by L. D. Davis
I moved my hands up her thighs, slowly up her sides until they were touching her breasts. Without taking my eyes off of hers, I swiped my thumbs across her clothed breasts, searching for her nipples. Seconds later I felt her response through her shirt as her nipples quickly hardened and pressed at the fabric. Her lips sensually fell open as her breath hitched. I continued to rub her nipples with the pads of my thumbs while looking into her eyes. She didn’t dare look away as she began to lightly grind against me. When I began pinching her nipples, she winced at first, but didn’t look away.
Grinding harder and faster, Emmy began to moan softly as I continued to squeeze her nipples. Her tongue licked erotically at her succulent lips. Her chest rose and fell at an accelerated pace and her fingers dug into my biceps. When she bit down hard on her bottom lip, I knew she was ready.
“Don’t close your eyes when you come,” I said in a harsh whisper.
And she was gone, gripping my arms as if she’d die if she let go, crying out my name and shaking violently with her hot clothed pussy against my cock. But she didn’t close her eyes and she didn’t look away.
“Good girl,” I murmured and pulled her head down for a kiss.
She pulled away and looked in my eyes again while holding my face in her hands. She didn’t speak, but she let her eyes convey the words she had a hard time saying with her mouth. She was still scared and broken and sad, but only a blind man could miss the love burning in her eyes. I pushed her hair out of her face again.
“I love you, too,” I whispered and kissed her again.
This time when she pulled away, she shimmied off of my lap. She parted my legs and dropped to her knees while reaching for the fly on my jeans. With high anticipation, I helped her with my jeans and boxers until she was pulling them off and tossing them behind her.
“Let’s see if I remember how to do this,” Emmy teased, and holy hell did she tease. Her tongue flicked a glistening drop off of the tip of my cock, making me groan and drop my head back. “Keep your eyes open,” she commanded.
I grinned down at her, was ready to make a sarcastic comment, but then the head of my cock was slipping between her lips and her mouth was slowly gliding down my cock. I cursed instead and fought the urge to throw my head back again and close my eyes. She took me in deep, passing her tonsils and easing down her throat. She swallowed hard trying not to gag, but she kept going, trying to take in my full length. When she finally pulled back, she was gasping for air, but she had such a sexy, evil smile on her face, and she gave me another good lick before deep throating my cock again.
“Em,” I groaned her name as I pulled her hair away from her face. “You look so fucking hot taking my cock into your mouth.”
She released me again, but with a starving hunger, she started to suck me. Hard. Fast. One of her hands pumped my shaft as she sucked with a fury. It felt so good I thought I could seriously cry. No other woman has ever been able to turn me on like Emmy, and none of them were able to drive me crazy with their mouths like Emmy.
I pumped my hips in time with her sucking, hitting the back of her throat with every thrust. She moaned around my cock and her eyes were glazed over with lust and hunger. I wanted to come in her mouth, and I was getting close to coming in her mouth, but I wanted her on top of me, riding me.
“Em, stop or I’m going to come,” I panted, but she kept going. In fact she got more aggressive, sucking harder and with more fervor. I enjoyed it for a moment before grabbing the hair at the base of her skull and yanking her head away. Her mouth released my dick with a wet noise. “Take your clothes off. Now.”
She pouted a little and I had to try hard not to laugh and let her continue. She quickly pulled her clothes off and I pulled her to me. She climbed onto my lap and I positioned my cock at her entrance, but I sighed, knowing I couldn’t go again without mentioning the obvious.
“Emmy, we need to discuss something.”
“Now?” she asked in a high voice. She looked like she wanted to slap me.
“Yes, now,” I moaned as I rubbed my cock along her slit. “Are we trying to make another baby?”
Her ruffled feathers settled down. “Oh,” she said softly.
“Yeah,” I nodded, trailing my fingers over a breast. I couldn’t stop touching her, even if it would have meant my death. “You’re not on anything, right?” I asked with doubt.
“No,” she shook her head slowly. “But since I had Lucas, I’ve paid close attention to my cycle. I’m positive I’m not ovulating.”
“Are you sure?” I asked and again positioned myself at her entrance.
She nodded.
“What if you have miscalculated?” I asked softly.
“Even if I did, the damage is done.” She said, mirroring my thoughts from earlier in the day.
“What if you get pregnant?” I asked softer than before.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “What if I do?”
“Then we’ll have another beautiful baby,” I murmured and trailed my fingers down her cheek.
“I’ll bet you say that to all of the girls,” she teased as she rubbed herself against me.
I frowned. That was a little too close to home after what I had just gone through with Claire.
“You’re the only woman I’ve ever had sex with without a condom,” I told her, my expression serious.
“Really?” she asked and moaned as I again swiped my dick through her slit. “Why? Why me?”
I sighed with frustration. I was frustrated that she was pretending to be too dense to know that she was the only woman ever worth the risk. I was further frustrated because her question made me believe there were more than just two of us that she went bareback with.
“Do you really have to ask me that, Emmy?”
She stared at me with a stoic expression for what felt like forever before put her hands on my face. She shook her head gently and said, “No. I don’t, because I already know the answer.”
