Cruel Strokes Of Destiny

by Pushpa Ramchandani

CHAPTER 4

  Time was rolling by. Surat was developing into a metropolitan city. Because of the port and good harbors, many new establishments appeared; it became a textile hub and also a city of diamonds. Those who were in these businesses were flourishing. Influx from other states was also creeping in, but it was not a clean city. Luckily our house was situated in a neat and clean area. Life moved monotonously. Even the dream of returning back to our motherland was gone and forgotten. It was more the financial strain which kept us reminding of our glorious golden days of the past, it was never the urge of the home town. This was the time when I came across a perfect Guru, and diverted my path to spiritual direction which taught us to leave everything to destiny. If anything has to happen it will happen even if you try your very best to stop it from happening; destiny has its toll in some form or the other.

  This is an amazing theory, leave it to destiny, and then why work at all for anything. Destiny will give you your share of grief and happiness. My children used to argue on this subject. Somehow, the peace which had vanished with our riches, for attainment of which I had been impatiently hunting, seemed to be restored in some corner of my mind. So I tried to pursue this path of spiritualism.

  Once again I felt uncomfortable in my bed, a burning sensation in my bed sores; I wanted a change in my posture. All were sitting around my bed, I just motioned to my daughter showing her the desire for a change of side, two of them gently turned my side, applied some liniment on my wounds. It had a very soothing effect and once again I set out on my journey of the past.

  Ram suffered from massive heart attack. This was a jolt for a family which was already reeling under financial strain. Post illness scenario was worse. Ram was not allowed on medical grounds to climb up and down a long flight of stairs. We started living in a new house purchased by Manik from U.K. It was close to Reenu’s house, from where they could give frequent medical care.

  Nitu, our second daughter and her husband Kamal came to see Ram after the stroke. They were doing well, and were sailing smoothly in their small family of four. Her eldest daughter Alka was married off to a very handsome engineer boy who happened to be her class mate too. Initially her parents had resisted due to an inter-caste marriage. Then they had realized that he was a perfect match for their beautiful daughter. So the marriage was solemnized and the newlyweds went and settled in U.S.A

  Nitu’s only son,Prince, was not only a prince in name but was a dashing handsome and smart boy. He had acquired a managing director’s position in his company and was competently managing the work.

  One day Nitu came and sat on the side of my bed, looking disturbed. “Mum I want to discuss something with you; off late I have observed that Prince had started praising one of his office colleges, Julie. I started suspecting that something was brewing.”

  “I like Julie very much. She is a nice girl her, only drawback is that she has a dark complexion and belongs to a minority community. She is presentable and she likes me too,” Prince confided in me.

  Mum his talks are disturbing me. When he was away on a tour, I went to his office and met Julie, I was taken aback. She was not only dark complexioned but very ordinary features, narrow slit eyes, thick lips, a blunt nose with prominent cheek bones and a broad forehead. On the whole she looked a mismatch for Prince. I wondered how on earth my son has taken a liking for this type of girl. We found out that she belonged to a village in Assam and was a convert. I remembered the saying “love is blind” appears to be true. I even found out from other employees that their relations were for quite some time and they had decided to marry.

  Once again I felt a sinking feel; I could feel the drops of perspiration on my forehead, which gave me a soothing cool effect. But my heart was sinking and the body becoming listless, my tongue parched, and lips were papery dry. I just protruded my tongue to indicate the desire for water. This time they ran for some fresh juice and helped me with a few sips .I lay back again in a relaxing posture, but my mind refused to relax. So I picked up the string of my memory lane exactly where I had left the discussion with Nitu.

  She continued, “Prince has been insisting that I talk to Kamal on his behalf. Mum you also know Kamal. He would never agree, and all his dreams will be shattered. His only desire was to marry his son to a beautiful girl from a high status background with a good family linage. I really feel sorry for Kamal; none of his dreams have been fulfilled in all these years. He always used to say; when Prince gets married I will spend all my savings and have a great pomp and show. He had never shown the desire of any dowry.

