by Linde, K. A.
Okay. That I could work with.
We probably shouldn’t have tumbled into bed for the first time while we were drunk, but neither of us had thought it was going to happen until it did. I’d wanted it to happen, but I hadn’t been certain she did. Then the sex had been phenomenal and…
I needed to think about other things.
Casual. Fun. Keep it light.
“Well, I have another proposition, if you’re interested.”
Her gaze met mine. “Another one?”
“I know we’re supposed to go to the gala. Our second fake date,” I told her. “But my dad is actually coming into town next weekend, and I could use a date for that.”
She furrowed her brows. “You’re going out to dinner with your dad? I thought things were…”
“Bad,” I finished for her. “They are. I don’t want to go any more than you wanted to attend graduation.”
“Then why…”
“Jordan said that if I went and it went poorly—which it will—he’d leave me be. I wouldn’t get cajoled or ambushed into any more of this bullshit.”
“That’s an incentive,” she said softly. “And you want me to go?”
“Jordan and Annie are going. I’d really rather not go alone.” I shot her my most charming smile and pinned her with the puppy-dog eyes. She looked hesitant, so I threw in, “I’ll accept it as an apology for Cado.”
Jennifer burst into laughter. “You would.”
I reached out and touched her elbow. She didn’t stiffen, but her eyes widened slightly as I drew her a step closer.
“So, what do you say?”
“I, uh…have a portrait session with Campbell on Saturday, but I’m free after that. So, I can return the favor. Fake date in front of your dad.”
A fake date. Well, I’d walked right into that one. She didn’t need to know it was a real one…not until she was ready to hear it.
“Perfect.” I released her elbow. “Now, are you sure about that drink? I bet I can get them to make you a Dreamsicle.”
She blushed again. “I can’t believe you called me that in front of everyone.”
“What?” My voice dipped low. “No one knows that’s what you taste like.”
“That’s what you taste like,” she said muttered. Then her smile dropped. “Oh no…”
I whipped around, following her gaze to the front door…where Ashleigh Sinclair stood in all of her glory.
19
Jennifer
Oh no was an understatement.
A more accurate response to seeing Julian’s ex-girlfriend right now was…fuck.
Because the last person I wanted to deal with, let alone compare myself to, was the bombshell that walked into the room. Piper, Blaire, and Annie had done their best with me. I was wearing this kick-ass dress that Blaire had sworn a designer had sent her from Montreal but that—quote—“looked better with my complexion.” Piper had a knack with a curling wand, and after Blaire had finished with my face, I had been half-certain that it wasn’t actually me looking back at me in the mirror. I was a lip gloss and mascara kind of girl. This was daunting.
Now, I was a little glad for the proverbial body armor when Ashleigh walked in. She wore a cherry-red bustier dress that matched her fire-engine lipstick. Her hair was down in these supermodel waves that was her signature. She had a sun-kissed tan that made me look pasty as hell since the sun hated me. Not to mention, the four-inch heels and the glowing self-confidence that I also lacked. It was a tough act to follow.
“Just ignore her,” Julian said. He turned back around, as if her presence meant nothing to him.
Sometimes, I wished that Lubbock wasn’t so small. What were the chances she’d show up at the same bar as us?
“Do you think that will work?” I asked.
She hadn’t exactly walked away the last time we ran into her at Wright Vineyard.
“No,” he said under his breath.
“I’ll take that drink now.”
He laughed softly and flagged down the bartender.
Before the drink ever made it into my hand, Ashleigh and her band of minions traipsed right over to us. I was desperately wishing for Annie at my side right now. Annie wouldn’t take Ashleigh’s shit. If only I had that level of confidence. But seeing Ashleigh tower over me only made me want to run. Instead, I shot straight past fight or flight to freeze, where I stood in front of her like an idiot, deer in headlights.
“What a coincidence,” Ashleigh crooned like it wasn’t a coincidence at all.
Julian took a breath next to me and then faced her. All the humor and charm he’d been laying on all evening evaporated. “Ashleigh.”
“Hey, baby.”
His jaw tightened. “What are you doing here?”
“Just out with the girls.” She twirled her fingers at the three girls behind her—a brunette, redhead, and black-haired girl. As if she’d picked them all out so that her blonde would stand out.
“Well, have fun,” he said dismissively.
He turned toward me, sliding his arm across the bar. He wasn’t quite touching me, but the insinuation was clear. We were together. Even though we weren’t.
Which meant that the full fury on her face was only there for me. Julian wasn’t looking at her. He must have felt her anger like a brand. How could he not? But it wasn’t about him anymore; it was about me.
“And who’s this?” she purred.
Oh, she hated his dismissal. Hated it.
Julian didn’t respond, but I was locked in on Ashleigh. Her eyes searing through me.
“Is this the girl you were in pictures with in Austin?” she asked.
Julian sighed. “How would you even know that? I blocked you on social.”
“Tiff showed me.” She gestured to the redheaded minion.
“Of course she did,” he muttered. “Yes, this is Jennifer. You met her at the opening last month.”
