by Nisioisin
Could I really just go ahead and rejoice, could I just enjoy it─without having to worry, without overthinking it?
But what came to mind.
What popped into my head, was the girl loitering in that burnt field.
My old nemesis, Roka Numachi.
012
Still, I wasn’t so carried away as to think that Numachi had miraculously solved my problem with some kind of mystical power in her capacity as Lord Devil.
There was no way that was it.
In the first place, she just listened and didn’t actually do anything to solve your problems. And in my case, all I did was go and see her, I never even asked her for help, never said a word about it.
Mystical power my ass.
I was pretty sure Numachi believed my arm’s state was the result of an accident during basketball practice.
She didn’t know that I was worried, so how could she take care of my worries? I hadn’t even talked about it, and I was going to feel better?
The only ones who knew the truth about my arm were my seniors Araragi and Senjogahara and Mister Oshino.
And maybe Hanekawa-senpai and…Ogi? But no one else.
Not even Higasa knew, and she’d been my teammate.
Numachi couldn’t have known.
Even on the off chance that she did, there was nothing she could do about it. While the great unhappiness collector might be thrilled to hear me “pity-bragging”─though as a fellow basketball player she might actually take offense at the lie─there was no way she could make the problem go away.
I understood that.
But even so, even considering that─she was what came to mind when I looked at my newly restored arm.
That woman, with her dyed-brown hair and her jersey, and her leisurely movements.
“What do I do now…”
Realizing that I’d been naked the entire time, I quickly put on some clothes. I am still traumatized from the time my grandmother saw me naked in my room.
Even at a time like this, I couldn’t let my routine lapse, and I put on my jogging outfit to go for my morning run.
The one that clearly showed the outline of my body.
It made me tense to put it on.
Liberated, but at the same time, tense.
I collected my hair, quite long now, into a ponytail, and finally, I rewrapped my left arm in a bandage. Since it had returned to human form, there was no longer any reason to hide it underneath a bandage, but having kept it wrapped up for almost a year now under the pretext that I was “injured,” it wouldn’t do to go out without one all of a sudden.
The outline was totally different, but there was nothing I could do─and I didn’t realize until after I’d wrapped my arm back up that I’d forgotten to finish cutting my nails, the whole reason I’d unwrapped it in the first place. Too late now.
It’s like the ensorcelled bandage Hiei uses to seal the black dragon─such a frivolous idea popping into my head at this juncture made me wonder if I’m stupid, after all. It made me think, yes, I must be stupid.
Numachi said that my earnest playing style was my weak point, which would mean I’m stupid and earnest.
What a clown.
In that sense I’m a lot like Araragi-senpai, who’s pathologically incapable of not joking around whatever the situation, and we make for a good match.
I put on my sneakers, went out into the chilly gloom, and started running─gradually upping my pace as I went.
“Gaaah….”
My balance was all off.
No, with my bilateral symmetry restored, it was the right balance, but my left side was suddenly lighter, so the faster I went, the more my body leaned to the side and threatened to fall over.
Which is to say, I did fall over.
I failed to take the corner, and with a plomp─no, too cute, that doesn’t do it justice─with something more like a scrush, my left side smote the asphalt.
It hurt. It hurt a lot. It goddamn hurt.
I’d tried to regain my balance and failed.
If I could have gotten my left hand on the ground I probably could have lessened the damage, but I was having difficulty controlling an arm whose size had subtly changed (back), and my reflexes swung and missed.
“Ow, ow, ow…ow.”
When I looked, I saw that the powerful friction with the asphalt had torn the bandage, and my left arm, which had only just returned to normal, was all scraped up and bleeding. It was the first time in a long time that I’d fallen while running, and getting scraped up was refreshing.
I felt as though I’d dropped a brand-new cell phone on the ground and given it a nasty scratch the day I got it─in other words, I was really able to feel that this was my own arm.
This, was my own arm.
With blood, nerves, feeling.
My left arm.
My left arm─that always handled the basketball, that always supported me.
“Ow, ow… Haha, ouch, ouch─ahahaha.”
It was not just due to any masochistic tendencies I might have that I burst out laughing as I sat there on the ground where I’d fallen cradling my hurt left arm with my whole body.
Because I was also crying.
Because holding my recently returned left arm─I was shedding tears like crazy.
“Ahahaha, haha… Ow, ow… Haha, ouch─ouch, ow…”
I’m so happy.
