Threadneedle

by Cari Thomas

  She stood immobile, watching the blood spill out, before horror tore through her. She grabbed the key from the floor but the blood would not stop. She wrapped it in her sleeves and they began to turn red. She fled downstairs, blood seeping through her hands and onto the floor like footprints following her. She threw the key into the sink and left it to bleed down the plughole.

  Stay calm, stay calm. Anna couldn’t remember what calm felt like. Her heart was hammering, a pure black fear threatening at the sides of her vision. She poured water into a bowl, grabbed a cloth and cleaning products and ran upstairs. Back outside the third-floor room, she wiped the blood from the door and scrubbed furiously at the carpet. The blood did not come away. She poured water on it, sprayed it with every spray at hand, scrubbed it and scrubbed it, and still it did not budge.

  Aunt would be home in two hours. Fear coursed through her uncontrollably.

  She ran back downstairs; the key was still bleeding out into the sink. She looked up and saw the rose bush in the corner of the room had opened – every single rose – like sirens going off. She ran blindly into the dining room – they were all open too. She ran to the living room – the same: roses looking back at her, agape and laughing.

  She felt as if she would faint and fell to her knees, fear edging her mind with darkness. The wall of embroideries looked down at her, but they weren’t the embroideries she’d sewn; the pretty borders, the Bible verses, the flowers had turned, were turning … turning into the sign of the curse … threads reweaving themselves into seven circles, the centre a dark hole, into which her mind was descending …

  She looked at her hands. They were covered in blood.

  The darkness took over.

  CHOKE KNOT

  From Thorn Bindings, to Knot Lashings, to Death Knot Stances, there are a range of tools, techniques and knots that can be employed for various acts of penance. Pairing the correct method to the weakness in question requires careful self-examination and ongoing assessment.

  Binders’ Training, The Book of the Binders

  She was drowning. Water in her mouth. She coughed and opened her eyes. Aunt was standing above her with an empty glass. What she’d done came back to her all at once. She looked at her hands – they were still stained with blood.

  ‘The guilty are marked,’ said Aunt. ‘Up.’

  Anna stood up without thinking. She went to speak but realized she couldn’t. She couldn’t do anything.

  ‘You don’t like that sensation, do you?’ Aunt held a cord in front of her face, a knot in the centre of it: the Choke Knot. ‘I’ve bound your free will. I had no choice. You’ve betrayed me again, but it’s for the last time. Feels most unpleasant, doesn’t it, like you’re trapped in your own body?’

  It did and yet it was worse. She wasn’t trapped, she was empty. Her body was no more than a shell, her life force was elsewhere, hidden somewhere she couldn’t get to.

  ‘The room on the third floor is just a test, an empty test, and you failed. You had to go in there, didn’t you? I don’t even want to know where you got that key. I trusted you, I treated you like an adult and you have responded like a child.’ Each word was drawn out with a slow, shuddering disappointment. ‘From now on you will do as I say. You will speak my words, you will think my thoughts and you will become a Binder. This knot.’ She held up the cord. ‘This knot is the end.’

  Anna could not move or speak. She tried to panic but even that was denied her.

  Aunt compelled her to scrub the blood from the carpet all afternoon until her fingers bled into the cloths. The blood still did not budge. Aunt had known it wouldn’t, that only magic would remove it. Then Anna was sent to her room, not knowing when she would see the outside of it again.

  Not having control over her own body was the strangest, most terrible sensation and yet it wasn’t just the physical aspect that disturbed Anna, but how peculiarly hard it was to tap into your thoughts and feelings freely when your body did not belong to you. When sadness overwhelmed her, she could not cry; when anger came, she could do nothing but sit and stare at the wall; she could not laugh, if she ever had a reason to laugh again; it was impossible to think straight about the questions that held her just as captive. She felt as if she were drowning inside of herself.

  After a paralysing day and night of emptiness, Aunt loosened the knot enough for her to move around, enough to do her school work, but not enough to formulate any plan of escape.

