by S. Nelson
So many sensations fired off inside me, around me, I barely had time to claim any of them before my orgasm raged through me.
Her tongue swirled with mine.
His warm breath cascaded over the side of my neck, prickling my flesh.
Her softness caressed my skin.
His hard body anchored mine in place.
The sensation was too much, but I wanted more.
Every muscle in Brick’s body tensed as he wrapped his free arm around my waist, tightening his grip slightly on my throat at the same time.
“I can’t… fuck…. I’m gonna come, baby. I’m gonna come inside that sweet cunt.” Every word he spoke drew out my climax. His last several thrusts obliterated any thoughts that tried to form inside my head.
The swivel of his hips lessened as he tried to regain his composure, turning my face to capture my mouth, and when he finished, he twisted me forward again so Andy could have her turn.
When our hearts calmed, and our breathing slowed, we collapsed on the bed, soft caresses ending an intoxicating experience.
23
“That was….” My voice trailed off because I didn’t know how to complete the sentence, couldn’t figure out which words to focus on to let Zoe know exactly how I felt.
“Exhausting,” she said, turning in the passenger seat to look at me.
“That’s one way to describe it, I suppose.” A short chuckle left my mouth. Actually, the one-word retort was a perfect description. “Did you enjoy yourself?”
“I did.”
“Do you think she did?”
“Yes. She told me twice how much she loved it right before we left her hotel room.”
A noise formed in the thick of my throat. “Would you want to do something like that again?” The air that was sucked in through my nose stalled there, needing to hear her answer before I could breathe again.
“Would you?”
Depending on the response I gave her, we could have a potential problem. I wouldn’t ever want her to stifle her sexual needs, but I didn’t think I could ever share her again, with Andy or anyone else.
Not to get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but at the same time I raged on the inside. I hated Andy’s mouth on my woman, her fingers inside her, yet I barely restrained myself from coming too soon, I was so turned on. Then when Zoe reciprocated, the sight of them together made my pulse race, but at the same time, I wanted to rip her away from her ex and claim her mouth for my own. Only me.
When I finally forced the air out, I grabbed her hand in mine, my other steadily on the wheel as I drove us back to my place.
“I don’t think I can ever share you like that again,” I blurted, hoping she wasn’t disappointed with my answer.
Her hand twitched in mine. “You didn’t enjoy yourself?” Her voice was cut with worry. “You didn’t like it?”
“I loved it, but at the same time—”
“Hated it,” she finished.
“Yeah.”
“Me too.” Zoe shifted in her seat and leaned closer, kissing my neck before nibbling on my ear, the contrast of her warm breath and the wetness of her mouth sending a shiver over me. “When you kissed her… I wanted to scream at you to stop, but I also wanted to keep you two locked together. I wanted her to taste you, to explore your mouth, but I also had this feeling of possessiveness that was so strong, I almost went into a fit at seeing you two like that.”
“It seems like we feel the same way, then.” I turned my head and kissed her quickly before looking back at the road. “We shared an experience, but we won’t do it again.”
“Agreed.” She situated herself back into her seat, looking out the window at the world passing by, gripping my hand tighter than before. “Is it weird I feel closer to you now because of it?”
“Not at all. I know exactly what you mean.”
The rest of the trip home was spent in comfortable silence. Well, maybe on her end.
There was still something I needed to tell her, something that might push her away, change her mind about being with me.
A secret I’d kept for the past twelve years.
An hour later, after two more rounds of making Zoe scream my name, she lay with me on the bed, her head resting in the crook of my arm. I played with a strand of her red hair, buying time before I told her what I’d been too afraid to reveal.
I still wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but I didn’t want any secrets between us, especially since I knew in my heart she was the woman I wanted to be with. I couldn’t bear it if she left because I hadn’t been honest. She took a leap of faith when she told me about her sexuality, a part of her she wasn’t sure I would accept, so it was only right I do the same, although our truths couldn’t have been more different.
“I need to tell you something.” My voice remained stoic as I tried to calm the incessant swirl in my gut. Flashes of that night invaded, distracting me from focusing on the words I needed to relay so she wouldn’t be freaked out.
“You’ve reconsidered having another threesome, only this time you do want another man involved?” When I didn’t make a sound in jest to her obvious tease, she tilted her head up to look at me. “I was kidding, of course.” Her smile flattened in a look of worry.
“I know. It’s not that.” I swallowed nervously, my arm around her tightening her to me, preparing for her to move once I finally said the words.
“You’re kind of freaking me out,” she whispered, the pinch of her brows forming a deep indent. “Just tell me.”
My heart thrashed against my rib cage, worry boiling up inside me as to what she’d do once my words penetrated her brain. Drawing out my tale was only going to make things worse, so after several deep breaths, I locked eyes on her and finally opened my mouth.
“I killed someone.” She was quiet, too quiet, and I could see the cogs turning in her mind, confusion and curiosity flashing across her face in the span of seconds. “Are you okay?”
