She just wanted to see him. Just a glance and she’d leave. That’s what she told herself as she stood outside his door contemplating whether her thinking was sound or insanity. She knew it was the latter, but it didn’t stop her from doing it anyway.
Zoe peered into the dimly lit room. The lamp was burning low on the table, shedding just enough light for her to see Quinn asleep on top of the sheets. A chair was beside the bed and Zoe made her way to it.
She sat beside the bed and looked at him. He looked peaceful as he rested. The lines of worry and concern were nowhere to be found. There was nothing unspoken between them at that moment. There were no secrets, lies, or Victor Norton between them. It was just him and her.
His hair had fallen across his face and Zoe contemplated moving it. Her fingers made the decision for themselves. Slowly, they crept towards Quinn’s face. His chest rose and fell in even breaths. He was sound asleep.
Her fingers gently touched his hair as she swept it back slowly from his face. Her eyes gazed at him. Even asleep he moved her.
Zoe’s heart stopped in her chest, her breath caught, and her eyes widened as Quinn’s brown eyes opened. Her hand hovered in mid-air as their eyes remained on each other. She felt her jaw drop but she didn’t try to close it. She needed more air.
Quinn’s hand came up and closed around hers, preventing her escape, as he continued to lay there. “What’re you doing here?” he whispered. His eyes didn’t leave hers.
Her heart was racing like cattle in a stampede. She’d been caught. How was she ever going to explain this without seeming insane?
Say something.
“I came to check on you,” she answered softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come in here without asking.”
“Is this something you do often?” he asked gently.
She shook her head. “No.”
Quinn smirked. “Why don’t I believe you?”
“I don’t know,” Zoe answered as she swallowed a breath. “You don’t believe a lot I say these days.”
Hurt lingered in her voice as she spoke. She really wanted him to trust her again, to understand. She wanted him to truly forgive her, and she didn’t think he had, if his actions were any indicator.
Quinn sat up and finally released her hand. He looked in her eyes. “I didn’t for a while,” he began. “But I realize that I don’t know everything, and everything isn’t as it seems. Sometimes, you make the best decisions with what you have, even though they might not be what others might think are right. Sometimes people aren’t’ what they seem, even Victor.”
Zoe blinked in surprise. “What did you say?”
“I said, maybe I was wrong about Victor. Maybe you were right. Maybe all I could see was black and white, and couldn’t see any grey. I do now. I was blind, but I’m not anymore.”
She didn’t know what to think. It was as if Zoe’s mind had gone blank. Did Quinn really mean what he was saying?
“I judged you for lying to me,” Quinn said, as he exhaled deeply. “But I’m not any better. I came to Shaniko and I didn’t care who I had to lie to or coerce to get information on him. I thought by getting close to you, I could find him. Then I got to know you, and then I wanted to be around you.”
Zoe’s heart fell into a steady strum in her chest as she listened to Quinn. She was barely aware of the fact that they were two people, alone in a room, with neither of them being ill to give cause for one of them to be there.
“I need to ask your forgiveness,” Quinn said gently, as he took her hand in his. “I’ve been unfair to you. I was filled with my own righteousness, but I see now that I was just being a judgmental fool.” He met her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I am. I should’ve been honest from the start,” Zoe cried. “You would never have distrusted me if I’d just told you the truth.”
“Maybe, or maybe I would’ve distrusted you anyway because I didn’t know you. Either way, I’m glad you didn’t. I would never have gotten to know you if I didn’t stay in Shaniko. Being here changed my life.”
“It almost cost you your life,” Zoe corrected.
Quinn shook his head. “No, it may have actually saved my life. If I’d kept chasing Victor, and never took the time to stop and see what life could be, he might have eventually killed me. He nearly got there plenty of times.”
Zoe didn’t want to think of that. She didn’t want to think of a world where Quinn didn’t exist. She closed her eyes against the thought as she took a deep breath.
“Look at me,” Quinn urged gently.
Zoe opened her eyes to look at him. Tension caused the vein in his temple to pop. He swallowed hard and the lump bobbed in his throat.
“No matter what happens, I want you to know that I’m a better person for having met you, Zoe Ferguson. A lot has changed in my life, and more will change, but I want you to know that you are the best part of that change.”
The air was gone from her lungs and speech from her lips as she listened to him. Her heart wanted to dance, but it was afraid to. Could she dare hope that this meant something, and wasn’t just a sweet way of saying goodbye?
It could be that. It sort of sounds like that.
“I’ve made some decisions, ones that will affect everything, including you and me,” Quinn continued. “I looked at my life and I realized that I needed to make a choice. Today, I did.” He met her eyes. “I decided that I can’t go forward until all the loose ends are tied up. That I don’t want to be like Pope, always rushing off after the next bounty and never having anyone to check on me like you just did. I don’t wanna be alone.”