  “Nitu, I quite agree with you, that Kamal has literally doted on his children, worked day in and day out to fulfill their demands and their comforts. What has he got in return, a hurried, simple marriage of his eldest daughter, a son’s love affair with the most ordinary girl? As far as I know him he will never give his consent. But it is rightly said “What can’t be cured must be endured.” I tried to explain to my daughter. “Mum he has been working day in and day out without any relaxation” Nitu said. “He has stopped seeing big dreams. Prince has been relentlessly been coaxing me to break the news to Kamal. Mum I know he is a grown up boy and has the right to make crucial decisions of his own life. So one day I picked up some courage and broke this news .I just said Kamal you know Prince has found a girl for himself. He is madly in love with her and wants to marry her.”

  At first kamal was cool and said, “Go and meet the girl and her family; if all is well, let’s go ahead with it. I am sure if he has chosen a girl for himself, she must be perfect. I know his choice.”

  I got scared at this remark as I knew what the reality was, so I said in a soft tone, “Kamal, I have met the girl in her office.” Then gradually I conveyed all the details to him.

  Kamal lost his temper and got infuriated and said “till I am alive this marriage shall not take place. I already know everything about this silly affair. It’s just infatuation and I know he will come out of It. Father and son have had confrontations for quite some time.”

  I summoned Kamal and Nandu to my room. Where Nitu had failed, we convinced Kamal that prince will get married in the court, if they did not allow him to marry a girl of his choice. It shall be better I the family agrees to this wedlock; there was no option left but to say yes to this proposal. It came as a big shock to the entire family.

  Kamal said he would not participate in any of the ceremonies, neither he nor his Nitu would sit through the rituals and he would not allow this marriage to take place in their city. It shall be held in a temple without any pomp and show. This was conveyed to Prince who agreed. The venue was shifted to Bombay. My son, Nandu, went to Bombay to organize the whole show. It pinched our hearts that their only son would get married in this way. We had also seen dreams of his grand marriage but we had to bow before destiny .Every time I kept the gun on destiny’s shoulder and very smartly escaped out of the situation.

  The Marriage was a dull affair. It looked as if some gloom had fallen. Kamal looked disinterested as if he was participating in some unknown person’s marriage. His physical presence was there but his soul was missing. He sat at the rear most corners in the temple leaning against a wall, his head hung down. He had been persuaded by all of us to be present in the temple at the time of the ceremony. “I will not be asked to perform any of the rituals,” he had categorically said.

  Julie was not looking an Indian bride at all, in spite of all the heavy makeup and the attire that she wore. The ceremonies of a Hindu marriage were all unknown to her and were performed in a disinterested manner. The couple was in contrast to each other. It is said that marriages are made in heaven and solemnized on earth. We had no alternative than to accept what destiny had planned for him. What parents do is just for sheer love for their children. And unfortunately as the child gets older and older, his desires are changing. His reactions are changing. His relationship is changing. He’s not a child a
nymore, he’s a young man. And when the child becomes a young man, there’s a total generation gap between the parents and the child. Both think they are right in their point of view. This reminded me of the Shakespearian dialogue. “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players”. At first the infant, mulling and pocking in the mother’s arms . Then the school boy with his satchel and a schoolbag on his back. And then the lover sighing in his beloved’s arms.” So here was our hero sighing in his beloved’s arms, traumatizing all his other relationships.

  Because of persuasion by all Kamal was present in the temple. It was really pathetic sight. One who is supposed to be the most active person in all the ceremonies was there present only physically, sitting silently and morose, his head hung down only to satisfy the whims of the family members. Throughout the entire procedure, he did not even raise his eyes to take a glimpse of the newlywed couple. Finally all the brief formalities were over and all of us moved out without any dinner, went home, all gloomy and sad. So this was the marriage of our grandson, our most beloved Prince. It was all so paradoxical, name was Prince and the ceremony was that of a most ordinary couple. At this point of time we had a feeling of guilt. I knew how much Kamal had toiled to keep his children happy; he had never asked anything in return, except their love and obedience. What is wrong in parents dreaming a bright future for their children? When these dreams are also shattered, they are really hurt, and so was he. I had one consolation at least, that I convinced them to keep their family united.