She leaned in and kissed me while positioning herself over my cock. She pulled away after a moment and fixed her eyes on mine.
“This position is going to tear me in two,” she said, but began to lower herself onto me anyway. She hissed as she slowly took me in.
“I’ll put you back together,” I promised.
She stopped about halfway, trying to get used to the feel of me even though she had just had me earlier in the day.
“Do it,” I said, with one hand on her neck and the other on her waist.
She bit her lip and then dropped herself sharply on my cock. She shouted an expletive, but didn’t try to move away. I moved her slowly, trying to stretch her and acclimate her with my length and thickness. She began to relax after a moment and move on her own. Our eyes were locked once again.
“You’re going to completely undo me,” I groaned.
She didn’t answer, but she put her hands on the back of the couch to brace herself. She eased up until just the tip of my cock was inside of her, and then she slammed down on me. We both moaned as she circled her hips. Then she was rising again just to slam down again. After a moment she was riding me hard and begging me to hold her closer. I wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace as she rocked herself on my erection.
“Fuck,” I groaned as I felt my orgasm creeping up on me.
I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want this to end. We were connected on such a primitive level. I felt like my whole body, mind and soul was inside of her and vice versa.
“Emmy,” I moaned her name. “Em.” I couldn’t tell her what I wanted to tell her, because I was groaning and growling and near shouting as I began to come inside of her, still holding her gaze. Emmy let a string of curse words loose as she came hard, pulling on my hair and riding me without any control.
When she finally began to slow down, she leaned in and kissed me softly, but her eyes were open and so were mine and they were looking right into hers. Our eye contact finally broke when she tiredly rested her head on my shoulder.
I lightly rubbed her back as we tried to catch our breaths. I could feel her heart pounding against me. Her skin was cool and sticking to mine. The last thing I wanted was for her to peel herself away from me, but after a couple of minutes she did, but she didn’t go far. She lay down on the couch with her head in my lap. She was looking up at me, but this time when I looked into her eyes, I hit a wall. She was already slipping away again.
“Maybe we should stop having sex,” I said. “I'm being a girl about it. My feelings just grow stronger every time.”
“Mine do, too,” she said.
“Not enough.”
“You don't know that.”
“If it were enough, we wouldn't be having this conversation,” I said, trying not to sound snappish, but Em knew me well enough to know that I was beyond frustrated. While we had made considerable headway, I was bitterly feeling that it would be all for nothing.
“I feel really fucked up inside,” she said after a long silence. “I feel scarred and dysfunctional.”
I looked down at her, surprised that she had chosen to actually say something real.
“Everyone is dysfunctional sometimes.”
“No,” she said, frustrated. “I feel dysfunctional all of the time. It's something that stays with me all day and all night, no matter what I'm doing or how else I feel. I always feel fucked up, and I feel like I can't be fixed. You want to fix me, but I feel like I'm a lost cause, and I don't want you to even bother trying.”
The old Emmy was so confident about who she was and her self-worth. While she didn’t lord it over anyone, she didn’t take a back seat to anyone else or try dumb herself down for anyone. She was powerful, confident, and unable to be broken. If something cracked in her façade, she fixed it. That woman would have never believed that she was too fucked up to be saved.
“What did Kyle do to you to make you feel so lowly about yourself?” I growled.
She gave me an exasperated sigh and got up. She looked back at me with irritation and frustration.
“Luke, stop blaming Kyle,” she snapped. “I did this to myself. I mean…he did a lot to contribute to it, but he didn't force me into anything. I made my own decisions. If this was all of Kyle's fault, it would be easy to just throw all of the blame where it belongs and move on, but it's not all his fault.”
“You're not a lost cause,” I said and stood up, too. “Yes, you made bad decisions, but you're not doomed. I love you, Emmy, scars and all.”
“Look,” she said and hung her head low. Her shoulders slumped, too. “I'm afraid I'm going to fuck up again. I'm afraid that I won't be able to ever give you what you deserve.”
What I deserved was her, and I was about to tell her so, but her phone rang and she wasted no time going to answer it so that she could abruptly end another conversation. I was ready to go snatch the phone from her and throw it away, but something in her voice made me pause.
“What do you mean it’s on fire!” she yelled so loud I was worried she’d wake Lucas. “What happened? What do you mean you don’t know!”
It took me a couple of minutes, but I was able to deduce that Emmy’s bar was on fire. I pulled on my boxers while she talked to Mayson. I handed her my t-shirt and her panties. She pulled them on as she fired off questions and apparently didn’t get many answers.
“I’ll be out there as soon as I can,” she said. “I’ll call you when I have a flight.”
She ended the call with Mayson and ran her hand through her hair.
“Was anyone hurt?” I asked her, handing her a bottle of water.
“No,” she sighed. “Lily got everyone out in time. Mayson said she’s really upset.”
I vaguely remembered the woman from the bar. I had only met her a few times. Emmy didn’t take me in there that often, most likely because she didn’t want everyone to know she was two-timing me.
