by Candice Lim
Lucia’s face was wet with tears. I wanted to go and say sorry. But I didn’t want to steal this moment from Lucia, not after I stole her father’s soul. “Dad…oh my god…” She covered her face and choked in her tears.
“Please don’t cry, Lucia. You know I hate seeing that.” The Helper Bot smiled.
Lucia nodded and wiped her face with the back of her hands. “I know. I miss you so much, dad!” She was about to run into his arms when another shadow merged from behind Lucia’s dad. It happened so quickly my brain didn’t even have the time to register that it was Danny and he was holding up a wooden chair. The next thing I knew, the wooden chair was connected to the back of Lucia’s dad’s neck.
“No!” Lucia and I screamed in unison when the eyes of Lucia’s dad rolled into the back of his skull and he fell dead on the ground.
“As you say,” Danny grinned at me, feeling proud of himself. “Right in the C.P.U.”
*****
Lucia’s lips trembled. She held tightly onto my tablet in the back of Danny’s car and smoothed her fingers over the screen at the photo of the Helper Bot her father had become. A long silence stretched between the three of us. I glanced back and forth between Lucia and the ambulance in front. The fire had been put out before it spread out of the kitchen. Few kitchen staff had been injured, but luckily no casualties.
“Which one is your mom?” Lucia moved the tablet to Danny.
Danny looked and pushed the tablet away. “I don’t want to know, Lucia. I don’t want to know what Wu Zhang has done to her. It’s the past. All I want is to put an end to this shit.”
“You’re scared I’m gonna knock out your mom like you did to my dad,” said Lucia. Danny rolled his eyes. Her glassy eyes were pink. She looked like she was holding back her tears, guilt pricked my conscience. She didn’t meet my eyes since I told her the truth. I couldn’t blame her for hating me. I hated me too.
“I’m sorry, Lucia. I was desperate and selfish. I wanted to collect all five hundred files before Cypher’s Mind File rots away. I thought when I finished the job, I could walk away clean and free with Cypher…Now, I’m not even sure if Cypher knows me.” A tired sigh escaped my chest.
“Was that all you think about when you did it? Cypher?” Lucia’s eyes stilled on the screen.
I pursed my lips and nodded. “Yeah.”
“You guys are crazy in love with each other, huh?” Lucia and I peeked at Danny in sync. I knew she was doing this to get a reaction from him. Danny was looking out the window, his eyes glazed over. I wanted to say ‘yes’, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I wasn’t even sure Cypher knew me. Every time I thought of Cypher, I remembered him telling me he couldn’t get over Britney. Lucia added, “You never told me about him.”
“I–I don’t really know anymore,” I muttered.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Lucia looked at me for the first time.
“It was my fault. You’re not really supposed to be decompressing the Mind File too much. I couldn’t get over him. I wanted to talk to him, to feel his presence, to remind myself that he’s real and not the product of my imagination. But every time I booted up his Mind File, it took a chunk of his memories away. First, he forgot he was dead. I thought if I kept reminding him what happened, it’d help him remember better. I was wrong. Now, he’d no idea what year is it. He even forgot that he was dating me. He told me he was trying to get over his ex.”
I swallowed the hot lump of tears in my throat. “I’ve stopped booting him up, but it’s killing me on the inside. I don’t even know how I feel about him anymore.” I sniffled and wiped my tears on my sleeve.
“Really? After all this shit, you’re telling me that you don’t know if you want your man back?” spat Lucia.
“I’m not even sure if this is worth trying or not.”
“What? After collecting so many goddamn souls, now you got the chance to revive Cypher back but you’re going to throw it away? My dad ain’t gonna forgive you, Kira!”
“I’m not even sure if Cypher still remembers me.”
Lucia rolled her eyes. “He’s not even back yet. You’re making assumptions that he can’t remember you. Seems to me you’re the one who doesn’t want him.” A sick feeling rose in my tummy. I shook my head, wanting to say no. No words formed in my mouth. Wu Zhang was right my feelings for Cypher were slowly dying away. I chose not to believe it.
“Even if Cypher doesn’t remember you were his girlfriend, you guys can start the courtship again. It’s the fun part.”
My stomach reeled when Danny reached his hand out to me smiled faintly. “We’ll get Cypher back, Kira. That I can promise you.”
My mouth fell open. I almost blurted out ‘I don’t want Cypher. I want you’. It was at the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t say it. I still held a sliver of hope for Cypher. I still wanted him back in my life. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I wasn’t ready to push the Delete button on his Mind File and let the last bit of memories we shared die away.
I nodded. “If we revive Cypher, you gonna forgive me?” I asked Lucia.
“We’ll see,” Lucia said coldly. I knew Lucia wasn’t gonna be mad at me for long. It made me feel guiltier and wish she would hate me more than I hated myself.
