Whatever her emotional state, this was just too fucking much. There had definitely been someone there. It was the same guy that had been in her room that morning. She wasn’t hallucinating. People just don’t vanish. She’d been trying really hard to build herself up, keep going, keep moving, because if she stopped she didn’t know if she could start again. This was wrong. Taking her heart was wrong. She wanted to let it out, to scream, but her frustration was in her head. Trapped like a fluttering bird in a cage.
Cleaning tables and serving customers, Kat started to have second thoughts. What if she was seeing things? She wasn’t taking any drugs, particularly no painkillers. But who knows what the people in the room next door where doing? She could have a tumour growing in her head, causing her to see things. How else could someone enter a locked room, keeping it locked? Perhaps she was seeing ghosts instead. There was no telling what not having your heart could do. Bet there weren’t many cases of it written up in medical journals. What would they find when they examined her, the MRI grinding away? A dark void, a small rodent on a wheel?
Otherwise she could see living people no-one else could. If all the dead did was stand there and do nothing, Kat could probably get used to it. Did they speak? Maybe she could have that dinner with famous dead people? Ask Marylin Munro who killed her? Become a detective and help them solve their murders? That might be rather cool. Work kept her from worrying about it too much. Another good reason to take the job in the diner; she was usually too busy to think.
Kat looked for more than bugs when she let the morning sun into her room. It was clear. She closed the door, turned around and the guy appeared. Although he flickered, like film speeding up through a projector. She just wanted her shower and some peace. Kat was almost angry. It was good to feel something, even the thin reflection of it.
“What do you want?” she shouted.
The man just stood there, casting no shadow in the light coming through the curtains. His indifference really irritated her. She pushed him, but her hands met barely any resistance, as though passing through a lace curtain. Whatever he was, the guy didn’t seem to notice her.
Something warm jumped around on Kat’s chest when she got close to the guy. The key that the pastor had given her. Evelyn. It was vibrating on its leather thong. While Kat took it on and off regularly, she barely noticed it. Just personal wallpaper.
Kat took it out, and it started to get warmer and vibrate faster. The guy saw the key. His head snapped around to look at it. His eyes rolled back into place, bloodshot and wide. A high-pitched keening noise emerged from him. The sound should have been unnerving, but in her dampened state it was just an irritation.
Taking the thong from around her neck, Kat held the key out in front of her, like Van Helsing warding off Dracula with a cross. It almost jumped out of her hand and she nearly dropped it as it quickly heated up. The guy flickered out as fast as he’d appeared. The key began to cool and stopped vibrating.
What was so special about this key? Kat looked closely at it. It was made from a dark grey metal. An unusual pattern ran through it, geometric, angular, like someone had marked a number of lines that crossed each other diagonally; as though several tiny cubes had been hammered flat and shaped into an ancient key.
She really should have taken it back, but it was a long way across town and when she got up she barely had enough energy to go to work. Maybe she’d take it over in a few days, build herself up to the journey. Little steps, like when she quit smoking, cutting down one fag at a time.
Except she never did quit that way. She may have bought less, but Kat begged and borrowed from anyone she knew. That long night, when she’d flushed half a packet away, the bits of tobacco floating in the bowl, she’d walked through a storm visiting every late night kebab shop and chippy ‘til she found a shop still open and able to fill her cravings. She couldn’t drive to the big supermarket as she’d been drinking. Kat would’ve smoked something she picked up off the pavement if it all hadn’t been sodden. After that night Kat knew how low she could have gone, how far she would’ve walked. She went cold turkey when she finished that pack, smoked every bit of every cancer stick, and hadn’t looked back.
It was no good putting this off until she had the strength. She would always be weak. Unless she could get her heart back, it seemed. But with no way to get back at Danton it was better to accept it and act than keep pretending there was some brighter tomorrow when she’d be full of vigour.
