by Yasmine Nash
His face, however, went utterly blank at her words. “Pardon me, madam. I shall not make the same mistake again. Good day to you.” He bowed stiffly and left.
Chapter 10
It had been several days since their disastrous encounter, and yet Henry was still a wreck. He struggled to put his conversation with Alexandra from his mind. How could he have been so deceived in his judgment?
Henry attempted to throw himself into his reading, but he would only be a few pages into a text before his mind would wander, replaying the last conversation once more. Even with her words to the contrary, there had been something in the set of her face and eyes that nearly convinced him his instincts had not been mistaken regarding the nature of her feelings. Foolish thoughts. Born of desperation and hope, nothing more.
Henry found that he could only be distracted when his body was in motion. He took many a long horseback ride and he pestered Charles to spar with him at the fencing gym so often his friend grew sick of it.
“Enough! I give up,” Charles had panted after the third straight day of parrying Henry’s attacks. “I can’t do another day of this, Northam. I’m all black and blue. We need at least some time to rest. Tomorrow I’m taking a break and you’ll join me. I haven’t been at the card tables all week because of you,” he added in recrimination.
Henry agreed reluctantly. The next afternoon, he made his way to the club, though he foresaw little pleasure. But Charles was right; he needed to exert himself in ways that didn’t merely involve stabbing people with a sabre.
Charles smiled at his friend’s entrance. “Northam! Perfect timing. Come meet my new friend. He’s trouncing me at cards and I demand you help me out of this hole.”
His smile faded as he took in Henry’s disheveled appearance. “Henry? Everything all right?”
Henry forced a smile. “Yes, yes. I stayed awake too late last night, that’s all.”
Charles didn’t look convinced, but decided not to press the point. He gestured to the blond man sitting across from him. “This is my new acquaintance, Mr. Edmund Morland. He and his sister are newly arrived in town.” Henry visibly started at the mention of the name. Morland. It couldn’t be…
He cleared his throat and attempted to speak calmly. “And what part of England do you come from, Mr. Morland?”
If the man had noticed Henry’s distress, he didn’t act like it. “My sister Mariah and I were raised near Brighton, but we’ve recently come into some property near Crosby. Peverton Park. A delightful manor.”
“Indeed?” Henry muttered, hardly knowing what he said.
“And he’s already enjoying taking advantage of poor saps like me!” Charles interjected with a laugh.
“I’ve…recently come into the acquaintance of a young lady from Crosby. A Miss Alexandra Morland. Can I assume she’s a relation of yours?”
Edmund spent a few moments staring at his cards before he answered. “She is. My cousin. Poor Alexa has led an…unfortunate life.”
“What do you mean? Unfortunate how?” Henry demanded.
“I beg pardon, sir,” Edmund stammered. “That is, I—”
Charles grabbed Henry’s sleeve warningly. “Come now, Henry, you can’t imagine him to blurt out his entire family history to a stranger he’s just met,” he said with a laugh, acting as though this were all a joke. In a lower voice only Henry heard, Charles muttered, “Whatever is the matter with you? You’re acting like some sort of madman.”
Henry shrugged off Charles’s hand and sat down at the table. “I enjoy hearing gossip. I’ll play you for it. I win, you tell me the tale. If you win,” Henry reached into his coat pocket and dropped a heavy coin purse on the table in front of Edmund, “then this is yours. Either way, you come out ahead.” He raised his eyebrows as he met Edmund’s gaze. “Deal?”
Edmund Morland’s pale eyes wavered for a moment, but they steadied when he glanced at the purse. “Deal.”
* * *
Surely Alexandra’s eyes would be dry of tears at some point, she thought miserably as she lay curled on her bed. Those first few days after her encounter with Henry, she had felt as though she were crying nonstop, and the worst of it was she couldn’t tell anyone. There was no way for Charlotte to understand her reasons for declining him without also explaining her scandalous history. So Alexa had begged off dinner and breakfast by claiming a headache and stuck to her room.