That’s what I said.
Oh, dammit.
All that rhetoric about being more bewildered than happy, about discomfort overshadowing joy, that was all a pose.
The hell with reasons.
I was just happy.
It was the only thing I felt then.
013
Someone called the police on me.
Given that I was laughing loudly and crying at the same time in the middle of the street, that was only natural.
I explained the situation to the officer who rushed to the scene─though I couldn’t explain what was really going on, of course. When I gave the excuse that I was crying because I fell while I was jogging, but I was laughing at the same time because I was a masochist, the officer looked at me like I was some kind of monster.
“High school kids are so twisted these days… I feel like a dinosaur. I thought Koyomi Araragi was the only high school student like that─now that brings me back. I wonder what that kid is up to these days.”
That’s the commentary I received.
Yup.
My dear senior was a little too much of a celebrity.
It wasn’t like I’d done anything wrong, and the scrape on my arm wasn’t all that bad, so the officer didn’t bring me in for questioning and instead was nice enough to give me a ride home in a patrol car.
It was my first time riding in one.
What do they call them, mini patrol cars?
Not being able to finish my jog felt a bit like having indigestion, but I wasn’t going to shake off a police officer who’d arrived at the scene to keep going, so I sadly had no choice but to end the morning’s exercise there.
I thanked the officer for the ride and went back to my room. My grandfather, who was out watering the plants in the garden, was surprised by the patrol car stopping in front of the house, but I’d explain that later─returning to my room, I dug out my first-aid kit, carefully disinfected my scrape, and applied a band-aid.
The band-aid I applied was a brand-new type that integrates into the wound (what on earth will science think of next?), and over it I wrapped a new bandage─though it felt like maybe I was overdoing it for such a minor injury.
Then I ate breakfast as always.
As always, I checked the morning paper and the TV news and cleared myself of all the false charges that hadn’t been brought against me.
Not having worked up a sweat, I didn’t shower but soon headed to school as always.
This at least remained unchanged, for the moment─whatever the status of my arm.
“Oh dear, did something
bad happen to you?”
On the way to school─Ogi came up beside me just like the day before and asked that totally misguided question. Did the kid lie in wait for me or something?
Was he a remnant of that mysterious organization that got forcibly disbanded (destroyed) by Araragi-senpai at the end of last year, the unofficial Suruga Kanbaru fanclub Kanbaru Seule?
If so.
Then he was really ill-mannered.
Did something bad happen to you?
He claims to be Mister Oshino’s nephew, then says the exact opposite thing?
What the hell?
“Huh,” he grunted. “But this is a first. Seeing you walk, I mean. Are you okay? Did you hurt your leg or something?”
“I did nothing of the sort.”
“On your period, then?”
“…You’re more inappropriate than ill-mannered, aren’t you.”
“Shoot. I’m supposed to be a boy right now.”
“Hm?”
“Nothing, just talking to myself.” With the confounding statement, That came out wrong, in both senses, Ogi came around, pulled a U-turn in front of me, and began riding backwards on his bike like the day before.
I’d checked with Higasa the day before because it had been bothering me, and apparently there are BTM bikes for doing tricks that are designed to move in reverse when you pedal backwards, like a unicycle─Ogi’s was definitely a granny bike but it must have the same design.
In any case it was obviously dangerous and anxiety-provokingly unstable.
“So, why are you walking? You, Suruga Kanbaru, the veritable reincarnation of Hermes?”
“Well…”
Reincarnation of Hermes? Who could be going around saying such things if not Araragi-senpai?
He’s always applying odd epithets to the people he knows.
I was hesitant to reveal the true state of affairs to Ogi, that with my arm back to normal, my balance was all thrown off─or rather that my balance had gone back to normal, and until I got used to it I would fall over if I ran.
It wasn’t like I didn’t want to tell someone about it, overjoyed as I was─and Ogi knew about my arm, if only indirectly, so it wouldn’t actually be a problem to tell him, but─
I somehow hated the idea of Ogi being the first person I told.
That was how I felt.
If possible, I wanted the first person I told to be one of my two dear seniors─or ideally, both at the same time.
And so I lied.
“I feel a little feverish. I guess maybe it was too early in the season to start sleeping naked.”
“…I’m a boy, you know.”
“Oh. But then, I can’t imagine you taking any interest in me being in the nude.”