Ashleigh’s eyes rounded when she put two and two together. She’d cared so little about me at the vineyard that she’d actually forgotten my existence. She was now realizing that her calculations had been misguided, and all the gears in her brain were clicking over to incorporate me into her hatred.
“Are you two…together?” she asked. Her voice careful, neutral.
“Yes,” Julian said.
A lie to maintain the fake relationship, but I still warmed at the word out of his mouth.
“Does she speak?” Her words were clipped.
“Ashleigh, leave it.”
Ashleigh held her hand up. “Just trying to figure out who you’d leave me for.”
He blew out a sharp breath. “I left you because you tried to ruin my business, Ashleigh. Jennifer has nothing to do with this.”
“Obviously.” Her eyes swept to me. “I see what’s happening here.”
“We’re done,” Julian said. “Come on, Jen.”
But I was rooted in place. Still frozen by her words, by the fear that whatever was going to come out of her mouth was the truth.
“You’re slumming it.”
“Ashleigh, enough,” he snarled.
The words hit like a punch to the gut. The same words my mom had insinuated. She hadn’t said that right out, but they’d held the same force. I wasn’t good enough for Julian Wright.
“She doesn’t even speak,” Ashleigh said with a smirk. “We both know that this isn’t what you want or deserve. A small, meek thing to agree with you. Where’s the Julian that I know, baby? She’ll never push you. She’ll never give you what you really need.”
“I said, enough,” he spat.
Julian jumped between us, breaking whatever spell she’d cast over me. I blinked awake, as if from a deep slumber, sucking in a breath. My heart pounded in my chest, loud as firecrackers in my ears.
I didn’t hear what Julian said to her. I didn’t want to know what words he’d use to defend me. Ashleigh had been right. As much as it hurt to admit it, I could see the truth when it hit me in the face.
And then I couldn’t stand there any longer.
I bolted for the back door. The back of Walkers was an open courtyard patio with benches and a small garden. I needed the fresh air. I needed something to clear all of this from my head. From the anxiety taking me over.
A part of me knew that was what this was. It was the anxiety that I usually managed so well. But I couldn’t calm down. I needed to pop a half-Xanax or something, but anyone could see me. Anyone would know. And I couldn’t let them know about the anxiety. Not when I’d been called crazy before because of it. Not with the stigma that clung to me like a second skin. Annie knowing was one thing, but Julian? Ashleigh? I shuddered.
No. I needed to get under control. I slammed my eyes shut once I was in the courtyard and regulated my breathing. Tried to do the meditations that I’d been practicing. Eventually, my heart rate came down, and the unceasing panic released me from its clutches.
By then, a hand gently touched my arm.
“Jen?” Julian said tentatively.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“I am…so sorry.”
“For what?” I pushed my hair back off of my face and met his concerned, wide-eyed gaze. “You didn’t do anything.”
“It’s still my fault. And for everything.”
I huffed, “It’s fine.”
“Stop saying that,” he said with more force than I’d expected from him.
“Sorry.”
He sighed. “You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t have to say you’re fine. Why the hell would you be fine after Ashleigh said all those horrible things to you?” He slid his hand down my arm. “All untrue things, mind you.”
I snorted. “Sure.”
“I’m serious.”
“I just…froze,” I muttered. My bottom lip trembled. “Why can’t I tell her off and come out ahead? Why do I have to be…me?”
“Who you are is perfect, Jen,” he said as if he believed those words. “And you shouldn’t have even had to react. I should have gotten us away from Ashleigh before she could even start. No one deserves to be spit on.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it.”
“I know. It’s sweet,” I confessed.
He smiled down at me at that. That charming Wright smile that made my knees weak. As if I would give anything to this man. Anything at all.
His hand came up then and brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. He lingered there, softly trailing his fingers down my neck. As if he were waiting for the moment when I’d jerk away. As if he could think that was what I wanted.
His eyes flicked down to my lips and back up to my hazel eyes. A question written in them. We hovered in that space, holding a breath as I drowned in his attention. I wanted to lean forward and kiss him, to take what I wanted. But I could no more do that than stand up for myself like I should have just now. Not unless I was drunk, apparently.
My heart was racing again—not from fear, but from anticipation. I wanted this. Even though everything that my mom and Ashleigh had said was true. I was sure it was all going to go down in flames. That he was going to wake up and see who I really was, that I wasn’t good enough for him. Still, I wanted those lips on mine. I wanted to feel him again.
“Jen,” he whispered. He leaned forward so that our breaths mingled. Then he repeated the words that had started this whole thing. And he said them with a smirk on his perfect face. “Forgive me.”
His lips descended on mine. The barest brush against mine. A wave of heat flashed through my body. Everything crawled to a halt.
Then a head popped out of the back door. “Hey, y’all okay?”
We broke apart so quickly that I stumbled back against the brick wall. My face turned bright red.
Annie chuckled, holding her hands up. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re fine,” Julian said calmly with a laugh.
“I saw Ashleigh and wasn’t sure what happened. But I’ll just…”
Ashleigh. Right. Her name dropped water over my head. I’d been freaking the fuck out. How had Julian managed to soothe that sinking ship so fast?
