by Lux Miller
Hunter doesn’t move, just keeps his lips pressed to mine for several heartbeats. Then he tilts his head to change the angle of our mouths, and it’s like putting the final piece of a five-thousand piece puzzle in its spot. I moan ever-so-softly as he slides his hand over my cheek and buries his fingers in my hair behind my head, his thumb stroking against the curve of my cheek.
Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to stop this madness. Not to screw up the one real friendship that I still have. Not to do something I’m going to regret— something that’ll make me push away the only ally I have in this world against Queenie. Everyone else thinks she’s just a figment of my imagination - an excuse to go full tilt and act like a sadistic brat. But she’s not. She’s very real and very much in control of my life, except now. Right now, she has nothing to do with this. This is all Hunter and me.
I whimper and bring my own hand up, resting my palm over the back of his. Instead of pushing him away, I grip his hand in mine and hesitantly swipe my tongue along his bottom lip. He tenses, but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he meets my tongue with his and my stomach flutters.
He’s moving so slowly that I’m worried he’s going to pull away at any moment. He pulls on the back of my head, and I follow his direction, moving up onto my knees as he cautiously kisses me. He’s using his tongue to gently explore my mouth, but he’s moving at a snail’s pace. I have to admit I’m actually grateful for his attention to detail and the care he’s showing with me. He probably thinks I’m going to bolt at the slightest hint of intimacy and he’s probably not wrong. But the truth is, even I don’t know my limit. Besides Jake, I have zero experience.
I know I had sex with Jake dozens of times, but I don’t remember all of them. Most of the time we had sex, it was her. I remember some of it, enough that I don’t consider myself a virgin, but most of it’s as hazy as the rest. Of course, Jake thought I was full of crap, but he also never bothered to find out what was really going on. He didn’t even know about the glass apples, much less the frightening side effects that my only salvation comes with. I do remember kissing him frequently, but he was always demanding and domineering with his kisses. It wasn’t something I necessarily enjoyed, so I’ve blocked out memories of any kind of intimacy with Jake.
Kissing Hunter is completely different, and I don’t know how to describe the feeling that is washing over me. There’s a touch of cold in my veins, but my entire body is burning up. I let go of his hand and lean into him more, wrapping my left arm around the back of his neck. He groans softly and shifts on the bed beside me. Breathless, I pull away from him, bringing the fingers from my right up to feel my lips.
“I’m sorry Raven, I shouldn’t have done that… I—”
He doesn’t have the chance to finish his statement as I lunge at him, sloppily pressing my lips back to his. His response is immediate, with more need than last time. He slides both of his arms around my waist and tugs me against him, keeping his hold on me loose. As I thrust my tongue into his mouth, I throw my right leg over both of his, settling my knee beside his hip. He shudders so hard that I feel it and tense, suddenly worried that I’m being too forward.
I start to pull back from him, but he shakes his head, tightening his hold on me until I relent and give in to the kiss. My head is swimming with emotions as Hunter holds me on his lap, kissing me like he’s starved for air, and I’m his only source of oxygen. I can feel his arousal under me, but he isn’t making any motions to take this further. I’m almost completely relaxed on his lap when he tears his lips away, panting as he rests his forehead against mine. “Raven… are you sure this is what you want?”
I don’t move a muscle as I sit there, paralyzed by fear that he’s going to change his mind. That he’s going to decide that taking a chance on me isn’t worth it. That he’ll be one more person to give up on me and leave,because I was too forward, or too difficult, or too split between being myself and someone I hate. I sigh and whisper, “Why does it matter what I want? You’re the one who has to decide if you’re willing to put up with my brand of crazy… with her.”
I sit back on Hunter’s lap, my ass on the middle of his thighs. He looks down at me with a pained look on his face, shaking his head quickly. “Raven, you give up on yourself before you’ve even had a chance to get in the fight, because you’re so worried about what she is going to do. Well, she’s probably done about the worst with me she could have done, and I’m still here. I’m still fighting to give you a chance.
