by L. D. Davis
“You’re being too generous,” he argued.
“I feel like I owe you something.”
“You gave me a kid, Em. You don’t owe me anything.”
“What if he grows up and turns out to be a loser?”
“Then I may insist on some compensation,” he joked. “Until then, you don’t owe me anything. So, I’ll accept a capped loan, with five and a half percent interest.”
“Capped? I don’t know how much I’ll have to spend in your crappy office.”
“Then I suggest you set a budget, Miss Grayne.”
“Fine,” I said. I took our plates into the kitchen and loaded them in the dishwasher. Luke leaned against the counter, drinking a beer.
“You agreed to that too fast.”
“No, a budget is fine.” I wiped down the counters and stove and then got myself a beer.
“So, what kind of budget did you have in mind?” Luke asked cautiously.
“Oh, I don’t know. Not much.”
“I don’t believe you. How much is not much?”
“Well…you need more staff, more equipment and furniture, advertising, and money just to function for your clients.”
“How much, Em?”
I shrugged. “I guess…one and a half million.”
Luke choked on his beer for a few seconds. “One and a half million dollars!”
“I can do two or three,” I said, knowing he wanted me to go lower and not higher. I was amused by his reaction.
“I thought maybe a hundred grand, at most two fifty. Not over a million!”
“I said I can do two or three!”
“You’re crazy. Two fifty, and no more.”
“What’s wrong with one mil?”
“Did you ever consider the possibility that I won’t be able to pay that back?”
“You will,” I insisted.
“You’re insane.”
I sighed. “I really want to do this, Luke.”
“It’s a lot of money, Emmy,” he said, shaking his head.
I shrugged. We stood on opposite ends of the kitchen staring each other down. Luke looked away first.
“Okay,” he said grudgingly.
“Okay,” I said.
“Can we have pie now?” he asked with a pout that I reluctantly found rather cute.
Chapter Thirty-One
As the weeks strolled on, Kessler and Keane’s office transformed from a second rate office into a high class office meant to bring in high class clientele. I replaced all of the cheap furniture with good, well-made furniture. I rearranged the entire office so that it not only looked good, but so that work could be done more efficiently. I moved the reception area directly in front of the doors, where the newly professional Kacey greeted anyone who stepped through the door.
I created a waiting area that featured a huge Keurig with every variety of coffee, tea and hot chocolate. I used mugs, not paper cups, and also had other beverages in a small refrigerator with a glass door. There were cookies and cakes and crackers and Danishes and donuts. I even arranged for the little kitchenette in the back to be remodeled.
In addition to working on the cosmetic aspects of the business, I also had to hire and train new employees. This move took a huge load off of the lawyers and they were able to better focus on their clients and take on more.
I worked day and night, even when my parents flew in to visit. I made sure I was home to see Lucas before he went to bed and I stayed home with him every Sunday but worked every Saturday.
My relationship with Luke had improved so much, I could say with a certainty that we were friends again. I was still struggling with the horridness I felt inside, but at least I was able to push it aside sometimes. I would never be able to forget all that had happened. I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever truly like myself again, but at least sometimes there was a tiny bit of reprieve from the storm cloud that followed me around.
My brother Emmet moved his family to Chicago and started working for Luke. I never had a very close relationship with any of my siblings, but I took advantage of the situation to spend more time with him, his wife Casey and their son Owen. We had them over for dinners and folded them into Luke’s family.
By early May the firm was fully functional and generating actual revenue. While K&K didn’t discriminate against the lower paying people, they did start to bring in more upscale clientele with the changes. There was still some fine tuning to be done, but overall, Luke and Steven were extremely satisfied with my office flipping skills.
Just before Lucas’s first birthday, I decided I wanted to spend more time with him, and less time in the office. I cut myself down to three days a week and no weekends. I went in at ten instead of eight-thirty, and left at four. Twice a week, if Luke didn’t have court or wasn’t too busy, he would leave work by two or three so he could also spend more time with Lucas.
We celebrated Lucas’s birthday at Lorraine’s. Her house was the biggest, and able to handle the volume of people that were invited. All of our Chicago family was there, of course, and surprisingly most of my siblings and some of their kids. Also in attendance was a very pregnant Donya and Mayson. My cousin Tabitha also came…with Leo.
He and I acknowledged one another, but I knew without asking that Tabitha was unaware of our last encounter. My relationship with my cousin was already fickle, and I didn’t want to make it any worse by informing her that I made out with her boyfriend and tried my hardest to get into his pants—again. I thanked her for coming, was surprised that she came at all, but she kindly informed me that it was convenient due to the fact that she had a book signing nearby that weekend. Whatever. I took it as a kind gesture anyway and moved on.
I wasn’t as happy as I should have been on this occasion. Not that my son wasn’t a big deal, but I didn’t recall any other kid in my family getting so much attention on their first birthday. I shared that thought with Luke, in what I thought was a quiet corner, but my mom appeared out of nowhere.
