by Cari Thomas
‘Look at the chocolates, Anna.’
Anna’s eyes darted from one to the other. Her stomach rumbled.
‘Now eat one.’
Anna had not expected that. She looked at Aunt for validation. Aunt nodded. Anna selected a heart-shaped chocolate from the box. She bit into it. The inside was soft and buttery with tiny crystals of sugar. Her hand reached out and selected another. She popped that in her mouth too: creamy orange zest. She took another one: dark truffle. Another: thick, fudgy on her teeth. Another. Another.
‘Anna,’ Aunt chimed in. ‘You are not controlling yourself …’
But Anna couldn’t stop. Another. Another. Another. She’d eat the whole box and be done with it – only the more she ate the more chocolates appeared, the compartments of the box never empty, always ripening with a new one.
Another. Another. Another. Her stomach was hurting now.
‘You must try harder.’ Aunt’s voice was growing sharper.
Anna understood the game now – the trick. She held onto her cord and tied the knot, trying to control the wanting inside of her, but they tasted too good – she couldn’t stop …
Another. Another. Sweat broke out across her forehead.
Another. Another. Another. She pulled the knot tight and managed to resist the last one momentarily but it was too late. Aunt held out a bowl for her to vomit in.
FOOTAGE
In capture we must never confess. By blood or flame, may silence be our only salvation, may death be our only freedom.
The Return, The Book of the Binders
Anna must have only slept a few hours when she woke. Effie was fast asleep. Anna remembered the events of the night before as if they had been a dream; then she looked down at her dress, the blood on her hands and the curse symbol staining the floor. She counted seven. She felt distinctly less invincible in the light of day, not helped by the groggy feeling in her head.
There was no sign of Manda, but her bed was made. She must have gone home, hopefully looking as if she’d enjoyed a night of heavy studying rather than partying. The kitchen was a bomb scene of empty bottles and glasses and pizza. The house was quiet except for the distant sound of hammering. Selene was meant to be back already. Where is she? Though Anna wanted to run back into the fun and freedom of the night – she had to talk to Selene.
Anna padded downstairs to Attis’s floor. The door to his forge was ajar. She took a deep breath and went in. He was hammering at the anvil, shoulder blades opening and closing through his T-shirt. She watched him for a while, making his music, just as he watched her make hers. She smiled at his concentration face, brow furrowed and tongue resting on his lower lip.
He turned around and jumped. ‘Anna.’
She laughed. ‘Who’s the creep now?’
He broke into a smile.
‘Do you ever sleep?’ she asked.
‘Not really. Though you’ve only had about three hours yourself.’
‘I wake early.’
‘Quite a night.’
Anna nodded, feeling self-conscious as she remembered the blur of the club, the wild dancing, the blood pact. ‘What’s going on there?’ she said, pointing at a mess of wood on the floor behind him – what looked like piano keys.
‘Oh, that.’ He scratched his head. ‘It’s part of a piano. I took it apart.’
‘Why?’
‘I wanted to see how it worked. They’re incredibly complex instruments. Do you know there are over ten thousand moving parts in a grand piano? Over a hundred in every single key.’
Anna nodded, bewildered. She knew the theory but she hadn’t really thought much about how a piano actually worked; the sound of it had been enough for her and the rest was magic. ‘And have you worked it out then, how they work?’
‘Yes and no.’ He kicked at some of the debris.
‘Do you know when Selene is due back?’
Attis dried his face off with a towel. ‘Do I ever know anything about Selene’s movements? The woman barely speaks to me.’
‘Yeah, I’ve noticed. Why?’
Attis shrugged. ‘I’m just another man to her. Disposable.’
‘You’re not just another man though, you’re Effie’s …’
‘Effie’s what?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Well, in that case I still only exist in relation to Effie, don’t I?’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
He sighed. ‘I know.’
Anna walked closer to the furnace, the heat of the fire on her face.
‘Don’t get too close,’ he cautioned.
‘What are you working on?’
