Pause and breathe. It’s amazing what a time-out can do. Whether it’s right before a speech or in the middle when things aren’t going so well, take five seconds to pause and breathe. If you are able, physically close your mouth—so a filler doesn’t escape in the interim—and breathe in and out through your nose. You center yourself and also give your audience time to catch up to you.
LEARNING HOW TO BREATHE
When people ask me about the most important thing to learn in public speaking, I answer in one word: breathing. Yes, I know breathing sounds obvious. But breathing is an incredibly powerful tool that you never learn unless you’re a performer, actor, speaker, or yoga practitioner. As a singer, breathing can make or break your career.
I’m not talking about the subconscious breathing we do instinctively; I’m talking about breathing with a specific purpose in mind. The common term you hear is diaphragmatic breathing.
This kind of purposeful breathing has two invaluable benefits in public speaking. First, it calms you down. Below, I’ll show you how breathing reduces your anxiety and centers you before and during your speech. Second, it gives your voice richness and fullness, letting you command a room. Two pretty important benefits, right? Let’s learn how to do it.
There are hundreds of breathing techniques; here are the ones that work for me and my clients. You’ll want to stand up for this exercise. If you are unable to stand for any reason, feel free to do this while sitting tall. If you feel dizzy or light-headed during this exercise, relax and breathe normally.4
Get Rid of Nervous Energy
Before we focus on breathing, let’s get rid of nervous energy. You can train for speaking like you train for a sport. Stand up and slowly roll your shoulders back. Shake out your hands and feet, one at a time. Slowly stretch your face wide, then scrunch it up: feel like you’re chewing on air to warm up your cheeks. Exhale loudly through your mouth like you were a horse, trilling your lips. Do this unvocalized, and then with a light vocalization. You’ll see an example of these exercises at www.speakwithimpactbook.com.
Breathing Part 1: Find the Right Posture
Stand tall with your feet firmly planted, shoulder-width apart. Gently breathe in through your nose while raising your arms up over your head. Then exhale through your nose while you slowly lower your arms and keep your rib cage where it is. Continue breathing through your nose. You’re standing tall on both feet, and your shoulders are relaxed and back, not up by your ears. This is the right posture for speaking with confidence.
Breathing Part 2: Breathe In
Place one hand over your chest and one over your belly button. Gently take a breath in and then exhale. Which hand moves when you breathe in? It might be the hand on your chest, it might be the hand on your belly, or it might be both. I’d like you to focus on your belly when you take in a breath. Relax your chest so it doesn’t heave up and down.
Put both hands over your belly button. Imagine there is a balloon inside your stomach, and as you breathe in, the balloon expands, filling with air. Your stomach gets bigger as you breathe in; then as you exhale, your stomach comes back in. This might feel like the exact opposite of what you normally do, but try it a few times until it feels natural; then take a break and breathe normally. Remember to keep your upper body relaxed; you shouldn’t feel any discomfort using this technique.
Breathing Part 3: Speak “on the Breath”
Now that you’ve learned how to breathe in, let’s learn how to speak while breathing out. Breathe in silently on a count of three (don’t forget to use the above method), then exhale and count to four out loud, letting your breath support the words like a cushion of air. You can hear me demonstrate what this sounds like at www.speakwithimpactbook.com. Imagine you are placing the sound in the front of your face, as if you have speakers on your cheekbones, instead of feeling the words catch in your throat.
Now relax and breathe normally. It’s important to give yourself frequent breaks during these exercises. When you’re ready, breathe in and exhale while saying, “Good morning!” Another breath in. As you exhale, say, “My name is [your name].” This lets you practice breathing in between sentences.
I once had nodules on my vocal cords, a terrifying experience that left me unable to sing. I visited an otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat doctor) at the Boston Medical Center and, on his recommendation, a speech pathologist specializing in care of the professional voice, named Hadas Golan. She emphasized the importance of breathing in and out through my nose, which acts as a filter and humidifies the air going into my throat and lungs. She also helped me become more intentional about breathing. It wasn’t about taking bigger breaths; it was about pacing myself and breathing more gently. She also worked with me on articulating and placing my words more forward in my face, as I’ve described above. Through several months of breathing and speaking techniques with Hadas, the nodes disappeared and I didn’t require surgery. To this day, I use her exercises before I speak or sing.
Frequently Asked Questions About Breathing
How can I practice this? Spend a few minutes in the morning practicing these breathing techniques. At night, practice before you go to bed. Inhaling on a count of four and exhaling (silently) on a count of five is a great way to relax and fall asleep. Other places to practice discreetly include: on airplanes, during your commute (as long as you’re not driving), or during meetings or conference calls.
How long does it take before I can do this comfortably? It depends. If you’ve studied breathing techniques in the past, you’ll be able to pick this up quickly. If you’ve never focused on breathing before, it may take you a little longer. Be patient with yourself and practice for a few minutes each day.
