I sucked in a breath when he suddenly pulled back. He dragged his thumb along my jawline.
“I believe the farms are a bigger risk for us,” Hawk said.
I nodded, feeling intoxicated as we breathed the same oxygen. My hands slid around his neck and I twisted my fingers into his hair.
“We can have a life in the Capital,” Hawk murmured. “Together.”
A pleasurable tingling sensation waved up my body. I kissed him. My hips leaned forward at the feel of his tongue against mine.
An image of being with him flickered in my mind. The feelings that had taken over me. I desperately wanted to feel them again, but the images abruptly changed.
I was seeing Steph being beaten by the Watchers. I pulled back and smiled.
“We need to stay focused,” I said.
Hawk smirked. “I can do both. Focus on getting out of here and focused on pleasing you.”
A lump rose in my throat. “We can’t take extra risks.”
“Not everything is a risk, Cory,” Hawk said.
“Yes, it is. As long as we’re here, it’s a risk,” I said.
A chill washed away everything I was feeling. The coolness was quickly replaced with heat that beaded up on the back of my neck and at my temples.
The tree circle didn’t feel like a safe place. It felt haunted by the memory of what had happened that night. It was like we were being watched. I turned frantically, searching for eyes hidden in the darkness.
“I should get back to my cabin,” I said, hugging myself.
Hawk looked around. It seemed as though he’d noticed my darting eyes.
“Yeah, okay,” Hawk said. “I just like being here with you. Well, being anywhere with you. It helps me forget.”
“Forget?”
“How awful this place is,” Hawk said. “It isn’t the thought of leaving here that gives me hope, it’s the thought of being with you that keeps me going.”
I wanted to roll my eyes. Hawk hadn’t even known me for that long.
Sure, I liked him a lot too, but I didn’t feel like I was anything special. I’d been told as much even before I came to the farms. My step-dad made sure I knew long ago that I wasn’t someone that could make others happy.
Whatever Hawk was feeling… well, he was just confused. He’d realize eventually, and I’d be prepared for it. I wasn’t going to let myself get hurt by falling for him or anyone.
I liked Hawk a lot. I enjoyed being with him. But that was all I could give anyone. Ever.
“Night, Cory,” Hawk said, bowing with a small flourish of his hand.
“Night,” I said.
The second he was gone from sight, it felt like ghosts were rising around me. I ran out of the tree circle as if I were being chased. Even in the open, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being followed.
I ducked in and out of the shadows to avoid being seen. I knew all the places to stop and check for a passing Watcher.
Was all this worth it? Was joining the rebellion, or whatever it was, the right thing to do?
It seemed like a small price to pay, but then again, I had no idea what they’d ask of me. One day would they show up at our door in the city and demand we join a revolt against the Capital? I wasn’t a fighter.
Either way, would I have the same fate? The real question was, would I rather die in the city or on the farms. The answer was obvious.
I looked out at all the cabins. There were hundreds of small homes, each holding up to four people. There were thousands of people that wouldn’t be lucky. They wouldn’t get a chance to get out of the farms.
Did I deserve to leave any more than anyone else just because Hawk was determined to get me out? No. No one deserved to suffer on the farms, but of course, they couldn’t all be saved.
Unless, of course, that was what the rebellion was hoping to accomplish. Was that something I’d even see in my lifetime?
There was still the problem that some people on the farms were extreme criminals. Murderers and rapists. Arsonists. People who’d hurt children. Dangerous people mixed in with liars and thieves.
It was all messed up.
The people that build the Capital years ago probably hadn’t envisioned what it was now. Then again, we’d been taught in the city that the farms always existed. We were told how important they were to keeping everyone alive.
I never once thought I’d end up on the farms. Perhaps I should have paid more attention in school.
I made it back to the cabin, slipping inside without waking the others. My feet ached from not having rested them even once the entire day.
