“I’m sorry, Farmer Church,” Watcher Brody said. “I don’t think there is anything we can do for her.”
“We—” I sucked in a breath, nearly choking on my sadness. I cleared my throat. “I have to do something. I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”
Watcher Brody tapped the door with his knuckle. “You’ve just been out there. It’s bad. You know firsthand how unlikely it is we’d find her. This is the worst storm I’ve ever seen. I think the only thing we can do is hope she made it out of the water and found somewhere to wait out the storm.”
My brow wrinkled. I reached for the doorknob, but Watcher Brody caught my hand.
“I know you want to help her,” he said, sandwiching my hand between his. “But I can’t let you go out there.
“I’m going,” I said.
“No, you’re not.”
“You can’t stop me,” I said, pushing my shoulders back.
His lips pressed into a sympathetic smile. “I can and I will. It’s my job.”
“If I don’t do something, no one will!”
“There isn’t anything you can do for her. She made this choice, and I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to sacrifice yourself,” Watcher Brody said.
“Oh? What would she want?” I asked sharply.
Watcher Brody frowned. “I’m not sure exactly, but not that. She wouldn’t want you or anyone else, for that matter, to lose their lives looking for her. That isn’t why she jumped into the lake.”
“Someone has to do something!” I shouted.
Watcher Brody rested the broom against the wall and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head against his chest, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Steph hasn’t been the same since she returned to the farms. She wasn’t making smart choices,” I said, twisting the fabric of his shirt in my fist.
“I’m sorry about that, but I’m not going to let you risk your life. What can you even do?” he asked.
“I was hoping you’d know,” I said.
He stroked the back of my hair. I could feel little bits of dirt sprinkle over my shoulders.
“I’ll go out and look for her as soon as the storm dies down,” Watcher Brody said. “I’ll do whatever I can when it’s safer.”
The sourness that filled my mouth gagged me. My shoulders dropped at the realization that everyone was right. There wasn’t anything I could do for Steph.
“The reports from the Capital aren’t good. They say this is going to be a bad storm,” Watcher Brody said. “It could last days.”
“Are you trying to make me feel worse?” I asked, leaning back to look into his eyes.
Watcher Brody looked away. “No. I don’t want that. I want you to understand it’s out of your hands.”
“She’s not going to be okay out there for days,” I mumbled.
“And you wouldn’t be either,” Watcher Brody said. “You shouldn’t have come here. Even doing that was incredibly dangerous. Your cabin mates should have done more to stop you.”
“They tried,” I said.
Watcher Brody turned my body and led me to a chair. He pressed down on my shoulders until I sat.
“They didn’t try hard enough, it seems,” he said. “You could have gotten lost out there.”
“Well, I didn’t,” I said. “It seems as though I know the way to your place like the back of my hand.”
“That’s because you keep coming here uninvited.”
I raised a brow. “You’ve invited me a fair share.”
“Have I?”
“I remember you wanting your flowers watered,” I said, finding a small smile.
He sat down across from me and looked at his hands as they twisted together. I stood, and Watcher Brody mirrored me.
“I should go,” I said.
“Oh, no,” Watcher Brody said, waving his hands. “That’s a terrible idea. I can’t let you do that.”
“I can find my way back,” I said confidently.
Watcher Brody shook his head. “You should stay until the storm is over.”
I didn’t want to go back, but I didn’t feel comfortable staying in his home. It was too much to ask of him.
An overwhelming amount of frustration was growing inside of me. I covered my mouth as if that would hold it inside.
“Are you okay?” Watcher Brody asked.
I tried to bite back my tears, but I couldn’t hold them inside. My shoulders rolled forward, and I dropped back down into the chair.
“I’m sorry,” Watcher Brody said, kneeling beside me as I sobbed into my hands.
“You didn’t do anything,” I said. “I’m just worried about Steph… worried about getting you in trouble. It’s just all so much,” I said, keeping my head down.
Watcher Brody rubbed my back. “You don’t need to worry about me. They won’t find you here, and even if they do, I’ll handle it.”
I snorted. “How?”
“I’ll just tell them I found you on my way home and saved you from the storm,” Watcher Brody said.
“Keeper Marie will know that’s not true. I was with her,” I said, shaking my head.
“I’ll figure something else out then,” Watcher Brody said with a comforting glimmer in his eyes. “It’s not something you’ll need to worry about.”
“But I do,” I said. “I couldn’t live with myself if they punish you because I couldn’t stay home.”
Watcher Brody’s hand didn’t stop sliding up and down my back. “I think the Commanders will believe me. They’ll understand. The worst that will happen is they’ll punish me.”
“I don’t want you to get punished,” I said, pressing my palms down on my thighs. The tears felt hot as they rolled down my cheeks.
“It’s not that big of a deal to pray more,” Watcher Brody said.
I reached forward and raised his sleeve over the marks on his skin. “And more branding. How many of these are because of me? I don’t want you to have any more!”
“Calm down, Cory,” Watcher Brody said.
“I don’t want to calm down, Seth,” I said, stressing his name.
