Faun & Games

by Anthony, Piers

  “No, just sleeping. In our bedroom. I check on him often, just in case.”

  “But then how can he be exploring worlds?”

  “He made an arrangement with Princess Ida and the Night Stallion to explore them in the dream realm,” she explained. “It’s more convenient that way, and safer, because he can’t truly be lost or hurt, and he can search more efficiently.”

  Dor was having trouble with comprehension again. “But if he’s only dreaming, it isn’t real. So whatever he finds won’t actually be there.”

  “Oh, no, it’s real. He’s not real, while there, but the worlds are exactly as they are. I think. It is a controlled dream, relating to reality. He just won’t be able to take anything from there, except information.”

  “He’s like a ghost,” Dolph said. “You must have thought of that.”

  “Why yes, I did,” she agreed. “I have had experience. He seems real while there, and can talk with the people, but can’t stay. If he gets chomped by a dragon, he’ll be gone, though, and will wake on his own, and maybe unable to return. So I’m sure he’s being very careful. I understand that there are remarkable sights there.”

  “There are some here in Xanth too,” Dolph murmured, rubbing a bit of glaze off an eyelash.

  “I don’t think we can wait two days,” Dor said. “We need to get the zombies settled well before the big wedding. Could you wake him early?”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t do that!” Millie said, horrified. “He said not to disturb him for anything short of an emergency, because he might not be able to find his way back to a choice site if he doesn’t have time to mark the way.”

  “Mark the way?” Bink asked. “How can a dream be marked?”

  “It’s part of the magic the Night Stallion lent him. He can draw a glowing chalk line around something, that will stay in place after he leaves. So he can return later and make sure it’s what the zombies want. But he can mark only one place at a time, so he has to be careful.”

  “Could we go after him?” Dolph asked. “So we can find him, and ask him, without interrupting his search?”

  “Why, I hadn’t thought of that,” Millie said. “I suppose if you sniffed the sleep spell, you could.”

  This, weird as it was, seemed to be a way. “Is there enough of that spell for all three of us?”

  “Oh, yes, we have plenty of it.”

  “But how would we find him, in that dream realm?” Dor asked.

  “Oh, that wouldn’t be hard. He leaves glowing footprints. That’s so I can find him, if I need to.”

  “Then why couldn’t he follow his own footprints, on another visit?” Dolph asked.

  “They won’t stay after he goes. So he has to remember the way, and mark his place.”

  “Then perhaps that is our best course,” Dor said. “We can find him, ask him, and return in time to get the zombies settled.”

  Millie had no problem with that. “You can use a guest chamber,” she said. “I will bake more crumples for your return.”

  That seemed like an excellent arrangement.

  3

  SOLITAIRE FOR TWO

  Breanna woke at dusk, refreshed. It was time to go see the Good Magician, since she was now satisfied, for no reason she knew, that this was her only feasible escape from the zombies. So she quickly ate some hasty pudding she found, and set her face toward the darkest east.

  “There is an enchanted path leading to Magician Humfrey’s castle,” Mare Imbri said. “But the zombies seem to be able to walk those paths, so that’s not safe for you. However, I know of another path that is privately enchanted, that should do about as well.”

  “What’s a private enchantment?”

  “One that’s not officially sanctioned by King Dor. This one was set up by Com Passion, and—”

  “Is this a dragon or tangle tree?”

  “Oh, no, nothing like that. Com Passion won’t hurt you. In fact Forrest Faun and I are her friends; we visit her sometimes to play dreams vs. realities. But you won’t have to enter her cave; just keep on going toward the castle. You should be there by dawn.”

  “Okay.” Breanna started walking.

  Imbri trotted along beside her. “It’s right this way, beyond the Jackpot there.”

  Breanna saw a man sitting on a big glowing pot. She paused. “I know the centaurs are open about natural functions, and maybe some other folk are too, but I’d prefer to wait until he gets off the pot.”