“Well, nobody thought either of you would ever have any children or settle down,” she said. “That’s why this is a big deal.” She left us alone in our corner.
“I guess that’s true,” Luke rubbed his neck and sighed. “My mom and sisters thought that about me at some point.”
“I didn’t know that. You seem very much like the settling down type.”
He let out an uncomfortable chuckle. I looked at him with strong curiosity. He looked at me as if he didn’t want to tell me, but then relented when I pinched him.
“I played the field…a lot. I had a different girl on my arm every other month.”
“I didn’t hear anything like that back in Philly. You had two steady girlfriends over the years.”
“Correction. I had three steady girlfriends over the years.” He gave me a knowing look. “The first two were always on and off, not as steady as you think, and there were more before and between.”
“Oh,” was all I could say, because what else could I say? I was number three and I broke his heart.
“The second woman, Vicky, she was basically just a distraction.”
“From what?”
“From number three who didn’t yet know she was going to be number three.” He walked away, leaving me standing there, looking dumbfounded.
After that, I was able to enjoy the festivities. I had not felt that content in over two years. I found myself smiling a lot, and was surprised to hear my own laughter in my ears several times. At dinner, my appetite returned full force. I used to love food as much as I loved tequila, but the hard life I created for myself had made almost everything unappetizing. Every time someone spoke to me, my mouth was crammed with food. It was a great day, the best I had in a long time.
And that day was also a turning point.
Throughout the day, regardless of where I was or what I was doing, my eyes would often fall on Luke. I liked watching him talk to my mom, because he had a way of handling her with kid gloves, and making her feel that she was heard
, even if what she was saying was ludicrous. I liked the relationship he had with Donya and Mayson, joking with them, making them laugh, or talking to them as if he had known them forever. Luke got along well with everyone; someone was always vying for his attention, especially the kids. Watching him laugh made me smile, and watching him with our son made me all warm and gooey inside.
When I went to bed that night, I assumed that I would be back to normal by the time I woke up, that it was just the excitement of the day that had me feeling a little off kilter. I went about my Sunday morning as usual. I rolled out of bed to find Lucas missing from his crib, but could hear Luke talking to him in the other room. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth before going into the living room.
Lucas was tottering around the room carrying his favorite toy, the stuffed whale Luke gave him the first day they met. Luke sat on the couch with the Sunday paper spread out on the coffee table, and Sesame Street was on the television. I stared at Luke’s chiseled bicep peeking out from under his tee shirt.
When he looked up and flashed me a smile and said, “Good morning, number three,” my heart hammered in my chest.
I stuttered out a greeting and quickly exited the room to the kitchen. I was silently kicking myself as I poured a cup of coffee. Lucas came into the kitchen with his dad on his heels.
“Cup?” Lucas asked, looking up at me questioningly.
“You want your cup?”
“Ya. Cup.” He patted the whale’s head and waited patiently while Luke got him a sippy cup of juice. He padded back into the living room and shouted, “Emmo!”
“Elmo,” Luke and I said together.
“You want some breakfast?” I asked him.
“Sure. I could use some food. I tried Lucas’s cereal, but it wasn’t for me.” He made a disgusted face that made me laugh. “Oh, my god it’s that sound again!”
I knew he was talking about my laughter, but I played dumb.
“What sound?” I asked, trying to reach a box of Bisquick. “Why do you put things way up on the third shelf where I can’t reach?”
“Because it’s funny watching you reach for it.” He stood almost directly behind me, reached over my head, and grabbed the box. I could feel his chest muscles against my back.
“Thanks,” I said and snatched it from him. I kept my back to him to hopefully hide the redness that had seeped into my cheeks.
“I’m going into the office after breakfast. I have to be in court first thing tomorrow morning and I want to make sure I am well prepared.”
“Okay,” I said, moving around him to get out eggs and milk.
“You had a good day yesterday,” he said, poking his head out of the doorway to check on Lucas.
“Yes, I did,” I agreed. “My mom only irritated me a little bit.”
“About what?”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know.” His forehead wrinkled as he thought about it, which I realized I found attractive. “It can’t be your hair or your clothes. You looked amazing yesterday.”
Damn it. I could feel my face glowing.
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“Hmm. Oh,” he said knowingly with a grin. “Your sex life.”
“Bingo. She really feels that it’s one of those use it or lose it things, which made me wonder about her and my dad and that’s when I decided to have a drink.”
“Yeah, no one wants to think of their parents getting it on.”
“Oh, stop! Please!” I covered my ears while he shouted out sexual innuendos about my parents.
“Okay, okay, I’m done,” he chuckled.
“My god, that was horrible.”
“Now I’m curious.”
“About what?” My eyes widened. “My parents? Gross!”
“No, dummy,” he shook his head. “About you.”
“What about me?” I asked, hoping he wasn’t really asking what I thought he was asking.
“Are you, you know, on the verge of ‘losing it’ from not using it?”
I tried to look indignant at such a question, but instead my expression only gave him his answer.
“I don’t have time!” I said defensively.