I kicked off my boots and laid down. The second my head hit my pillow, I fell asleep. It had only felt like a few seconds before the sun forced my eyes open.
Keeper Marie cleared her throat. “Get up, Farmer Church!”
7
I hurried to my feet, clumsily hopping from one foot to the other as I slipped into my boots, apologizing repeatedly. Keeper Marie’s sigh was so massive I felt my hair blow around my face.
“Morning Blessings, Mum,” I said, bowing my head and clasping my hands together as I stilled my body. “My greatest apologies.”
“Your cabin mates apparently didn’t think it was necessary to wake you,” Keeper Marie said, blinking rapidly. “Of course, it isn’t their responsibility. It’s yours. You are well aware of the fact that you need to be up and presentable before I arrive. Are you ill, Farmer Church?”
I shook my head. “No, Mum. I’m not ill, at least not anymore ill than normal.”
It was an awkward response. Was I trying to be amusing? Sickness did run rampant on the farms, but I was feeling perfectly fine.
Keeper Marie’s eyes narrowed. She groaned as she brushed the front of her uniform, stopping to pick off a piece of fluff.
“Consider yourself lucky on this day,” Keeper Marie said. “Thanks to someone, there have been more than enough looks our way recently. I’ll excuse your tardiness this one time.”
“Thank you, Mum,” I said with an awkward curtsy.
Ivy rolled her eyes at me. I knew she wanted to tell me how lucky I was, but she kept her mouth closed, as did Steph. Steph didn’t even bother to look up. She didn’t care that I was catching a lucky break.
It was like Steph wasn’t even there at all anymore. She was present and moving around, but it was like she was a ghost. Steph had left that night she’d been beaten, and I worried she wouldn’t come back.
Outside of our cabin, Commander Godfrey was passing by. He nodded at Keeper Marie and smiled.
“Very nice work, Keeper,” he said, admiring our line.
“Morning Blessings to you, Commander,” she said, her voice sounding like a bell of excitement. Keeper Marie buzzed forward with pride.
I moved my feet fast to keep up. It felt like Commander Godfrey’s eyes were drilling into me.
I realized he was around a lot more since the night everything happened in the tree circle. He’d been close to Watcher Bly, but he hadn’t really seemed all that upset about his death.
Perhaps it all made him realize he wasn’t doing a very good job of supervising his Watchers, considering they had been making sacrifices to the Great Mother without him knowing.
He stopped to talk to a group of Keepers as they waited for their farmers to finish eating. They all looked at him like he was a celebrity. Their cheeks were rosy. Their eyelashes fluttered even though they kept their eyes mostly down.
“Get your breakfast, ladies,” Keeper Marie said as she walked over to join the group. Commander Godfrey rested his hand on her shoulder as she wiggled her way into the group. I listened to them as I stepped into the line closest to them.
“That’s right, things are going to change around here,” Commander Godfrey said. “Things have gotten too loose, and we need to tighten the reigns once again.”
“Oh, yes,” one of the Keepers agreed. “As you know, this happens periodically as our workers become too comfortable.”
Commander Godfrey pointed at her enthusiastically. “Yes, exactly. The farmers have gotten too comfortable. And I think we all tend to forget the things they did to end up here. We are doing the Mother’s work. She would want us to remain firm and strict. She would want them to learn from their mistakes and become better. They all need to pray more.”
“Yes, they do,” another Keeper agreed as she held up her palms.
“They are here for their sins,” Commander Godfrey continued. “And the Capital sends parades and gifts and other nonsense to try to keep their spirits up. It’s all the new Supreme Lord. He doesn’t fully grasp the evil inside these people.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more,” Keeper Marie said.
Commander Godfrey smiled at her. “You have a difficult group, but you manage them well, don’t you?”
“I do my best despite the challenges my girls give me,” Keeper Marie said, bowing her head in an attempt to hide her blushing.