  Imbri made a laughing neigh. “He’s not having a function! He’s giving away money. Everyone who passes him has to take some, to get on the path.”

  Sure enough, as they approached Jack reached down under himself, into the depth of the pot, and pulled out a handful of grubby coins. Imbri took one in her mouth, and Breanna took another in her hand.

  “But what’s the point?” she asked as they stepped onto the path.

  “Jackpots just like to give away lots of money.” Imbri still held the coin; she wasn’t speaking with her mouth, but with a dreamlet.

  “I can see that. I mean, what’s the money for? No one buys anything in Xanth, does she?”

  Imbri considered. “Well, you might encounter a slot machine some time. They eat coins.”

  Breanna nodded, and put the soiled coin in her purse. She didn’t like dirty money, but perhaps it would be useful sometime.

  Imbri’s ears perked up. “Oops, I’m being summoned. I have to go see about a daydream; I still do a few of them for my friends.”

  “You did some good ones for me, I think,” Breanna agreed. “Thanks for everything.” She waved as the mare faded out.

  The path was clear enough, and Breanna walked swiftly along it. Soon she came to a sign marking an offshoot: COM PASSION. That was the maker of the path, who evidently lived in a cave. But it wasn’t necessary to go into the cave, so she walked on by.

  But then she saw a ragged shape ahead. It was a zombie! They had found her again.

  Breanna hardly took time to think. She turned about and ran back along the path. But soon she saw another zombie coming from the other direction. She was trapped between them.

  She turned at the sign and ran into the cave. At least it wasn’t supposed to be dangerous, and maybe it would provide a place to hide from the zombies. It was dark, but of course that was no problem for her. She saw several jars of currant jelly, and realized that there must be something electrical nearby.

  She saw a box of some sort on a pedestal of some sort. A screen on the box lighted. Words appeared:Well, now.

  What was this? There didn’t seem to be any danger, but she didn’t feel exactly at ease either. This cave was spooky. But with the zombies outside, she would have to bear with it. That meant dealing with this Com Passion character. “I’m looking for—”

  Of course, dear, the screen printed. Did you bring me a little gift?

  Breanna suffered a flash of realization that illuminated the cave for half a split second. This was Com Passion herself! A screen machine. And she expected a little gift. It would be best to oblige her. But what did she have? Only one thing she could spare.

  “It’s very small, and somewhat dirty,” she said apologetically. She fished out the coin.

  Why thank you. Blackwave girl. I love it. There followed a row of little hearts. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

  Breanna looked for a place to set the coin, Give it to my mouse, Com Passion printed.

  Breanna looked around nervously. There was a mouse in this cave?

  Then the cave shimmered, and became a regular room. A door opened, and a young brown woman walked in. “I am Mouse Terian,” she said. “I normally sleep in my mouse pad.”

  Oh. Breanna handed her the coin. Terian took it and set it on a shelf. Then she turned again. “What is it that you wish of my mistress?”

  “I—I don’t understand.”

  Terian frowned. “What word do you not understand?”

  “It’s not that. I mean, I didn’t come here to ask for anything. I just—well, it gets comp
licated to explain.”

  “You do not understand our natures?”

  “Yes. I think that’s what I don’t understand.”

  “This is the cave of Com Passion, a machine who can change reality in her demesnes.”

  “Oh, I hope she’s not mean!” Breanna blurted. Then she tried to take it back. “I mean—”

  The screen appeared. Not mean or demean. Demesnes. My territory.

  Breanna felt even more stupid than before. “I apologize.”

  “I am her mouse,” Terian continued. “Com Passion loves people, but can’t move her body, so I do what needs to be done. In real life I am like this.” She shimmered, and became a real brown mouse. It squeaked.

  “Eeeek!” Breanna screamed, stepping back.

  The woman reappeared. “Precisely. So Com Passion enhances me to resemble your form. Normally folk come here to ask some favor of my mistress, for which they must pay an equitable price. Therefore we inquire what favor you desire, and what you are prepared to do in return.”

