by R. H. Hull
It was right then that Rebecca knew that her mother recognized and accepted her feelings for Jacob, without rejecting them, or her.
Chapter 21
As Rebecca and her mother drove up their driveway to the back porch of their house, Rebecca noticed that Tom, her brother, had already arrived. She could hardly wait to tell him about all that had occurred after school on that day. She jumped out of the car in time to intercept him as he was walking out of their house to begin his share of the farm chores. Just before he walked outside, Rebecca asked if she could walk with him. She had never asked before, so Tom realized that she must have an important reason, particularly when observing the look on her face, and even in light of the fact that he knew that she despised the smells of the barnyard.
“How was school today, Rebecca?” Tom asked. “Did you see Jacob?” he smiled rather wickedly with a wink. Rebecca looked down and smiled, and Tom had a good idea what the smile meant. “So, does the smile mean ‘Yes’?”
“Yes,” replied Rebecca with only a slight hesitation, “I did see him, and in fact he drove me to grandmother’s house after school so mother could meet me there to drive home.” Tom smiled slyly and asked in a mischievous way, “Did he give you a little kissy goodbye?” and then winked at her again.
“Yes, he did, or rather he was going to. He leaned over, put his arm around me and started to give me a goodbye kiss—a little one.” And then, with a look that was definitely not a happy one, she continued, “But, just as he tried to give me the goodbye kiss, grandmother, without either of us knowing it, walked up to Jacob’s car and rapped loudly on the window right next to me! She scared me! It seemed as though she had been expecting me and was waiting near his car! I was definitely not happy with her—just waiting there as though she expected me to do something wrong!”
“So, she met Jacob?” Tom replied expectantly.
“No, she didn’t! There was no time! I scrambled out of his car as fast as I could, and she walked me to her house like I was a little girl! I was surprised and very embarrassed! The first question grandmother asked as she grabbed my arm and marched me up to her house was who that young man was. When I told her his name, and about his family, and about their farms in our community, she only asked one question— ‘Are they of our Mennonite Order?’”
“What did you say?” Tom asked.
“Well, in a nutshell, in my own condensed version, I told grandmother that Jacob was not of our Mennonite Order, that his family has been farming in our community for many years, and that Jacob will be the sixth generation of good farmers who have been solid, contributing members of our community, and that there is nothing ‘sacred’ about being Mennonite, and that people can be just as religious, just as good and just and caring without being from our religion, and that being from ‘the world’ is all relative! I asked grandmother to explain to me what being ‘of the world’ means. I then told her that, in a sense, she is now living in ‘the world’ since she lives in town and not in our community. Just because those ‘of the world’ participate in the military, and we do not, does not mean that all of them go to war. Some, like Jacob, do not believe that war is the answer. So, in that regard, he is like us!”
“Those are some of the things that I told grandmother. I wanted her to know how I feel!”
Tom was quiet for a few moments as they walked toward the pens where he was to feed the calves, and then he finally said, “Wow! I don’t know if I would have the courage to talk to our grandmother that way!”
“That’s what mother said, and I guess I was rather brave. I have never talked to any adult in that way! Grandmother is a strict Old Order Mennonite, and does not want any of us to be with a person ‘of the world’ who we may at some time become involved romantically. So, she is definitely against me seeing Jacob. But, you know, when we finished our talk, she almost seemed resigned to the possibility that Jacob is, after all, a good person, and that maybe it would be all right for me to see him!”
“Then do it!” Jacob replied almost without thinking.
“What are you saying?” Rebecca quickly replied, shocked that her brother was apparently suggesting that she disobey their father, and at least test what appeared to be the near consent of her mother and grandmother.
“I meant,” Tom continued, “that you have been stewing over this situation for months now, well over a year, and it is time that you test the waters. Be with Jacob openly! You will not be doing anything you would want to hide, would you?”
“No, and we never have,” Rebecca said with assurance. “It would be wonderful to be together, even just to go together to a school event, as I first asked my parents when I mentioned Jacob last year! But, what would father say? What would he do? Our father has already said all that he intends to say about the matter!”
“You won’t know until you tell them what you are going to do!” Jacob replied.
“But,” Rebecca said in return, “Father has already said absolutely no! When I first asked mother and father if I could go with Jacob out to a restaurant for a soda or something, he said ‘No!’ with no discussion allowed—no argument! I was not to be seen with a young man who is not of our Mennonite Order, absolutely!”
“But,” Tom rebutted, “That’s the fallacy of father’s argument. The words ‘be seen’ seem as though his reasons are self-serving—mostly afraid of what our community would say, rather than whether it is right or wrong or immoral to be with Jacob! It seems to be about what ‘others’ would say about you or him and our status in our community! Don’t you see?”
Tom continued with his logic, “We need to help father see where the problem lies in his thinking, where the fallacy lies within his logic, and then maybe mother can help him see that he is not worried about you per se, but rather about himself and his status in the community and his status in our church! Mother seems to be more logical in her thinking, and more considerate of the differences in the culture from which Jacob comes. She seems to be more thoughtful and giving in her attitude toward Jacob and his family. I think she would help you, Rebecca. Or, you can take the ‘bull by the horns’ and go out with Jacob and openly defy father! That may be your answer!”
