“I’m here, Mica,” Richard called as he walked in, going straight to Amber’s room. The ration kept his head down as he followed, hoping he wouldn’t be stopped. He could get away with joining them in the room as long as he wasn’t given any other instructions, a mindless puppet that didn’t know any better than to continue at the heels of its keeper.
He wasn’t that fortunate, though, and Richard turned at the doorway, putting his hand on the ration’s chest and pushing him back as he pointed at the corner of the main room. For a moment, the ration envisioned himself shoving the small man out of his way; he towered over Amber’s father, and just like Hercules did to the lion, he could easily break the man in half. He lowered his eyes, obediently moving towards the corner and sitting on the floor.
The ration caught a glimpse through the curtain as Richard entered the room. Amber lay motionless on the bed, but even from a distance, it seemed like her color had improved. He stared down at his hands, trying to overhear what they were saying. Their voices were too quiet, though, and he sighed with frustration.
Footsteps sounded at the doorway outside, and he lifted his head slightly so he could see out of the corner of his eye. Two shadows appeared at the curtain, accompanied by Helen’s voice.
“Mica! It’s me, can I come in?”
Mica stepped out of Amber’s room and moved to the door.
“Of course,” she said, drawing the curtain back and inviting them in. The second shadow was John, his face etched with worry.
“Any change?” Helen asked, crossing the floor towards the room.
“She stopped shaking,” Mica answered. “And her skin isn’t quite so pale.”
“What happened?” John asked as he followed them.
“We’re not sure,” Mica’s voice replied. “Helen suggested that it might be because of the cold.”
“She doesn’t seem as bad off as she was this morning,” Helen said after a moment. “I think the aversion dose is helping, so it was definitely toxosis and the improvement means we should have caught it in time. I brought the energy dose, it takes the place of her food for the day since she can’t eat.”
“How much extra does that cost?” Richard asked.
“Nothing. Two days’ worth of energy doses are included with the aversion dose, they always go together. We’ll have to try to get some water into her, though, I don’t have the hydration dose. Those are more expensive for the settlement to keep on hand because of the purity level of the water, and most cases of toxosis can still swallow after the tremors stop. Did you get her water allotment for the day?”
“Yes, I have it right here,” Mica said.
“Good. Richard, help me lift her up and I’ll show you how to do it.”
The room fell silent, then the sound of coughing rang out.
“Lift her higher,” Helen said quickly. “She’s having a little trouble, we don’t want her breathing it in.”
The coughing stopped, and the ration sighed with relief.
“You need to get at least half of her water allotment into her,” Helen said. “Don’t try to give her anything if the tremors start up again, though, she’ll inhale it. I’ll come by tomorrow afternoon to give her the second energy dose, hopefully she’s awake by then.”
“Thank you again,” Richard said, and the curtain opened as he and Helen walked through the doorway.
“Good luck,” she said, moving to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Can I sit with her for a bit?” John’s voice asked.
“Go ahead,” Mica answered, stepping out of the room to join Richard. She looked tired, and she stretched her arms as she sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall.
“I spent the whole day fanning her with that book she has,” she sighed. “I can only imagine what kind of toll that took on my calories for the day. I’m already on a smaller allotment than the two of you from not working at the grid.”
“I know,” Richard answered, sitting down across from her. “I’ve been thinking about it, and it wouldn’t be the end if she did die. Our quota would be cut nearly in half from the loss of a worker and we’d still get to keep the whole harvest, which means we’d have a little extra meat to barter with.”
“Shhhhh!” Mica hissed, shooting a glance towards Amber’s room. “John’s still in there, you don’t want him to overhear!”
“Relax, Mica. His father is the one I would barter with, he knows about it already from last cycle. Their ration was a little short, it was a new strain without a guarantee and I traded him a few pieces of ours for a pound of salt.”
“Still, I don’t like hearing you talk about it so openly. You know what will happen if you’re caught.”
“I’m just letting you know, that’s all. It won’t be as bad as you think, it might actually be a blessing in a way since we haven’t found anything at the grid.”
“Believe me, I’ve been thinking about it all day, Richard. Even so, I’d prefer not to lose another child.”
“Mica, you know it’s not good to get attached―”
“You’re not the one who carried her, Richard. There’s only so much distance a mother can maintain from her own flesh and blood. I know loss is a part of life, I know that it isn’t supposed to have an effect on us. I’m doing my best, but it’s impossible to be that detached.”
“We shouldn’t be talking about this.”
“Why? Are you going to report me for being honest?”
“Of course not, Mica, what you’re saying is still within reason. But it’s not good to speak of, it’s better kept to yourself.”
“Then you should keep the talk of her death to yourself as well. I don’t want to lose her unless it’s unavoidable, and until then, I’m going to do what I can to make sure we don’t.”
“I wasn’t suggesting we do anything else. But in the event that it does happen, we will be okay. I just wanted to make sure you understood that so you don’t make yourself sick thinking that her survival is our only hope. Losing both of you would destroy us because of how young Alex is, but just one would be okay.”