How often should I breathe like this? You don’t have to use these techniques during every minute of every day. You can use them right before a speech, to calm your nerves and center yourself, and right before you introduce yourself in public. Once you’re comfortable using these techniques, use them at each punctuation mark in the speech. Don’t use them in front of an audience until you can do it effortlessly (and without physically touching your belly).
What if I can’t hear the difference? Sometimes it takes people a little longer to pick up these techniques. Sometimes people have vocal conditions that make it difficult to hear the difference. If you have nodules on your vocal cords, or if you are a smoker, or if you have a cold, these factors prevent your voice from resonating at its fullest. If you have any questions or concerns about your voice, consider visiting an otolaryngologist and/or a speech therapist.
Practice these techniques a few times, then relax and breathe normally:
Step 1: Find the right posture (stand tall).
Step 2: Breathe in (using your belly).
Step 3: Exhale and say, “Good morning” (on the breath).
Enlist a practice partner and try a “before/after” exercise. Breathe normally and introduce yourself. Then breathe using these techniques and introduce yourself while speaking “on the breath.” Your partner will probably hear the difference, but you might not. Try doing the same thing with a memo recorder so you can hear the difference. Practice a few minutes at a time each day.
BUILDING YOUR CONFIDENCE
In my experience, confidence is one of the most important components of public speaking. If you are confident, the audience will forgive a few filler words or mistakes. If you are confident in your subject and in yourself, your audience is more likely to have confidence in you. This is not the same as arrogance or bluster. It’s not about showing the audience that you are better than they are; it’s about a deep conviction in your own value and your ability to deliver.
How do you find and build confidence? In The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman interview experts who say that genes account for anywhere from 25 to 50 percent of our confidence.5 Still, there is so much we can do to build it. When my team and I discuss this subject during workshops, we divide it into two areas: what builds confidence, an
d what demonstrates confidence.
What builds confidence? Take a minute and think about that question.
You feel more confident when:
•Someone validates your work. That’s why, in our workshops, we always emphasize what people do well before we talk about what to improve. It’s also important to realize that people in the audience want you to do well.
•You’ve experienced success in the past. That’s why the more successful speeches you give, the better you feel.
•You know your subject and have the right skills. That’s why public speaking training is so important.
•You have practiced and prepared. That’s why speaking off the cuff is so nerve-racking.
•You feel a sense of purpose around why you do what you do. This is the answer to Why you?
•You value yourself and what you bring to the speech.
Conduct a self-assessment. Which of the above areas do you need to focus on to build your confidence? Notice that some of these areas depend on other people, not on you. How can you play a confidence-building role for others in your life?
Now let’s look at what demonstrates confidence. Picture a truly confident speaker in your organization or in your community. Maybe it’s a CEO or a political leader. What makes him or her appear confident?
•When meeting someone, it’s their firm handshake and direct eye contact. If they’re speaking in public, it’s the meaningful hand gestures they use, a tall but relaxed posture, and eye contact with the audience.
•You can hear confidence in someone’s voice. Instead of shaking and inaudible, a confident voice is clear and calm. It doesn’t have to be loud, but it’s strong and well supported.
•You feel it in someone’s presence. It resonates around them like an energy and touches the audience.
•People who are confident speak at a fluid pace instead of rushing too fast or pausing too often.
What do you notice in this list? Confidence comes across more in nonverbal communication than in the words themselves. It’s an energy that affects the words. But the right words (authentic language) will affect that energy.
Focus first on what builds confidence, then focus on what demonstrates confidence. Essentially, you have to build your confidence in order to show it.
The Core Value Statement. One of the most powerful confidence-building tools we use is the Core Value Statement. I developed this tool after reading a research report from the University of California showing that individuals who affirmed their personal values before a speech experienced less stress when giving that speech.6 Here’s how it goes:
1.Make a list of your core values.
2.Circle one that resonates the most.
3.Write a paragraph about how you live that value every day.
Here’s an example that came from Global Public Speaking’s business manager, Meghan Gonzalez.
Integrity is a core value of my work and is the basis for all of my professional and personal interactions. I live this value every day by being honest with my friends, family, and coworkers, and holding myself accountable for all that I do. Integrity always takes precedence over easy choices. I strive to be a role model for my team and my family, while exhibiting the strong moral characteristics that I look for in others.
Give it a try. How do you live your values every day? The end result is your Core Value Statement. Visit www.speakwithimpactbook.com for a handout that guides you through this exercise. Keep it nearby and read it out loud before every speech, presentation, or difficult conversation. It grounds you in who you are and what’s important to you, which is an incredible confidence-builder.
Breathe in and out. Find a quiet place and sit tall in a comfortable chair. Close your eyes and focus solely on your breathing. Feel your stomach gently expand as you breathe in and relax as you breathe out. Breathe in slowly and silently on a count of 3 and exhale slowly on a count of 4. If you’re pressed for time, even one minute of this breathing will help you calm down.
Mental Rehearsal. Go back to the mental rehearsal exercise we discussed in Chapter 5 and use it to calm yourself, center yourself, and build confidence that you will do an outstanding job. Imagine yourself giving a powerful speech that has a meaningful impact on your audience, and you’ll feel like you are already a successful speaker.