“So what do we do now?” Lucia glanced at us. Danny and I traded looks before he said, “Kira and I’ll infiltrate Wu Zhang’s lab. We’ll transfer Cypher’s Mind File into a Transient Bot and disable Zhang Net, shutting down all the Helper Bots.”
I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or a hint of sadness seeping into his words. As if he’d been expecting me to get over Cypher. Imagination or not, I felt equally disappointed at myself for disappointing Danny.
“I’m in!” Lucia plopped in the backseat.
“It’s too dangerous,” I said.
“More reason why you need another pair of helping hands to watch your backs.”
“I started this shit, okay? So let me do it. Enough people have been lost in the process,” I sighed.
Danny was about to say something when Lucia cut in, “I don’t care what y’all say. I’m coming with you guys. That motherfucker did my dad dirty. I’m going to make him pay!”
Danny rolled his eyes. “Suit yourself. Hope you got the insurance.” I reached my hand out and gave him a squeeze on his arm.
Lucia got out of the car when we pulled up in front of her apartment and knocked on Danny’s window until he wound it down. She glanced at us in turn. “I am going with you guys tomorrow. If you leave me out, I am still going to get there myself.”
Danny sighed and squeezed his temple. “Alright, we’ll come and pick you up. But if you’re late, even by one minute, we’re leaving you behind.”
“Deal!” Lucia waved her keys at us and walked into the foyer. Danny waited until she went into the elevator before he eased out of the parking spot.
I made a mental note to clear things up with Danny. I’d rather do it before Cypher was back, so I could put everything behind and start with a clean slate with Cypher. My mind kept replaying the scenes when I first met Danny at Rain Bar and all the things we had done together. It always felt like I had known him for so long until right now. I could not believe we had to say goodbye now. I missed Danny already, even though he was right next to me. I hated that I missed him more than I missed Cypher.
Looking out of the window, I laced and unlaced my fingers and waited for this torturing silence to come to an end. My thoughts must have drifted off. When Danny pulled up, I thought we were at my apartment but when I looked around, it was at the entrance to Danny’s secret park. I sank back into the seat. “Why are we here?”
Danny’s brown eyes interlocked with mine. “Kira…” His voice dripped with pain. “I don’t think I can ask you out for dinner after this. I don’t think there is another chance we can spend time together like this. I’ve wanted to take you to the restaurant. I thought to wait for a special day, a special occasion…but
…I never realize that every second being with you, this very moment, is a special moment.”
I looked at him with a burning lump in my throat. I’d rehearsed everything I wanted to tell Danny, but he took an unexpected turn and we ended up here. My mouth fell open but no words came out.
“Kira…please. Be my girlfriend for the one last night,” Danny pled. He wrapped his fingers around my hand and clutched tightly. The warmth of his palm came like a blessing in the cold night. I wanted to say no. But my will was caving in.
“Yes…” I burst into laughter. We both laughed.
“Thank you, Kira.”
I glanced at my washed-out black tee and ripped skinny jeans. Nothing screamed poverty more than that. “But…I am not dressed up.”
“I got it.” Danny smirked and reached out to the legroom of the backseat where he pulled out a shopping bag. “This is for you.”
I dipped my hand into the bag and pulled out a silky smooth satin red dress. “Oh my god, this looks expensive. I can’t have it.”
“You’ll have to wear this to go in.”
I glanced around the quiet carpark. “There is nowhere I can change here.”
Danny rolled his eyes and pushed a button on the control panel to tint the windows. “You need to stop making lame excuses.”
“What about you? Are you gonna go like this?”
Danny scoffed. “You know I always come prepared.” I wanted to punch his cocky face instead all I did was laughing stupidly. “I’m gonna get ready while you get changed. Show us how you look like when you’re done.” I nodded and followed Danny’s back with my eyes as he got out of the car. I still could see his flitting shadow moving around the car and opening the boot.
I pulled out the red dress to take another look. It was the color of chili and had gold embroidery hem. I held the dress close to my chest. I never owned a dress. Cypher and I seldom went out so there was no point keeping something that I would never use. The only time I wore a dress was during my graduation. The graduation dress was provided by my college and was passed down from previous students.
I glanced at the back of the car and saw Danny get changed too. I removed my clothes and cowered down the seat, glancing around to make sure no one was watching. The dress fitted nicely around my waist as if it was specially tailored for me but the spaghetti top dipped low down to my cleavage, making me feel slightly self-conscious. I changed into the pair of black heels that also came in the bag and got out of the car.
Danny turned around and smiled at me. A gasp escaped from my chest. “You…you look so charming.” I glanced up and down his immaculate white suit that emphasized his broad shoulders. My stomach fluttered, a surge of heat shooting through my body. He had even changed out of his joggers into a pair of brown shoes.
“You look gorgeous too.” Danny walked closer and tucked a lock of stray hair on the back of my ear. “Like every other time. Just a different kind of gorgeous tonight. Thanks for going out to supper with me.” Danny gave me his arm. “One last time.”