Zoe sucked in a breath. “Quinn…”
“I’ve already spoken to Sheriff Watts, and once I’m fully mended, he’ll be swearing me in as a new Deputy Sheriff.” He searched her eyes. “I’m gonna stay in Shaniko, Zoe. I’m making this place my home. I’m not going anywhere. This is my last stand. I’m facing all the things I need to, right here.”
Disbelief made her unable to speak. Zoe spent all day preparing for the news of Quinn’s impending departure, but instead, he was telling her he was staying in Shaniko.
“Did you hear what I said?” Quinn asked.
Zoe nodded. “I heard you,” she mumbled. Was this really happening? Was she dreaming? What did this mean for them?
Her emotions overtook her and before Zoe knew what she was doing, she’d launched herself at Quinn as her arms wrapped around his neck. She was crying instantly as Quinn’s arms wrapped around her.
“Don’t cry,” he pleaded. “I didn’t tell you this to upset you. I came back today to tell you this, but you weren’t here.”
“I needed to think,” Zoe sniffled between sobs. It felt good to be in his arms. It felt good to be open with him again.
“Zoe, they’re things we need to talk about. Things that we need to settle,” Quinn said softly. “But we don’t have to think about them now. Right now, I just want you to know that I’m here for you and I always will be, no matter what.”
Zoe clutched Quinn’s shirt as she listened to him. Whatever they had to work out, she’d do it. She’d fix whatever she had to in order to make things right between them. She was willing to try if he was. She was willing to give her heart if he would give her his.
“Quinn?” she whispered, as all of her inhibitions melted away. She was going to be braver than she’d ever been before. She would say what was on her heart.
“Yes?” Quinn answered.
Zoe swallowed, closed her eyes and let the words out. “I love you.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Quinn could finally walk without the cane. It took weeks of pain and stumbling, but now he was standing and walking on his own. The feeling was wonderful, but there was something even more encouraging, the shiny new star pinned to his shirt, over his left breast.
He smiled as he recalled the day Judge Hooper, the Mayor, and Sheriff Watts swore him in before the rest of the Sheriff’s Office, Wiley, and of course Zoe. She refused to
miss it, even though he told her it wasn’t necessary. Afterward, she planned a big lunch for the entire department to celebrate the event. It was the first time since he’d arrived in Shaniko that The Red Stallion Saloon was closed.
Quinn ran a hand through his hair as he looked in the mirror. His hair needed to be cut. He was an official lawman again, he had to look the part. The long, uneven hair was going to have to go. It was time for him to start something new. There was only one problem. There was still one thing from his past, a very important thing, which remained undone.
Despite his determination to face the truth, whatever it was, Quinn had yet to tell Zoe about the brooch. Every day he said he would. Every day he found some excuse not to. He had to face the truth, and he looked in the mirror—it was staring back at him.
You don’t want to know.
He looked away from his image and turned back to his room. He had things to do. There was a barber he needed to see.
Quinn walked down to the saloon floor. His heart was racing with every step. He hoped to see Zoe, but there was no sign of her.
“Wiley, have you seen Zoe this morning?” he asked, as he walked up to the bar. Wiley was doing his usual, tending the bar, sorting the bottles, and getting ready for the day.
“She passed through earlier, but she hasn’t come back yet,” he stated as he wiped out a glass mug. “Yah want anythin’?”
“I was just heading out…”
“Where were yah headed?” Wiley asked, as he looked at him intently.
“I was heading over to the barber. I think it’s time I got myself a shave and a cut.”
Wiley laughed. “He don’t open for another half hour, and that’s only if he got up on time. The man don’t care nothin’ ‘bout time. Yer better off goin’ to the tonsorial next door. Cleaver’s wife does all the hair over there.”
Quinn frowned. He’d never been to a tonsorial for anything but the baths. He wasn’t sure he wanted a woman cutting his hair. The only woman who’d ever laid her hands on him to trim his hair was his mother.
“I’ll wait on the barber,” Quinn stated, as he settled himself on a barstool.
“Suit yerself,” Wiley answered. “Can I get yah anythin’ while yah wait?”
“Now that you mention it, I could use some breakfast.”
“I’ll see what Weyland has cooked up back there,” Wiley stated as he set the glass aside and walked toward the kitchen. Quinn sat alone as he waited for him to return.
You have to tell her.
His mind wouldn’t let him have a moment’s peace. He stared at the bar, his mind still warring inside him.
You have to know the truth. You can’t live a lie. Don’t make her live one, too.