‘Just finishing my blade. I’m shaping it at the moment.’
‘Can you show me how it works?’
His tension disappeared at her request. He smiled and rubbed a hand through his hair, sending it flying in different directions. ‘Of course. If you want to see?’
‘I do.’
He leapt over to the furnace. ‘Blacksmithery is a combination of tools, techniques, chemistry and artistry – but in many ways it is simple. It all begins with this.’ He ran a hand through the flames. ‘A true blacksmith knows how to speak with fire. Listening is the most important thing. The fire shouldn’t be too large or burn too quickly – you want a clean, concentrated flame. You have to listen to its music, the colours of its flames, the shades of its smoke, the patterns of its sparks.’ He raised his hands up and the flames grew taller. ‘I do have the advantage of magic, however.’
He drew the long piece of metal he’d been working on from the fire, its tip orange and angry. He beckoned Anna over to the anvil, placing the metal onto it. He began to beat it with a hammer – working quickly and skilfully – turning the blade on its side and hammering down, turning it again and flattening it out, a clear and steady rhythm. ‘I’m shaping it,’ he shouted, moving it from the flat part of the anvil to the horn-like end of it, twisting, turning, hammer singing, sparks flaring. He rubbed a bristled brush along it, hot scales peeling off the blade. ‘Want a go?’
‘No. I don’t think—’
‘Go on,’ he encouraged.
‘OK,’ said Anna, stepping towards the anvil. He picked up the metal again and showed her how to hold it steady. She took the hammer from him and brought it down onto the metal, feeling the shudder up her arm. Sparks skittered. Attis waved a hand, dispersing them away from her. She smiled. ‘I admit, hammering is fun.’
He placed his hands over the top of hers. ‘You want to draw it out. Keep turning it like this.’ He showed her how to move the piece of metal. ‘And easy with the hammer, firm but gentle …’
Anna tensed up at the proximity of his body, the closeness of his touch, but his attention was so entirely on the fire and teaching her that she became lost in it too. She was amazed at how malleable the metal was, how easily it responded to the hammer and yet how hard it was to get it to do quite what you wanted it to. She couldn’t imagine moving with the speed and precision Attis had. Slowly, the blade began to take form.
‘You’re picking it up quickly,’ he said, beaming.
Anna brought the hammer down again and, this time, as the sparks leapt into the air, Attis brought up his hand and froze them mid flight. Not quite frozen – they moved in slow motion – a suspended eruption. Anna laughed. Attis smiled at her delight and moved his hands again: the sparks began to turn in a fast spiral around her. She wanted to reach out and touch them but she knew they’d burn.
‘Show off,’ she teased.
He smiled. ‘I’m just a man who likes to flex my sparks.’ He took the blade and put it back in the fire to heat again.
Anna reluctantly handed him the hammer, wanting to learn more, to understand what every tool did, the different techniques, how to speak with fire. Her yearning didn’t stop there – it extended to all the magic that had woven its way through her life, a desire that burned within her as never before. She had nowhere to put it. She walked along the room to distract herself,
surveying the horseshoes on the walls, the shelves heavy with curiosities – hammers and tongs and pliers – weighing his life down as if he was worried it might float off at any moment.
Her eyes landed on the jar of keys again – the white was one among them. ‘Attis,’ she began tentatively. ‘Could I borrow your skeleton key?’
Attis walked over. ‘Why?’
‘There’s a room in my house I need to get into. Aunt keeps it locked. I just need to know what’s in there,’ she said, downplaying the desperation within her.
‘It’s probably just where your aunt keeps her items belonging to her secret rubber fetish.’
Anna gave him a withering look. ‘Attis, come on.’
‘Or she’s secretly into miniature railways? Or owns a ferret collection? Some people love ferrets.’
She wrenched her eyes from the key, irritated now. ‘Attis, why do you have to make a joke out of everything? Like all my questions are just punchlines – they’re not, this is my life. Please, I need your help.’
