves you. He loves you so much, Lo. Don’t forget that.”
“Enough to let me go?” Tears clung to my lashes, but I did my best to swallow the rest.
“No, no way,” Laurie said. “He’ll see the error of his ways soon enough. You and Rick are meant to be, babe.” The server arrived with our drinks and Laurie wasted no time grabbing hers and draining half the thing. But I didn’t scold her this time. I grabbed my own drink and took a big slurp.
“Atta
girl.” She beamed. “We need this. One night of freedom sponsored by cocktails, tears, and good friends.”
“Not friends,” Summer added. “Sisters.”
“I’ll cheer to that.” Laurie lifted her glass into the air. “Cocktails, tears, and sisters. Cheers.”
“Cheers.” I clinked my glass against hers and then Summers, and for the first time since waking up from the accident, I felt like things might be okay.
Maverick
I woke startled, the blare of my cell phone cutting through the silence. “What the hell?” Confusion clouded my head as I reached over and plucked it off the table. The nurses had rolled the thing close enough that I didn’t have to overstretch myself. It was usually just another thing that pissed me off, but tonight I was thankful I could do such a small task without help.
Lo’s name flashing across the screen was like a shot to the heart. I hadn’t spoken to her in over a week. Not that I deserved it after how I’d treated her the last time she was here. So the fact she was calling unexpectedly at one in the morning, had alarm bells ringing.
“Lo, what is it?”
“Maverick, I miss you. I miss you soooo much.”
My brows furrowed. “You’re drunk.”
“A little.” She hiccoughed. “We went out for drinks. Cocktails. I had six, or maybe it was seven. Things got a little cray-cray.”
Rubbing my temples, I inhaled a deep breath. “It’s late, you should get some sleep.”
“I can’t sleep.” She let out a soft sigh. “It’s not the same without you here.”
“Where are you?” My teeth ground together.
“At the pool house.”
Of course she was. It was where we always stayed when we came back to the Bay. But it hadn’t occurred to me she would continue to stay there. Because you weren’t thinking straight when you sent her away.
“Do you know this is the most time we’ve spent apart since my senior year? You’re there and I’m here and nothing feels right anymore.”
“Lo, I—”
“Don’t say it. Don’t say you’re sorry. I know what you’re doing, Maverick.” She hiccoughed again. “You think you’re setting me free. But you’re wrong. If you set me free, I’ll never be whole. Not while you hold my heart in your hands. It’s yours…” Her resigned sigh made me wince. “Keep it. I don’t want it back.”
“I’m just trying to get my head straight, work things through,” I said, as if it fixed anything.
It didn’t.
I’d broken us.
Me.
But nothing I could say would change the fact I was still lying here with barely any sensation below the waist.
“Maverick...” Her voice was a rough whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Everyone keeps telling me we’ll be okay, that we’ll get through this... but I need to hear you say it. I need you to...” The sounds of her muffled sobs were worse than any physical pain, but I couldn’t lie.
I wouldn’t.
“Rick?” Lo choked out as the silence stretched out between us.
“You should get some sleep and make sure you drink some water.”
“I love you, Maverick. Nothing... nothing will ever change that.”
Fuck. This was a disaster. She was there drunk, all kinds of thoughts running through her head, and I was here. I wanted to hold her, to run my hands through her long, silky hair as I cupped her face and kissed her. As I showed her just how much I loved her.
“I love you,” she whispered again.
“I love you,” I whispered back... but she had already hung up.
I tipped my head back into the stiff pillows, closing my eyes, and I pictured Lo’s face.
Chapter Nine
Maverick
“You have a visitor?” Nurse Jennifer stepped aside, letting Coach Baxter enter the room.
“Maverick.” He whipped off his red and white SU ballcap and gave me a stiff nod. “I would have bought flowers, but I didn’t think you were the type.”
I managed a half-smile. “No problem, Coach.”
“I’ll give the two of you some space. Holler if you need anything.”
“She seems nice.” He approached the bed and dropped his big body into one of the chairs.
“Yeah.”
Tension crackled in the air. This man had coached me for three years. Helped mold me into the player I was today, the player I might never be again.
“I gotta say, Rick. It’s not easy seeing my best player, one of the best players I’ve seen in recent years, lying there.”
Emotion crawled up my throat and I felt moisture gather in the corner of my eyes. “I’m sorry, Coach.”