He knew his conscience was trying to convince him, but despite its best efforts, Quinn was hesitant. Things were finally settled between him and Zoe. Things were getting back to normal, the easiness had returned, and when she saw him she smiled. He didn’t want to see that smile fade again.
Lying to her won’t help.
“What’re you doing?” Zoe’s voice interrupted, as her hand rested gently on his shoulder. Quinn turned quickly to look at her. There, on her face, was the bright smile he loved.
“Nothing,” he replied as he kept his eyes on her. “Where’ve you been? Wiley said you went out?”
“I went to the general store to check on an order I made. The paint hasn’t come in yet, so I came back,” she answered as she leaned on the bar beside him. She was still smiling and Quinn found himself still wondering if he wanted to risk losing that smile.
Can you honestly say you’d be happy with the question lingering over your head? If she is your sister, there can never be anything between you. Do you wanna start something with that uncertainty? You know how you feel.
“Quinn?” Zoe asked. Her brow wrinkled.
“What?”
“Where are you?” she asked curiously, her brow still knitted.
He smiled. “I’m right here.”
“No, you aren’t,” Zoe insisted as she leaned closer, her brow furrowing further. “Don’t lie. I can tell when you do.”
“How’s that?” he asked.
“If I tell you, then you’ll be aware and I won’t be able to know when you’re telling me the truth,” she answered.
“Why wouldn’t I tell you the truth?”
“You tell me?” Zoe questioned as she looked at him. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Quinn swallowed sharply as he averted his eyes. He would have turned away, but unfortunately for him, Zoe wouldn’t allow him. Her slender fingers caught his chin and stopped his head from turning.
“Not so fast,” she chided. “There is something you’re hiding from me.”
“Zoe…”
She stepped back from him as she released his face. “After all we’ve been through, and all the trouble that not being honest has caused between us, you’re hiding things?”
“Zoe…” Quinn answered quickly as he got to his feet. He reached for her hand but she pulled it away as she shook her head.
“No. I wanna know what’s going on. What’re you hiding?” she insisted.
Quinn’s jaw clenched. Should he tell her?
Yes!
No!
She loves you. If you are her brother, then she needs to know the truth. You can’t keep her in the dark. Eventually, she will want more than what is between you now. How will you explain your reasons for not pursuing her?
Quinn had no answer for himself. It made him feel guilty to think of it. He was being selfish and he knew it. Keeping Zoe close without telling her the truth that they could be related, was terrible. Worse than her deception regarding Victor. This wasn’t a stranger, it was the truth about their mutual pasts. It was something that could affect the rest of their lives. He didn’t want to think of it.
“Zoe, listen to me,” Quinn started. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Zoe continued to question him. “You’ve been strange for days. One minute you seem so happy, and the next I catch a glimpse of you and you looked concerned. One minute I think things are getting better, and then the next, you make me unsure.”
He reached for her hand and this time Zoe didn’t pull away. “It’s not like that,” he assured her. Her fingers felt good in his hand.
He squeezed her hand and stepped closer to her. “There is something I have been hiding,” he admitted. “I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t know how you’d handle it.”
Zoe laughed lightly. “Quinn, you should know by now that I can handle myself pretty well.”
He wasn’t sure she’d still be saying that after he told her the truth.
“I know you’re a lot stronger than I might think. Your life and success so far has proven that. However, everyone had a limit, Zoe. I just don’t know what yours is, and how you’d recover if it was pushed.”
Her frown deepened. “What’re you talking about, Quinn?”
“I have something to tell you,” he admitted. “I just don’t know how to.”
“Just tell me,” Zoe insisted. “Don’t worry about how I’ll fee…”
“I have to,” Quinn interrupted. “I can’t ignore how you feel. That’s why this has been hard for me. I’ve wanted to tell you, but then I thought of your reaction, and I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure I wanted you to know.”
Zoe stared at him in disbelief. “You didn’t want me to know?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “I wasn’t sure….”
“Miss Zoe, yer back,” Wiley interrupted as he walked toward them with a smile. He stopped as he got closer. His eyes drifted to their joined hands and a look of embarrassment colored his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anythin’.”
“It’s all right, Wiley,” Zoe answered, as she pulled her hands from his grasp. “I was just going to get some work done. Did you want something?”
Wiley’s eyes danced between the two of them. It was clear
that he still felt uncomfortable. “I was just comin’ to tell Mr. Mortensen what Weyland cooked up for breakfast.”
“You do that,” Zoe answered. She glanced at Quinn and then looked away. She forced a smile back on her face as she excused herself and walked away.
Quinn watched her go, his heart sinking with every step she took. He wanted to protect her, but his dishonesty was causing more problems than it was solving. He needed to tell her the truth but now wasn’t the time.
A Western Tale of Love and Fate: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 21