“Uh-uh, you’re wrong. I’m interested in all girls provided they’re naked. There are no bad apples among naked girls.”
“Have fun with the gold diggers.”
Appalled, that was all I could muster.
Apparently, however, I succeeded in fooling him. The seemingly rebellious but surprisingly obedient Ogi seemed to have bought my lie hook, line, and sinker. He said, “But if you keep blithely strolling along at this pace, you’ll end up being late.”
“You’re right.”
He was right.
I was walking at a fairly brisk pace, and if I went any faster, I’d fall over.
First period was homeroom and they were just going over the syllabus, so I was heading to school with the mindset that, worst-case scenario, it wouldn’t really matter if I were late…
“Hop on the back if you like. We can ride double.”
“No way, that’s too raunchy.”
“Riding double is? Where on earth did you get such a half-assed idea?”
“…”
From Araragi-senpai.
Of course.
“I hate the word ‘ass.’ It’s vulgar,” I objected. “Half-assed, half-assed… Where does the rest of the ass go?”
“At the rate you’re halving it, there won’t be any ass left at all… If you want, you can be the one to pedal.”
“Are you asking a lady in poor health to pedal your damn bicycle? You really don’t think things through, do you?”
Forget about me, just go on ahead, I urged like a character from a boys’ manga, and waved him on.
As if I was driving him off.
But he paid me no mind and continued the conversation: “Speaking of!”
Ogi made me strongly aware of the advantages of not picking up on social cues─though I’m generally terrible at it myself.
From now on I’d prefer all social cues to have subtitles.
“It’s about our conversation yesterday regarding Lord Devil,” he said. “Do you remember?”
“Hm? Nope, I forget. Remind me?”
“You’re awful. You should pay attention when people talk to you. I’m talking about Lord Devil, who solves your problems without fail,” he complained, pursing his lips with obvious dissatisfaction. Then he continued with this line: “They say she’s disappeared.”
“Disappeared?”
“Yes. I wonder if Lord Devil has gone back to hell─wait, is hell where devils hang out? Or is that demons? Am I just getting tripped up by the translation? Either way, last night a notice started going around that she wasn’t accepting any more cases. It was conscientious of her to issue a going-out-of-business announcement, I suppose─I wonder if all devils are like that?”
“…”
Did Numachi really decide to call it a day? Because she was found out by someone who was neither a client nor seeking help, but a third party, by me─“just for the hell of it”?
…Of course, she likely had no intention of actually putting an end to it all; closing up shop was just the precursor to her next undertaking─I imagine the reason she so conscientiously issued a going-out-of-business announcement was so as not to create competition with her subsequent “unhappiness collection venture.”
It hadn’t been my intention to tell her what to do, and even if she’d taken it that way, I didn’t believe for a second that she was the sort to be deterred.
Hmm.
I’d really put my foot in it.
This was problematic.
Now that she’d gone to ground, it’d be much harder to get ahold of her─she’d beat an impressively hasty retreat for someone whose movements were so sluggish. And just when I was on the point of finding Karen after school and getting her to tell me the current meeting place for Hard Mode so I could go and see Numachi again.
My arm going back to normal.
At that moment it was my conjecture, based on my own arbitrary judgment, that it was connected in some way to my meeting with Numachi, but─
Happiness was happiness.
I couldn’t disguise it.
I wasn’t going to lie about it.
Even though I’d brought it on myself, I was still happy to be freed─maybe I shouldn’t have rejoiced, but I genuinely did.
That didn’t change the fact that I wanted to know why, though.
I had to know why I’d been granted clemency by the gods─by the devil.
And I felt sure that seeing Numachi again was the best way to begin my investigation─well, even if she’d given up being Lord Devil, there had to be some other method.
Maybe I should have exchanged email addresses and cell numbers with her the previous day, but it wasn’t really that kind of situation, plus I hadn’t expected to see her again, so it’s only natural that we didn’t─but I knew her name and the middle school she’d attended, so it wouldn’t be that hard to find out where she lived.
“I wonder why she gave it up,” Ogi mused. “Lord Devil must have saved so many people.”
“People can’t save other people.”
“That sounds like something my uncle would say─but we’re not talking about a person, we’re talking about a devil.”
“A devil?”
Like they exist, I said, running my hand do
wn the bandage on my left arm.
“Also, you can’t be a human and a devil at the same time. All you are is a devilish human.”