  “I—I—” Breanna hauled herself somewhat together and tried again. “I’m on my way to see the Good Magician, who can maybe tell me how to stop the zombies from chasing me. When they were about to catch me, I ducked in here. Unless you have some way to get rid of them, I don’t think I have a favor to ask of you.”

  “My mistress can give you a charm to make you invisible to zombies. But it lasts only a few hours, so is a temporary expedient. Probably it would suffice to get you to the Good Magician’s castle.”

  “That’s great!” Breanna exclaimed. “Yes, I would like that!” Then she remembered the other part of it. “But I don’t know how I can pay for it.”

  Terian considered. “A love spring flows through my mistress’ cave. Therefore she is very affectionate, and craves company. I have become overly familiar to her, and my intellect is not great, so she wishes for more. She is lonely and bored. Have you any relief for that?”

  “But I can’t stay forever and talk to a screen!” Breanna protested.

  “In my mistress’ experience, most human beings have areas of expertise or knowledge that can be diverting. Is there anything you might teach Com Passion that would make her less bored or lonely?”

  “Not unless she likes playing cards,” Breanna said, laughing ruefully.

  “Cards?”

  A notion coalesced. Cards could be really useful for boredom. So maybe that wasn’t such a far out idea. “Suppose I taught her some card games? Ones she could play by herself, like solitaire?”

  “Can you demonstrate such a game?”

  “Sure.” Then she reconsidered. “Except I don’t have a deck of cards. They don’t play cards in Xanth. It’s a Mundane game.”

  “Describe them.”

  “Well, there are fifty two of them in a pack, in four suits: Spades, Hearts, Diamonds, and Clubs. Each suit has thirteen cards, going from Ace—that’s one—to King. On the backs there is some design or picture.”

  As she spoke, the image of the cards appeared. Breanna tried to take one, but her hand passed through it: it was illusion. So she asked Terian to lay them down on a table which obligingly appeared. Terian was able to handle the cards as if they were real, because Terian herself was mostly illusion in this form. Probably Com Passion could make her solid, but illusion was more energy efficient. Soon they had a pack of cards on the table, with a picture of Com Passion on the back, and the suit designs on the front: shovels, little beating hearts, scintillating diamond gems, and cudgels. Mare Imbri evidently served as the model for the queens, and a faun Breanna didn’t recognize stood for the kings, while the jacks had black faces and looked like Breanna. They were ready to play.

  “I know only three solitaire games,” Breanna said. “But they’re pretty good. First there’s Klondike. Deal out seven cards in a row, with only the first one face up.” Terian did so. “Then six more, starting with the second row, only the first face up. And so on, until there are seven face-up cards. Now you try to find aces and set them above, and build on them by suit right up to the king. You can build down from any card in the tableau, like putting that red four on that black five.” Breanna continued her instructions, and found that Com Passion was a very quick study; nothing needed to be repeated.

  “Now you just keep playing, until it stalls out,” Breanna concluded. “Which it usually does, after a while. It’s hard to win unless you cheat.”

  “Cheat?”

  “Break the rules.”

  “But how can it be a game with no rules?”

  Breanna realized that the machine was wired to be honest, and didn’t understand dishonesty. “It can’t be,” she said. “So go ahead and play.”

  There was a pause. “My mistress is not an original thinker,” Terian said after a moment. It seemed that she had direct communication with the machine. “And I lack the intellect on my own. You will have to direct the play.”

  “But it’s easy to play,” Breanna said. “Just not easy to win.”

  “Perhaps if you direct a game through to victory, my mistress will then have a sufficient sense of the whole so as to be able to play variations herself.”

  “Well, I’ll try, but it will probably take several games.”

  “Shall we say that when you have played a game through to completion, your service is completed?” Terian inquired. “Then I will give you the spell, and you may proceed on your way.”

  “Okay.” It seemed a fair bargain.

  So they played several games, with Breanna directing them. But every one blocked up before victory. She wished she had chosen an easier game to win.