Annie winked at me and then scurried back inside. Julian and I both started laughing as soon as she was gone.
“Caught red-handed,” he said, running a hand back through his hair.
“I guess so.”
“Are you ready to go back in?”
“Is Ashleigh still in there?”
He shook his head. “I made her and her minions leave.”
“Minions,” I said with a laugh.
“No, seriously. They follow her around like dogs.”
“That’s kind of sad.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Well, anyway, they left. That’s what I really came out to tell you.”
“Oh. Well, good.”
I waited for him to offer to pick up where we’d left off, but he didn’t. He’d been caught up in it, too. That we’d gotten lost in the moment. Now, the moment was gone.
But it was the first time I thought that maybe it wasn’t gone forever.
20
Jennifer
The doorbell rang, and I jumped, racing across my new place to answer the door. “I got it!”
Piper laughed from the couch. “All yours. Julian, I presume?”
“Uh…no.”
I was jittery with nerves and excitement as I pulled the door open to find Campbell Abbey standing there. He was in ripped black jeans, a plain white tee, and a studded leather jacket. He was effortlessly gorgeous and a legitimate rockstar. My body threatened to go into shock.
“Hey,” I squeaked.
He grinned that panty-melting smile. “Hey yourself.”
It wasn’t just that Campbell was gorgeous—because he was. It was that he was the lead singer of Cosmere. And I was a huge fan of their music. Their last album had gotten me through a real low point. I’d sat in my room and played it on repeat as I stared up at the ceiling, radiating with Campbell’s voice in my head. After all that, he was just here.
“Should I wait here?” he asked with a laugh.
“Oh, no.” I opened the door wider.
He must have been used to the starstruck reactions by now because he hadn’t even blinked at my slack jaw or how I went nonverbal.
I shook my head to clear the fangirl. “Come on in.”
Campbell entered our three-bedroom. “Nice place.”
“Thanks. It’s Piper’s.”
She waved from the couch. “Abbey.”
He nodded at her. “Yo.”
Then the back bedroom door opened, and Blaire stepped out of her room in a matching salmon workout set and a baseball cap slung low over her brow. She froze when she saw Campbell standing in the living room. Her entire body tensed up like she’d been electrocuted. She didn’t move. I wasn’t sure if she was breathing.
I didn’t even know if Blaire liked Cosmere. She hadn’t stuck around for the last concert in town, and she’d left early when Campbell played his solo show earlier this year. It surprised me that someone as social famous as Blaire would be a fangirl like me.
“Blaire,” Campbell said her name soft, like a prayer.
My gaze shifted to him, and then I realized I had been wrong.
I had been so wrong.
This wasn’t the same thing that I felt at all. There was something here. Blaire and Campbell had graduated the same year, but Blaire was adamant that, like me, she’d been a nobody. And even in high school, before Campbell’s fame, he’d been somebody.
Blaire’s jaw flexed, and then she turned on her heel and walked right back into her room. The door slammed shut.
Campbell winced at the noise. “I…didn’t realize you lived with Blaire.”
I wanted to ask. I had so many questions. But how the hell would I even begin?
“Uh, yeah…just moved in last weekend.”
“Are we…shooting here?” He suddenly sounded a
lmost…anxious.
“No, I rented us studio space downtown by LHUCA.”
“Great. Let’s do that.” He waved at Piper again, whose brow was furrowed in confusion. “Nice seeing you again.”
“Let me grab my equipment,” I said as he veered toward the door.
I hauled my shooting backpack over my shoulder and headed out after him. He was in a shiny rental BMW and offered to drive us across town, which I accepted. I didn’t know if I could live down having Campbell Abbey in Bertha.
I was already done up more than I normally would be for a shoot. Julian was picking me up at the studio later to take me out to dinner with his dad. I had a change of clothes in my bag so that I could be comfortable in the studio, but my face was made up how Blaire had tried to teach me. She’d eventually given up and fixed my winged eyeliner and the edges of my lipstick before dotting me with blush, which I’d always insisted I didn’t need, considering how often I flushed being around Julian. But this was the Blaire Blush we were talking about.
We parked outside of the studio, and I unlocked the space. It was a perfect day for shooting with lots of natural light. Though I’d come over yesterday to set up the lighting as well.
“So, where do you want me?” Campbell asked.
“Just sit on that chair over there while I set up. I assume you’ve had some experience with this.”
He laughed. “Some feels like an understatement. I feel like I’ve spent the last two years in front of a camera. You’d never guess I was camera shy.”
I looked up at him. “No, I’d never guess that.”
Here I was, talking to Campbell like it was totally normal. Like he wasn’t a famous rockstar. Like he was just a person. A person with anxieties, just like me. Unfathomable.
“Yeah, I had to get over it real fast once things started taking off. But fuck, did I need a Xanax in the beginning.”
I rocked back on my heels. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, mental health is really important.”
Part of me wanted so desperately to confide in him about my own problems. He was so open about his mental health issues. I couldn’t believe he’d tell me this stuff.