His jaw softened at the sound of his name. “Do you not want me to use your name?”
“I don’t care,” I said, sinking into the chair. “Do you not want me to use yours?”
“I kind of liked it,” he said, grinning at me. He patted the back of my hand. “I promise you, I’ll figure this out. It’s going to be okay.”
“It’s not going to be okay for Steph, though, is it?”
He pressed his lips together. “I hope it will be.”
I glanced toward the window. I couldn’t see much in the small space between the curtains.
A long breath escaped between my lips. “Maybe I’ll be able to sneak back when it dies down a bit. I’m pretty good at sneaking around this place unseen.”
“Are you?” he asked with a smile. “I suppose you must be, since you keep showing up outside my door.”
My cheeks warmed at the way he was looking at me. I must have looked like absolute shit… dirt in my hair… a thin layer of dust covering my arms and legs.
Watcher Brody clapped his hand together and stood. “I know. You’ll feel much better after you eat something.”
23
I sat across from him at the small table. He’d lit a tall candle which he’d placed on the kitchen counter nearby, so we didn’t feel the heat from it on our faces.
I hadn’t realized at first, but it was cooler in his home. The storm was blocking out so much of the sun that everything had probably cooled significantly.
“I don’t know what you like, so I made a little of everything,” Watcher Brody said, gesturing at my untouched plate.
My stomach grumbled so loudly I was sure he’d heard it. The big bowl of figs he kept in the kitchen was our centerpiece.
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked. “This all looks amazing.”
“Why would I be kidding?” he asked.
My eyes narrowed. “You know what
they feed us, don’t you?”
“I guess I never really gave it much thought,” he said with a frown. “I don’t do meal duty often.”
“Slop. They feed us the same thick, unflavored porridge every day. I don’t even know what’s in it,” I said, taking a fig from the bowl. My eyes rolled back as I bit into the juicy fruit.
Watcher Brody chuckled. “I don’t even much care for the figs.”
“What?”
“Sick of them,” he said with a shrug.
“Well, lah-dee-dah!” I said, wiggling my shoulders.
He smiled. It was almost as if watching me enjoy the food was better than eating it.
Watcher Brody pushed the bowl of figs closer. “Eat all you like.”
“I will!” I said with a mouth half full. “I’ll have no trouble eating all of this. Do you always feast like this?”
“No,” he said with a laugh. “Not usually.”
“You did all this for me?” I asked.
Watcher Brody’s head was down, but his eyes were on me. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Well, thanks,” I said. “It’s all so good. I can’t remember the last time I had anything this good. Maybe I never have.”
“Of course,” he said, leaning back in his chair.
I ate until I couldn’t eat another bite. My stomach was so full I felt like I was going to burst.
“Ahh,” I moaned, placing my hand on my stomach.
Watcher Brody held up a finger. “Wait here.”
He was only gone for a second. When he returned, he was holding a stack of gray towels.
“Would you like to take a shower?” Watcher Brody asked.
“Are you kidding?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips. “Don’t joke about something like that.”
“I’m not joking,” he said, holding out the towels.
He pointed at a door. “Bathroom’s in there.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much,” I said, taking the towels.
I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. My eyes closed as I leaned back against the door, trying to decide if what was happening was real.
It felt so real, but how could I be in Watcher Brody’s home getting treated like a princess? I didn’t even realize how wonderful life could be on the farms… for some.
I let my smock fall to the floor and kicked off my boots. I slid out of my underwear, folding them neatly before setting them on top of my dirty clothes. It was too bad Watcher Brody wouldn’t have clean clothes for me to change into.
I stepped into the shower, letting the cool water rain down over me. Brown, dirty water streamed over my feet.
I picked up the bar of soap and inhaled the fragrance. It smelled like Watcher Brody. It smelled like Seth.
Even after the water ran clean, I stayed in the shower. There was a gentle knock on the door.
“Are you okay?” Watcher Brody asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, turning off the water.
“Do you need anything?” he asked.
My eyes closed as the soft towels brushed against my skin and soaked up the water. “No. I’m good, thanks.”
I wrapped the largest towel around my body and twisted it into itself on the top. I used one of the other towels to wrap my hair.
My skin prickled as I stepped out of the bathroom. I shivered, but I enjoyed it.
“Um,” Watcher Brody said, swallowing hard as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I wish I had some spare clothes, but everything I have would be too big.”
“That’s okay,” I said.
“Wait,” he said, sticking up a finger. “I might have something.”
He disappeared into his bedroom. I could hear him quickly going through his things.
Watcher Brody returned with a wrinkled shirt. He kept his eyes down as he handed me the shirt.
“Maybe this will do, at least for now,” Watcher Brody said.
“It’s perfect,” I said, backing into the bathroom. “I’ll just be a minute.”
“Right,” he said, taking a step back.
The fabric was soft against my skin. It felt comforting to wear Watcher Brody’s shirt, but I wasn’t entirely sure why. Perhaps it was just nice to be out of my smock and wearing something different.
