We undressed and snuggled up. There was nothing sexual, just comfort. I cuddled into his chest, tracing my fingers over his tats, eye right up close to his nipple bar.
When I woke, we were facing each other, and he was watching me. Anyone else and that might have been creepy, but there was something sweet in his eyes.
“Hey.” Always with that smile. Not arrogant but cheeky and confident. A good balance.
I mumbled and buried my face into the pillow.
“I love it when you’re grumpy.”
“Why?” I grunted.
“Because it makes me want to fuck a good mood into you. But that’ll keep.”
The way he said it made me shiver, and he laughed. He kissed my forehead and made us tea. I suppose he was demonstrating that he’d take care of me.
I flopped onto my back. Did I want that? I’d been independent for so long.
Thoughts of other things came to mind, and once they started, it was hard to shut them down, it got harder every time.
Adam stood, nude, with two cups of tea and his hair all bed-sexy and cocked his head. “What?”
I sat up and took the tea and frowned into it before setting it down. “Tell me about your family.”
He cleared his throat and settled next to me. He knew it was time.
There was a scar that ran through a tattoo on his forearm, and his next tat was getting it fixed. I focused on the shiny skin and the broken tattoo around it.
I felt him assessing my question. Working everything out. He was good at reading me, but I was learning to read him too.
“My father raised my two sisters and me. My mother died when I was ten. He lives in Chadford. You’d like him. If you want to meet him, I’d like that. My oldest sister sort of had to be our mum. Her wife is amazing, and they have two kids, and usually two or three more, she fosters.”
“I love that.”
He smiled. “My little sister, though she’s only eighteen months younger than me, is a teacher. Do you want to tell me about yours?”
I picked my tea up and sipped. “My mother is a heinous nightmare, and my father was an evil shit. I haven’t seen them since I was eighteen. I applied for uni, got accepted at Chadford. Packed up and left without a word.” I stared into nothing, pretending not to feel anything.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
I shifted to face him. The things I needed to say were as much to myself, so they’d been vocalised, as much as he needed to know them.
My dreams had been fragmented lately and the past edged in and memory surfaced. I started to see how I’d been affected by the past. Both allured and afraid of what he offered he’d unwittingly become my Pandora. After the last time we had sex, I’d pulled back in my heart. Each time was a new thing, something to understand, and I think it was a bit much.
“My family was very conservative. Very. No boys, no makeup, no friends, no parties. It was suffocating and stifling. I rebelled. They punished me.”
“That’s why you’re struggling? With the idea of pain and obedience?”
I huffed, yep, he knew me inside and out already.
“Since I was little, I’ve liked… to be hurt. But that got mixed up in hate and anger at the way I was treated. I think I hated that about myself for a long time.”
He gave me the tools and language to look at it, and I could acknowledge the truth.
Adam didn’t speak, he waited, face neutral, but with a death grip on his mug.
I swallowed as my heart turned. “I don’t talk about this. No-one asks. I don’t tell. You’ve picked at a scab. I’ve pushed all of it away for so long but doing the things we’ve been doing has… made me remember. Made me think. It’s why I pulled away from you at the beginning. I want all the things you want to do. Not for you but because they were things I used to think about. It’s hard for me to articulate.” I blinked hard.
I don’t cry. Shit, I realised that I buried this stuff so deep that I’d shut down so much of myself.
After a second, Adam took my mug, put them both down and shifted to his knees.
“Okay. You do not need to give me details, but we need to explore this because if we engage further, you might trigger some latent feelings. My job is to keep you safe and anchored. If you want it. We’ve been slowly exploring, and building up to more, but I’m going to put a stop to this now until we figure out how we go forward.”
My heart clenched, and pain pushed through me.
He took my hands. “I will earn your trust. I do not expect you to give it without knowing absolutely; this is what you want.” He ran his thumb over the back of my hand, and I nodded.
“I used to like it. The pain of being hit, but I hated my family and what they did.” My mouth was dry and belly hurt still. “I had these thoughts about being held down and things done to me. They were vague because I didn’t know what sex was then. The child I was thought I must be bad.”
Adam closed his eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry you went through that. Having something done to you is different than desiring and asking for it. They’re different things emotionally, but the pain is a physical response. Being a masochist isn’t bad. You experience pleasure from sensations such as pain. So what. It’s how that is approached that needs to be dealt with. Through consent and respect.
“I was a quiet kid. I thought there was something wrong with me because of what I thought about. I was lucky that I met a girl when I was nineteen, and she helped me understand what I was. I always played a little, explored it, but you need the right person to help with that. With balance. I learnt that I was normal and that there’s safe and healthy ways to embrace who I am.” He frowned. “You know, I’d lost that. Embracing who I am. I want to with you. Only when you’re ready. When you ask me for it.”
He cupped my face and kissed my forehead.
I put my arms around him and held on. I shook. Pulling me up onto his lap, he sighed, and I was safe. The right amount of strength tempered with gentle care. You can’t fake that.
There’s a lot more to my childhood, dark, ugly things kept in equally dark corners. I don’t dredge them up for anyone, but I think he held the power to examine my bones if he desired.