“Um… yeah, I’m just surprised you’re bringing up stuff to do with the club. I mean, I kind of already figured something like that happened during the fight where you got shot.”
“This has nothing to do with the club. This happened twelve years ago. When I was eighteen.”
“Oh.” She stole her eyes from mine and attempted to move away but was hindered by my hold. When she tried again, I released her, realizing she may need a moment to digest my confession. She sat upright beside me, pulling the blanket to cover her, which I hated. Her wanting to shield herself wasn’t a good sign.
I shifted on the bed, leaning against the headboard, not a care that I was completely exposed, in all ways.
“Does anyone else know?”
“Marek does, but whether he told anyone else in the club… I don’t know. If he did, no one has ever said anything to me.”
Her eyes scoured my features for the longest time before asking her next question. “What happened?” She licked her lips in nervousness.
“Some friends and I were at a bar—”
“When you were only eighteen?” she interrupted.
The corner of my mouth curved up. I waved a hand over my body. “I wasn’t much smaller than I am now. I didn’t even need an ID to get in. They just assumed I was over twenty-one.” She made a noise in acknowledgment. “We’d all been drinking, obviously, and while I wasn’t drunk, I was feelin’ nice. At some point, I had to take a piss, and since we were near the back exit, I went into the alleyway. So many times, I wish I would’ve gone to the fuckin’ men’s room instead.” The pulse in my throat sped up and a wave of nausea hit me. “Anyway,” I continued, a rush of air tumbling out of my mouth, “after I finished, I opened the door to go back inside and that’s when a man and woman rushed out. He had her by the arm and was yellin’ at her.” The image of the two of them snuck into my memory even though I’d worked hard over the years to try and forget. “She was afraid of him. I saw it in her eyes. He raised his arm in the air and she flinched, like she knew what wa
s comin’ next, only he didn’t hit her that time.”
Every few seconds, I pulled my gaze from hers, nervous once she found out what I’d done, she’d leave this house and never return. I stalled for time to finish, the memory of that night the cause of many a nightmare over the years. Parting my lips several times did nothing to erase the silence in the room, and it took another two attempts before the words finally came out.
“He dragged her into the corner of the alley when he saw me, raising his arm again, only this time he didn’t leave it hangin’ in the air. As soon as his fist connected with her face, I rushed forward and pulled him off her, throwing him to the ground. As I crouched beside her, askin’ her if she was okay, not payin’ attention to the bastard who hit her, a searing pain sliced through my arm.” My fingers trailed over the healed wound on my upper arm. Zoe’s eyes followed the movement, reaching forward to lay her fingers near mine. “You don’t know it’s there because of the ink, but you can feel it.” I moved my hand so she could touch the scar.
“He stabbed you?”
“Yeah, and when I realized what he’d done, I hopped up and ran at him.”
“Even though he had a knife?”
“I wasn’t thinkin’. I should’ve done so many things different that night, running toward him, one of the stupidest.” I closed my eyes briefly. “I don’t know how many times I’ve gone over that night in my head, in my dreams, but, of course, I can’t change the past.” Her touch brought my attention back to her. “As I rushed him, I couldn’t see the knife. I didn’t know at that point if he dropped it or not, but I tackled him to the ground regardless, and then I lost it. I kept punching him, over and over. Some of the guys from the bar heard the commotion and came running out, finally pulling me off him, but it was too late.” I paused for a beat. “I didn’t mean to, but I killed him.”
Her hand flew to her mouth even though I’d already admitted before I started the story that someone had died because of me. Admittedly, she didn’t know how, so I supposed her small gasp was warranted.
She took a moment before she spoke, her eyes darting everywhere but at me. What was she thinking? How did she feel about me now, knowing I’d allowed my rage to get the best of me, ending another man’s life because I didn’t have the sense to stop after the first hit? I’d been drinking that night, but that was no excuse.
“Did you get arrested?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“Yeah, but had it not been for the outside cameras the bar had installed the year prior due to a slew of robberies in that area, showing exactly what happened, I would’ve been charged with involuntary manslaughter. I would’ve served time. Sometimes I think it’s what I deserved.”
Her hand landed on my arm. “You were only defending yourself.” She scooted closer, the heat from her body enough to help calm the erratic muscle inside my chest.
“I should’ve stopped after the first punch. He didn’t pose any more danger to me then.”
“You don’t know that,” Zoe argued. “He could’ve gotten back up afterward and stabbed you again.”
Her words infiltrated, and even though I’d gone over that possibility every time I tried to justify what happened in my head, I’d dismiss the thought a second later. I was much bigger than the man—younger and stronger. But like I said, there wasn’t anything I could do to change the events. I had to live with what I’d done for the rest of my days.
I turned away from her and moved to stand, but she grabbed my wrist to stop me. Without looking back at her, I said, “I need a couple minutes.”
“Matteo.” Her saying my name made me shudder, the cold arms of regret and sorrow fighting against the compassion and worry I heard in her voice. She shifted on the bed until her front was flush to my back, wrapping her arms around me and kissing my shoulder, then my neck, turning my head to the side so she could seal her mouth over mine. I severed the kiss, needing to ask her a question.