  Normally the mother in law welcomes the newlywed daughter in law and there are many ceremonies to be performed in which every member gives a gift to the new bride, and everyone takes active participation. None of these formalities were observed and the couple moved into a hotel room. We retired to our rooms and returned home after the marriage.

  N0w lying in bed, I opened my eyes slowly to take a glimpse of my present surroundings. Everything appeared hazy and I was unable to identify faces. there was a hallow of darkness around me , faint voices uttered into my ears ,which could not be deciphered .This scenario gave me a gut feeling that I was nearing my destination, but the chain of my thoughts had not reached its destination, so it did not break. The chain was so strong that in spite Of my frail body and mind my thoughts reeled slowly and tried to catch up all the broken pieces and put them together.

  Surat city was fast growing, cinema halls and eat houses were added. New educational institutions attracted students from other towns. Fashions were changing one could see girls going on scooters wearing latest attires. Values of life were changing, dating and chatting came into vogue. We felt like outdated attires. TV programs were changing their mind set up, Revolt against parents, adultery , to have multiple boyfriends was being shown on TV shows .This change was not gracefully accepted by most of the families who had more orthodox and conservative in their views but all children seemed to accept these changes happily.

  After the marriage Kamal had kept himself aloof and reserved. Within a year we received the good news that Prince was blessed with twin sons, they had taken after their father. They were identical twins and were exact copy of each other. They were named Luv and Kush .Prince and his wife used to go for work and leave the new borns with Nitu. Kamal started spending time with them. He became attached to the children. He used to play with them and bring lots of toys for them. His feelings for the son and daughter in law changed and we felt happy that the sourness has vanished and he visits their house more frequently. The newborns became a strong bond between the two generations; it bridged the gap which had arisen. This news from my daughter had made me happy that peace has been restored in my daughter’s house after all these years.

  I used to thank the Almighty for this union and pray for the peace and harmony of their family. Gradually things returned to normal and I became more relaxed. Spiritualism had already crept into my life, now it became deep rooted and I started devoting more time to it. My family was always against this, and we argued on this subject many a times. But it had overpowered me like an addiction, and many a times I used to slip out quietly and come back sneakily without any one taking notice. Nandu’s wife took good care of the house and I used to make sure that I complete all the domestic chores related to me and Ram, and not give anyone the opportunity for any arguments. In due course if time I succeeded in shutting up all arguments from all including my husband.

  Then I moved a step further and turned to deep spiritualism and joined local satsang group .The word ‘Satsanga’ is the combination of the two words ‘Sat’ and ‘Sanga.’ ‘Sat’ means existence of absolute truth, which is Brahman. ‘Sanga’ literally means company or union. To be always in the company of the truth which is the Lord, or to be established in Brahman, is the literal meaning of the word ‘Satsanga.’ Satsanga is association with the wise. Live in the company of sages, saints, Sadhus, Yogis and Sannyasis; hear their valuable Upadesa or instructions and follow their simplicity. This is Satsanga. My husband was an ardent believer of truth, but never encouraged me to go for these spiritual sermons. He used to say “they never practice what they preach.” Now when I am on my death bed, waiting for my Eternal journey to start, I am realizing how correct he was. These are just preaching’s; in real life it is not only difficult but impossible to practice what you preach. Complete detachment of all worldly objects is next to impossible for a normal human being, and until this is attained all spiritual preaching’s remain just theoretical and cannot be enforced in life. Leaving all worldly objects is not that difficult, but dethatching yourself from your near and dear ones is impossible. This was his school of thought.

  It used to give me solace. After all the ups and downs of life the turbulent mind was always a triggering element of depression. This group was led by Ma Saraswati, I found a real guru in her. She was an ocean of knowledge, bliss and mercy. She showed me the right divine path. She used to say “To light a candle, you need a burning candle. Even an illumined soul alone can enlighten another soul”.