  Aunt informed the school she had glandular fever and Anna lost track of the days she was locked away. It didn’t really matter any more; her body was the prison now. Of the many punishments Aunt had carried out over the years, this beat them all. Sleep. Wake. Work. Sit. Long to cry. Sleep. Wake. Work. Sit. Long to cry.

  Would Selene come? Would she save her like she’d promised?

  After two weeks, Anna lost the distant hope of even that.

  One night she heard quiet knocking on her balcony doors. She got up and saw Attis behind them, looking at her through the glass. She looked into the grey rain of his eyes and then turned around and went back to bed. She couldn’t open the doors; she couldn’t want to open them. She wondered if he might break them down, but he didn’t.

  Several hours later she got up to see if he was still there but he was gone.

  Another week passed and time lost all meaning without meaning to give it substance. She lost the will to work and retreated to bed, watching the daylight come and go.

  She couldn’t say exactly how long it had been when Aunt came into her room. The light was low – it was evening. Anna sat up, limbs weak. Aunt smiled at her. Anna couldn’t even hate her.

  ‘I can feel you, flapping your wings against this magic, but you won’t get out. Come and sit.’

  Anna took a seat in front of the mirror.

  ‘I know you think me cruel.’ Aunt picked up the brush and began to untangle her hair, softly. ‘You and me, we’ve always had each other, haven’t we?’ Her eyes looked tired. ‘I have done my best to do what’s right for you and these are the thanks I get. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you.’

  Anna could not answer.

  ‘Your Knotting will soon be upon us – arrangements are being made. You agree now that becoming a Binder is the right decision?’

  Anna’s head nodded.

  ‘Good. You see now, your magic isn’t right. It must be bound.’

  Anna nodded again.

  ‘I have always been kind to you, Anna, kinder than I should, and so I will indulge you one last freedom. You can return for the last week of school, hand in all your coursework and – you may go to the ball. Peter has been calling the house almost every day to see how you are.’

  Anna thought of Peter distantly.

  ‘He tells me you’re going together. You should have told me. No matter, he will come here to pick you up and I will meet him. He has promised to have you home by midnight and no later.’

  Aunt held up the knot and undid it.

  Anna felt as if she’d suddenly risen to the surface after being held deep underwater. Air entered her lungs in a rush of pain and bliss. She gasped and felt as if she was going to faint. Aunt pushed her forward, keeping her head low. ‘Take it easy now. It can be overwhelming.’

  Anna had a hundred things to say and too many thoughts to think. She rallied against the light-headedness, clenched her fists and breathed in, out, in, out, her body her own again.

  She looked at Aunt and felt … hate, guilt, rage, shame and, somewhere buried deep, a decaying sort of love. She tried to find words but there was nothing left to say.

  Anna waited for the next punishment to come, the finale, the pain, but Aunt simply said, ‘Get some sleep. You’ve got school tomorrow,’ and left.

  In the morning Anna left her bedroom. The embroideries had been taken down from the living-room walls. Anna wondered if they were still woven into the curse mark. There was no denying it any more – she was cursed, and she was sure that her mother and aunt were cursed also. She
remembered the pattern sewn into Aunt’s skin: She’d been punishing herself, just like she punishes me.

  Whatever was wrong with their magic, Anna was sure it was linked to her mother’s death and had left Aunt twisted and afraid. Everything her own magic had touched had turned rotten after all, and it had certainly attracted all the wrong kinds of attention. Perhaps it would be easier to be bound. She thought of the empty, contented expression in Rosie’s eyes – it couldn’t be worse than the Choke Knot.

  She walked to the train, enjoying the feeling of her legs moving, the wind in her hair, the riot of clouds in the sky. Selene’s words came back to her. Your mother chose to open her heart to the world, while Vivienne closed hers forever. Anna clung to them. She would not give up yet. She knew how Aunt worked; the Choke Knot had been intended to terrify her into complying, but it had only made her see – feel – what her life would be if she complied. Whatever was wrong with their magic might have led to her mother’s death, but was Aunt really alive?

  At school, the flies were gone, the hallways were clean and bright and yet whispers followed her as she walked. The old sort of whisper. What did I expect? Between her break-up from Effie, her piano performance and her mysterious disappearance, people were interested. Anna found she didn’t really care.