✽✽✽
A week later, and the worst fucking period pain ever finally eased up, and my IUD was fine. Both our results were back and clear, and Adam suggested we talk again. Oh boy, did we ever.
He hadn’t mentioned any of what I’d talked about all week but wisely let it settle. He gave me space, but comfort, and he was there for me. But he wanted me. Told me what we’d do — if I agreed — and I came from that phone call. I said yes to everything.
In my room, the lighter evening bolstering my mood, Anne, Poppy, and I dithered over what I was going to wear.
“You’re not normally like this.” Anne peered up, breaking away from her phone.
I scraped my lip through my teeth. “So, okay, there are things. I mean. I can’t.”
Anne threw her phone down, and Poppy perked up.
I looked at them both and sat on my dressing table stool. “So he’s into things.”
“What things?” Poppy’s enormous baby blues took over her face.
“Pain and restraints and you know, things.”
Stunned silence until Anne cleared her throat. “Holy shit, you lucky bitch.”
“Am I?”
“Well, that depends if he’s an alphahole.”
“No, he knows exactly what he’s doing. Oh my god. He’s amazing. I’m way out of my league.”
Anne leant forward. “If he’s good, he’ll take care of you. Is it what you want?”
I nodded.
“Then what’s the problem?”
My breath left me all at once, and I couldn’t get any back in. Poppy knelt in front of me and held my hands.
“Anne, get some water.” She caught my eye and helped me breathe slowly.
I sipped the icy water and fel
t a little better, and then blurted it out. “I’ve always wanted it but repressed it. I don’t know, it’s weird, but I want to please him. I want to be good for him.” Heat filled my cheeks, and Anne grinned.
“Depends what he wants. And what you want.”
I pinned Anne with my best ‘bitch, tell’ look.
“Look, it’s my thing too.”
“I had no idea.”
She shrugged, and Poppy’s mouth fell open.
“He calls me princess.”
We all giggled, and I fanned my face.
“He also thinks I’m a brat.”
“Does he like that?”
“I think so.”
“Then go with it. As long as you both agree what’s going to happen beforehand, you’ll be fine. Do you trust him?”
“More than any man ever.”
“Wow.” Poppy sipped my water.
“So, your date, is it, um, a date-date or a play date?”
“Play. I got waxed for this. I’m not fucking it up.”
And I meant it, no matter what.
PLAYDATE
Anne let Adam in as I put my shoes on. I’d gone all out, it’s not really me, but I wanted to make an effort. More for me and my confidence, rather than to impress him, but that would be nice.
I grabbed my bag with a change of clothes stuffed in and went down.
Adam turned to me as soon as I entered the living room and did a doubletake. A grin crept up his face as he made his way over. Pecking my lips, he pulled me close. “Is this for me?”
“No, me.”
He laughed. “It’s a fucking hot look.” He leant back, taking in my short red dress.
Anne cleared her throat.
“Okay,” I said in a high tone. I left, pulling Adam behind me.
The girls said bye as we went.
“I’m going to enjoy ripping your clothes off,” he whispered right behind me.
I faltered, tottering in my heels. There was a reason I never wear them.
My dress rode up as I got in the car. His eyes fixed on the hem, showing my stockings. He swallowed.
I clicked my fingers, but he bit his lip and eye-fucked me. Pinned to the seat, I got wet. My nipples hardened.
He adjusted his trousers and cleared his throat. We were quiet until we reached his and went in. I shifted awkwardly in the hall.
“Ready to eat?”
I didn’t think I could eat a thing I was so nervous. I shouldn’t have been nervous. It’s not like we hadn’t played, or I hadn’t enjoyed every second.
Sitting at the neatly laid table, he only gave me sparkling water.
“No booze.”
I nodded.
He set down the starter of goat cheese tart with caramelised onion jam. I made myself eat, and it was delicious.
After a moment, he sat back, wrists on the table. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“What?”
“Tonight. I think it’s too much. I’m rushing you.”
“No.”
He leant forward, eating again. “Oh?”
I stared at my half-eaten food. “I want to. I trust you. I can handle this, and it’s consuming my mind now. I can’t think of anything else. I want you to find me.”
I raised my eyes and our gazes locked.
“I trust you can show me. I know deep inside what’s in me. What I want. I don’t know how to get to it.” My heart kicked up, and emotion hovered under the surface. “You can do that. Can’t you?”
“I can.” Adam pushed his plate aside. “You know what I want. I need to break you.”
“Yes, please.” I tensed; anticipation thick in my throat.
“I should serve the main course.”
“I’m not hungry.”
He stood, I did the same, and he moved cautiously until flush against me.
He squeezed my arse, so I pressed into his body. Teasing my lips, we kissed a little.
“Fuck it.” He ducked low and hoisted me over his shoulder.
I squealed as he took me upstairs. In the thick anticipation, I clutched his shirt. Throwing me down on the bed, I bounced. My eyes went to the bar under the shelf on the wall.
He cleared his throat. “Looks innocuous, right?”