CHAPTER 8
Give the Speech
All Those Last-Minute Details
GETTING READY
The day of the speech or presentation is approaching. You’ve worked through this book and feel comfortable with the messaging, you feel like the language is authentic and impactful, you’ve practiced your delivery, and you’ve used breathing to calm your nerves. Great job! Now your mind turns to all those other little things that make or break a speech, worrying about the “What If?” scenarios where things can go wrong. Let’s walk through the final steps to giving the speech or presentation. These are the tested-and-true techniques of a road warrior who gives nearly a hundred presentations a year and has developed a routine for success. Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made!
DEALING WITH LOGISTICS
Practice, but not too much. On the morning of the speech, I will run through the speech or presentation out loud in its entirety, using the notes I’ve created. I will normally practice in front of a mirror and watch my body language at the same time. It boosts my confidence and reminds me that I’m ready.
Know exactly where the venue is. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve flown into a city, only to realize I don’t know the exact location of the next day’s speech, nor do I have a cell-phone number for the organizer. A quick preparation checklist fixed that; make sure you have all the details you need in advance. You can see the pre-workshop checklist all our Global Public Speaking trainers use at www.speakwithimpactbook.com.
Get there early and prepare the room. Did previous occupants use the room late into the night and leave half-eaten sandwiches? Are all the audiovisuals locked in a cabinet and no one has the key? Get to the room at least an hour before audience members arrive and make sure everything is in order. One of my biggest stressors is having participants walk in while I’m still setting things up, which means I can’t greet them personally. Have the phone number of a local contact so you can call someone for assistance. At Global Public Speaking, our goal is to be bored thirty minutes before anyone arrives at our presentations or workshops. Why? Because it means we got there early, fixed any problems, and are ready to go.
Where in the room will you be standing? Determine that in advance, and set up what you need: water, your notes, and perhaps your cell phone using a clock app that can keep you on time. Large conference rooms might display a timer to keep you on track, but in smaller rooms you’ll need to use your own. Note: If you use your phone during a presentation, put it on airplane mode. I remember being in the middle of a presentation when I received a call from a friend who was deathly ill in the hospital. The phone was on silent, but the caller ID sent my mind racing and distracted me from the presentation.
Will someone introduce you? If so, bring a printed introduction for that person. When writing that intro, read it out loud as you’d want the introducer to read it and make sure it is written for the ear. Email it to the organizer in advance, but bring a hard copy printed in a large font.
Greet people as they arrive. Many times, clients will confide in me that they hate speaking to a group of strangers, so I recommend greeting people as they walk in. A big smile and a firm handshake help you connect on a personal level. Ask them what they hope to get from your presentation or how familiar they are with the subject. When you are curious about others, it distracts you from how nervous you are about your speech. Remember that this is an opportunity to build a relationship between you and each member of the audience. You can start that relationship the moment someone enters the room and continue it long after the speech ends.
WHAT TO WEAR
While we might not like to admit it, people judge us based par
tly on our attire. Along with our body language, our attire communicates when we walk into a room, before we even open our mouths to speak. Should you wear a business suit or T-shirt and jeans? Think back to the first two questions you ask yourself in public speaking: Who is your audience? What is your goal? The culture of the audience in part determines what you will wear. It’s important to find a balance between what’s comfortable to you and what’s appropriate for the situation. If you come from a different culture and want to wear something that represents that culture, do so proudly. Be purposeful about it, recognizing that your clothing sends a message but shouldn’t be the message of your speech.
A friend of mine was running for office in a rural region of the country. In the coming weeks, he was going to address workers at a local factory.
“What are you going to wear?” I asked him.
“I’ll tell you what I’m not going to wear: the three-piece suit I’m wearing right now,” he responded. “I’ll wear more casual clothes so they see me as more approachable.” It’s not about being disingenuous; it’s about choosing attire that communicates the message you want to send.
If you’re a young professional dressing for your first big corporate interview, you’re not going to wear sandals and shorts to your interview. You’ll wear a business suit that communicates professionalism. But if you’re a software engineer interviewing at a startup and you show up in a business suit, you might be communicating conformity or a lack of creativity—the opposite of what you want to demonstrate.
Here are some general guidelines I’d like you to keep in mind regarding attire:
•Be comfortable. I’ve had female clients ask me if they need to wear high heels in a formal business setting, even if they feel uncomfortable in heels. My answer: no. Simply make sure that your flats look professional instead of old and scuffed. Those same clients have also asked about whether they can wear their long hair down or if they should keep it back. For both men and women, the answer is the same: make sure your hair doesn’t hide your face or fall into your eyes. Do you sweat when you are nervous? Wear dark colors so the audience won’t notice sweat stains when you move your arms. Dress in layers, so you can remove your jacket and still be comfortable. I give this advice to women going through menopause so that they can make themselves more comfortable if they have a hot flash onstage. On the day of your speech, you will be nervous about many things: the message, the audience, etc. You don’t want to feel uncomfortable about your clothing.
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