  ‘Oh no, the Nobody’s back and nobody cares.’ She heard Darcey laugh when they passed in the corridor. Anna could have kissed her with relief. Darcey could call her every name under the sun, so long as it wasn’t witch.

  Anna went into the common room at lunchtime and saw Effie, Rowan and Manda sitting at a table. She wasn’t going to avoid them any more. If she’d learnt one thing from feeling nothing for three weeks it was that feeling rejected and hurt wasn’t so bad. It’s something. Effie’s eyes followed her with something like interest.

  After Biology, Rowan pulled her into a long hug. ‘Where have you been? Did you really have glandular fever? Mum rang your aunt but she just kept saying you were on the mend. She was threatening to go to your house and give her a piece of her mind. Were you ill?’

  Anna shook her head.

  ‘I knew it. It was your crazy aunt, wasn’t it? Goddess knows, I almost told my mum, but I held back. I held back because you asked me to but I wish you hadn’t. You look pale again. What did she do to you? What did you do to make her do whatever she did to you? I’m overwhelming you with questions, aren’t I?’

  ‘Overwhelm me all you want.’ Anna hugged Rowan tightly and Rowan gave her a curious look.

  ‘I tried to find out about my family’s past. Aunt caught me, locked me up. That’s all there is to it really.’

  ‘You know that’s like so many levels of illegal, right?’

  ‘Yeah, but the police stand little chance against my aunt.’ Anna tried to smile but it caught in her throat.

  ‘Please let’s talk to Mum. There are witch groves who will help you.’

  ‘No. It’s fine. I need to sort this on my own.’

  ‘Anna.’ It was Effie’s voice. Rowan spun round, looking guilty. She’s still not meant to be talking to me.

  ‘Effie,’ said Rowan. ‘Look. Anna is here.’

  ‘I see that.’ Effie’s mouth was a hard line.

  ‘So, I’m just going to leave you two to talk.’ Rowan walked awkwardly in the other direction, disappearing around the building.

  Effie’s mouth softened. ‘You’re back.’

  ‘Looks like. Have I ruined your day?’

  ‘You took Attis’s key. He’s mad at you. What did you do? What did she do to you?’ Effie was always there for the gossip, the juice.

  ‘I tried to get into the third-floor room. I failed. Aunt found out and I’ve been consigned to my room ever since. I’m becoming a Binder now.’ Anna smiled cheerily.

  ‘Just like that? You’re going to give it all up?’

  ‘Yes. Maybe …’

  Effie’s eyes lit up at her moment of indecision. ‘Look. I’m sorry.’ It came out aggressively, as if she could force Anna into forgiveness. ‘I got carried away. I do that. I shouldn’t have said the things I said.’

  ‘No, you shouldn’t have.’

  ‘I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was mad. I just didn’t want to undo everything we’d done, to have Darcey going back to being so cruel to you. I was trying to protect you.’

  Anna laughed. ‘Protect me? You threw me out of the coven. I thought we were bound together forever.’

  ‘We are.’ Effie looked away and back, her eyes roiling with the storms that Anna had so long been drawn to. ‘I’m not an easy person, Anna. I’m not easy to like. It’s why I don’t have many people in my life and I’m still adjusting, I haven’t had many girlfriends before—’

  ‘No shit.’

  ‘Hey, I thought I was the smart mouth in this group.’

  ‘I’ve learnt from the best.’

  ‘Look. I need you. I need you to call me out on my bullshit, OK? You’re one of the few people not afraid of me.’

  ‘Oh, I’m afraid of you.’

  ‘I’m not so sure about that. So, are we going to hang out again or what?’ Effie smiled, but it had none of the menace of her usual grin – it was unsure. Anna felt her heart tug.

  ‘Did you get rid of the video?’

  ‘Course.’

  ‘Then – OK.’

  Effie’s smile deepened. She picked a leaf from the tree beside her and placed it in Anna’s hand. She put her own underneath and the leaf started to blow up into the summer breeze. Anna felt the magic at once, the pulse of Effie’s hand, the life of the leaf.