Rebecca thought for a moment, “But, on the other hand, it’s not how can we approach father, but rather, how can I approach father. That is the problematic part! Father said in the beginning that his answer to me regarding seeing Jacob, even going to get a soda together was a resounding ‘No!’ and said that he would not talk about it again—ever! I’m afraid, Tom. I just do not know if I can go through that discussion with him again. I’m afraid! I do not know if I can defy our father and be seen with Jacob openly! And, I do not want to lie to father again by going against his requirement that I am not to see Jacob!”
“In other words,” Tom replied, “Father’s bias against a good person just because he is not a member of our specific Mennonite Order, or any Mennonite order is an appropriate reason for not seeing Jacob? You do realize that his bias has no true reasoning behind it. It is a false bias—one without basis or a good rationale. It is just his own bias that he has devised. Are you going to support that bias, Rebecca? Or, are you going to do what is right for you?”
Nearly in tears, Rebecca said in a quavering voice, “But, am I to challenge our father alone? Am I to be the sacrificial lamb who will risk being shunned by our father, or banned from our church? Father is serious! He was serious when he said that he would not even discuss my seeing Jacob, that the matter was closed! I am so frightened, Tom! I am so confused—so torn. What am I to do? Right now, I feel so young, so vulnerable, and so alone! Mother seems to understand, but there is little that she can do. Father has made up his mind, and he will not change it!”
Tom’s reasoning seemed to make sense. His steady and just reasoning always seemed to make sense to Rebecca. In a way, she wished that he was her father. At least he seemed to understand!
As soon as there was no one in the kitchen and Rebecca could talk on the telephone
alone, she placed a call to her friend Sarah. The phone rang on the other end of the line, once, twice, three times. Finally, the receiver was picked up, and thankfully Sarah’s voice was there!
“Hello? Sarah here.”
“Oh, Sarah,” Rebecca said, “I am so glad you are there!”
“Okay,” Sarah responded, “What’s happened now? Does the saga of Rebecca and Jacob continue?” But, then as Sarah always did to comfort Rebecca, her voice changed, and she gently said, “Tell me about it. What has happened?”
“Can you come by the pick me up again, Sarah? I would like to talk for a little bit,” Rebecca almost pleaded.
Without hesitation, Sarah agreed that she would be there as fast as should could, but she must check with her parents first. Within 15 minutes, she drove into the Yoder farm driveway, and Rebecca ran out the back door of her family’s house and jumped into the car. They quietly sat in the car for a moment. One of the many reasons Rebecca liked Sarah was that Sarah always allowed her to take her time when she needed to talk. She didn’t push for information, and Rebecca felt comfortable that way. Sarah’s parents had reluctantly agreed that she could drive their car over to pick up Rebecca, but since they needed the car later, she was not to drive too far, nor remain too long.
Sarah asked Rebecca whether she wanted to talk while sitting in the driveway, or talk as they drove toward Sarah’s house since that was all the further, she was being allowed to drive this time.
“On the way to your house,” Rebecca replied. “I don’t want to talk here in our driveway. Let’s leave, but drive slowly.” Sarah drove down the long driveway of the Yoder farm, and onto the main road. They headed slowly down the dusty gravel road toward Sarah’s home.
Finally, Sarah reminded Rebecca, “Okay, what is bothering you? It must be something serious, or you wouldn’t be so quiet. It must be, or it had better be something special since I had to borrow my parent’s car again, and there is only so much road between your house and mine! This is all my parents have allowed me to drive their car today.”
After another pause, Rebecca began slowly and deliberately. “My brother Tom thinks that I should see Jacob openly if that is what I decide that I want to do.”
“You mean he said that you should go against your father’s strict requirement that you not see him?” Sarah quickly continued, “What would happen if your father saw you two together, particularly since he has said quite clearly that you are ‘not’ to see Jacob? What would he do? What would happen to you?” Sarah seemed genuinely worried. She had known of daughters within their Mennonite Order being excommunicated from their family, or shunned by their family and church for openly disobeying their parents and the doctrine of their church, especially for dating and marrying outside of their faith!
“Tom, my brother, agrees with me that our father is discriminating against a fine church going family who has lived and farmed successfully in our community for a number of generations,” argued Rebecca. “Jacob is a fine upstanding young man who has said that he loves me. He wants to be with me as much as I desire to be with him. He looks beyond my plain clothes, my Mennonite cap, and my face that does not wear lipstick or eye makeup like the other girls. He has changed his car so that it no longer possesses shiny chrome or hubcaps, and has painted it black like the cars of our community. He wears a white shirt without a collar, and is growing chin whiskers to match the young men of our community so that if we are together, he will not stand out as one who is not supposed to be with me. He is doing these things for me! I owe it to him to spend some time with him. He will not wait forever!”
“He is a fine-looking young man, and I am sure that there are other girls who would like to date him, and who would be free to date him since their parents would allow it! He will make a fine husband and a loving, caring father of his children someday. I know I am being selfish, but I do not want him to be with those other girls at school who I see looking at him and smiling prettily!”
