“I don’t know. All I could think about was saving him, I couldn’t consider the others.”
“We could tell people,” he suggested. “Everyone’s talking about him, how he saved you. That might make a difference.”
Amber shook her head.
“You’d just get reported. No one will care, anyway.”
“You don’t think so?”
“No. Caring would mean starving to death.”
“I guess. I still feel sick eating my food allotment every day now, though.”
“Tell me about it,” she said, remembering the moment her own mind had shifted.
John gave her a long look, sadness filling his eyes.
“I wish you had trusted me,” he told her quietly. “I knew something was going on, and it hurts that you didn’t feel like you could tell me.”
“Right,” Amber muttered sarcastically. “Hey, John, I think my ration is a person. Somehow I don’t think you would have reacted very well.”
“I don’t know how I would have reacted, but I wouldn’t have reported you. I meant it when I said I just wanted someone I could be honest with, and I thought that maybe we could be that for each other.”
Remorse stabbed through Amber’s heart. She realized now that he had been struggling with the same loneliness she had faced, but unlike her, he hadn’t found anyone to share it with. She had ignored his attempts to reach out, and she wished she had handled things differently.
“I’m sorry, John. I didn’t realize it, I thought you were just trying to get into my head.”
He shrugged.
“I was too scared to be honest with you, too, maybe that would have made a difference. I guess I didn’t really trust you, either.”
“You can talk to me now, though,” she told him, reaching out and taking his hand. John didn’t move, staring down at her fingers as they intertwined with his, then he lifted his gaze.
“Maybe when you feel a little better about everything,” he said after a long moment. “You need time, and I don’t want you thinking about me until you’re sure you’re okay.”
“Amber!” a voice called out. She glanced up; Council Hart was making her way towards them.
“Hi, Council Hart.”
The woman’s face beamed with excitement, her arms outstretched in celebration.
“The girl who broke through to the mine! I wasn’t surprised at all to hear that it was you, not with that tenacity you have!”
“It was an accident,” Amber said as she stood to her feet. “Believe me, I definitely didn’t try to do it.”
“Well, it’s a good thing for everyone that you did, that salt is very important. And it certainly helped with the cost of medical treatment, just look at you! You seem to have made a full recovery!”
“I’m better, thanks,” Amber said, forcing a smile.
“Everyone is so happy for you,” Council Hart sang, her eyes sparkling. “But your luck hasn’t run out yet, I have excellent news!”
She paused dramatically before practically shouting her next words.
“Congratulations! Your application to the resource center was approved!”
Amber’s heart skipped a beat; she had forgotten all about Ayn’s prediction that her application would be accepted, convinced that she would be disqualified due to her injuries. She glanced at John, seeing his face fall, and she instantly realized that she was going to miss him.
Council Hart smiled expectantly.
“Well? Aren’t you going to go tell your family?”
“I…I suppose I should.”
“Go on, then! You leave tonight!”
“Tonight?” Amber gasped. “That soon?”
“The resource center doesn’t waste any time, dear. Your escorts arrived this morning, they’ll come collect you at nightfall. Go on, your parents will be thrilled!”
Council Hart turned to walk away, leaving Amber and John alone.
He stared at her, and she could see tears welling up in his eyes.
“Congratulations, Amber,” he said quietly, giving her a slight smile. “I’m happy for you, it’s what you’ve been wishing for. And it gets you away from here just like you wanted.”
Her heart felt torn, and she reached out to give him a hug.
“I’m sorry for how I treated you, John,” she told him, burying her face in his shoulder as she tried to hold back her own tears. “I wasn’t a very good friend to you, and you deserved better.”
He squeezed her tight for a moment, then he let her go.
“If you can, try to send word back to me when you get settled in.”
Amber nodded quickly.
“I will. Your cycle ends in a couple weeks, I’ll keep an eye out for you when it’s your family’s turn to get your next ration. Maybe I’ll be able to come out and visit with you.”
“Maybe,” he said, but she could hear the doubt in his voice. She knew as well as he did that she would likely never see him again.
“Well, John, I guess…I guess I should get home.”
“You probably should.”
Amber glanced at him as she began to turn away. She was forever grateful to him for delivering Ayn’s last message, and as she thought about all the years they had spent together, she knew he would always have a place in her heart.
She stepped close to him, standing on her tiptoes and giving him a quick kiss. She could feel him tremble beneath her touch, and she pulled back a moment later.
“Thank you for everything,” Amber said, meeting his mournful gaze. She reached up, placing her hand on his cheek. “You’re my friend, and I love you for that.”
John was holding his breath, and he forced a smile, coughing and clearing his throat.
“You couldn’t have said that any sooner?” he chuckled, winking at her, but she could hear the anguish in his voice.
“There are some ration cakes buried in the northwest corner of my room,” she whispered. “Just in case you need them.”
He nodded, squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath.
“Good luck, Amber.”