“You’re one of the strongest people I know to be able to survive what you’ve already overcome, and I want to push you higher, not see you fall. You have to be the one to decide if this is what you want… if I’m what you want, because honestly… I’m smitten with you. I’m terrified of her, but if you’ll let me, I’ll continue to fight her on your behalf until we can figure out a way to free you from her control for good.”
I swallow and close my eyes, trying to keep myself from puking from nerves. I nod solemnly, then open my eyes again. “Yes…”
Hunter looks conflicted as he shifts underneath me. “Yes, what?”
My heart is thundering in my chest, and I try to form the words I want to say. To tell this incredibly sweet, gorgeous man what’s been trying to escape my lips since I woke up in his arms and had a realization. “I want you, Hunter… I do, but…”
He winces like the word is poison, his mouth turning down in a frown. I shake my head quickly, bringing both of my hands to his cheeks quickly. “You didn’t let me finish, Hunter…” My words die on my lips as I hear a high-pitched squeal followed by the pounding of tiny feet on the hardwood floor of the ranch hand house’s foyer. Hunter and I both stare at each other for a split second before I scramble off his lap. He stands up quickly and adjusts himself, his cheeks reddening.
He steps into his boots and bends down to grab his book off the floor where he dropped it last night just as a head full of bouncy, blonde ringlets tears into the room at a fever pitch and propels itself onto the bed, landing where Hunter was sitting just moments ago. He grabs his hat and flips it up onto his head before tipping it in my direction and giving me a nod. He slips out of the room past Aspen as she chases after Gwen. She looks at his back, then at me with a look of concern on her face, and I just roll my eyes.
“Relax Aspen, there’s nothing to worry about. He came in here last night when I was in pain and read me a story to take my mind off things. You can quit giving me that knowing look. Nothing happened between us last night. He was actually being a perfect gentleman.”
Aspen nods solemnly as she scoops Gwen up into her arms with a nod. She gives me a knowing look before spilling out what I already know, “Hunter’s always been that way. He’s a genuinely good guy. His behavior isn’t what I was concerned about…”
SIXTEEN
Hunter
Waking up in Raven’s bed was the last place I expected to find myself this morning. I don’t even remember falling asleep in there. Exhaustion just hit me like a freight train. One minute, I was reading her the Grimm brothers’ version of Snow White and the next, I was waking up with her warmth cocooned to my side. It was welcome considering the temperatures outside have been steadily falling over the last week and aren’t expected to break forty degrees today. Despite the well-oiled machine that is the central heat and air unit in the ranch hand house, it can still get a bit chilly in there. But maybe that’s why I fell asleep so easily last night.
I think she was just as startled at our unusual situation as I was. She seemed utterly surprised to find me still there and from the questions she asked, she was equally as surprised to find both of us fully clothed. That last part is a bit embarrassing, but considering my indiscretions with her in the past, not totally unwarranted. Yes, I was ensnared by someone that wasn’t her, but even now, it’s hard for me to separate the idea that Queenie is a part of Raven that Raven hates. That the real Raven isn’t wild and adventurous and would never give me head in the middle of the woods like Qu
eenie did.
I’d almost completely separated them in my mind. Raven was just a friend and coworker, nothing more. Queenie was a former fling and would never happen again. And then Raven blew my boundaries to shreds when she kissed me. As herself and completely aware of what she was doing, but only in the literal sense. She had no idea what kissing me would do to my carefully compartmentalized feelings. She opened the floodgates and instantly, my body is craving her again like it once did when Queenie had control. Like it inevitably will when Queenie resumes control of Raven’s body, because every time Raven self-medicates, she lets Queenie out to play. And I don’t know how long Raven can go without medicating before the pain breaks her.