“I know. You don’t have to tell me, I consider this every single day. A couple days of sitting with our daughter isn’t going to push me into toxosis, Richard.”
“Okay, Mica.”
“Okay. I’m going to go back in there with her, you go get Alex from Dana’s, will you?”
Richard didn’t answer, quickly standing to his feet and leaving while Mica stepped into the bedroom.
The ration had kept his eyes down during the exchange between Amber’s parents, and he made a face now that he was alone, disgusted by what he had heard. Amber’s father seemed so matter-of-fact about it, and her mother was nearly the same. It was heartbreaking to know that this is what they were discussing while the only person he had in the world lay in bed fighting to stay alive, and he wished he could be in there with her. She was so much more than a means for survival.
Guilt stabbed through his heart the moment the thought passed through his mind. The truth was that he saw her the same way, at least in part, and he realized that it wasn’t fair to her. Even when he had first noticed that something was wrong with her, his primary concern had been his own safety. He hadn’t run for help; instead, he had created a scenario that had no guarantee of working. He had been willing to sacrifice her, to play a game of chance that by a stroke of luck just happened to succeed. It wasn’t right, and he hated the fact that he himself deserved the same judgment he was giving to her parents.
He sighed, instantly angry at himself. Amber had proven that she cared about him despite the ideas she had been raised with; she was his friend, and he had been wrong to hold back. He could only hope that he would have a chance to make it up to her.
John left as the sun began to set, and Amber’s parents readied for bed.
“I’m going to sleep in her room,” Mica told Richard. “The ration will stay with you and Alex tonight.”
> “Our bed is too small,” Richard answered, shaking his head. “Nothing can be done overnight, just let it sleep in Amber’s room. It will probably keep her warmer than you will, anyway, it generates more heat because of its size.”
The ration held his breath, hoping that Mica would agree. He stole at glance at her face; her brow was furrowed in thought as she considered it.
“Okay,” she finally said, and the ration’s heart leaped into his throat. “I’ll get it situated.”
Mica grabbed his arm, lifting him to his feet and leading him into the room. Panic filled his heart for a moment as she retrieved his sleep clothes from below the shelf, but she didn’t seem to notice anything out of place. She watched as he changed, then she pushed him towards the bed, gesturing firmly as she left.
The ration forced himself to keep still as he waited for them to go to bed. He turned his head slightly, studying Amber’s motionless form in the dim moonlight that leaked in through the ceiling. She was lying on her back, her labored breaths quiet and shallow, and the ration’s stomach clenched with sorrow.
The moment he heard Richard’s breathing change, the ration rolled over, pulling Amber into his arms. He held her, closing his eyes as he listened to her heartbeat. Each pulse seemed strong, much stronger than it had been that morning, and he felt his body relax for the first time since he had discovered her. She was going to be okay.
†‡†
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
Amber groaned. Every inch of her body ached, and her mouth was sticky with dryness.
“I think she’s waking up,” her father’s voice rang out, breaking through the darkness that hung over her mind.
“Amber?” her mother called. “Can you hear me, sweetheart?”
She felt a light touch on her eyelids, gently prying them open, and she pulled away.
“Well, that’s a good sign,” a woman’s voice said. “I think she’s going to make it.”
Amber heard her mother’s relieved sigh, and she managed to open her eyes. Her parents were kneeling beside her bed, and she blinked in confusion when she recognized Helen’s face hovering over her.
“There she is,” her father said, smiling as he placed a hand on her cheek. “Hey you, it’s good to have you back.”
“What happened?” Amber rasped. The edge of a water flask instantly appeared at her lips, and she swallowed quickly, feeling the inside of her dry throat unstick from itself as the water passed through.
A flash of panic shot through her veins.
“The ration!” she gasped, trying to sit up. Her father grabbed hold of her shoulders, stopping her.
“You need to stay still!”
“But the ration―”
“It’s fine, Amber,” Mica said, moving in close and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. “It’s working at the grid, I sent someone to fetch your father when you started moving. I’ve been giving it its supplements and allotments, don’t worry about it.”
Helen leaned down, taking hold of Amber’s wrist to check her pulse.
“You gave your parents quite a scare, young lady,” she said, releasing her grip. “You had a case of toxosis.”
Fear raced down Amber’s spine; if they had checked her hydration and protein levels, they would know that she had been cutting herself short. She glanced away.
“Why?” she managed to ask, watching for a reaction out of the corner of her eye, and she was relieved to see Helen shrug.
“I think it’s because of the change in the weather,” the old woman answered. “It’s rare, but the cold can cause it.”
“You need to rest, Amber,” her mother said, standing up and beckoning to the others in the room. “You’ll be back on your feet soon, but for now, just try to get some sleep.”
“Let me give her the second energy dose,” Helen said, pulling a case out of her pocket and taking out a syringe. “Hopefully she can manage to eat something, but may as well let her have this as well.”