  She took me as her disciple and started molding me into an entirely different person. A good disciple always finds an excellent teacher. If you are prepared to be a disciple, you will get that guru. You don’t have to hunt for the guru. We’re not prepared to listen; we are not able to leave our ego in the real sense. There is a time when the ego has blown to such proportions that even before they have started to walk, they think they know it all, and they start running. It is then that they fall head on heels. Although I am not a very young person; I am still a student, I am learning. We should never stop learning throughout our lives. She said, it is never too late, start learning Hindi I shall help you to learn .SO I realized “where there is a will, there is a way”

  When I told my children at home they started making fun of me. I burnt midnight oil, put all my efforts. I do not know whether it was a blessing of my guru that I started reading and enjoyed the simpler books. Soon I was reading bigger spiritual books. I looked for meaning of true guru and learnt

  Gurur’ Brahma Gurur’ Vishnu Gurur’ Devo Maheshwara.

  Gurur’ Shakshat Parahbrahmah Tasmaye Sri Guruve Namah

  Gurur’ Brahma :

  Guru is like the creator of the universe Brahma. He is the one who creates the qualities of shishya (student) in me.

  Gurur’ Vishnu :

  Like Lord Vishnu supports and maintains the life on the universe, the same way guru shows the path of enlightenment. Like a friend guides through the path, like a mother caresses and loves, like a father scolds and guides to achieve the goal.

  Gurur’ DevoMaheshwara:

  Lord Shiva is the god of destruction; he destroys all the evil so that the new life can be created. In the same manner guru also destroys all my tamasic and rajasic guna to fill me
with sattvic guna.

  Gurur’ Shakshat Parahbrahmah Tasmaye Sri Guruve Namah

  Guru is true incarnation of the Parahbrahmah (one who is Omnipresent and Omnipotent); I bow to him with reverence. I pray he keeps me one with him.

  The above slok aptly explains the role of guru in the life of a sadhak. Without an able Guru and an able Shishya (disciple) no dhyana(meditation) can be successful.

  The relation between the Guru and Shishya is like a child and a mother. Like mother takes the tiny hands of the child and trains him to walk, and tells the child who his father is. The child alone is not so strong enough to face the father. The same way the guru takes theshishya along the right path to his Eternal Father. The shishya alone may not be able to face the celestial bliss of the lord.

  When a shishya finds such a guru, he is not in control of himself. He becomes a toddler who wants to walk but cannot do so. The guru holds his hand and teaches him to walk in the right direction. I knew that in Ma Saraswati I had found true Guru. We used to celebrate Guru Purnima with great fervor.

  I was literally lost in this new world of spiritualism and enjoyed a more meaningful life. For me all other worldly affairs were like a formality. There was complete peace and solace in my mind, to the extent that I even lost grip of my previous glorious years to which I was clinging and cribbing all these years.

  Now when I am gasping, I am trying to weigh my losses and gains. But now it’s too late and even if I were to measure exactly, what use would it be at this hour. When life has slowly slipped out like sand from a tightly closed fist. At this stage I just asked myself, “If given a chance to extend my life for a few years, would I do it or not.” My heart missed a beat and jumped with joy, and I said to myself, “Yes that would be perfect, and then I would get an opportunity to serve others and spread my teacher’s word to alleviate the misery of the needy. In some corner of my mind I still felt hidden love and attachment to my family and my belongings. I still wanted the company of my loved ones and my possessions. I realized that in these few years of grace, I would love to take care of my dear husband whom I had deprived of some precious moments of love and affection, to which he was entitled. But alas! He had already left me.” When all these thoughts hit me I realised, “OH! This is human mentality, even in my present condition; I could feel that my spiritual knowledge was nearly a waste because at this hour I should just concentrate on the Almighty and pray to him for a peaceful end. But the ties with your family are so strong that your mind willingly or unwillingly hovers around them and finds it difficult to concentrate. As I was in this turmoil of thoughts, I saw a glimpse of my Guru who just stood in front of me saying, “this is not what I have taught you, be strong and just remember me, you will soon come out of all this turmoil.” I asked for water, took a few sips and I got lost again in my journey of the past, closed my eyes and wandered in my memory lane, they took me for sleeping.