“Well, you have got yourself a real situation, Rebecca,” Sarah said with a sigh. “And, I don’t have a solution for you. All I can do is assist you in whatever way I can. You know that I will do whatever I can for you.”
“But,” Rebecca said in return, “I don’t want you to get into trouble with your family if I do decide to see Jacob. I don’t want you to displease your family just by helping me!”
“Let me worry about that,” Sarah said confidently. “I, like you, must learn to make some of my own decisions about what I feel is right and wrong. And in this case, I think that you and your brother Tom are right, and your father is wrong! I am willing to help you and Jacob in spite of the risks involved! So…what is your plan, Rebecca?” And, with a wink, and an almost wicked smile on her pretty plump face, Sarah continued, “What shall we do to get you two together?”
“But, oh Sarah, I am still afraid my father would make my life miserable! This is my home—the home where I live! I must settle in my own mind which is more important, to please my father and support his apparent belief that people of ‘the world’ who are not of our faith are somehow not good people, at least not as good as us, and still be able to live with him in our home! Or, do I refute his beliefs and do what I think and know in my heart is best—not necessarily just what is best for me, but for all, whether they are of our faith, or another. Do I support my belief that there are good people who are of ‘the world,’ or do I support my father and his bias against them? I love my father. I do want to do what is best for him. But I also need to do what is best for me and also what I believe is good for Jacob,” Rebecca continued, her voice filled with emotion!
“I must find out if Jacob and I are meant to be together. I must have the opportunity to be with Jacob to make sure that what I feel for him is genuine, or is it simply rebellion against my father and our community? I need to know that it’s okay for Jacob and I to be together—alone—to do what is best for us—not just what is best for my family or our church, or our community, but what is best for Jacob and me! That is what I am looking for—what I need! But what I have to decide is, how do I do that? And, where do I gather the courage?”
Sarah, tears beginning to fill her eyes, responded quickly and with feeling, “Do what you think is best, Rebecca. Be with Jacob. Do what you need to do! Talk with Jacob. Be with him alone. I know that you are afraid of displeasing your father and knowing how he feels about those ‘of the world’. You would be taking a great risk.”
Sarah continued, her voice filled with emotion, “But, if you work only to please your father, you will not have the opportunity to find and experience your happiness! You will spend your time pleasing your father and his beliefs and biases! Is that what you want? Is that what you really want for your life? I don’t think so. My only recommendation to you is to do what you know in your heart is best for you!” Sarah was nearly shaking with emotion when she finished saying what she had to say!
“I need to call Jacob,” Rebecca replied in response to Sarah’s pleas. “I need to call him to tell him that I have decided that it is all right for us to be together! He still cannot come to my home. It simply isn’t the right time. But I will meet him and will ride with him in his car while we talk. We can at least be together that way for a little while.”
Rebecca thought for a moment, and then asked, “Sarah, do you have a telephone at your house that I can use without being overheard? We only have one in our kitchen, and it is definitely not private!” Sarah replied affirmatively that they have a second telephone in her father’s farm office at their house, and that it is relatively private, or at least about as private as one can expect in an old farm house.
They pulled into Sarah’s family farm and walked to the back door of their house. Although Sarah was Rebecca’s best friend, Rebecca had seldom been inside of Sarah’s house. It was neat and clean—everything seemed to be in its right place. Rebecca knew and respected Sarah’s family. They always seemed to be friendly and kind, just like Sarah.
Sarah s
howed Rebecca where her father’s office was located. Her father was still working in the fields late that day, so would not be using his office. In fact, it really wasn’t an office, per se, but rather a bedroom that had been converted into a room with a desk and shelves for his book keeping and other paper work for the farm. The telephone was sitting on the desk.
Rebecca’s hands were trembling as she picked up the telephone receiver and the operator asked for the number she was calling. Rebecca gave the operator Jacob’s home telephone number, and then heard the connection and the first ring. On the third ring, the receiver was picked up and Jacob’s mother answered.
Upon Rebecca’s request to speak with Jacob, his mother responded by saying that he was at a meeting at their church, but that he should be home by 10:00 pm. Realizing that she would have to be at her home long before that time, she responded by saying that she would see him at school the next day. “May I tell Jacob who is calling?” his mother replied with a gentle rhythm to her voice. “Just tell him that Rebecca called. But I will see him tomorrow. I will not be near a telephone for the remainder of the evening.” She did not want Jacob calling her at her home, so she said an untruth so that his mother would not tell him to call her later.
It was difficult for Rebecca to call a young man. She had been taught by her mother to not be that aggressive in communicating with them. But this situation seemed different since she had previously told him to not call her at home, and he had obeyed her request. So, now the only way she had of contacting him was by telephone at Sarah’s house, or by seeing him at high school.
Jacob was a senior in high school now and would be graduating in the spring. Rebecca was a junior—he 19 years of age, and she was now 18 years. After the conclusion of this school year, Jacob would be leaving for community college to work on an Associate of Science in Agriculture degree. Rebecca’s fear was that if a firmly established relationship was to develop between them, then it was urgent that they at least have the chance to be together and talk—to be together alone. It was urgent that they at least have that opportunity.