by L. D. Davis
“Maybe we can talk somewhere quiet later,” Trevor offered.
“Maybe not,” Kyle said firmly and led me away.
Kyle’s hand was on my bare back as we weaved through the crowd. I loved it. He loved it. We loved it.
“I don’t know, maybe I’d like to talk to Trevor in a quiet place later,” I teased.
“If I ever catch you with that loser, I’ll beat him to within an inch of his life.” He didn’t sound like he was kidding.
I missed him those few days that we weren’t talking, but I was pissed off, too.
“That’s drastic, coming from a man who has been indifferent to me for days.”
“It wasn’t easy.”
“No kidding,” I muttered.
“You look amazing,” he murmured close to my ear. His fingers left a flaming trail as they swiftly moved down my spine.
“Thank you,” I said, trying hard not to shiver from his touch.
“Every guy in this room wants you, and every woman is jealous.”
“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
“It’s true. Take a casual look around the room.”
“I’m not vain enough to check. Even though I think you’re exaggerating, I’ll take your word for it.”
“Where’s Luke?” He looked around the room as if he expected to see my boyfriend materialize.
“Bachelor party in Chicago,” I said quickly. “Where’s Jess?”
“Around.”
A moment later we found her. She was standing close to Kyle’s mom. Like a queen, Felicia Sterling stood at the very front of the room as guests approached her. I almost felt like I should curtsey.
“Mrs. Sterling,” I said reaching out my hand instead. “Thank you for inviting me.”
She nodded with a brief smile and said, “You look lovely.”
“Yes,” Jess piped up. “Your dress is gorgeous, Emmy; although, it looks more like clubbing apparel than a cocktail party in Devon.” She laughed in an attempt to cover up her insult.
Felicia Sterling gave Jess a bland look before turning her eyes back to me. “I think you’ve pulled off the look very well, Emmy.”
Jess’s smile faded into a smile and grimace together as her eyes flicked over to Kyle. I looked at Kyle, too, but Kyle was looking at me. He had barely acknowledged his own girlfriend.
“I must resume my role as hostess,” she said with regret. “But I hope to see you again, Miss Grayne.”
I watched her join Walter Sterling a few feet away where he was talking to some important looking men. Maybe she really was his trophy.
“Well, that was interesting,” I said, drawing close to Kyle so only he could hear me. “I thought she was going to make me her pet for the night or something.”
He gave me a wide, playful smile that made my heart trip up. He was about to say something, probably something he shouldn’t say in present company, but then Jessyca’s claws claimed his arm.
“It was nice to see you, Emmy,” she said without meaning it. She tried pulling Kyle away, but he stood firm.
“Did you think about it?” he asked, ignoring the woman pulling on his arm like an insolent child.
I laughed incredulously. “The answer is no, of course.”
“I don’t believe that.” His eyes sparkled as the demoness managed to move him away from me a couple of feet.
“Why not?” I challenged.
He broke free of Jess with ease. “Kyle,” she said his name harshly as he came to me.
He leaned in close and whispered in my ear “I don’t believe you because you dressed up for me.”
Jessyca reclaimed his arm and threw a smug smirk over her shoulder as he allowed her to take him away without a backward glance.
I wanted to go back to the bar, but Trevor was there, watching me. I grabbed two glasses of champagne off of a moving tray and drank them quickly to calm the nerves that Kyle just stirred up. I ambled over to a group of people I knew and allowed conversation to distract me for a while, but every now and then my eyes would float around the room in search of Kyle. When I finally saw him across the room, he was already looking at me.
His face gave nothing away, but there was something in his eyes that made my heart flutter. I peeled my eyes away, so no one in my group would get suspicious, but every time I looked in his direction, he was watching me.
Eventually, I got tired of talking to people I usually didn’t care about. I got tired of Kyle’s staring and Jess’s glaring. I knew I shouldn’t have gone, and I especially knew I should have never dressed up for Kyle.
My heart really wanted to go where he was offering, but my mind knew better. A wise man once said, “Anyone who can rationalize love through intellect, has no idea what love is, for it is an emotion, and cannot be rationalized. For love is crazy.” I couldn’t allow myself to plead insanity and run into Kyle’s arms. Under the circumstances, rationalizing love through intellect was the right thing to do, even if it was crushing me from the inside out. I’m pretty sure the man who made that quote wasn’t thinking about cheating in the name of love.
I had a good boyfriend that loved me. My attraction to Kyle was dangerous and needed to stop.
While Kyle’s attention was elsewhere, I slipped out of the party.
When I got home, I turned on the radio in the kitchen, took out a half gallon of ice cream, a jar of peanut butter and a big spoon. I found some chocolate chips and mini marshmallows in the cabinet, grabbed a bowl to dump them in and sat down at the kitchen table. I ate right out of the carton, finding creative ways to get all of my ingredients into my mouth at the same time. It was my comfort food, but it wasn’t working very well.