8
She showed up at the Church of the Holy Spirit mid-afternoon. Hector had been happy to let her take a day off, if a little surprised as Kat had worked every day since she’d started. She’d had to take two busses to get here. It was a comforting sight, the old building amongst the new, something that felt clean but not antiseptic.
Kat opened the main door and walked in. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, and the church went from looking empty to being packed. There were so many people here and she’d just blundered in. It was embarrassing to intrude on the service that was taking place. She turned to go when she heard Evelyn call her name.
“Kat. Oh, I never thought I’d see you again,” said Evelyn, who looked relieved. “I thought you might be dead.”
“Sometimes it feels like it.” She almost smiled. How could Evelyn just abandon a service like that? “I’m sorry, I can see you’re busy,” Kat said.
“Busy? No, not at all. I saw you at the hotel and I didn’t know what to think.”
No one in the congregation was moving, or singing. No one had even turned to see who had disturbed the silence. Maybe they were all praying. No.
“At the hotel?” said Kat, uncertain, something wasn’t right here. “When?”
“I realised you still had my key, so I followed you. I looked all over, and they wouldn’t tell me your room. Then I saw you, leaving with two guys,” said Evelyn, sounding nervous. She wasn’t wearing any robes, just jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe this was one of those modern churches that did away with dog-collars and silly hats.
Suddenly it made sense, although it was a black hole for Kat.
“Danton’s people.” Couldn’t Evelyn have stopped them, called the police maybe? “I owed them some money. They took their pound of flesh.” She was being unfair. Evelyn looked like she couldn’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag and it wasn’t like Kat had been able to do much more than give them a withering glare. “We can talk about this later, after you’ve finished the service.”
“Service?” said Evelyn. “No. There’s no service.”
“Then why are all these people here?”
Evelyn looked stunned. “You can see them?”
“Of course I can…” It sunk in. They were the same, the same as the guy she saw yesterday. But that meant Evelyn could have seen that guy too, right?
“This is just some of my congregation,” Evelyn said. “Usually no one else knows they’re here.”
That pretty much sealed it. “They’re ghosts, aren’t they?”
Ghosts? She’d guessed as much, but Evelyn was confirming this was real. Kat had been seeing them for a long time. She just hadn’t realised because until yesterday she hadn’t interacted with any of them. At least she wasn’t completely losing her mind. But it was still hard to believe. Once you were dead, you were dead. Her sister was the churchy one. The supernatural was just stories to scare you.
“There is a service later, but it doesn’t start for another few hours. Why don’t you come through the back and we can talk about it?”
Kat let Evelyn lead her. The key hanging round her neck got warm and started vibrating as she passed Evelyn’s congregation. They passed a large number of ghosts, all staring blindly off into different directions, all packed into the rows. The ones nearest the aisle tried to move away from her, but there were too many in the row, and started to make the same high-pitched banshee wail her visitor had. Kat felt the hairs on her neck rise, and the eerie itching sensation that went with it. She shivered, but she w
asn’t cold.
The dead were dressed in tuxedos, jeans, leathers, suits, skirts and shirts. All kinds of dress, as varied as the races, and ghosts of both sexes were present. Some sported obvious injuries; crusted burns, trauma holes, impaled objects. Normally, she’d have turned away, revolted, sickened by the damage done to their bodies. Detached, she could look more closely, see the exit wounds of a large calibre round, the effect of the impact of a steering wheel on a rib cage, and wonder at whatever it was that made it appear that someone’s abdomen had exploded outwards. This particular ghost had fragments of viscera, blood, and bone scattered in two cones expanding from their front and back.
The first time she’d been here she must have slept amongst them, oblivious. The hairs rose higher on her neck.
Evelyn led her onward. The front two rows of the church were less crowded. Unlike the others, the ghosts sitting there were intact. They took an interest in her, watched her go by.
Kat sat at the kitchen table while Evelyn was busy once more with the ritual of coffee-making, like nothing unusual was going on.