“You don’t think less of me? You’re not gonna run?”
“Of course not. I love that you were able to share your burden with me, that you trusted me enough to tell me your secret, something I’m sure weighs heavy on you.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I said nothing, and in the span of time it took me to blink, I had her on her back, burying myself between her legs, needing her warmth to chase away the chill of my past.
24
“What don’t I know about you?” he asked, his voice drowsy with the need to sleep. But he wasn’t having any of it. If it were up to him, I was sure he’d keep me up well into the next morning. I craned my neck to see the time on the digital alarm clock next to his side of the bed. Okay, well, into today, seeing as how it was close to three in the morning.
All traces of our earlier conversation were wiped away. He told me what happened, and I wouldn’t ask him about the events again. If he wanted to talk to me about it, I’d be here to listen, of course, but I’d never want to press him, remind him of a time he’d rather forget and bury back down into the recesses of his past.
“I’m sure there are a lot of things you still don’t know about me,” I answered. We hadn’t been together long enough for him to know much more than the sexual, parts of my job, and my family. Yes, those were key, but so much more defined a person.
“Hence why I asked.” He half chuckled, his lids closed, his arm tightening around me. When I remained silent, he pried one eye open, then the other. “You gonna leave me hangin’?”
My hand disappeared between his legs and he sucked in air. “You are hanging a little to the left.”
“Very funny, woman, but unless you wanna go again, I suggest you remove your hand. Don’t think I didn’t notice you wince the last time I fucked you. You’re sore. You need time to rest, but keep strokin’ me like that and I won’t give you the time your body needs.”
He was right. I was sore. I moved my hand to rest on his chest, the thump of his heart slow and steady.
“Hmmm… let’s see.” I hemmed and hawed for a bit, thinking of something to tell him. “My favorite color is green.”
“Like your eyes?”
“Darker,” I responded. “What else? Oh, I love to read, all types of stories, but romance is my favorite.”
“Of course.”
“Why ‘of course’?” When I looked up at him, he was smiling, his eyes closed once again.
“Don’t all women love romance books?”
“I can’t speak for an entire gender, but I certainly do.”
His chest rose and fell, a soft sound vibrating against his throat. “Go on.”
“I love my job and…” I said, drawing out the one-syllable word, “I can’t think of what else to tell you.”
“Kids?”
“I don’t have any that I know of.” I laughed, and he joined me in the amusement.
“No. I mean do you want any?”
“No,” I responded resolutely, my retort making his eyes pop back open. He studied me thoughtfully before posing his next question.
“Never or just not right now?”
“Never. I love my life as it is. My job is especially important to me, and I don’t want to sacrifice my career in any way. Besides, I wouldn’t want to put a child through not having both of his or her parents together. My mom and dad split when I was little. I saw him twice a year, and he called me often, but it wasn’t the same as having him there with me. I was jealous of my friends whose dads lived with them. Then when I was around twelve, I started coming out here to stay with him for short periods of time. It was better, but still not the same.”
“What makes you think you wouldn’t stay with me… I mean the father of your child,” he corrected, his face scrunching with the mishap. I could’ve called him on his slipup, but I didn’t because that could’ve led to a whole other discussion.
“Because I’m realistic.” I’d been drawing circles on his chest, but when he brought up the question about kids, my finger stalled in movement. “Do you want the
m?”
“Definitely not right now with everything going on, but someday, yeah.”
“Oh.” My heart sank a little. His eyes were alert now, following me when I moved back before he could stop me.
“Is it possible you’ll change your mind?” he asked.
“Will you?”
“No.”
“My answer is the same as yours.”
I knew I should’ve brought up this topic before now, but I had no idea I’d develop such strong feelings for Brick. Then after he got shot, all I cared about was helping him, to which I only dove deeper into his world. And now… now I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t want to be the woman who stood in the way of him having children, and I wouldn’t change my mind on the subject.
The silence bloomed between us, but before it became too heavy to climb out from under, he reached for my hand and pulled me back down on the bed, turning me on my side so he could nestle his large body behind me, cradling me.
“Let’s get some sleep. We don’t have to decide anything tonight.”
I wanted to tell him there wasn’t any other decision to be made, but I clamped my mouth shut and lost myself to the feel of his arms wrapped around me.
25
The aroma of some much-needed caffeine drew me into the kitchen, catching Zoe at the tail end of her phone conversation. She leaned over the sink, swaying her hips back and forth before she hung up, and it took everything I had not to rush up behind her and lift the T-shirt of mine she’d thrown on and have my way with her.
As if sensing she wasn’t alone, she turned around, not a shock of surprise at my sudden appearance. “I thought you were still in the shower.”
She pushed off the counter and strolled toward me, the shirt she wore swallowing her up, while still managing to tempt me to peek underneath.
She still looked extremely fuckable. Her hair was piled high on her head in a haphazard messy bun, her face void of makeup except for the light sheen of gloss on her lips.