“I didn’t think about it, but it’s clever.”
It was door height, and usually he just hung stuff on it, but it was his fuck-bar. I looked at it again.
“You can end this at any time.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to make you very uncomfortable.”
“Please.”
There was no banter, no cockiness. This was serious for both of us.
“Stand.”
I did. He unzipped the dress down the back all the way. He stood behind me and let it fall. My underwear was red — I bought it specially — and he made an appreciative noise, running his hands up and down my sides.
“Face the wall under the bar.”
I hesitated.
“Princess, do it now and keep me sweet.”
I didn’t want him sweet, so didn’t move.
He marched me to the bar by the back of the neck. His grasp firm as my shoulders hunched up.
I pressed my palms on the cool surface, and he crowded me.
“You’ll pay for that.”
“You talk a lot.” I couldn’t help but bait him.
When we made arrangements for tonight, he said I shouldn’t be passive. It was my choice how I played it, but he told me everything he’d do. He’d take my direction for his dominance. I wanted to fight. I wanted the worst he could throw at me. I wanted him to make me love my body.
That thought, above all others, jarred in my mind.
“If you plan to resist me, you’re going to get into a lot of trouble.” He pressed in harder, lacing his fingers gets through mine.
I kept breathing but bucked against him. He grunted and nudged his knees between mine. He let me thrash as much as I could. I growled and screamed.
He waited until I went slack and kissed my hair. His strength and control crowded in my mind.
I slumped under his grip and bared my teeth as I panted into the wall.
“My rules, Princess. Play nice, or you’ll be punished. You know what happens to bad girls?”
Delicious things, I hoped.
When I was calm, he stepped back, and I turned to him. Sweat already coated my skin.
“Good.” He nodded and from a dresser drawer, he pulled out two sets of cuffs.
“Hand.”
I didn’t offer my wrist, and he narrowed his eyes. I poked his frustration.
In a second, I was up against the wall, legs automatically going around him.
“You cannot deny me. I’m going to undo you. You’ll beg for more.”
I didn’t doubt it. I raised a brow. He snapped a cuff to the bar and grabbed my hand, securing me into it. He did the other, and he let me go.
He settled on his knees straight away, fingering the lace of my thong. “This is very provocative. I’m going to fuck this pussy so many ways. I’m going to break you, so you don’t remember which way is up. You’ll want to stop. You’ll want to look away and back out. I won’t think less of you if you do. But remember, this is what you wanted.” His smile and the dark need in his eyes made me shudder. “Are you afraid, princess?”
I kept breathing, just. My lust was so thick, I couldn’t answer. Through my underwear, he kissed me, and as I relaxed, he stood up.
My bra had detachable straps, and he roughly took it off. My cuffs slid along the bar as moved me about.
He found a wand in the drawer and waved it at me.
“I hope no-one else has used that.”
He approached. It was a wireless one, but I bet it packed a punch.
He turned it on, and the deep buzzing drew my eye. “I bought it yesterday. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.”
&n
bsp; Running it over my breast and down my nipple, he smirked, I pulled away, the cuffs clanking, but he held me in place. He went to the other but abruptly let go and fetched tape from the drawer.
He pressed the wand against my pussy and wrapped the PVC tape around my waist and hips, and the tightness caught my breath. I struggled the whole time.
“Oh, fuck no.” I twisted and squirmed.
Adam stood back and watched.
The intense pulse was unpleasant, but pleasure cut beneath it, building hard and fast. I came with a cry, pulling hard on the bar, my body fighting it. Metal scraping on metal. Cutting into my skin, hard against soft.
“Get it off,” I growled out, bucking hard. My shoe went flying.
The pleasure-pain kept building. My body contorted, and I screamed. I felt that thing in my teeth. I got no release or relief. I couldn’t look at him.
I bounced off the wall, willing to do anything to make it stop. He pressed me back. I arched and screamed louder.
The cocky arse laughed and brushed the hair from my face. “Now, now, Princess. Stay calm.”
The heavy pulse of the vibration purred under my harsh breath.
“Fuck you. Fuck calm.” I raged.
“Bad girls get punished for language like that.”
“Bring it,” I sneered as another orgasm built.
He turned it off. My clit was numb and pussy soaked. Sensation settled.
I wanted to lash out. Hurt him. I wanted anger and everything I’d ever denied myself. He cut the tape, tossed the wand down and massaged me under my thong with one hand and reached into the drawer and pulled out a dildo. This thing was bizarre. It was a double, for both entrances and wasn’t small. I kept my eyes on it as he eased my thong down and off. He took off my other shoe but left my stockings. He fingered me before added a copious handful of lube, massaging it into my skin. The change of stimuli was heaven. I moaned and ground into his hand, but he pulled away to soon.
“No,” I begged.
“No? You dare say no?” He pinched my chin, leaving lube on my face.
He turned me sharply. He pushed my legs apart, and on instinct, I resisted. He pulled my hips to him, my body taut, toes just on the floor. I struggled, my wrists cutting in. He held firm until I settled.
The Best Friends Anthology (A New City Story Book 5) Page 4