‘All I’m saying is – ferrets require a lot of space.’
‘Stop it. I’m serious. How can I know who I am without knowing who I came from? I have to. I’m running out of time!’
‘I don’t know my parents. Do you see me going around putting myself in danger?’ The joking edge had faded from his voice.
‘You knew your father …’
‘He wasn’t my real father.’
‘Well, you never told me that,’ she snapped. It was aggravating how little she knew about him, how much of himself he kept a secret. ‘But why would you? You don’t tell anyone who you are.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You’re a different person to everyone – no one really knows you.’ She stepped closer to him. ‘You know what the worst part is? You act like nothing matters to you, like everything’s a big joke, but I don’t buy it. You always ask me what I want but what the hell do you want? What do you want from this life? What are you? Who are you?’
‘You wouldn’t understand, Anna.’ The way he said her name, almost dismissively, made her angrier.
‘You know what I think?’
‘What?’
They were shouting now.
‘You don’t know who you are or what you want and you hide behind this mask, pretending to everyone you’re just fine, happy-go-lucky, when really, if you took it off, we’d all see you are nothing at all.’ Her words came out in a tumble, red and hot, hands shaking.
‘Well, I’m glad you’ve got me all worked out!’ He fired in return. ‘I’m glad you’ve realized what I’ve been trying to tell you – I AM NOTHING!’ His face was inches from hers, contorted, his features twisted, but his eyes were shot with pain. It caught her off guard.
She wasn’t sure what to do next. They were so close. The room so hot. Their anger alive and temporarily frozen like the sparks of only moments ago; Attis’s breath fast and heavy and the scent of him suddenly dizzying. Anna looked down. He stepped closer and lifted her chin, his eyes a smoke behind which fire burned—
‘What’s going on?’ Effie opened the door and they jumped apart.
Attis stalked to the anvil. ‘Nothing.’
Anna felt her face burning red. ‘Yeah, nothing. Just discussing keys.’
Effie looked at Anna with intensity. ‘Selene is back. I thought you wanted to speak to her.’
‘Yes.’ Anna quickly made for the door, deciding the best thing she could do was to leave.
‘You look more like your mother every day!’ Selene cried when she saw her, taking her face in her hands. Anna’s increasingly thumping head was still reeling from what had just happened. ‘Effie said you wanted to talk with me. I’ve just deposited a client in the back room so I can’t be long. Need to get a few ingredients prepared.’
‘I only need a moment.’ Anna tried to gather her thoughts – she didn’t know how she could fit everything into a moment. ‘I don’t know if Effie has told you anything, but there are these horrible girls at school—’
‘Effie tells me nothing.’
‘Well, they are the worst. Bullies, through and through.’
‘I abhor bullies,’ said Selene, walking over to her shelves.
‘They were threatening to do this awful thing to Rowan so we stepped in. Effie found a spell which would spread rumours about them that wouldn’t go away. It worked. Only I’m worried they’re working too well. It feels as if they’re becoming real.’
‘Sounds like they’re getting their comeuppance.’ Selene selected various bottles from her shelves.
‘But the spell is getting stronger. It doesn’t seem to be ending. What if it doesn’t end?
‘Darling, you do worry too much about everything. You’re a new coven, you wouldn’t have the power to do something that would get that out of hand. If you’re really worried, then I’ll talk to Effie, find out a bit more about it.’
Anna bit her lip. ‘It’s just’ – say it – ‘it’s just my magic, it feels like there’s something not right with it. This symbol keeps appearing, seven circles – the curse symbol. Perhaps it’s me, perhaps I’m what’s caused the spell to get out of hand … to become so dark …’
Effie entered the kitchen with Attis. Selene began to laugh. ‘Cursed.’ A high falling laugh, as if it were jumping off the edge of something. ‘Anna, you’re not cursed and, anyway, curses don’t work that way – they don’t affect spells like that.’
Anna breathed out, more frustrated than ever. ‘But the symbol—’
‘You’re making patterns out of nothing.’