Amber winced as the needle entered her skin, then her eyes grew wide as a flood of energy surged through her veins.
“What was that?”
“A nutritional replacement for the food you couldn’t eat while you were out,” Helen told her, putting the syringe away. “It will help you recover.”
Amber instantly felt antsy, as if her muscles were screaming at her to move.
“I feel fine,” she said, propping herself up. “I’ll go help at the grid for a while.”
“No, you won’t!” Mica snapped, giving her a fierce stare, and Amber cringed. “You’re not going anywhere, not now. You’ve been sick for almost two days.”
“But I’m sore,” Amber protested, falling back onto the mattress. It was hot in her room, and the plastic was uncomfortable against her skin. “Doesn’t that mean I need to get up?”
“Perhaps,” Helen said, studying her. “But you definitely can’t work, not today. I think you should be able to go back tomorrow, but Richard, don’t forget what I told you about cutting the days short for the first week.”
“I won’t,” Richard answered, turning to leave. “Mica, you should go get Alex from Dana’s, she’s charging by the hour. Bring her nine ounces, that should be more than enough for yesterday and today. I’m heading back to the grid.”
Amber’s heart sank as her room emptied, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Tears stung her eyes; they were already behind on their quota and she had made things even worse, not to mention the consequences her plan to save the ration would bring if it succeeded. She shook her head, swallowing hard. It didn’t matter as long as it saved his life, she would just have to be more careful about the amount of food and water she was putting aside.
She sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and standing to her feet. Her knees wobbled, threatening to give way, and she staggered to the wall, leaning against it for support. Her eyes drifted, focusing on a second flask sitting on the shelf beside her regular one.
Being sick didn’t change her water allotment; the council would provide one full flask per day of illness for someone else to bring back for her. She was supposed to surrender the empty bottle the next time she filled her usual allotment, but all she could think about was having another container to put water in for the ration.
The second flask was full to the brim, and Amber checked her own flask, surprised to find that it was only partially empty. She quickly drank half of what was left, stopping herself before she finished it. Having the second flask felt like having extra water, and she pursed her lips, considering whether or not she could afford to save any after what had happened. It was reckless, but she figured a few capfuls would be okay. She put her flask into her pocket, leaving the second one on the shelf and stepping out of her room.
Mica had returned from fetching Alex, three other children in tow. She eyed Amber with concern.
“Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to be up?” she asked, sitting on the floor with the children.
Amber nodded.
“It’s too hot to stay in bed.”
Her mother began drawing letters in the dirt with her finger and trying to convince the children to sound them out. They ignored her, more entertained by building little pyramids from dust and smudging out the letters. Not one to give up easily, Mica patiently kept redrawing them, feigned enthusiasm in her voice as she repeatedly made each sound.
Amber smiled, remembering when she had done the same thing with Jude in the hours after the workdays ended. Jude had been stubborn and a bit mischievous, refusing Mica’s attempts to teach her during the day, but that changed the moment Amber would sit down with her. She remembered hearing her sister read for the very first time, and how proud it had made her to know that she was the one who had taught her.
She pursed her lips, thinking. She wondered if the ration could be taught how to read, although there would be no way of confirming whether or not any attempt to do so was a succes
s. Still, she couldn’t help feeling a little tempted.
“I’ll help, mom,” Amber said, sitting down on the floor beside her mother. She began tracing letters in the dirt, taking Alex in her arms and making a silly face as she pointed.
“This is an A! An A for Alex, my dirty, smudgy little brother!”
She quickly drew another letter.
“B—brother! That’s you, you’re my brother!”
Amber lost track of time as she went through the alphabet, and before long, she heard footsteps outside. She stood to her feet as her father walked in, the ration following behind a moment later, and her heart instantly relaxed. The ration’s eyes locked with hers, and she felt a wave of relief wash over her, almost as if she hadn’t been able to take a full breath until she saw for herself that he was okay.
“Are you feeling all right?” Richard asked, stepping towards her.
John burst through the door before she could answer, his face red from running.
“Amber! I heard that you were awake!”
He launched himself forward, throwing his arms around her, and she forced a smile as she waited for him to let go. In that moment, she realized that nothing in her heart cared even the slightest about seeing him. The ration was the only one who mattered to her.
“Are you okay?” John asked, finally releasing her and stepping back.
“I’m fine, just a little tired. I’m not really up for seeing anyone right now.”
John’s eyes filled with disappointment, but he didn’t object.
“I’ll come by in the morning,” he said, hugging her again before turning to her father. “Richard, let me know if you need any help at your grid while she’s recovering. I know you all haven’t had much luck making your quota, and I’ll do whatever I can after I finish helping my father.”
Amber cringed at the eagerness in John’s voice, her eyes boring holes into his as she tried to signal for him to shut up. Unlike her, she knew neither of her parents would hesitate to report him, and he was acting a little too interested for his own good.
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