“You’re not a baboon. You wouldn’t have been able to attend Lund University if you were. It’s an old and venerable institution; I can’t imagine they allow apes there.”
“Baboons are through a technicality monkeys, not apes.”
Johanna gave an amused little snort. “See? Would a clueless baboon know that?”
“I don’t know!” Tilde wailed helplessly. “I don’t know anything anymore. How am I on a date with you?”
“Simple. I asked you, and you said yes.”
“B-but I thought we would be just friends.”
“You wanted to be just friends. A little later, I said that if it was okay with you, I’d like to be more. It was when you were resting your hurting eyes. Wait…” The confusion was slowly clearing off Johanna’s face.
“I was resting more than my eyes,” Tilde filled in. “I was resting every damn bit of my baboon brain and my clueless body.”
“You were asleep for all of it? That little speech was some of my best work! I was really smooth in leading us from talking about my exes into talking about wanting to date you. You even grunted and hummed along with me as I spoke.”
“In my sleep, then, I’m afraid. When I woke up, you asked me to come over, and I thought I was saying yes to popping over to help with your bookcase. As a friend. That’s why I’ve been so chill all night.”
Johanna bit her lip and shook her head, clearly amused but trying to be kind. “Tilde, I made a whole damn smörgåstårta from scratch.” She laughed. “And look at me. Do you think I’d wear a full face of make-up, hair styled within an inch of its life, and this pricy dress for a friend popping over to move dusty books around?”
“Oh. No, I guess not. You’d be in ragged corduroy trousers and a T-shirt like me and OH SHIT I’M UNDERDRESSED FOR OUR DATE!”
Johanna laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. “It’s okay. Calm down. You’re gorgeous. I love the ‘professor with a goth vibe’ look you always have.”
“Thank you,” Tilde said, embarrassed at finding out that Johanna had picked up on her elaborate dark academia aesthetic. She slumped down onto the sofa. “Oh god, thank you even more for agreeing to go on a date with me. How the hell did I get that lucky?”
“Well, obviously by falling asleep and not hearing me doing the hard work of asking you out,” Johanna said with a wink.
“Sorry.”
Johanna sat down next to her. “Don’t apologise! I should’ve known you were too tired for that conversation. I just wanted to get the question out there while you were comfortable and we were finally talking. Without anything breaking, without anyone getting hurt, and without one of your friends bamboozling me.”
“Okay. I’ll try to not apologise for that,” Tilde said quietly. “I do want to apologise for being so awkward and painfully shy, though. We both know I can’t help it, but I’m also aware that it makes any interaction with me difficult.”
“It also makes you, well, you. I love your bashfulness; it’s cute and sexy. The way you look at me…” Johanna seemed to be searching for words. “The way you shyly but so intensely watch me with such longing, it, well, let’s just say that no one has ever made me feel this attractive and interesting just by looking at me,” Johanna admitted with a little smile that was half excitement and half embarrassment.
“Really?”
“Mm. I think that’s what made me first realise I was attracted to you.” She crossed her legs, making Tilde have to command her eyes to not ogle. “Also, it confirmed to me that Alex—my ex and the only woman I’ve ever dated—wasn’t a fluke, but that I’m more into women than men these days. If a man looked at me like that, I might be uncomfortable, but when a woman did it, it didn’t feel creepy or predatory, just validating and thrilling.”
Tilde took her glasses off to polish them, just to have something to do with her hands. “Good. Still, I’m happier now that we’re talking and I’m not just throwing glances at you across the room like some Victorian spinster.”
Johanna laughed. “You really do need to think more of yourself. You’re incredible. Exceedingly intelligent, adorably sweet, and so creative.”
“Creative?”
“Yes! Your photos and choices of motifs take my breath away.”
“Oh. I hope I can see myself like you do one day. Even if it’s only for short moments at a time. Can I ask…” Tilde trailed off, fidgeting with the hem of her T-shirt.
“Yes. I’m pretty sure that whatever you were about to say, honey, the answer is yes.”
“W-why did you not ask me out sooner? I mean, I get that Martina bamboozled you. That’s sort of her signature move. But after that? You could have called or texted.”
“Hm.” Johanna looked down at her hands perched on her crossed legs. “I guess two possibly silly things held me back after Martina said you were interested in me.”
“Okay. May I ask what they were?”
“Firstly, like I said before, I’ve only been with one woman. And I was sure Alex was a one-off since she was more manly than most men. When I examined why I was so drawn to you, I realised that I was without a doubt into women now and that was… overwhelming.”
“Well, you’ll be my first female partner, so we can navigate not being straight together. What was the second thing?”
“This one might sound even sillier,” Johanna said, still looking down.
Tilde moved closer until her knee touched Johanna’s. “I’m sure it won’t. Please tell me. What?”