  I remembered very clearly how I took keen interest in this field and; Ma Sarawati had a great liking for me. Once she was asked by her disciple to come over to Singapore to bless them on their new house warming (Grah Pravesh).Ma Sarawati asked me to accompany her. I was not holding a passport and not educated enough to go to a foreign country, but she insisted .I could not dare to say no, but was very apprehensive .I applied for a passport and with her blessings, got the passport in a short time. We left for Singapore. We were in a group of five. I had not flown before but my first journey was not very eventful. When we were served lunch, the plane started giving jerks. Literally the food in the spoon nearly fell out of it. I got scared but found Ma Sarawati very calm .She reassured me, and explained, “This type of jolty and jerky flight is due to nasty weather.” Seeing her so cool, I quickly tried to compose myself too. It is rightly said that thoughts travel fastest, and instantly I had felt, what if this is some engine problem, and not just a weather alarm. Within seconds I imagined the plane crashing over the sea, and all the passengers being thrown in the depth of the ocean like the fragments of a broken glass. I could even imagine my children orphaned, and crying their hearts out, especially because they were not able to get even a last glimpse of me before I left this world. I always had a fear of water, and was imagining the worst. Suddenly Maa Sarswati shook my arm and said, “finish your lunch, we are about to descend and reach our destination.” It was then only that I realized how low your thoughts can go into negativity in spite of great people are holding your hand.

  Finally we reached Singapore. I was amazed. For a while I thought I was still in the world of my thoughts, and imagining myself in some fairy land. Here I was on the elevator, going to the baggage claim section, to collect my baggage. The taxi took us around the beautiful areas, and took us to our hotel, which was seventeen storied. My room was palatial, having all the comforts, most of them, I was not accustomed to. So I decided not to touch anything until I watch others use them. We had morning and evening sessions of sermons of Maa Sarswati then went out for sightseeing in the fairyland. Maa used to wake us all very early in the morning and make us all do our yogic exercises and a good morning walk. This was her teaching “keep the body and mind fit and healthy and then start your daily routine.” How quickly a week slipped away I just don’t remember, we saw national bird park, Bukit Timah Hill, China town and Little India. There were Indian stores selling Saris and jewelry. There were plenty of Indian restaurants. We went by boat to see Boat quay. I liked to sit on the shore and dip my feet in water. It was very soothing. It was a completely new experience, soothing to the body and mind.

  Finally the day of return arrived. We were a bit reluctant to leave as if this was our permanent abode, but Ma Sarswati was as composed as ever. She could probably read our minds and said, “This is true for our lives also. We take all the worldly things to be permanent and forget our true self. We get so lost in the worldly affairs that we drift away and away from our goal which is the attainment of solace and peace.” This was an indication for us to ponder over it and think about the worldly comforts and relatives which we have to leave some day. The more the attachment, the stronger the ties, the more difficult it becomes to break the strings when you depart from here.

  She explained in very simple language saying, “life is exactly like a trip to Singapore, we came here, stayed in the most luxurious rooms went around the city in expensive cars and taxis. We enjoyed every bit of our journey, but when the day of our departure came, we left everything given to us for our use, and we did not even think of clinging to any person or anything, because we know it does not belong to us. Similarly God sends us to our homes as children, our parents care for us, take us around in big cars, but we develop a sense of possession and ownership, so we find it difficult to detach ourselves from our belongings and from our family. Just think that God has given us everything for use and to love all those around us. Keep yourself mentally prepared to end the journey of your life any day with empty hands, because that’s how you came, empty handed.”