“Bye, John. And thank you.”
She walked away, and John’s heart ached as he watched her go. His throat closed up, and he held his breath, forcing his emotions back under control. The last few months of his life had been a whirlwind, and he couldn’t help feeling confused and broken as she disappeared from sight. First the way she had been treating him, then seeing her with the ration, then her accident, and now this. He didn’t know what to do.
He sighed heavily, sitting back down in the shade and looking around at the rations that walked by with their keepers. The next harvest would begin in a few days, and he shuddered to himself. He was meant to serve as keeper for his family’s next ration, and he would also have the task of killing it when the time came. He had been excited, but now, he felt sickened by the thought. Everything had changed the moment he had heard Ayn’s voice, and he knew he could never stomach it.
†‡†
CHAPTER THIRTY
As expected, Amber’s parents were delighted at the news of her acceptance. She tried to hide her nervousness from them as they hugged her, remembering what little Ayn had told her about the breeding program. Part of her was almost afraid to leave, but there was nothing she could do it about it now; once an application was approved, going to the resource center was mandatory.
She didn’t want any part of the ration program, but the thought of being used to create new researchers didn’t sound that bad. As she began to gather her things, a twinge of excitement broke through the numbness in her heart. The change of scenery could be a welcome relief, surely anything would be better than being in a place that constantly reminded her of Ayn.
She placed the rock he had given her into her bag, then she reached for the astronomy book. Council Hart had given her permission to take it, and she ran her hands over the cover as she turned to the first page. Her eyes fell on the o
pening line of text, her throat closing up as she read it to herself. It felt like just yesterday when she had read those words with Ayn by her side, and her soul wrenched. So much had changed in so little time.
“Amber! They’re here!”
She took a deep breath, dropping the book into her bag and sighing as she glanced around her room one last time. She wouldn’t miss it, not in the least.
Alex was sitting on the floor playing in the dirt, and Amber’s heart ached as she gathered him up in her arms.
“Bye, my smudgy little brother,” she whispered, hugging him tight. His life would be so much different from her own, and for that, she was grateful. He would never know the days of backbreaking labor at the grid, and as much as the thought sickened her, the double rations provided by her placement at the resource center meant that he wouldn’t become as acquainted with hunger as she had.
Amber set him back down, stepping towards her father.
“I’m so proud of you,” Richard said, pulling her into his arms. “You’ve done so well for your family.”
“Bye, dad.”
“Goodbye, my dear. I’ll look for you next cycle when we come to get our rations.”
His words stung her heart, but she managed to smile at him before moving to her mother.
“Bye, mom.”
“Take care of yourself, sweetheart,” Mica said, drawing a deep breath as she hugged her. “I’m glad you have this chance.”
“I am, too,” Amber told her, stepping back. “I’ll miss you all.”
“Bye, sissy,” Alex called as she turned to leave, and she swallowed hard against the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She waved at him, then moved to follow the two men from the resource center that had been sent to fetch her.
As Amber walked through the settlement, a small crowd had gathered to bid her farewell. She caught sight of John standing off to the side, and she paused for a moment, waving at him one last time before continuing on her way.
The sun was setting when she reached the last house on the northern side of the settlement, marking the beginning of the half-day’s journey to the resource center. This time, it wasn’t the walk she was dreading; instead, it was the company of the stars that would follow her along the way.
“You’re the one that broke through to the mine, right?” one of the men said, moving to her side. Amber nodded, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.
“It was an accident.”
“You were lucky,” the other one chimed in. “What are the chances of your grid being over that exact spot?”
Amber grimaced. She and Ayn would be long gone by now if not for what everyone considered ‘luck’.
“Someone’s grid had to be,” she said quietly. “May as well have been ours, I guess.”
The men murmured in agreement as they began to discuss it between themselves, and Amber tried to fall back a little. She didn’t want to talk to them.
The last of the sunlight disappeared from the sky, and Amber tilted her head back. Five years ago, she had spent these exact same moments with her sister for what would prove to be the last time, and she found herself wondering if Ayn was up there now, too.
“Tell them I miss them,” she whispered to the constellations. “Tell them…I wish they were here.”
The stars twinkled brightly as if in response, and her eyes traced a streak of light that soared across the horizon. She held her breath, preparing to make a wish, then thought better of it. The only wish she had was impossible, even more so than wanting to see her sister’s face again. That one had come true in a way, but this one could never happen.
Amber stared down at her feet as she walked, counting each step as the hours dragged by. Before long, the stars began to fade away as the sky grew lighter with the coming dawn, and she sighed as she glanced up. In the distance, she could see the resource center’s dark silhouette looming up out of the bare earth.
“Pick up the pace,” one of the men called out. “We’ll be just in time for breakfast if we hurry!”
“Breakfast?” Amber echoed. “You mean our allotment, right?”
He glanced back at her, a smile on his face.
“Come on, you’ll see!”