“There’s always time.”
“I am either with Lucas or at the office,” I argued. “Like you have so much time on your hands for sex.”
He checked on Lucas again and then leaned in the doorway and crossed his arms. His arms and abs looked delicious.
“I have made time,” he said.
“When?”
Now he looked uncomfortable. “It doesn’t matter when.”
“Why not?”
“We don’t need to discuss it anymore.” He turned to leave, but I threw a big spoon at the back of his head.
“Luke, that’s not fair! You started this conversation!”
“I know, but now I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because. My answers will make me look…dishonest.”
I looked at him in confusion for a few seconds before it hit me. I pointed my spatula at him.
“Some of your late nights at the office were booty calls!”
“Some, but not all,” he confirmed, looking at the floor.
“Oh my god!” I laughed because it helped dissolve the lump in my throat. “And when was the last time you got some?”
“If I answer, you have to answer the same question,” he insisted.
I looked away, flipped some pancakes. I didn’t want to play twenty questions anymore.
“Don’t answer,” I said hurriedly, at the very same time that he said “Two weeks ago.”
I stared down at the pancakes, feeling a pressure building in my chest. Luke had been sleeping with at least one woman, and while it shouldn’t have bothered me in the least and was even something I had expectations of at one time, things had changed and this revelation was hurtful.
“Now, your turn,” he said from the doorway.
I put some pancakes on a plate and added more mix to the griddle while he patiently waited for my answer.
“Almost a year and a half,” I said quietly.
“You’re kidding me.”
“Nope.”
Lucas yelled for Luke, who reluctantly left the kitchen. I let out a big breath and chastised myself for giving him that information. I knew I was pathetic, and I knew that he knew I was pathetic, but I didn’t need to reinforce that idea in his head.
I shook my head and muttered to myself for a moment before falling silent and carrying Luke’s plate out to the dining room. I put it down and headed to the bedroom.
“Aren’t you eating?”
“I want to take a shower before you leave,” I called over my shoulder and shut the bedroom door behind me.
I took forever in the shower, unable to focus on the simple task of shaving my legs and nicked myself a few times. Washing my long hair always took a while, but I would wake up from a daze with my hands unmoving in my soapy head. By the time I stepped into the bedroom in a towel, Luke was dressed and tying his sneakers on the bed.
“Lucas crashed,” he said. “Hopefully he’ll sleep this afternoon, too.”
“Okay,” I said. I started rooting around in drawers for something to wear.
“I’m sorry,” Luke said from the doorway.
“For what?”
“I was really insensitive a little while ago.”
“It’s fine,” I shrugged.
“No, it’s not fine, Emmy. I was an ass, and I’m sorry.”
“Okay. Forgiven.”
“Okay. I’ll be back in a few hours, maybe around three.”
“Take your time.”
He walked out of the room but returned seconds later.
“I’m really going to the office to work, nothing sheisty will be going on. I promise.”
“Luke, you don’t owe me any explanations.”
“I do, and I’ll just be honest about it next time. So, there will be no question about it in y
our head.”
“I don’t want to know,” I said. I meant to sound firm, but instead I sounded like I was pleading, and I guess I really was. I didn’t want to know every time he was going to go fuck some girl.
He stood there staring at me, his mouth open. “I’m sorry.”
“Dude, stop apologizing and go to work already,” I forced a chuckle. “It’s fine—I’m fine. Really.”
“Okay. I’ll be home as soon as I’m done.”
“Okay, okay.” I waved him away, but he stood rooted to the floor. “What now?”
“I don’t want you to think that you’re not…attractive or desirable.”
“Oh my god, Luke! Can you just go!” I buried my face in a shirt.
“Because you are. You’re probably hotter than ever before, but we just have so much…shit between us and we’re not really on the same page and…”
“You know what?” I asked, uncovering my face. “If it will make you feel better, I will go get laid tonight. I’m sure I can find a date. Then you won’t feel so…weird, and you are being really, really weird.”
His face fell. “Sorry. I’m leaving.” And with that, he finally left.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Weeks passed, but not without some small changes. For example, one morning when Luke was leaving for work, he kissed Lucas on the head as he always did. Without any hesitation, he kissed my cheek before going out the door. He did the same when he got home from work that day. After that, the kisses to the cheek became commonplace, even in the mornings as a greeting.
Then there was the hand holding. That started in the park one day. Luke carried Lucas, because he was tired, cranky, and didn’t want to walk anymore. With his free hand, he casually took mine. We were in the middle of a conversation, so I didn’t comment on it. Then I didn’t want to. His hand was strong and gave me a sense of comfort and safety I hadn’t had in a while. That, too became commonplace, not just in the park, but wherever we went together.
He stopped working late in the office, opting to bring home his work instead. I don’t know if he just wanted to be home with Lucas, or if he was trying to prove to me he wasn’t sleeping around, but then I didn’t think it mattered what I thought. We weren’t a couple. I dismissed that line of reasoning and just assumed it was about Lucas and the creature comforts of home.