  This was such an eye opener and so much close to the reality of life. My face was probably darting a question at her, and she said, “You don’t seem to be convinced with this statement.” I was astonished at her face reading ability and humbly asked, “Attachment coming over the years will certainly be stronger than a temporary attachment of a few days or few weeks.” She just smiled and after a short pause, and said in a soft tone, “Yes I do agree, but the word temporary should have been used with your longer relations too. One does not know the duration of any relationship, so it is just in your mind; me and mine is all that is to be left. Everyone is yours and everything is for your use, but nothing belongs to you.”

  From that day onwards I realized that we are all travelers on this earth, getting our own share of comforts which destiny has assigned for us. This depends on the deeds of our previous life and this life. Once you have lived your share, you have to quit leaving behind all the materialistic relations. Now I could understand why I was chosen to be one of her c
ompanions to Singapore. My guru wanted to give me a practical training on this aspect of life too, and make me stronger in my spiritual journey.

  Suddenly I felt a sinking feeling, slowly opened my eyes, and tried to look around and recognize the faces around me. But I was unable to do so; some caressing hand was felt on my forehead, as if trying to convey, we are all here by your side, you are not alone. The feel was that of Nandu, my eldest son; I could recognize his soft and moist hands. Right from child hood he used to complain of excessive perspiration of hands and feet. All doctors had said it has no treatment. It was good that I was not able to recognize faces, because I did not want to entangle myself anywhere. I caught hold of the string of my thoughts, and continued my journey. I knew I had a long way to go.

  The next question which I had asked Maa Sarswati was, “what are the criteria on which a certain degree of comforts and luxuries are allocated to a human being?”

  I still remember the simplified explanations which she used to give. “Life is like a train journey. The ticket which you have in hand is the bank balance of your karmas of your previous life. If your record shows good deeds (satvic), you are born with a first class ticket in your hand. If deeds have been average, (Rajasvic) you hold a second class ticket in your hand. Finally a third class ticket for those who have a record of (tamsic) bad karmas, in their account. Accordingly you occupy the respective classes on the train. You sit in the train with co passengers, create friends or foes and complete the journey. When your destination comes, you just go away without any attachments. No one left behind in the train cries for you or inquires about your short journey. They all know your ticket was up to that destination. This is true for life also. The journey of life allocated to all is pre fixed. The class of life is pre fixed too. So if you ever feel destiny has given less as compared to others, we have to accept it gracefully and willingly, but at the same time do good karams in this life to assure a better class next time.

  I started devoting more time to religious gatherings. I used to leave my house at 7 am and return at 10 am and in evening it was from 4 am to 6 pm probably this was my way of finding detachment, spend less time and remain detached. Ram was a doting husband, and after returning from work, he always wanted me at home, but due to my selfish motive I perused my spiritual path.

  Ma Sarswasi had on ashram in Mount Abu. She asked me to come along with to her Ashram. I inquired why she had selected Mount Abu for her ashram. She explained that Mount Abu was the home of many saints and sages in the old days. Legend has it that all the 330 million gods and goddesses of the Hindu pantheon used to visit this holy mountain. It is also the place where the great saint Vashishth lived and performed a yagna (sacrificial worship on a fire pit) to create four Agnikula (four clans of fire) to protect the earth from demons. The yagna was supposed to have been performed near a natural spring, which emerged from a rock shaped like a cow's head.

  According to another legend, once sage Vashishth's cow Nandini was trapped in a deep gorge and could not free herself. The sage appealed to Lord Shiva for assistance. The Lord sent Saraswati, the divine stream, to help flood the gorge so that the cow could float up. Vashishth then decided to ensure that such mishaps did not occur in future. He asked the youngest son of Himalaya, the king of mountains to fill the chasm permanently. This he did with the assistance of Arbud, the mighty snake. This spot came to be known as Mount Arbud and was later changed to its present form - Mount Abu. I recollected that I had immediately agreed as it had created a desire in me to see these beautiful mountains. We left in a car in a group of six. It was the midst of summer when we carefully steered our car upward along the winding road from Abu Road railway station to Mt Abu. The soothing view of the surrounding lush green hills and valleys barely seemed to be part of a land that also houses the Thar Desert.