The men broke into a run, and Amber shifted the weight of her bag on her shoulder as she joined them.
Instead of entering through the south doors of the ration auditorium, the men led Amber around to the eastern side of the resource center. She had never been back there before, and she inhaled sharply as the first rays of morning sun illuminated the massive building. Knowing that she was about to go inside made it seem bigger than ever before; it reminded her of a castle from one of her books, and she felt butterflies rise up in her stomach.
Two short, concrete retaining walls had been placed to the left and right of a wide pathway, slowly narrowing to act like a funnel that led to the entrance. The double red doors that were set at the bottom of the towering steel façade looked oddly out of place, almost as if too ordinary and plain to mark the threshold of such an important building.
The men stepped forward, pressing a button on a box that had been affixed to the wall beside the doors.
“How many in your party?” a voice squeaked out, and Amber jumped in surprise.
“Three,” one of the men called.
“Name and number,” the voice said, and he stepped forward as a light flashed below the box.
“Yale, Darren. 3768.”
He held his arm out, scanning his code, then the other man stepped forward.
“Johnson, Brian. 7294.”
The light finished scanning him, and he beckoned to Amber.
“Ordell, Amber. 487,” she said, putting her arm under the light. A loud click rang out from the doors a moment later, and the man named Darren reached for the handle.
“Welcome to your new home,” he said, opening the door and gesturing for her to go inside.
Amber’s eyes grew wide as she walked in, taking a deep breath of the oxygen-rich air. Solar lights shone brightly on the ceiling above, and in between each one were panes of clear plastic. As the sun rose, the solar lights began to turn off, replaced with the natural light that streamed in through the skylights. Steel walls enclosed the entryway on all sides, painted white like the ration auditorium, but instead of bare earth, the floor was inlaid with green tile that reminded her of the color of Ayn’s eyes. She had never seen so much green in one place, and she wondered if it looked anything like grass used to look.
Four people stood on either side of the door, long black sticks in their hands. They were brandishing them like weapons, and she heard the crackle of electricity as she passed by. They were dressed in brown uniforms different from anything she had ever seen before; they looked like guards, and one of them moved to pull the door shut.
“They make sure no one tries to enter behind us,” Brian explained when he saw her bewildered expression, beckoning for her to follow. “Come on, we’re going to processing.”
“I’m not,” Darren announced, veering off towards a door on the right. “They’re about to serve food, I’m going there. You can handle this.”
“Thanks a lot,” Brian scoffed, rolling his eyes.
Darren ignored him, grinning over his shoulder as he left.
“Better hurry!”
Amber glanced at Brian, and he shrugged.
“Let’s go.”
She followed him to another door, and she gasped as she passed through. On the other side was a vast, open space, and lining the walls were staggered staircases that led up to several floors of walkways. Suspended in the center was a ball of solar lights that hung down from a transparent ceiling, each bulb slowly turning off in succession as sunlight began filtering through.
She stepped towards the rail, leaning over to look. More stairs and walkways descended into the shadows below her, but it was too dark to see beyond a few levels down.
“Processing is on level eighteen,
” Brian said, pointing up. “Come on.”
Amber swallowed hard as she moved to follow him.
≈
Doctor Monica Andreas sat at her desk, rubbing her temples as she stared at the screen in front of her. The test was right, she was sure of it, but it didn’t make any sense how there could be so much activity at those levels.
A knock sounded at the door, and she glanced up to see her assistant, Noah Meyers, stick his head into the office.
“The Ordell girl is here, Andreas,” he said. “Johnson’s bringing her to processing now.”
Her face instantly brightened
“Excellent! How much time do we have?”
“About five minutes, they’re on level GS16.”
She froze for a moment, her eyes growing wide with panic, then she bolted from her chair.
“Hurry up, dammit, get the equipment going!”
Noah darted past her without a word, crossing to the other side of the office and disappearing through the door that led to her lab. Andreas grabbed a stack of forms on her desk, scattering the pages as she reached underneath them for her recorder. Her foot caught on her chair as she turned, tripping her, and she screamed a curse as she kicked it away.
She burst into the lab, glancing at the monitors as Noah quickly flipped the last row of switches.
“Is it ready?” she asked breathlessly.
“Done,” he said, turning to look at her. Andreas glanced at the time on one of the screens, then stepped forward to the glass window set into the far wall.
“Johnson knows what to do?”
Noah nodded.
“I gave him explicit instructions.”
“I hope so,” she said, glancing at the time again. “This is the only shot we have at documenting an initial reaction.”
“He said he understood.”
“Okay, then. Here goes.”
She clicked the recorder on.
“Andreas, Monica. Researcher 19213, Priority Project One, entry 63. January 26th, timestamp 07:49:01. Stimulation test 205 as described in previous entry 59 commencing, subject approaching. Corridor intercom activated.”
She put her finger on the intercom button, pressing it as she fell silent. She stared at the glass as she waited.
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