‘I saw the symbol,’ said Effie. ‘It’s not nothing. Anna’s magic does seem a little … twisted.’ Effie smiled at her coldly.
‘Anna’s magic is not twisted,’ said Attis. ‘There’s no firm evidence that it’s cursed in any way.’
‘Attis is right,’ Selene agreed, although she seemed to resent admitting it. ‘There are no curses in your family’s magic. If there were, I’d know about them. How could you simply become cursed? Who would be cursing you? Come on now, Vivienne is just getting into your head. We know she does that. Why don’t you spend the day here? You and Effie can join my client session now. It’ll be delicious fun.’
‘What’s the spell?’ said Effie.
‘A revenge spell. Her husband cheated on her with another woman. We’re going to make him pay.’
‘Aren’t you currently seeing a married man?’ Effie pointed out.
‘All’s fair in love and magic.’
‘I thought you were with the man in the bath? Henry?’ said Anna.
Selene waved a hand. ‘Oh, I had to end it, he was falling in love with me and it was all getting rather dull.’
‘Right.’ Anna was growing tired of all this talk of love. ‘Does this other man really deserve this punishment?’
‘He’s a man, Anna. They have done us enough harm across the ages that any harm we do to them now is insignificant.’
‘String me up now,’ said Attis darkly.
Selene looked at him and somehow looked right through him at the same time. ‘Oh, come on, girls. It’s just a little love spell.’
‘Sure.’ Effie joined Selene.
‘Anna?’
Anna laughed incredulously. ‘You really don’t get it, do you, Selene?’ She stormed from the room. She did not make dramatic exits but she couldn’t help it. Selene was meant to be there for her, wasn’t she? She grabbed at her bag and her coat, trying to untangle them.
Selene appeared in the doorway, full of sighs. ‘Anna.’
Anna successfully wrenched them apart. ‘I have to go.’
‘Would you look at me?’
Anna spun to look at Selene, into the dazzling violet of her eyes. Too dazzling.
‘I’m sorry, darling. I just think—’
‘I’m going to become a Binder, Selene. Do you understand? Do you care?’
Selene closed her eyes, pained. ‘Of course I care. It’s difficult. I don’t kn
ow how—’
‘I guess we’re both afraid of Vivienne then,’ Anna spat.
‘What do you want, my little matchstick?’
‘I want to know the truth. Was there more to my mother’s death?’
Selene stepped forwards and took her by the hands. ‘No. Your parents’ death was the greatest sadness of my life but it was not a mystery, no more than any love is. There is no secret. There is no hidden story.’ Her eyes were as dark as the skin of a plum now. Serious. Urging.
Anna looked away, confused.
‘I know how Vivienne is with you, matchstick. I can’t imagine how hard it must be—’
‘She wants me bound,’ said Anna.
Selene’s hands trembled in hers. ‘I know. But I can’t decide your future for you.’
‘You really think I have a choice?’
‘If you ever feel like the choice isn’t yours then come to me. I promise you, I will help you. I’m not as afraid of Vivienne as you think.’
Anna gripped her hands tighter, holding onto Selene’s words. ‘Do you really promise?’
‘By the waxing of my heart, by the waning of my life, I promise on the moon. A witch’s promise. I will always be here for you.’
Anna watched as the flies crawled into the hair of the girl in the row in front of her. The prefects squirmed and shivered with them on stage. The hall smelt of rot, decaying flies and festering rumour. Headmaster Connaughty had looked defeated for weeks but this morning there was a new expression in his eye, something ravenous. His small eyes consumed the rows before him.
‘I must start today’s assembly with some troubling news. It appears that on Friday night the school grounds were broken into. We have obtained CCTV footage—’
Anna’s heart stopped.
‘—showing a group of five people – four girls and one boy – trespassing on school grounds. They lit a fire and …’ He coughed. ‘… danced around it.’
Furious whispers rippled across the pupils. And walked through it. He’s not going to share that part …