I’ll do everything in my power to subdue Queenie when she does join the game, but she cheats. She doesn’t care for rules, and they don’t apply to her. She just takes what she wants, consequences be damned. I’m not weak. I have a conscience and can say no, but I’ve always been a yes man. And it’s incredibly hard to turn down a woman when you know how incredible their body feels entangled with yours. But taking Raven’s body isn’t something I want any longer. Truth be told, I’ve had it. It may not have been under her control, but changing the driver doesn’t change how the rig drives, only how it’s handled. Besides, from what I’ve been told, I’m just one of dozens of men who’ve enjoyed her tiny frame.
What I want is something she hasn’t given to other men. Something she hasn’t given to anyone except me… and then only in bits and pieces and shreds. I want her trust. I want her passion. I want a chance to be the one thing she’s never had - someone to wake up to in the morning and not feel ashamed of what transpired the night before. I know that we can work together to find a way to defeat the darkness that plagues her. To regain control of Raven’s mind and banish the evil queen to whatever hell she came from. I just have to hope Raven can trust me enough, that I can trust myself enough to stay the course and outsmart a villain I can’t see or touch outside of Raven. And somehow I have to defeat Queenie without hurting Raven.
The task at hand is dominating my thoughts. So much so, that I don’t even notice when Ashley strides into the barn behind me until she literally touches me. I almost jump out of my skin as I whirl around with my hands drawn up into fists in front of my face, ready to defend myself. Ashley chuckles as she sidesteps me to get to the access gate on Fiona’s stall. She laughs as she takes in my harried appearance. “Maybe I should call you Gilbert Grape, because something is definitely eating you…”
By habit, I shrug my shoulders like there’s nothing on my mind. I like Ashley and would even consider her a friend, but I’ve never been one to lay my thoughts out for someone else to critique. I turn back to mucking out Dallas’ stall like it’s no big deal, and Ashley laughs heartily. I ignore her as I fling trampled hay out behind myself… or at least I try to. I’m not looking at her, but I can just picture Ashley leaning against Fiona’s stall with her arms crossed over her chest like she’s figured out some great mystery. “What, Ashley?”
She chuckles, then I feel her hand on my shoulder. Shit, it’s unnerving how quietly that girl can sneak up on someone. “Nothing much really, but I must admit I’m not used to seeing Hunter Legrange all worked up over anything. But something is obviously under your skin. Would your new sullen attitude have anything to do with a certain dark-haired beauty that arrived on the ranch recently?”
I inhale sharply, but I can’t give Ashley the satisfaction of being right. Not about this. I trust her enough, but loose lips sink ships and there’s enough forces working against Raven and I. I don’t need any help in ripping this thing apart. Raven and I have been doing a pretty good of that all by ourselves, so instead of being honest, I lie through my teeth. “Oh, yeah… Glitzy is quite the horse. She’s got me up all night thinking about her gorgeous coat…”
Ashley snorts as she doubles over in laughter. “Oh, Hunter! That was almost believable, for a completely gullible idiot who doesn’t have eyes to see the way you look at Raven. Shit, and people said I was blind when it came to Eli.”
I frown and turn around to stare her down. I wag my finger at her. “You were! Hell, half the time you still are…”
Ashley sticks her tongue out at me and waves her hand around in the air. “Eli and I had some… complications that we had to overcome first. It wasn’t as simple as falling for the new girl on the ranch.”
A feeling of heaviness settles over me. I wish I could tell Ashley the truth, but Raven’s secrets are hers, not mine. I mean, yeah I was quite involved in the sex, but the entire reason it happened the way it did is because Raven was locked inside her own mind… and that’s not my secret to tell. I give Ashley a serious look and nod, “I get the sentiment. Things aren’t simple for anyone. If they were, then people wouldn’t be willing to fight for happily ever after. It would just fall in their laps, and it wouldn’t have any meaning.”