“I worry that since I’m older than you, and because you seem to see me as a supportive and calming part of your life, that you view me only… as a mother figure,” Johanna whispered, gaze still down at her hands, which were now fidgeting in her lap. “I’ve always had partners who’ve ended up treating me more like a parent than a lover. I don’t… want that anymore, but I’m afraid I might’ve put myself in that situation with you again now and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Something shifted. Tilde saw the situation from the perspective of someone looking in on the two of them there on the sofa. She saw Johanna, gaze down, shoulders hunched, and a look of such low self-esteem on her face. She’d really been freaking out about this, hadn’t she?
Then she saw herself, sitting tall and proud for once and at the ready to put someone else at ease. Ready to say the right things to fix this. Ready to be the one to help and to support. Ready to be the hero, not the victim.
“Johanna. Oh, darling. That’s not it at all!”
Johanna looked up.
Tilde gave her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I see you as a calming influence but not as maternal. First of all, I have a mum already. And I have friends who occasionally mother me, too, even though I don’t want them to. I certainly don’t want that from you.”
“No?”
“No! I want us to be equals. I want to look after you as much as you look after me.” Tilde took her hand and held it on top of her thigh. “I admire you and I want to spoil you, challenge you, treat you right, and experience the world with you by my side, as a team.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes! I want to hear you play your harp, I want to help you with your bookshelf, I want to sit and share your silences. I want to help you sleep. I want to… well, let’s just say that unlike your exes, I certainly see you as a lover.” Tilde’s cheeks were so hot now that they might boil if this carried on. “In fact, I can’t stop thinking about making love to you.”
“Really?”
Johanna tentatively intertwined the fingers of their clasped hands. “Does that mean that, like me, you’ve… thought a lot about us kissing?” She raked her teeth over her lower lip and with a look of hunger stared at Tilde’s mouth.
For one blissful moment, Tilde’s insecurity all melted away, bravery seeping in to take its place. No, not bravery. Confidence. She knew exactly what to do right in that moment. And she knew she didn’t have to apologise for it.
“Oh yes. And unless you stop me, it’s happeni
ng right now,” Tilde said, cupping the back of Johanna’s neck.
“I’m sure as hell not stopping you,” Johanna breathed.
Tilde pulled her into a kiss.
Johanna’s lips were warm and soft and oh so welcoming. Her velvet mouth felt, if possible, even better.
This wasn’t like when men had kissed her. There was no one to play the role of the seducer and the other of the seduced. They took turns in taking charge and deepening and changing the kiss. Tilde loved letting her tongue subdue Johanna’s, only to have a role reversal the next moment. And the feeling of breasts pressing against her own? It was a revelation even fully dressed.
When the clothes had all finally been taken off by rushing hands and they were naked on the sofa, Tilde found a million other things different from making love to a man and, by every star in the sky, how much better this suited her.
The feel of Johanna’s hands, gentle but demanding, as they explored and pleasured her. Those long fingers, so dextrous from harp-playing, moving skilfully deep inside her, so very needed and welcomed. The heated kisses, the wanton whimpers, the whispered questions of if this was all right and the moaned replies of wanting more. Johanna’s hard clit and equally tautened nipples playing perfect contrast to all the softness of female skin and yielding curves.
By the time Tilde had her face between Johanna’s thighs and her mouth had figured out several ways to give Johanna pleasure, she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to make love to anyone else, no matter their gender. Johanna was everything, the sexiest, the funniest, the sweetest, the most fascinating, and certainly the warmest. Tilde’s world seemed as filled with the warmth of Johanna as her mouth currently was.
Johanna gushed against her tongue, cursing and screaming out her orgasm before getting her breath back to whisper, “Damn, I think you’ve made me fall in love.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh, please don’t be,” Johanna whispered reverently. “You’re wonderful, Tilde. And together, we’ll work on you never apologising for yourself ever again.”
“Yes,” Tilde answered, certain—no, confident—that together they’d achieve that.
They both slept soundly that night, cuddled up uncomfortably on the sofa but comfortably in each other’s arms. They clutched one another like they’d found the cure not only against insomnia, but against all that was wrong with the world.
Note to reader:
Thanks for reading! If you want to learn more about Tilde, Martina, Jenny, and Elina in a more serious but equally romantic setting, go pick up a copy of Once in Sweden, which takes place a year before this story.
About Emma Sterner-Radley
Emma Sterner-Radley is an ex-librarian turned romance and fantasy writer. Originally Swedish, she now lives with her wife and two cats in Great Britain. There's no point in saying which city, as they move about once a year. She spends her time writing, reading, daydreaming, exercising, and watching whichever television show has the most lesbian/sapphic subtext at the time.
Her addictions are reality escapes, coffee, sugary snacks, and small chubby creatures with ridiculously tiny legs.
https://emmasternerradley.com/
Afterword
Thank you for reading Sumer Loving!
We all hope you enjoyed this collection of summer tales. If you did, we’d really appreciate it if you left a positive review, talked about the anthology on social media or at your local book club, or suggested it to your friends.
Summer Loving Page 32