It was a stupid fucking thing to say... but I wasn’t only chasing my dreams, watching as they went up in flames every day I didn’t regain sensation. I was chasing the dreams of my team, my coach, Steinbeck University, and its fans.
“Don’t you dare apologize, son. But you listen up and listen good. I have seen athletes defy the odds more times than I can count. You’re strong, Maverick. Stronger than you probably feel right now. You can do this.”
“I can’t feel a fucking thing, Coach,” I choked out.
“It’s early days. You need to be patient, give it time, and do the work with your PT.”
“Yeah, Miller’s a real hoot.”
Coach chuckled at that. “At least you’ve still got your sense of humor. The team are chomping at the bit to come down and see you.”
“I’m not ready,” I blurted out.
“I know. I’ve given them strict orders to stay away until you give the word. But I can only keep them away for so long, Rick. Sooner or later they’re going to want to see their captain.”
“Fuck, I know.” I let out a ragged breath.
“Now what’s this I hear about you cutting off that girl of yours?”
“How do you...?” I pressed my lips together. Of course he knew. Coach Baxter knew everything, and I knew he’d been in contact with my mom and Gentry. He was that kind of guy. We weren’t just a team; we were a family. If one of us hurt, we all hurt.
“Want to talk about it?”
No. I really didn’t.
But I knew Coach and he wasn’t one to sugarcoat his words.
“We all need a good woman, son. And that girl you have in your corner would wage war if she thought it would help your cause. I’ve seen a lot of players chase the dream, seen them coast through college, enjoying the ride. But do you know what I haven’t seen a lot of? Girls who stick around. Couples who go the distance.” One of his bushy brows lifted. “Do not let her slip through your fingers because of something so fickle as your goddamn pride.”
I swallowed hard, hating that his words took root in my chest, coiling around my heart.
“Maverick,” he released a frustrated breath, “you think I don’t get it? You think I don’t know that all you can see right now is tomorrow or the day after that? But this isn’t forever, son. Regardless of what progress you do or don’t make, you have a whole life to live. And if Lo wants to live it right alongside you, that’s her decision to make.”
My eyes finally slid to his. “She deserves more.” The words echoed through me, reverberating all the way down to my soul.
“That is not for you to decide. Look, you have a lot to process. All I’m saying is, don’t do anything hasty. You need to let people in, not push them out. A positive attitude goes a long way in these situations.”
“Spare me the pep talk. I get enough of that from Miller.”
“Sounds like my kind of guy.” He smirked, his hearty laughter filling the room. When he finally composed himself, he asked, “Have you spoken to Tim?”
“He called to touch base. He’s handling the press and everything else that he needs to handle.”
Tim, my agent, was the least of my worries when I didn’t know if I would ever walk again. It was his job to worry about contracts and the draft. But none of that mattered if I ended up in a wheelchair
for the rest of my life.
Coach scoffed. He wasn’t exactly Tim’s biggest fan. But most agents were about lining their own pockets. It was just how it was.
“Have the doctors given you any kind of timeline?”
“You mean you didn’t call them already?”
“There’s a little thing called patient confidentiality. We both know it would have been fruitless. But that doesn’t mean I won’t do some digging while I’m here.”
“Good luck with that.”
“It’s real good to see you, son. It feels like all is lost now, but you’ll get there. One day at a time.”
“Not one step at a time?” I tried to fight the faint smile tracing my lips. Coach made it easy. He was a straight talker and there was something about the fact he was removed enough from my life that made it easy to talk like this with him.
“You’ll always be a part of my team, Rick. No matter what happens, you’re a Scorpion, you hear me?”
“Thanks, Coach.” I gulped back another wave of emotion.
He stood. “Just don’t let that stubborn head of yours do something stupid, okay?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, unsure whether it was a lie or not.
I wanted nothing more than to call up Lo and ask her to come here, but I didn’t want to cause any more heartache if things didn’t improve.
“I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Thanks... for everything, Coach.” It was hard to believe I might never play again under his leadership. So hard I felt tears burn the back of my eyes again.
“You should call the nurse about that.” He tipped his chin toward me and I frowned. “I think you’ve got a little something in your eyes.”
I shook my head, quiet laughter rumbling in my chest as I watched him leave.
He hadn’t done anything anyone else hadn’t already tried to do. But maybe it was because he wasn’t family, or maybe it was just his way with words, but I felt lighter.
For the first time since waking up, I felt a kernel of hope.
Lo
I stared at his name flashing across my phone, my heartbeat ratcheting.