  We arrived in Mount Abu I was awe struck with the beauty it was invigorating my mind. A visit to Mt Abu not only invigorates the mind and body but also provides a visual treat for history lovers. A seat of architectural excellence, it flaunts several ancient and beautifully carved temples, the most exquisite ones being the world famous Dilwara Temples. These eleventh and twelfth century Jain Temples are situated at Dilwara village about two and a half kilometres from the city post office. The surrounding hills and innumerable tall trees almost shield the view of the temples till one actually reaches the entrance.

  Ma Sarswati’s Ashram was situated on top of a hill. It was named as Shanti Vun.It was really a place to find Peace of mind very synonymous of the name. .We used to have Bhajan session in morning .I used to like Bhandara (community meals ) where rich and poor used to sit together and have meals .There was no distinction of caste and creed .Ma Saraswati sometime made me speak before an audience .I used to feel very embarrassed as I was not a good speaker. Hardly did I realize at that point of time, that she was preparing a future disciple. Later on she declared me as the chief of my city and I was asked to conduct independent sermons .This was her special blessing on me.

  We visited many Temples. There are five temples within the Dilwara Temple complex: the VimalVaseeh, the Loon Vaseeh, the Shri Rishab Deoji Temple, the Chaumukhaji Temple and the Mahavir Swami Temple. Among these, the first two temples are widely acclaimed for their ornamental marble carvings. I was amazed to see these. These temples were situated in places where natural surrounding was scenic. Nature was enhancing their beauty.

  The VimalVaseeh is the oldest temple. It is dedicated to Lord Adinath, the first Jain Tirthankara. A black and supposedly self-made statue of him is enshrined within the temple. It was built in 1031 A.D by Vimal Shah, the chief minister to Gujarat’s ruler, Bhim Singh. It is believed that a sum of Rs 18 crore and 53 lac was spent to erect the temple with 1500 sculptors and 1200 laborers working continuously for 14 years. The spectacular carvings inspire awe and reverence for the sculptors who surely gave nothing short of their best to create the masterpiece.

  It was an unforgettable experience for me, and I’m certain for every visitor to the temple, is the sudden reaction of astonishment when one first encounters the world of exquisite art inside, as the humble exteriors of the temple give no hint of its magnificent marble interiors. It has a prayer hall adorned with 48 ornately carved pillars and 52 small shrines, each with a statue of a Jain Tirthankara. A view of the intricately carved ceiling, dome and the richly carved pendant of lotuses that seems to drop from the dome makes one wonder about the strenuous postures adopted by the sculptors while creating the artwork. The carvings of human and animal forms, floral designs and various mythological scenes are so perfect that they seem to come to life as one admires them.

  Ma Sarawati in her discourse told us that in the serene atmosphere of Shanti Van we all are close to God. I felt like that.

  The entrance to the temple has a beautifully carved Hastishala or elephant abode which has ten marble elephants carved to perfection and a statue of VimalShah .MaSraswati used to tell us importance of each place which we were visiting. She was a guide, friend and a philosopher .I felt she had a multifaceted personality .She was widely traveled and had read scriptures.

  She took us to another important temple of Loon Vaseeh. She told that it was built in 1231 AD by the two brothers Vastupal and Tejpal, both ministers to the king of Gujarat. The temple is dedicated to Lord Neminath, the 22nd Jain Tirthankara. With impeccably carved pillars, door casings, friezes, architraves and sculptures, this temple is a perfect specimen of skill and craftsmanship.

  The other three temples, though worth visiting, are not artistic masterpieces like the first two.

  About a kilometre to the north of the Dilwara Temple is Trevor’s Tank, built in 1894 - 95 in memory of Governor General Colonel Trevor. Originally built to supply water to Mt Abu, it serves as a popular picnic spot because of its scenic charm and there is also a game sanctuary for animals and crocodiles.