I had eaten half of the ice cream when I heard the front door open. My heart skipped a beat. I sat stock still, wondering if I’d be able to defend myself with a sticky spoon. Footsteps sounded in the hall and I thought maybe I could convince the robber or rapist to sit down and have some ice cream instead of committing their intended crime.
Kyle appeared, holding my pocketbook.
“You forgot this in your haste to leave the party,” he said, setting it down on the table.
“Your bad habits are rubbing off on me.”
“I thought maybe you were trying to lure me here.” He took a spoon out of the drawer and sat down across from me.
“Don’t you need to get back to the party?”
“Not my party.”
“Hmm.”
We ate in silence for a while. When it seemed like we were both done, I got up and started cleaning up the mess. Kyle helped. When we were finished, we stood on opposite sides of the table staring at one another.
“You should probably go,” I said.
“Why?”
Because I don’t know if I will be able to say no.
“It’s late.”
“Never stopped you before.”
I couldn’t think of another excuse, so I just stood there looking at everything but him.
“Tell me you don’t want me in your life and I will leave.”
I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off with “And you have to mean it.”
I closed my mouth. I opened it again, sputtered out a few words, but not enough to say what I really should say and have it done and over.
“That’s what I thought,” he said, walking around the table.
I moved away in the opposite direction. We circled the table until I ended up where he had been standing and vice versa.
“Why are you running from me?” he asked softly.
“I…I…”
Damn it.
“Stay where you are,” he said firmly.
I obeyed and watched with apprehension as he walked around the table. I seized up when he reached for me, and my feet dragged when he tried to make me close the distance between us. Roughly, he pulled me to him, but my arms stayed limp at my sides.
“No more of this just friends shit,” he said, tilting my head back. “There’s nothing platonic
between us.”
Just before his lips touched mine, I hurriedly said, “But this is wrong!”
“Yeah, but it feels right.”
Maybe that was true. Mentally and morally speaking, it was so very wrong, but when we were together it felt so right. But that didn’t mean I had to give in.
“But Jess and Luke…” I said as his lips neared mine again.
“This isn’t about them. Now shut up so I can kiss you.” And he did.
I didn’t immediately kiss back. I stood there stiffly and scared shitless. He stopped kissing me and took a hold of my hands. He put them on his shoulders before wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Hold on to me,” he whispered before kissing me again.
His tongue teased mine, daring me to kiss back. I tried my hardest not to kiss him, but his lips on mine was like dangling a steak in front of a hungry dog. Even a well-trained dog would only be able to stand it for so long before he devoured it.
If I kissed back this time though, there would be no going back. I wasn’t sure how this would end or with whom, or how many hearts would be broken. I was only sure of the way I was feeling at that moment, which is why I tightened my arms around his neck and kissed Kyle back.
Chapter Sixteen
One month slipped by in a blink. I spent the majority of my time with Luke and I loved every minute of it, but secretly, I couldn’t wait to see Kyle.
I felt guilty for stepping out on Luke, but I couldn’t stop myself. Kyle was a drug and I was the addict. Every time I tried to break it off with him, he would convince me not to, to just hold on a little while longer. Maybe I didn’t really want to break it off, or I would have stuck to my guns.
I struggled to keep my personal life separate from work. It was really difficult when one boyfriend worked a few floors down and the other a few feet away.
Kyle had no qualms about closing his office door so he could freely touch me, kiss me, or lift my skirt for something more. It was a bad idea, and I told him that repeatedly, but when Kyle wanted something—or someone—he took exactly what he wanted. I freely gave it in the end, every time. I’d come out of his office, my face flushed and worried that someone knew what was happening on the other side of the door, but things were changing in the company, and they assumed we were having meetings, or I was getting yelled at for something.
At least three times a week, Kyle and I would see each other outside of work. We even started going on real dates. They were way out of the way, of course, where we were unlikely to run into anyone we knew.
Honestly, I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I loved Luke. He was kind and generous, sweet, funny, and intelligent. We shared the same tastes in music, movies, and recreation. He was protective, possessive and dominant without being overbearing, and he never tried to change me. He worked hard, he loved his family back in Chicago, and he loved me.
When I took the time to think about all of the reasons I loved Luke, I would have moments of clarity, like a fog clearing from my mind. Sudden motivation to get rid of Kyle would arise, but then the idea of parting from Kyle would make my chest ache.
In contrast to Luke, Kyle was arrogant, hostile, and unyielding. We didn’t do much in the recreation area because he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. Even under the guise of friendship, our outings were limited. Kyle was protective, possessive, and dominant and overbearing. He worked too much, which resulted in me working too much, and his relationship with his parents seemed more fickle than my relationship with my mother, and that was saying a lot. He loved me, but he loved me with a brutality that was often frightening. Our disagreements were always another world war. Nothing was ever, ever simple for us.
Yet, I was hooked on him. Completely habituated to him. Absolutely absorbed in him.
I didn’t know where we were going with our relationship. I probably should have released Luke, but my chest ached just as much thinking about leaving him as it did for Kyle. As for Kyle and Jessyca, well, that was complicated.