I grinned sheepishly to myself and took his arm. “One last time.”
19
I rolled to the side of my bed and looked at the red dress draped on my chair and the black heels scattered under it. I made a mental note to keep them out of sight and clean the apartment before Cypher came back. The recollection at the restaurant played and replayed in my head, putting a smile on my face. My gaze wandered around the room, picking up the changes since Cypher had gone but everything looked untouched like a time capsule.
My eyes fell on the Mind Drive. I should be stoked Cypher was coming back soon. I felt none of the excitement I should be feeling. In fact, a heavy nostalgia suffocated me. A wave of guilt lingered in me. I rolled back and snuggled up against Danny, admiring the peaceful look on his face for one last time. “I’m gonna miss you so much, handsome.”
I leaned closer to give him a peck on the cheek, feeling his warmth against my lips. Danny stirred. I thought he was going to wake up but he didn’t. I snuck out of the bed, changed into my usual shirt and jeans, and grabbed the Mind Drive on the way out of the room.
Connecting my tablet to the Mind Drive and propped it up on the writing desk, I sat down and drummed my fingers while waiting for it to boot. I almost fell off the table when Cypher’s hologram materialized in front of me. My stomach fluttered. I almost forgot how gorgeous Cypher looked, with his sharp jawline and protruding cheekbones that could cut.
Cypher glanced at himself. His face lit up when his eyes fell on me. “Kira! I miss you so much!”
I picked the skin on my nail as a haze of fear bounced around me. How much did he lose his memories this time? Did he still think he was dating Britney? So many questions whirled in my head, but all that came out was, “Hey.”
My shaky hand was reaching for the NoteApp, ready to tell him the forgotten love story about him and I.
“Are you alright, Kira?” Cypher’s face tensed up. I forgot he could still read my emotions and behave like when he was still alive. I shook my head. “Is it about something I said last time?”
“Nope.” I was surprised Cypher remembered what happened. This might be the perfect chance to ask him about Britney, but I dropped it. The last thing I wanted was to bring up his past when I was about to revive him later.
“You’re gonna tell me you got five hundred Mind Files?” Cypher grinned.
I gawked at him, perplexed. “The five hundred Mind Files?”
“It’s what Wu Zhang wants before I can come back to life, right? You’re gonna tell me you got them?”
I stared at him, unable to find a word. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or surprised. Cypher remembered…
“Look,” Cypher sighed. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Kira. I didn’t mean to talk about Britney the other day. I swear I don’t have any feelings for her anymore even before we broke up. It’s just–my memories are all messed up.” The hurt look on his face sliced through me. I hated to see him this way and I hated myself for spending all the time with Danny, trying to forget about Cypher. Pain pricked at my finger. I looked down and realized my nail was bleeding.
I wiped it on my jeans and reached my fingers to touch Cypher’s face on the screen. “I hate myself for not being to remember the times we shared. I hate myself for recalling everything in my life except for the best part…that is the time I spent with you.”
Cypher’s eyes interlocked with mine. For a moment, I forgot Cypher was in the Mind Drive. It felt like he was sitting across the table to me.
“But there’s something I can never forget even if I try. I can never forget how much I love you. How much I want you.” I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. It was the moment when I realized Cypher had not forgotten anything. It was me who forgot why I was doing this. “I love you, Kira. No matter what, I still do.”
A warm tear rolled down my eyes. “I love you too, Cypher. You are right I’m reviving you, but I haven’t got five hundred Mind Files yet.” Cypher frowned. Danny’s name was on the tip of my tongue. “Wu Zhang’s Helper Bots seem to have become sentient, so I’m gonna destroy Zhang Net and I’m going to transfer you into a Transient Bot.”
“But that’s dangerous. You know what Wu Zhang is capable of.”
I nodded and tightened my grip on the tablet. “This is our only shot, Cypher. I have to do this. I will bring you back to life, Cypher…I promise.”
I unplugged the Mind Drive from my tablet and got up to Danny standing by my room door. “Hey, um, I didn’t know you were here.”
Danny looked away and scratched his hair. “I didn’t hear any of that. I just got up.”
“That’s alright. There’s no secret.” I was half-expecting Danny to kiss me when I walked past him into the room, but I was grateful he didn’t. Not now when we were about to go and save Cypher. I dug out a shoebox, kept away the black heels and dress, and shoved it under the mound of shoes.
“I can keep them fo
r you if you want me to,” said Danny.
“Nah.” I shook my head. “You can’t take away the evidence like that. I want to keep some of the memories we shared too.”
Danny nodded. He inched closer, about to kiss me, then changed his mind. He cleared his throat. “Whenever you’re ready. We’ll pick Lucia up.” I nodded. I had no idea why I felt more sadness than happiness when I was about to reunite with Cypher, the love of my life. Standing there, I watched Danny’s retreating back exit my room…and my life.
*****