by Naomi Penn
Still, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I saw my hand shake as I brought the cup of tea up to my lips. The warm liquid did not make the fear I felt any less dominant, but I kept drinking it in order to keep up the little sense of appearance that I still possessed.
Even though Ruth was a friend, I still wanted to show her that I was a lady and not the over-dramatic, self-serving wench that everyone else seemed to label me as.
I felt as though if she saw what everyone else seemed to, she would be far less inclined to help me, especially since she was now considered recovered.
My mother had mentioned that she was pleased that Ruth had the grace to still see the likes of me, even if it was to help, since she was now being successfully treated. She didn’t say it directly, but the comment made me feel as though I was just some social leper, which infected and dragged down everyone around me.
I understood that she was angry with me, but I still did not see the need to be so cruel. After all, I was trying to change. It was just going to take a little bit of research and effort, since I certainly was not going to agree to the cruelties that many of the doctors were practicing.
“Not exactly...” She answered and then chuckled with a melodious sense of pleasure, without sounding the least bit crazed. The laugh was calculated and perfectly womanlike as she corrected herself, “Well, truth be told, it is not a surgery of any sort.” Her lips spread into a wide grin as she answered, “It is just…the cure…the salvation that has enabled me to reclaim my life.”
I nodded, even though I had no idea what that was supposed to mean. I grasped my cup of tea, along with its saucer and brought it close to my head, before lifting it the small remaining distance to my mouth so that I might be able to hide the shaking of my hand. I then took the time to replace the cup and saucer on the table in front of me, before I answered, “Excuse me for being forward…”
“Of course dear,” Ruth answered calmly, interrupting me, “I understand that you are forward. It is just a part of your ailment.” She easily sipped her tea, looking poised and perfectly put together as ever. In a way, I was jealous.
I wanted to be the epitome of grace, like the woman before me. In that moment, I saw what a difference Ruth had, in her confidence and in her abilities as a pious, proper woman. It was a sense of normal that at the moment, even though my father had more money than her entire family combined and I was sure that he would have given it all just to have a daughter who was considered well, I could not afford.
Perhaps I don’t have a choice… I thought to myself. Maybe I have to go through with this treatment.
In an effort to refrain from reaching across the small table and smacking that lowly grin off of Ruth’s face, I just returned the toothy gesture and replied, “Thank you. I am slowly coming into the acceptance that I do need to seek help and as my first step, I have come to you.”
She nodded, “We have been friends for a long time. I am so happy that you are still able to see that I am still the same woman that you used to know…”
“Do you really think that this procedure will help me?” I asked, knowing that I was probably coming off as bold and brash, but instead of continuing to take these subtle, ladylike backhanded compliments to my efforts, I decided to try to get right to the point as best as I could.
Ruth’s lips pressed together with a sense of annoyance, but I could really have cared less. She was wrong about what she was saying anyway. She wasn’t the friend that I had before. She now, somehow thought that she was above me, just because she now had the opportunity to pull herself up the social ladder and hopefully gain a husband before she reached the age of the old maid, while I could only hope that I was reaching my rock bottom and beginning to raise my eyes to the light at the end of the hole I had sank into over the past few years.
“Yes,” she answered stoutly, “It worked wonders for me and I do believe that you still have a chance at redemption as well. You just have to act fast.” She narrowed her eyes in a serious manner and answered, “I see so much of the woman I used to be in your eyes.”
That light might be blinding now, but I knew that eventually, if this cure was the true miracle that Ruth claimed it to be, I would surpass her on that ladder faster than she could ever imagine. She was, after all, far crazier than I have ever been and so I had a distinct advantage. “That is why I am hoping you can help me. However, you must understand the fear that I have, what with all of the horrific solutions,” I could not help but to roll my eyes at the concept, “that the elders are trying to incorporate into our treatment. I have heard such morbid stories and accounts of women being mutilated in the name of medicine and science…” I stopped to place my hand on my heart and take a deep breath, as though I was ashamed of what I had just said. Words with such a harsh connotation, regardless of the truth they hold should never cross a woman’s lips, but I felt for those poor souls so much, that I knew the truth just had to be spoken in this company.
“I do understand,” Ruth answered, backing away from me slightly, as though her virgin ears had never experienced such cruelty and she was really only answering my tone so that the noise I was casting upon her would cease.
I was quiet for a long moment, trying to ensure that the stain that was cast in the shadow of my words continued to linger in the air like the scent of bad perfume.