Ashley nods, a look of knowing on her face. She exhales heavily and forces a smile onto her face. It’s as fake as they come, but I can tell she’s covering up something deeper, and I instantly feel defensive. “Did Eli hurt you? We may not be related biologically, but I’ll still kill any fucker that messes with my sister…”
Ashley laughs nervously, “No, it’s just… Eli has to go to court over something his step-sister did. She basically tried to extort him, I guess you’d say, and he’s nervous about it. Just some past mistakes came back to bite him, but he’s never hurt me. And I don’t think he ever would. He knows who my uncle is…”
I nod as she makes her point. She’s right. Nobody with a will to live would knowingly hurt the niece of a mafia Capo. Not if they value their lives, at least. I certainly have no desires to land myself on that list, so I’m thankful Ashley and I split amicably. We were good together physically, but that’s all it ever was - a way for her to say a big fuck you to her father. By getting down and dirty in the barn with the ranch hand. He nearly blew his top when he found out his daughter and I had literally been rolling in the hay.
Ms. Bianchi, on the other hand, reacted quite differently. She was less-than-thrilled, but she vowed that I was the best ranch hand she’d ever seen, so she didn’t want to see any harm come to me. Since then, she’s largely forgiven me. It helps that I treat her animals like my babies. I don’t know what she thinks of Ashley’s new guy, but that’s his problem, not mine.
Ashley brushes past me and goes into Fiona’s stall. I can hear her talking to the horse, who nickers in response, but the noises coming from Fiona’s stall fade into the background as a shadow falls over me from the main doorway. I look up to find Raven standing there and she looks like she’s about to be sick. I rush over to her and wrap my arms around her, then kneel down in front of her. “Raven? Are you okay?”
She shakes her head quickly, then winces and brings both hand to her head. “It’s another migraine… Hunter, I don’t think I can do this… help me… please….”
I catch her just as she loses her balance and topples forward, thankfully right into my arms. I gather her up in my arms and walk back over to Dallas’s stall and kick the door closed. I’m not one to shirk my duties, but Dallas will forgive me if I take her out a little late.
By the time I kick open the front door to the ranch hand house, Raven is biting down so hard on her bottom lip that she’s drawn blood and her tiny hands are clenched with my shirt balled up inside one. “Where is it, Raven? You have to eat some of the candy…”
Raven forces her eyes open, but I can tell that the light is hurting her, so I shift my body to block out as much as possible. Her green eyes are wet with unshed tears as she violently shakes her head. “No, no more candy… no more Queenie…”
I swallow hard, knowing that she’s got to be in an immense amount of pain. “Raven, there’s no point in you suffering like this… just have one. I’ll be here to protect you from the evil queen. I’m not going to go anywhere… nothing she can throw at me will make me leave you in her clutches…”
&n
bsp; Raven shakes her head again. “I threw it all away. Well, I flushed it down the toilet. I don’t have any more…”
My eyes widen as she makes her revelation. “None at all left? You trashed it all?”
Raven nods, then whimpers as she thrusts her face into my shirt. My heart slams against my ribcage as I wrack my brain, trying to come up with a solution. I can’t bear to see her in so much pain. I can’t feel exactly what she’s feeling, but I don’t have to personally feel it to understand that it’s overwhelming. She’s pale, clammy, and her muscles are stiff as I hold her close to me.
I clutch her to me with my upper arms as I sit on the floor with her in my lap. “Raven, tell me what to do… how to help you…”
She shakes her head and looks up at me sadly, pain twisting her dainty features so roughly that every fiber of my being aches for her. I think back to when I was a little boy and try to remember what my mom would do when she’d get stricken by migraines. Typically, she’d go lay down in a dark, quiet, and cold room. I don’t know if it will help Raven, but I’m willing to try.
I struggle to get to my feet without disturbing her too much. Once I manage, I carry her into my bedroom and gently lay her down on the bed, then draw the dark curtains over the window, blocking out the morning sun. I turn my desk fan up to high, thankful that I splurged for the more expensive one that is silent. I walk over to the bed and climb in beside her, kicking off my boots as I do. I gather her up into my arms and hold her tightly, the only sounds in the room the quiet monotony of the fan.