“They’re grown women,” Commander Godfrey. “Grown women that should know better. They need to be taught. You can be as tough with them as you need to be to get that message across. That goes for all of you.”
“Of course,” Keeper Marie said.
Commander Godfrey rubbed his palms together as if he were about to dig into a hearty meal from the Capital. “Remember, they are bad people. Sinners. Untrustworthy. Dangerous. They need to always remember their place. They are lucky to be here. Things could be so much worse for them. Every single one of them needs to learn to be more appreciative of everything we do.”
I almost laughed. If he was referring to death, I wasn’t sold on the idea that would be worse than the farms.
“I’ve ordered the trees at the edge of the farms to get chopped down,” Commander Godfrey said. “The wood will be put to good use at the paper farms. And safer for our paper farmers too, as they won’t have to venture out beyond the fence for the time being. That’s not a safe place for them, is it?”
“Oh no,” one of the Keepers said, placing her hand on her chest.
He talked to them as if they were children, and they loved it. They smiled and leaned toward him while keeping their heads down.
Commander Godfrey sucked it all in. His shoulders were wide, and his chest was puffed out.
“It shouldn’t take them more than a few days to chop it all down,” Commander Godfrey said. “Those trees hold far too many secrets as far as I’m concerned. That section of our farms has been an eyesore for far too long, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” Keeper Marie agreed first.
The others chimed in after her with disappointment in their eyes. They all wanted to catch the attention of Commander Godfrey, which I didn’t understand.
He turned slightly. It felt as though his eyes had landed on me. I’d managed to look away before he saw me watching.
“Well, ladies,” Commander Godfrey said, clapping his hands together. “I really need to get back to work, and I’m sure you all do as well.”
“Indeed, we do,” one of the Keepers responded with a smug look on her face. She was proud of the fact she’d been able to answer before any of the others.
“Have a wonderful day,” Commander Godfrey said. “Try to stay cool.”
They all bobbed their heads and giggled as they walked away from them. Keeper Marie’s smile faded when our eyes locked.
I swallowed and looked away, keeping my face blank. She didn’t need to know that I found her behavior disgusting.
Commander Godfrey wasn’t a prize. He was an awful person, and he wasn’t any better than most of us working on the farms.
A good, honest man wouldn’t take pleasure in the whipping of another human. He’d smile and wait for more as we’d get slapped or kicked in the torture rooms.
I was pretty sure that one day, I’d see him in hell. Not that I was looking forward to that.
After what I’d heard, I knew I needed to talk to Hawk. He wouldn’t know that the one place we could meet would soon be gone.
Just like that, Commander Godfrey was taking my chance at leaving the farms behind away, and he didn’t even know it. If he would have found even more pleasure in the removing of the tree circle than he already seemed to be having.
Lunch couldn’t come soon enough. When it was finally time to eat, I shoved the food in my mouth as quickly as I could without choking on the thick sludge.
I left the table and walked around the park looking for Hawk. Keeping my eyes down was hard. I desperately needed to find him and tell him the news.
My pulse quickened with worry. He wasn’t anywhere to be found.
8
Maybe his Keeper had him eat and get back to work quickly. Hawk’s Keeper didn’t seem to allow them to linger after lunch as long as some of the other Keepers did.
“What are you doing?” Ivy asked, stepping up beside me. “You look like a bird frantically looking for food. Your head jerking around and your eyes darting from side to side.”
“Just looking around,” I answered, putting my head down.
“Don’t get caught doing that,” Ivy said, her eyelids fluttering. “Then again, even if you do, they’ll just let you get away with it.”
I turned on my heel and faced her. “Would you like to see my back? Do you need to see how many times they don’t let me get away with it?”
“Sorry,” Ivy said, looking down even lower. It wasn’t because I’d made my point, she just didn’t want to draw any attention to us. Something I should probably care more about if there really was a chance I could leave the farms.
I sighed. “Don’t worry about it.”