Finally, she added to what she had originally said by expressing, “There is a certain sense of secrecy, because the cure does work very well, but I must admit that there are no appropriate words that can prepare you. It is just one of those instances that you need to be there, especially the first time, to really become one with the person that you want to be.” She smiled then, thinking about the cure and told me, “But what I can promise you is that there is absolutely no cutting, or any of those other awful methods. Dr. Rearden is a brilliant man, with what I could call a magical touch, if there ever truly was such a thing, but he is nothing like those other doctors.” She then reached across the table and took my hand.
I was surprised at the gesture and almost pulled myself away, but was able to stop when I realized that she was making every effort to be genuine.
“Please,” Ruth answered, “I know that I have been making fun, but that is only because, like I said, you remind me so much of my former self…I can’t tell you what to expect, but I can assure you that I truly believe that not only will Dr. Rearden cure you, but he will enlighten your life exponentially. I beg of you to trust me.”
When I looked into her eyes now, instead of seeing a pompous woman in a large, overly dressed outfit to be out on veranda having tea, I saw my friend; the girl who I had grown up with, the girl who I had worried about for all of those years and now, the girl who seemed to be looking out for my best interest.
Finally, I nodded and answered her, “Alright, I understand. I will do as you tell me to do. I will see the good doctor. Where is he located?”
“He has an operating theater that he works out of atop the church at the edge of town,” She answered before pressing her other hand atop of mine and adding with a sense of urgency, “Please go quickly. I believe that I overheard him telling a member of his staff that he is going to hold a session in the church tomorrow and he is looking for a volunteer to participate.”
“An operating theater?” I asked, trying to hide the nervous laugh that trickled into my voice.
She nodded, “But it isn’t what you think! The doctor really does have your best interest at heart, believe me.”
“If you believe in it so much, why don’t you go?” I asked in a condescending way.
“I believe they are looking for a new patient, so that it has the most profound impact on the audience,” she paused then and even before she actually said anything, her cheeks grew red and her demeanor changed to have a slightly lustful attachment as she replied in a low voice, “Besides, due to the…nature of the cure, it must only be administered in certain intervals of time that simply cannot be rushed.” She batt
ed her eyes slowly and a shameless smile spread across her face as she added, “Too much of a good thing, you know…”
Even though I nodded, I couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. The whole idea seemed strange to me, especially because I had absolutely no idea what this Dr. Rearden could have done to make the experience so pleasantly memorable for her.
Still, by the recommendation she had given, once I saw that her wellness from the cure was not just an act for the elders, rather that she was honestly trying to get through to me and show me the change in herself, I felt as though I needed to heed her advice.
Therefore, I squeezed her gloved hand encouragingly and smiled at her. “Thank you,” I answered before looking around and realizing that the day was growing short. Dinner would be prepared soon and if I was late just one more time, I would surely be put out on the street…
***
It was a long next few days, but within that time, I had put my name on the list for the first treatment of the cure and was chosen as the patient that he wanted to see the most.
Knowing that there hopefully was a cure in my future excited me, but also made me nervous. As much as I wanted the opportunity to have a normal life, I also did not want the fundamental of what made me to change.
Still, for the betterment of my family, when the day came, I made my way down to the church without a whimper of fuss.
As I entered the church and was ushered eagerly up to the very top, where I imagined the bells would have been at one time, I was pleased at how outwardly calm I felt, especially because on the inside I felt like every bit of me was quaking uncontrollably.
With every step I moved forward, I wanted more to turn around and run the other way. However, I stayed vigilant and made my way into the upper chamber of the church. Although, as I walked in, my urge to run intensified enormously.
The narrow entrance I was told to go through had a stout wooden bed in the middle, with viewing sections that rose up like waves on either side. People filled the stands and a man, wearing a nice suit stood in the middle.
When I approached, the man raised his arms toward me and motioned for me to come closer.
“Thank you for coming, Elizabeth!” He exclaimed, “Come, sit on the table.”
The entire room was completely wooden and rod iron, with little else besides two other tables, but they didn’t have anything on it. As I slunk inside, I eyed the room of men that stared at me. Some were looking through binoculars and others were just gazing on while leaning forward, over the railing.
“Come on…Don’t be shy,” The man urged when I apparently was not moving fast enough for him.
I nodded and tried to get my legs, which felt like lead to move faster, but it seemed like a lot of effort was put forth, while not too much progress was made. My heart was racing with fear while I felt as though cold sweat was pouring out of me.
Before I reached the table, I took one more glance around the curved room, before returning my eyes to the man who stuck his hand out for me.
“Hello Elizabeth,” The man smiled, “My name is Dr. Rearden.”
Shakily, I put my hand out and shook it while I gazed into his eyes. I could instantly tell why Ruth liked him so much, but I imagined it didn’t have anything to do with the cure itself.