  Mt Abu also has the picturesque Nakki Lake set amidst its hills. It
is believed to have been dug out by the nails of the Gods, hence its name. Boating on its waters amidst the lush green hills is nothing short of a heavenly experience. Several natural rock formations like the Toad Rock and Nun Rock overlooking the lake add to the charm of the place.

  We visited The Brahmakumaris Ashram which was a relatively recent construction and is a serene, peaceful site. The Om Shanti Bhawan and its art gallery, spiritual museum and meditation hall provides for a rejuvenating experience for the spiritually inclined. It was a life time experience for me. Inside this Ashram was an experience in itself. Every inmate was clad in white sari. Those who met Ma Sarawati had great regards for her.

  After spending a fortnight Ma Sarawati told us that it is time to go back .I wanted to spend some more time there but you cannot challenge a Guru’s order. We stared our journey back and reachedSurat.I told my experiences to my family.

    My guru gave a mantra and she announced that I shall be treated as the head in my area and assigned me some duties. I followed all her instructions with my heart and soul and one day she left for her heavenly abode, leaving us all in grief and sorrow. Saints never die they remain alive in minds of their followers. I took over the responsibility she had assigned. I knew in comparison to her I was nothing. But soon I became head of local unit in Surat. People started calling me Gurumaa.

  In all these excursions with my group I became more and more negligent towards my husband. It was not fair on him. He had stopped arguing on this subject, knowing that I had reached a point if no return. In his view detachment was not staying away from a person in the real sense, but to stay together and not feel the sense of possessiveness. At times he used to argue on this subject saying, “To run away from fire and say I am remaining cool is not correct. To stay near fire and remain cool is the real gist of life. In other words let someone instigate you to get angry, and you remain cool. Don’t run away from the person and say I avoided anger and remained cool.”

  I started preaching .I used to enjoy this elevation in my group. When I used to preach I did not know where words came from. It was as if guru was speaking through me .Once I spoke before a large gathering, words started flowing.

  I said that the guru’s job is to enlighten our minds and take us from the darkness of ignorance to light of knowledge. If we do not know the principles of hygiene, we will not be able to know what will contaminate us. Therefore due to ignorance there infection occurs and we suffer from disease. A criminal may say, “I did not know the law,” but he will not be excused if he commits a crime. Ignorance is no excuse. Similarly, a child, not knowing that fire will burn him touches the fire. But the fire does not think, “This is a child, and he does not know he will get burnt.” No, there is no excuse. Just as there are state laws, there are also stringent laws of nature, and these laws will act despite our ignorance of them. If we do something wrong out of ignorance, we must suffer. This is the law. Whether the law is a state law or a law of nature, we risk suffering if we break the law.

  The guru’s business is to see that no human being suffers in this materialistic world. No one can claim that he is not suffering. That is not possible. In this materialistic world, there are three kinds of suffering: adyatmik ,adhibhautik, and adhidaivik. These are miseries arising from the material body and mind, from other living entities, and from the forces of nature. The miseries come from within the material world, and everyone is suffering from one, two, or three of them. No one can say that he is completely free from suffering.

  We may then ask why the living entity is suffering. The answer is: out of ignorance. He does not think, “I am committing mistakes and leading a sinful life; that is why I am suffering.” Therefore the guru’s first business is to rescue his disciple from this ignorance. We send our children to school to save them from suffering. If our children do not receive education, we fear that they will suffer in the future. The guru also knows that suffering is due to ignorance, which is compared to darkness. The guru takes the torchlight of knowledge and presents it before the living entity enveloped in darkness. That knowledge relieves him from the sufferings of the darkness, of ignorance. This sermon was appreciated by all .It was covered by press. My popularity rose manifold. I do not know whether God or my guru spoke through me.

  To my memory these were our only tension free days, when there was happiness all around. One could never dream that this era will be so short lived. I used to think dame destiny has finally given us a glimpse of happiness .Hardly did I know that fate was weaving a cobweb for me, which will shatter my family. I had found my happiness within me and hardly did I know that destiny had written another cruel script for me.