  ‘We’ve had some pretty good times, you have to admit.’

  Anna smiled. ‘Unforgettable.’

  ‘Don’t give up yet. When is this whole Binders thing going to go down?’

  ‘At some point over the summer holidays.’

  ‘We have time. Selene will help.’

  ‘Will she? She didn’t come when I was locked in.’

  ‘I know. I’m still not talking to her. She was mad though, I’ve never seen her so mad, but she said there was no way to get to you, that Vivienne’s magic was too strong.’

  ‘Attis came …’

  ‘I wanted to go with him but he said it would be less conspicuous if just one of us went. Anyway, fat lot of use he was. He didn’t come back with you either.’

  Anna shook her head. ‘There was no breaking me out.’

  ‘You’re out now?’

  ‘For now.’

  ‘We’ll speak to Selene.’

  Yes. Selene will help. She has to help.

  ‘You can come to mine before the ball and we can talk to her,’ Effie continued. ‘You’re still going, right?’

  Anna hadn’t thought about it – a school ball felt entirely too normal compared to the chaos of her life, and yet she wanted to go. ‘I guess. I promised Peter I would. If he still wants to, considering my absence and complete lack of communication.’

  ‘Oh, he still wants to.’ Effie smirked. ‘I’ve been taunting him about it. So, come to mine to get ready?’

  ‘I can ask. But Aunt may lock me back up at the thought of it.’

  THE BALL

  Ecstasy Rituals absolve the sins of the group, for sin drives out sin. The sin is undertaken repeatedly until it can no longer be endured. At the point of exaltation it is bound within each individual.

  Binders’ Rituals, The Book of the Binders

  Aunt refused to let Anna go to Effie’s house before the ball but assented to Effie coming to their house instead. Anna was shocked at even that concession. It was truly one last night of freedom. After the Choke Knot she wanted nothing more than to live every moment of it – and then she would go to Selene. She would find a way out.

  Effie arrived late. ‘Vivienne, so good to see you again.’ She smiled, stepping through the doorway.

  Aunt smiled in return. ‘A pleasure to see you too.’

  If looks could kill they’d both be dead.

  ‘Effie, let’s go upstairs.’ Anna wanted
their interaction to be as limited as possible.

  ‘Wow, your room is bland,’ said Effie. She began poking through her shelves and drawers.

  ‘Aunt wouldn’t have it any other way.’

  ‘Who’s this?’ Effie pulled out the picture of her parents.

  Anna had been looking at it the night before and regretted not hiding it deeper. She grabbed it off her. ‘My mother – and my father.’

  ‘She was pretty. I didn’t imagine her with black hair.’ Effie turned to look at Anna; her gaze became critical. ‘What are you wearing?’

  ‘This.’ Anna held up an old dress. She knew it was the worst – an unflattering purple colour, long and shapeless. It was the closest she could find to something resembling an evening dress.

  ‘We’ll deal with whatever that is later, but I meant underneath.’

  ‘What, like, underwear?’

  ‘Don’t look so shocked, you do know that’s on the cards, don’t you? Peter has a boarding room at the Boys’ School, he’s going to want to take you back there. Every guy feels obligated to try and sleep with their date at the summer ball.’

  ‘Peter wouldn’t – he’s not like that.’

  ‘You don’t even know him, Anna. Anyway, I bought you something.’ She took a package wrapped in tissue paper out of her bag.

  ‘Thanks.’ Anna looked at it warily. She unwrapped it and pulled out a pair of white pants and a bra, trimmed with feathery lace. ‘You want me to wear these?’

  Effie stood up and began to take her clothes off. Underneath she was wearing similar underwear in black. ‘See? They look amazing. I figured white for you. You know: virginal and pure. Peter will love that.’

  ‘I am not sleeping with Peter.’

  ‘What else is there to do with him? He’s a complete bore but he does have a certain intensity. Put them on just in case; besides, they make you feel sexy, trust me.’

  The look on Anna’s face obviously revealed she did not trust Effie, not at all.