  Finally she broached the matter. “Suppose I teach you another card game, one that’s more winnable? Would that be all right?”

  “That would be satisfactory,” Terian agreed.

  “Okay. Here’s one I learned off my computer in Mundania.” She paused, realizing that Com Passion was a computer. So this should be good. “It’s called Free Cell. It’s a little like Klondike, and a little different. Deal out eight rows of cards, face up, and keep dealing more, overlapping them until they are all there. You want to build up on the four aces, same as in Klondike, and you can build down with alternating colors too. You have four free cells where you can park cards.” She continued, and Terian laid out the cards and played according to directions. “Every game is supposed to be winnable, if you play right, but it’s usually too complicated for me. But maybe you, with your logical mind—”

  “We must see a game played through to victory first,” Terian reminded her.

  So Breanna tried, but game after game blocked up. She knew she was making misplays, but couldn’t help it. In fact, as time wore on, she was getting worse. She wanted to quit—except for the zombies outside.

  “Suppose I teach you another game?” she suggested desperately. The night was passing, and she was getting nowhere swiftly.

  “That would be satisfactory,” Terian agreed, exactly as she had before. Breanna could see that it really was true that this computer and mouse set lacked originality.

  So she proceeded to her third and last game. “This one’s called Accordion. It’s pretty simple to play, but almost impossible to win.” She quailed inwardly as she said it. But since she was messing up on the theoretically winnable game, maybe she would luck out and win this one. It wasn’t much of a hope, but what else was there? “It’s called that because it tends to expand and contract, like an accordion.” She paused. “Do you know what an accordion is?”

  “No,” Terian said.

  “It’s a musical instrument that you pump like a bellows. Do you know what a bellows is?”

  “Yes.”

  Breanna was learning caution. “What is your definition?”

  “A person who shouts loudly.”

  Just so. “There is another type of bellows: a device that pumps air by flexing in and out. It’s used in Mundania.”

  Terian nodded. “Secondary definition noted.”

  “And the accordi
on has a keyboard on one side, and harmony notes on the other side, and—well, it doesn’t matter. Deal out the cards face up, a row of about six, face up.”

  “About six?” Terian asked. “Surely it must be exactly six.”

  “Not according to fuzzy logic. Uh, do you know—”

  “There is a colony of warm fuzzies nearby. They are not known for their logical abilities.”

  Breanna decided to avoid further analogies. “Never mind. What I mean is that you can deal out four five, six, seven, eight, or any number; it doesn’t have to be six. That’s just for convenience.”

  “A span of four to eight cards when inconvenient,” Terian said, getting it straight.

  Breanna let that pass. “Now you play by matching up the cards by suit or number, the first or third from the right.” Terian looked blank, so she moved right on into a demonstration. “Deal the cards; I’ll show you.”

  Terian dealt six cards: The Queen of Hearts, Two of Diamonds, Nine of Clubs, Six of Clubs, Ten of Spades, and Ace of Spades.

  Q♥ 2♦ 9♣ 6♣ 10♠ A♠

  “Now see, you can put the six of clubs on the nine of clubs, because the suits match and the nine is right next on the left,” Breanna said. She paused. When nothing happened she said, “Put the six on the nine.” She kept forgetting how literally these folk took things. “And put the Ace on the ten. Now you have four piles and four suits; you can’t do any more. So now deal out another card on the right.”

  The next card was the Two of Hearts.

  Q♥ 2♦ 6♣ A♠ 2♥

  “Now this is nice, because you can close it up some more. Put the Two of Hearts on the Two of Diamonds, because the numbers match and the diamond is the third card to the left; remember, you can match either the first or third.”

  “I remember,” Terian said. She moved the card.

  “Now you can match the two hearts, because they are next to each other. Do it. Move the whole pile; the buried cards no longer count.”

  Terian did it.

  2♥ 6♣ A♠

  “So you see, we have boiled seven piles of cards down to three. Now deal out some more cards.”

  “How many cards?”