It was time to go back to work. I’d have to try again to find Hawk tomorrow.
Over the next three days, Hawk wasn’t around. I felt a knot in my stomach when I saw Hawk’s friends, Tyler and Irish, wandering the park.
I casually made my way toward them. Maybe they could tell me where Hawk was.
“Blessings,” I said, flicking my eyes upward.
“Blessings,” they replied at the same time.
I checked each side to make sure no one was within hearing distance. “Have either of you seen Hawk? I’ve been looking for him the last few days, and I haven’t seen him.”
“No idea,” Tyler said, concern filling his eyes.
“We haven’t seen him in days either,” Irish said. “It’s like he vanished.”
“Your Keeper hasn’t said anything?” I asked.
Tyler rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck and wiped it on the side of his pants. “Not a word.”
“You’re the first person to ask about him,” Irish said.
“And you’ll probably be the only one,” Tyler added, shaking his head. “Sorry. I know you’re worried about him. We are too.”
“Yeah, I am,” I said, pulling in a torturous breath. My shoulders started to shake. “If you see him, tell him I’m looking for him, okay?”
Irish nodded.
“Yeah, you do the same,” Tyler said.
“Oh, and tell him Commander Godfrey is planning on chopping down the trees at the edge of the farms,” I said.
The tree circle was where I’d first met Tyler and Irish. They deserved to know what was happening, considering they probably still visited the area for their little parties.
“Are you shitting me?” Irish asked, placing his hand on his forehead as his eyes widened.
“Where did you hear that?” Tyler asked.
I spotted Keeper Marie in the distance, looking in my direction. “From his mouth. I need to go. Blessings.”
“Blessings,” they replied.
I walked away, pretending I hadn’t even been talking to them. And pretending I hadn’t noticed Keeper Marie had been looking at me.
My eyes flicked up for only a second but somehow managed to land on Commander Godfrey who was mostly hidden by the tree. He was staring at me.
I moved faster, turning slightly to make my way back toward Keeper Marie. It would be time to work soon
. I would want to be heading back. It was too bad that Commander Godfrey was making me nervous.
I hadn’t made it far before I heard his footsteps behind me. Keeper Marie was trying not to notice, but her eyes narrowed slightly.
Had she called for me, and I hadn’t noticed? It was more likely I’d been caught fraternizing with Tyler and Irish.
The steps behind me were closer. Even if I made it back to Keeper Marie, it wouldn’t make any difference. I had nowhere to go for help.
I was delaying the inevitable. Commander Godfrey was probably enjoying the chase because he knew he would always win. Unless, of course, I made it to the Capital.
I inhaled, deeply filling my lungs with oxygen. I controlled my pace, slowing it just a bit, so it didn’t seem like I was trying to run away from Commander Godfrey.
My head was down, and my hands were clasped together in front of me. I was strolling to pass the time until we’d be called for work again.
It wasn’t a secret Commander Godfrey didn’t like me. He never had. Something about me rubbed him the wrong way, and he made that clear. Anytime I was in the torture room, he’d make them do more lashings… harder lashings.
I had the most scars of anyone on the farms, even those who’d been on the farms longer had fewer markings. I didn’t think it was because I was the worst at following all the stupid rules. It was because I didn’t give them the reaction they wanted.
Commander Godfrey had called me a troublemaker more than once. I was probably on some watch list given to all the Watchers.
If they found out I’d been sneaking around and visiting with a Watcher in his home, then maybe the punishments would be warranted. All I did was open my mouth when I shouldn’t. That didn’t make me a troublemaker, did it?
I didn’t want to find out what they’d do to me if they found out the actual rules I had broken. Or maybe… maybe… he did know.
Was that why he was following me?
Is that why Hawk was missing?
No. It couldn’t be. It was more likely that they were able to get Hawk to the Capital. At least, I hoped that was more likely.
After The Fires | Book 2 | The Trials Ahead Page 4