It was Mrs. Godersham’s policy that no one, no matter how ill, was served in their rooms. All young ladies were expected to dine with the rest of the house at the appropriate times, and if you weren’t well enough, then you just wouldn’t eat. Charlotte had taken pity on her the first few days, sneaking away some extra toast and cheese from the kitchen. She had politely pretended not to notice her friend’s swollen eyes and red nose, but Alexandra knew Charlotte would expect some sort of explanation eventually. She’d worry about what to tell her later. For now, she simply wanted to wallow in her misery.
It was nearing supper about a week later when the serving girl knocked on her door. “Pardon me, miss. There’s a visitor downstairs to see you.” Alexa’s heart foolishly rose at the thought it might be Henry. “Mr. Edmund Morland. The mistress says you’re to come straight away.” The girl curtsied and left.
Edmund! What could he be doing here? Curiosity temporarily overcame her heartbreak. She smoothed her hair and splashed cold water on her face in an attempt to decrease the redness of her eyes, but she still looked a fright. Short of remaining locked upstairs for another few hours until the swelling went away, there was nothing to be done.
Mrs. Godersham was positively beaming when Alexandra finally entered the room. Helen was there too, gazing rapturously at Edmund. It must be because she had learned how wealthy he was; her cousin was not handsome enough to attract Helen’s attention otherwise.
“For shame, Alexa!” Helen crowed when she saw her. “You never told us how absolutely charming Mr. Morland is.”
Mrs. Godersham rose. “We’ve just been getting acquainted with your cousin. However, I believe he has some business he wishes to relate to you. Come, Helen, let’s leave the two to catch up.” Helen reluctantly followed the proprietress out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
The two sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before Alexandra spoke. “You came to visit me, cousin. You must have had something you wanted to say?”
Edmund fixed her with his pale stare. “Forgive me. I didn’t expect to run into you in the park the other day. And then yesterday, I ran into a gentleman who claims your acquaintance while I was playing cards. He beat me rather soundly too.”
“Who was this gentleman?” Alexandra asked slowly.
Edmund acted as though he hadn’t heard. “He didn’t want any money. In fact, he had a rather strange request. Instead of banknotes, Northam wanted me to pay him in secrets. Curious, isn’t it? How much interest this man expressed in your life?”
Her heart beat faster. “What did you tell him?” Alexandra asked urgently.
“The truth, of course. He won the wager fair and square.” Edmund’s eyes shone cruelly. “I have to admit, he didn’t seem very pleased by the information he’d been given.”
Alexandra felt disoriented. So. It was done. Henry finally knew the truth. And he would finally understand why she had refused him. From the sound of it, he was probably even relieved he hadn’t gotten himself entangled any further with someone like her. Maybe now she could begin to rid her heart of him.
She waited for the rushing in her ears to stop before finally speaking. “I wondered why you had come, Edmund. So it is to gloat. My fortune, my home, and now my heart. You’ve destroyed it all. Well since you’ve won, you can now leave me be.” Alexa hurried from the room before her cousin could see the tears which had already begun pouring down her cheeks.
* * *
She knew it was foolish, but Alexa couldn’t stop herself. She had risen this morning full of resolve as she dressed and then headed toward Henry’s fa
vorite spot in the park. She told herself she was only trying to just catch a glimpse of his face, but she knew that was a lie as soon as she spotted his brown hair catching the sunlight. His eyes were closed and he looked deep in thought, almost as though he were in prayer.
She made up her mind that she was determined to speak with him. If there was any chance he could still love her now that he knew the truth, she had to grasp it.
No matter how terrified that left her.
“Henry,” she called before she lost her nerve and ran off. His name came out as barely more than a breath, but his eyes opened immediately at the sound. Aside from an initial start when she first spoke, his face betrayed no emotion.
She was taken aback by the sight of him. His hair was mussed and up close, she could make out the stubble lining his cheeks and see the cravat which had been carelessly tied around his neck, as though the owner could barely be bothered.
“Oh Henry,” she whispered, wanting nothing more than to touch him.
“Can I help you, madam?” He spoke as though she were a stranger. She felt the force of that just as if he had struck her.
She stumbled over the words as she spoke. “Edmund came to visit. He t-told me the two of you s-spoke. That he told you the truth. About me?”
“He did tell me. I won it out of him in a wager. I trust you’ll forgive me for prying into your personal affairs. Believe me, madam, the punishment I feel upon knowing the truth behind your lies is severe indeed.” She felt the force of those words stab her in the chest.