Ghosts were real! Evelyn saw them too, and that was good, reassuring in a way. Kat knew she ought to feel shocked, scared, something, anything. Instead, she was hollow. Maybe she’d always seen ghosts and the loss of her heart had nothing to do with it. Surely one of them would have disturbed her before now?
Did Danton know about this side-effect? Was this part of his plan, his sick punishment?
Evelyn put a mug in front of Kat. The coffee was dark and welcome.
“I’ve seen ghosts since I was old enough to notice the difference,” Evelyn said. “My Grandma realised, and she persuaded my Grandpa to take me under his wing. He was a minister in the church and none of my uncles, or my dad, had shown any indication of truly seeing. They understood the tenets, but they had to take it all on faith.”
“How do you cope seeing them like that, all bashed and broken?”
“I guess I just stopped paying close attention to the drones after a while. They’re like lift music.”
Kat hoped she never got to the point where images of the dead became like wallpaper. “Drones?”
“Yeah. The ones who’ve forgotten who they were. They can’t communicate, but can be pretty scary if they react to something. Like mini-tornadoes - full-on poltergeist, electrical disruption, the whole works.”
“Some of them can talk?”
Evelyn laughed. “Sometimes you wish they’d shut up. Not all ghosts are drones. Many of them remember well who they were. We, the Church, try to provide some care for them. It’s when they forget that they become drones.”
“Anyway they can reverse it?”
Evelyn shrugged. “Amongst those that can speak there’s talk of Remembrancers, wraiths with the power to bring them back - and probably equally fancifully some believe if they do good deeds this will help. Unfortunately, despite the veneer, many who stay around weren’t nice people, and death hasn’t improved them.” She took a sip of her coffee and added more sugar. “How long have you been seeing them? You didn’t seem to notice them last time you were here.”
“After you saw me being taken away, I woke up in an industrial unit. One of Danton’s goons ripped my heart from my chest. Part punishment, part exchange for my debts,” said Kat. “Maybe I’d been seeing them for a while, but it was only yesterday that they first stood out.”
“Bullshit! Sorry, but you’d be dead! That’s just not possible,” said Evelyn, who reached out and prodded Kat. “Maybe you were drugged?”
“Come and have a listen if you like.” Instead she stood up and held Evelyn’s hand to her chest. Kat felt the warmth of Evelyn’s hand through her blouse.
Evelyn snatched her hand away and held like she’d burned it, or had an electric shock. She looked sick. “That’s…”
“Just not possible?” said Kat.
“I’ve talked to the dead my whole life,” Evelyn said, looking pale and afraid. “But this is something else, again. It just seems unreal. This is all new to me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Kat, sitting back down. “I thought I’d been drugged too, some kind of sleight of hand to fool the gullible, hypnosis. You name it, I’ve considered it. The one thing remains; I’ve no heartbeat, no energy, no emotions, and now I see dead people.” She shrugged. “I can’t believe it either. Every morning I’ve checked, and nothing has changed. If it’s a drug or suggestion it’s not worn off. And now you’ve confirmed it, unless you’re working with them.”
Kat looped the thong from round her neck and handed the key over to Evelyn. “This is why I came here. It scared off the ghost, the drone, who was bugging me yesterday. I’ve no idea how. I’d forgotten I still had it until then.”
Evelyn smiled. “Thank you. When I saw you being taken off I thought it was lost forever. I didn’t know what to do. Given what you’d told me about your situation I was worried. I called the cops, who spoke to the hotel. They said you’d checked out, paid your bill with your credit card. I’d been standing there the whole time, but seems you can do these things from your room’s entertainment system. I did what I could.”
“It’s OK. Thank you for trying. Many people wouldn’t have bothered,” said Kat. “I didn’t mean to keep it. I didn’t realise I still had until I got back to the hotel. It’s so unusual I figured it must be important. What does it open?”
“It’s kind of a relic,” said Evelyn, who sounded hesitant. “As you know, it can be kinda useful in keeping away drones. They don’t like iron for some reason. I’ve only ever used the key though. Might be something about it, its shape maybe. It’s like an ankh at the end.”