In essence, Kyle and Jessyca were practically betrothed. Jess sat on a fortune, as did Kyle, and both of their families owned or had a big stake in very successful and lucrative businesses. Bringing the two families together made it appear the two businesses were together, or have a big chance of coming together. Somehow that translated into more money for both, and sometimes, as in the case of Kyle’s parents who were also brought together by their parents, the two businesses actually do merge.
Walter Sterling was uncompromising as far as his expectations for Kyle and Jessyca. His son’s happiness was inconsequential. In his mind, Kyle had a duty to fulfill as his son. He had the duty to eventually—and sooner rather than later—marry Jessyca Venner.
I didn’t just accept this. It wasn’t okay with me. At the end of our first month together, the topic spurned an epic fight.
We were in Baltimore at the National Aquarium for a date. I had always known that his relationship with Jess was more business than love, but I had asked for more explicit details regarding the situation because I was already growing tired of being sneaky. Kyle had just given me the run down.
“So, eventually you will propose,” I said with incredulity.
“I didn’t say that. I said that it is expected of me.”
“What happens if you just break up with her?”
“You’ve asked me that before,” he said tiredly as he looked at me.
“You haven’t given me a straight answer, Kyle.”
He hesitated and bit down on his bottom lip like he was thinking. The aquarium was crowded. People filtered around us and bumped into us, but I barely noticed them. I was watching Kyle and waiting for an answer.
Finally, he responded.
“My father will disown me and find some reason to fire me.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Is that all?” I almost laughed. “You’d have to go earn a living like a normal person?”
“It’s not just that,” he looked at me cautiously.
“What else is there?”
“Jess has possession of…some pretty sensitive information.”
“Regarding what?”
“Regarding Sterling Corp and some of its business associates,” he said, looking uncomfortable. He glanced around as if there were Sterling Corp monitors just waiting for him to spill secrets.
“Sounds like a lot of trouble,” I said, shaking my head. “I hope it’s not an Enron situation.”
“No, but if the information comes to light at the wrong time, a lot of shit will go down that no one is prepared to deal with.”
“So, Jess is blackmailing you into staying with her?”
He shook his head. “Not exactly. She doesn’t know that I know.”
I sighed exasperatingly. “So much drama. How long do you expect to have to play along?”
“I don’t know. I can’t give you a time frame. Just know that I’m working on it.”
“This is ridiculous,” I huffed. “I wish I understood the circumstances before I ‘committed’ to this dysfunctional relationship.”
“What do you want me to say, Em?” He threw his hands up.
“If you are going to just propose, why are we doing this?” I asked him, feeling my chest tighten.
“I love you,” he said, pulling me close and holding my hands. “You love me. We want to be together, and I didn’t say I was going to propose.”
“What we have isn’t togetherness. It’s sneakiness,” I hissed.
“Well, if you break up with Luke that will be one less person to worry about.” He said it so casually, as if it would be such a simple thing to do.
“Why should I break up with him?” I pulled my hands from his and put them on my hips. “Am I supposed to just sit at home alone on the nights you’re fucking Jessyca?”
“You have nothing to lose by breaking up with him,” he said, and I could hear Kyle the Dick surfacing.
“I would actually lose a lot,” I said, my voice quavering with anger. I was an
gry at Kyle, but I was especially angry at myself for getting into such a situation. “He’s a good man and cares about me, which is another reason this is so fucked up. He doesn’t deserve this.”
“Then let him go.”
“You’re so selfish, Kyle. Maybe I should let you go.”
His eyes flashed with anger and he crossed his arms, looking like a real tough guy, but said nothing. He only glared at me. I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop myself from talking.
“And I’m tired of coming to you after being with him, staying up so late. My work—your work—is suffering.”
Kyle’s stance changed suddenly. His back stiffened and his glare became razor sharp.
“What do you mean being with him? You’re sleeping with him? You told me you weren’t.”
I bit my bottom lip and watched a young couple a few yards away, holding hands and totally carefree.
“Emmy.” He said my name in a way that made me take a startled step back. He was seething with anger.
“I never said I wasn’t,” I said quietly. “For some stupid reason, you assumed I wasn’t sleeping with him and I didn’t correct you.”
“So if you love me, why would you sleep with him?” That tone again. It was low and full of fury and hurt.
But the whole thing was so ridiculous. He was obviously still sleeping with Jessyca, because hadn’t denied it when I said so. It was he and I that were cheating, and I shouldn’t have had to apologize for sleeping with my actual boyfriend.
“He doesn’t know that I have another boyfriend, Kyle,” I snapped. “So I can see why he thinks it’s okay to sleep with his girlfriend.”
“But you know differently.” He opened and closed his fists.
I never thought that he was going to hit me, but his anger was unsettling nonetheless. My own anger was about to explode.
“You don’t have to make me feel any dirtier than I already feel.” Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. “You’re still sleeping with Jessyca, I know you are, and I know you love her. I know it’s more than ‘just business’ like you say. Until you are ready to choose, don’t you dare judge me or tell me who I can and cannot see or sleep with.”