The man was quite a bit older than I, but took good care of himself. He looked very clean, but without much scent attached. His sharp-featured face was closely; meticulously shaven and his eyes were deep and soulful. His smile was charming, but even his handsome facial features could not override the tight outer layer of muscle that consumed his entire body and was so proficient that it could be seen through his suit.
I gripped his hand and I watched his arm flex, which rippled back, causing his wide chest to bulge enticingly. I had never actually been with a man, but I would imagine that if I ever got to choose I would love to have someone with a similar body type.
Men who were my own age were never established enough and the scrawny, still developing body of a nineteen year old was not as attractive as someone who was more filled out, like this doctor.
The moment our hands touched, I felt a surge of warmth and attraction course through my body. However, I was trying to amend such terrible thoughts and feelings. Therefore, I was almost glad that it was happening in this setting.
I wasn’t sure if it was the nervousness or the attraction, but something that I felt allowed me to stop shaking long enough so that I could get onto the table that was arranged for me to sit on.
“Might I present my new patient?” The doctor said to the crowd after easily helping me onto the table. His guidance was smooth and domineering, but in a way that made me like him even more.
His presence calmed me and even though I still had no idea what the cure was going to entail, was sure glad that this doctor was going to be the one to give it to me. I smiled nervously as he spoke the intro.
The crowd did not verbally respond, but I saw their eyes travel from the doctor to myself, before returning to the doctor.
“I have never met this patient, but as with other successful treatments, I am going to cure this poor woman completely of self-pleasing and suspected hysteria. These two illnesses go hand in hand, one often leads to another, because young women especially, who have never been with a man, do not know that there is another way. Therefore, their sexual frustration is pent up and that leads to self-pleasing, which is inadequate. This tragic inadequacy leads to hysteria and while some physicians believe that it is best to remove the source of the stimulation, I believe that it is far more effective and humane to stimulate the source in a way that a woman could never accomplish on their own.” Dr. Rearden then smiled at me and asked me to lie back.
I did as I was told and hoped that I would not regret putting my body into the hands of this man. I swallowed hard and looked around, unable to ignore the faces that all seemed to be focused on me.
“Just try to relax…” The doctor answered, gently pressing his hand on my pelvis. The warmth I felt made my womanhood tingle and all I wanted to do at the moment was relieve the sense of arousal with the glorifying escape of my ailment. I closed my eyes and groaned, but the doctor quickly pulled his hand back. “Gentleman, this woman is ready for the cure to be administered.”
Even though I couldn’t see his face, I knew that there was a smile coursing through his words. He then called four men up to the middle of the room, before he moved over to my head. Filling my vision with him, he explained, “I just want you to relax. There is no reason for you to fret. We certainly aren’t going to hurt you, or maim you in any way, alright?” As he spoke, he carefully drew his hand down my face and then through my hair.
I took a deep breath and smiled before I answered, “Thank you doctor. I trust you…”
With that, he nodded and moved over to my dress. I had worn something nice, so that I would make a good impression, but immediately, I felt him begin to unbutton my dress.
I wanted to be cured, so I allowed him to do it, even though I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I couldn’t tell if I was more attracted to him or scared at this moment, but I figured that there was nothing I could do about it now. I was so eager to see what he had to offer.
So, when he moved to take my dress completely off, I helped him in his pursuit and before I knew it, I was completely naked. My warm body felt the air hit it delicately, making my breasts tingle. Being this naked in front of so many men, especially when I was never naked in front of any men before made me nervous.
However, I knew that now, all I could do was trust the man who was administering this cure, because it wasn’t like I could run out of here now. I breathed in deep and looked around, just as the doctor consulted with the men he had brought up as volunteers. I assumed he was telling them what to do and when they broke, all five of them surrounded me. There were two by each of my legs and two on either side of my head.
Each of the men was good looking and I would have been happy to take any o
f them as a husband, but I certainly didn’t think that was what was going on at the present time.
***
On the doctor’s orders, the first man by my head tilted the table up, so that I was pressed slightly into a sitting position, just enough so that I could see what was going on down by my legs, before he began to stroke my face and my hair, much like the doctor did, in a swift, easy motion, while the other man began to run his hands up and down my body, making me immediately heat up from the sensation they were giving me.
I groaned and closed my eyes as I felt the first man turn my head towards him as he took my mouth unto his. I groaned and tilted my head, trying to get the most of the kiss. Immediately, I felt his tongue weave its way through my teeth and begin to explore my mouth with expert precision.
Feeling the other man on my body, I felt his hands rise up and at the doctor’s orders, he grasped my breasts in his large, manly hands and as he began to massage them, I moaned, but my voice was lost in the other man’s mouth.