“Why do they come here? Do you help them to pass on properly? Surely not everyone stays behind as a ghost? This town would be much more crowded and I’d like to think I’d have noticed sooner.”
“We believe they’re sacred, an important part of the Trinity. As you assumed earlier we hold services for those that can still reason. I’m guessing the rest still come out of habit.”
The Trinity; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. “All ghosts are holy?” said Kat.
“God didn’t take them to Heaven for a reason. We don’t think it’s a punishment but a blessing to spend more time here without the burdens of the flesh.”
Kat smiled. “No offence, but that’s the first time I’ve heard you sound like a pastor.”
“None taken.” Evelyn smiled too. “The faith isn’t something I really get to preach to many of the living. Usually it’s just family or people with a gift like yours who come looking for answers. Everyone else at a service is dead. Well, mostly, I’ve met the spirits of people knocking on heaven’s door. Some recover from an illness or some such and join the church. Many pass on.”
“I guess you’ll have to get ready soon,” Kat said, standing.
“You can stay for the service, if you want,” said Evelyn. “You can meet some more of the congregation, living and dead.”
“Sorry, I’m so used to thinking about getting ready for my shift,” said Kat. “I get used to routine easily now. Actually, I have the night off.” What harm would there be in hanging out with the dead for a little longer? What kind of service can you hold for ghosts? Not much chance of communion if you can’t eat the wafers and drink the wine. Maybe they take it more literally.
“Where are you working?” said Evelyn.
“Just a diner. Need to save enough money to get my heart back from Danton.” Kat could see the question in Evelyn’s eyes and answered it first. “I’m done with the tables and the cards. That’s how I got in this mess. I still itch to play, but I’m going to get out of this with hard work, even if it takes me forty years.”
9
Turned out Evelyn did have a ceremonial outfit; a simple plain white smock. It fitted with the bare altar and alcoves. How else do you represent the invisible? It was classier than a bed sheet worn over the head with some eyeholes cut out of it.
Kat wasn’t sure where to sit. Stayin
g at the back with the drones was out of the question, even though there seemed to be fewer of them. Sitting in the front rows with the ghosts there felt wrong, but there was no segregation here. Given the reverence for the dead souls that this church showed it was an honour to sit with the ghosts, and she was just being dead-ist - or whatever it was called - to discriminate against those disadvantaged in the beating heart area. She should feel ashamed; she had momentarily forgotten that included herself. In the end she sat at the end of the second row, near the aisle. Ghosts had to keep thanking her for letting them past, a movement which was accompanied by a slight chill, and in the worst cases, where instead of brushing against her they brushed though her, Kat experienced a sensation like wetness yet it left no stain.
She kept having a weird sensation like icicles crawling up her spine. Each time she looked at the ghosts Kat saw people, but knew that wasn’t the truth. They seemed solid enough, and they weren’t walking corpses like the drones. They seemed at first glance to be alive, but she could see through them as well, like one of those bookmarks that showed two scenes depending on how you tilted them. A movement of her head, or they shifted one of their limbs, and the illusion of life was shattered and Kat was thrown into an Uncanny Valley where all her instincts told her that this was wrong. Facing front, Kat concentrated on Evelyn and the plain alcove behind her.
The service started with Evelyn thanking everyone for coming and welcoming newcomers in particular. Kat had no way of knowing if that included more than just her. So far as she could tell she was the only living person in the congregation.
“Our first reading is from John, Chapter 14, Verse 26.
“‘But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.’
“The Holy Ghost was a source of teaching and remembrance. Without remembrance the teachings would be lost. We would all be lost. It is only through remembrance that we remain who we are and can continue our teaching and avoid being cast into forgetfulness, like the rephaim, our brothers and sisters at the back of the church. Forgetfulness is only one step away from falling into Sheol and being lost forever from the earth. Through remembrance we can reach Elysium.
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