Watcher Brody was at the window, his back to me. I hugged myself as I approached.
“Look at this,” he said, jerking his thumb toward the glass.
I couldn’t see anything as the dust and dirt swirled around outside the window. The eerie feeling made me shiver.
“It’s getting darker,” I said.
“The sun is going down.”
“There hasn’t been a storm this bad since I’ve been here,” I said.
Watcher Brody shook his head. “There were others. Maybe not quite this bad, but you’re probably just too young to remember.”
“I’m not that much younger than you are,” I said, raising a brow.
“Maybe I just have a better memory,” he said.
I shifted my weight. “Or more likely, you weren’t locked up in a small cabin with a small window.”
Watcher Brody pressed his lips together. After a brief hesitation, he cleared his throat.
“I’ll set up on the couch,” Watcher Brody said. “That way, if someone happens to stop by, I’ll be able to hide you in the bedroom.”
“I don’t want to take your bed,” I said, uncomfortably.
“It’s fine,” he said, patting the couch cushion. “This is just as comfortable.”
I exhaled slowly. “I never intended to stay the night.”
“It’s better that you do.” Watcher Brody flashed me a bright smile. “I promise, it’s totally fine. I’ve fallen asleep on the couch many times.”
“I’m sure the couch is more comfortable than my mattress in the cabin,” I muttered.
Watcher Brody chuckled. “It probably is, but you won’t find out. I insist you sleep in the bed.”
“It doesn’t feel right.”
“Well, get over it. It feels fine to me,” Watcher Brody said, grabbing my hand. He pulled me into the room. “See,” he said, waving his hand around, “it’s just a room.”
My body tingled. It was strange being in his space. I felt as though I was intruding on something sacred. Sleeping in a man’s bed before marriage was something that would get someone sent to the farm.
Watcher Brody grabbed my shoulders and pushed down until I was sitting on the edge of the bed. I stared uncomfortably at his waist.
“Soft, right?” Watcher Brody said.
“Sure.”
After a second, he crouched down and looked into my eyes. “It’s just a bed.”
“I know,” I said, shaking my head. “But it’s your bed.”
“Technically, it belongs to the Capital. I just live here while I’m a Watcher,” he said with a half-smile.
I drew in a breath and looked around the bare room. There was a chair and a dresser. The walls were empty.
“Okay,” I said, placing my hands on top of the bed.
“Okay,” he said as he got back to his feet. He walked toward the door and leaned back against the wall.
I looked over my shoulder at the large mattress. “It’s big enough for the both of us.”
What the hell was I suggesting?
“Um,” Watcher Brody straightened and shifted his weight from one leg to the other.
“I didn’t mean to suggest—”
“Yeah, no, I know, but I think we should probably just—”
“Right,” I said, despite the dryness in my mouth. I couldn’t believe I’d said that. I needed to change the subject. “I talked to my brother the other day.”
Watcher Brody’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Huh?”
“He’s a Scholar. They came to the farms. He said my name. I think he figured out it was me,” I said, my jumbled thoughts falling out of my mouth.
“It sounds like you’re playing a really dangerous game, Cory,” Watcher Brody s
aid, his cheeks turning slightly pink after saying my name.
I snorted. “This is no game. This is my life.”
“You can’t reach out to him again,” Watcher Brody said, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s not just risky for you, it’s risky for your brother too. Do you want him to end up on the farms too?”
“Of course not!” I said, getting to my feet. My hands were balled up into fists at my sides.
“What were you thinking?” Watcher Brody asked.
I bit down on my cheek. “No one else was helping. I wanted to know if he was my brother. He was right there. Inches from me.”
“Cory,” Watcher Brody said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. “I don’t know how I could go on if you were hanged.”
“I’m not going to get hanged,” I said, swallowing back the sourness creeping up the back of my throat.
I wanted to believe my words, but every day on the farms, I wondered if it would be the day I’d get hanged. There wasn’t a single day I felt safe since I’d been dragged to the farm.
“You have to stop this careless behavior,” Watcher Brody said, looking into my eyes.
“Why?” I asked. “It’s not like I have anything to live for. I’ll never see my family again as long as I’m stuck here. There isn’t any good reason for me not to take risks. I’ve lost everything.”
“You don’t know that’s true,” Watcher Brody said, his chest rising and falling quickly with each breath. “Maybe something will change.”
I laughed haughtily. “Nothing will change. Part of my punishment is that I never get to know anything about my family ever again. I’ve lost everything I’ve ever had, and that trend seems to continue.”
I’d lost cabin mates, Hawk, family, and now Steph too. It wasn’t the Capital that was cursed… it was me.
“I’ll figure something out,” Watcher Brody said. “It won’t be like this forever.”
“Ha,” I said, turning away from him. “This, right here, right now, is the best I’ll ever have on the farm.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him lower his head. He shook his head.
“It can get better.”
“It won’t,” I said stubbornly.
Watcher Brody sighed. “I guess I’ll let you get some rest.”
After The Fires | Book 2 | The Trials Ahead Page 12