I swallowed a bitter sip of water and pushed the idea out of my head, but it popped right back again. Emmy was going back to New Jersey. The odds of seeing Kyle again were high. I wasn’t too worried about it when she was just going to the beach for a week, but now she would be back on her old stomping grounds. Chances were that Sterling would hear she was around and show up somewhere along the way. I had hopes that she would have enough sense to leave well enough alone and not get wrapped up in the man again, especially considering the possibilities of our relationship.
But not that deep down, I knew that Kyle was Emmy’s Achilles’s Heel. She was drawn to him in the way in which an addict is drawn to their dangerous, life-threatening drug of choice. She would think she could have just one taste, but before she knew it she’d be completely lost to him and no one else or anything else would much matter.
I knew this from my heart, and honestly, I understood it. Because Emmy…Emmy was my drug.
Chapter Eighteen
I had only begun to get used to sleeping with Emmy in my arms again. Now it was an adjustment to sleep alone in my bed and to not hear Lucas’s early morning babbling. They were going to be in New Jersey for at least two weeks, possibly longer. I wasn’t sure if I could be without either one of them for that long, despite how I left Emmy at the airport.
“I love you,” I had told her, but she just stood there staring at me for what felt like forever before she returned the words in a stammer.
“I’m sorry,” she had said with sincerity.
It was like pulling teeth to get her to say it to me. She was getting ready to go into what I deemed enemy territory—with my son no less. The least she could have done was humor me and push the words out of her mouth a little more smoothly. I told her not to worry about it and to have a nice trip. I walked away without looking back at her, because if I would have looked back at her, I would have begged her not to go. I wasn’t going to beg.
I drove to the hospital after dropping Emmy and Lucas off at the airport. They weren’t releasing my mom in the foreseeable future. The doctors had discovered that she had a series of mini strokes and it was during one of these events that she had fallen down the stairs. I hated that she had been alone, even if only for a few minutes. Lena and Lorraine were still at odds at whether or not she should live on her own or where she should go. I honestly didn’t want her alone, but I wanted her to make the decision for herself.
I only stayed at the hospital for a few minutes, long enough to see how Mom was feeling and to make sure there hadn’t been any significant changes. I stopped off at the office on my way home to pick up some work and then went back to my super quiet apartment. I tried to focus on the upcoming week in court, but the silence was oppressive. I knew Emmy and Lucas weren’t going to come barreling through the door at any moment. My life had changed after Lucas, but I wasn’t aware of how significant that change was until I was sitting in my living room staring at his basket of toys in a corner of the living room. My life had been vastly empty without him, and admittedly without Emmy, too. Though they were only supposed to be gone for a short few weeks, I felt loneliness and emptiness filling up around me.
I was unsettled. I was unsettled because Emmy and I were unsettled. I of all people knew that sex did not make a relationship solid, nor did the little baby talk we had. I wasn’t even sure if we were in a relationship at all, or if Emmy was simply a horny ball of emotions as she struggled to break out of the darkness that still hung around her. I would like to think that she wouldn’t toy with me that way.
I snickered out loud. Sometimes I’m just fucking funny. Emmy toyed with me for months when she was running back and forth between me and Kyle. I had to believe that she wouldn’t repeat history. There was no way she would break my heart again. No way.
My confidence was shaken only two days later.
Emmy called me early in the morning as I was on my way to court. I smiled when I heard her voice.
“How are you guys?” I asked.
“We're great. We're getting ready to go to the shore for a few days.”
“Oh, Lucas's first beach trip. I'm jealous I'm not
there.” I was going to miss another one of Lucas’s firsts. It pinched at my chest a little bit, but I pushed past it. It wasn’t anyone’s fault this time.
“Sorry,” she said sincerely. “Are you still going to come out here?”
“I don't know. Depends on your plans. You got there a week earlier than expected because of the bar, but are you still staying until after Labor Day?”
“I don't know. Depends on what I'm going to do with the rubble that used to be my bar.”
I wish she’d just leave it and come back home, but she had to make those decisions on her own.
“Well, things are pretty busy here,” I said. “I'm in court all week this week. You let me know what your plans are and I will let you know if I can come.”
“Okay,” she said. I could hear a hint of hopefulness in her voice, which made me hopeful, too. “You want to talk to Lucas?”
“Of course.”
I only understood about half of what Lucas said, but he said it all with such conviction. I answered as if I knew exactly what he was talking about. He mentioned the plane, ice cream, and something about Elmo. What else could a one year old have to talk about?
“So, what else is up?” I asked Emmy after Lucas got bored talking to me. It was just a general question to keep her talking. Even though I had reached the courthouse, I wanted to keep her on the line for a little bit longer and use the sound of her voice to propel me through my day until I could speak to her again later that night.
“Well,” she hesitated. “I haven’t…I mean you and I haven’t really talked since I got here and…”She let out a sound of exasperation. “You know I went to the bar right after I got off of the plane.”
“Right,” I said and frowned. She was tripping over her words and she sounded a little wound up.
“When I got there, I was so absorbed in the wreckage I didn’t notice him until he scared the shit out of me. I was holding this half empty bottle of vodka and I was about to drink it, because, well because it’s vodka and he said something behind me and I didn’t even know he was there and I dropped the bottle.”