“How can you speak to me so coldly! You know how I feel about you.”
He smirked coldly. “Ah. As I recall, you told me you didn’t love me.”
“But now that you know the truth, you must understand why I said and did what I did. You must know…that you have my heart.”
For a moment, he seemed to waver. His eyes searched hers. “What cruel game are you playing, Alexa?” he whispered fiercely.
“I only wanted to protect you,” Alexandra continued. She lifted her hand slightly, as though she would reach out and stroke his face.
“Protect me?” he rumbled, before catching himself and smoothing his features once more. “Is that what you call it?” he said with a forced smile. “Well I no longer need your protection. I wish you good health and a happy life. Now if you’ll excuse me, madam, I believe we have nothing more to say to one another.” And without another word, he strode off.
Alexandra watched him walk away, knowing this was the end. He had given her up and she had been foolish to ever believe he would do otherwise. To believe that he would fight for her? Ha!
That night, Alexandra lay awake in the dark. It was over. She would endeavor to forget Henry. She would. Closing her heart to him, she rolled over and waited in vain for sleep to claim her.
II
London, January 1803
Chapter 11
Alexandra Morland had thought she had seen enough surprises to last her the rest of her life. After all, in the space of a year, she had lost her mother, learned that the man who raised her was not her real father, forfeited her inheritance, and suffered a devastating heartbreak.
Yet she stared at the letter in her hands in disbelief. Its contents were so fantastical as to nearly convince her she’d invented the thing herself. She forced herself to read it once more to be sure she wasn’t seeing things.
My dear cousin (for despite knowing the truth as I do, I cannot help but call you that still),
Our estrangement has weighed heavily on my heart and I’ve longed to reach out almost as soon as Edmund and I arrived in London.
Edmund tells me you are lodging at a boardinghouse in Cheapside, but until now he refused to tell me the name in the belief that I’d visit you. I admit, he was wrong on that account. I’ve had no intention of paying you a visit. I make no false pretense of perfection, you know, and I am perfectly capable of owning up to my faults. But my pride was still injured, you see. I will admit, I was held back by the hurt I felt, still feel, that you chose not to become my sister. Whatever made you decide to refuse Edmund? Your mother’s shame is nothing to me. It would have been such a happy plan for all if you had accepted him. But, it is done.
My brother let slip the name of your proprietress so I could finally write you a letter, and my wish to see you now overpowers any resentment I may feel. Edmund left town this morning on business in Brighton which will keep him away for the rest of the season. I beg you to come to stay with me in Berkeley Square and keep me company, elsewise I’ll be dreadfully lonely with only my maid as company. I would invite another of my friends in town to stay, but you’re the one my heart longs to see.
I know you won’t bear a grudge against me, for you are a far better creature than I am. Pray, respond soon and tell me you’ll come to stay. I can’t abide the thought of you remaining in that cramped boardinghouse a moment longer than necessary.
All my love,
Mariah
Alexandra finished the second reading of cousin’s correspondence in amazement. She certainly hadn’t invented that. That Mariah should not only write but also seek out her company was strange, indeed! Alexa could only presume that Mariah was bored beyond measure to resort to this. Her cousin had never possessed much in the way of internal resources of amusement, but Alexandra had never thought her foolish before now.
It had been several months since she had last spoken to Mariah’s brother Edmund, after he had told Henry her whole scandalous history. Months since she had spoken to Henry and admitted she loved him, only for him to reject her.
She reread the letter from the beginning. Our estrangement has weighed heavily on my heart—Alexa suspected the addition of her 50,000-pound fortune had helped lighten the load somewhat. Edmund left town this morning on business in Brighton which will keep him away for the rest of the season—And what would Edmund say when he returned to find Alexa had been residing in his apartments? No, this wouldn’t do at all. I can’t abide the thought of you remaining in that cramped boardinghouse a moment longer than necessary—A situation which was of Mariah’s doing.
Alexandra threw the letter down on her writing desk, refusing to torture herself by rereading it once more. She had once considered her cousins Mariah and Edmund to be like sister and brother to her, until they had betrayed her and stolen her late father’s fortune and estate. Mariah was the one had overheard and gone to Edmund with the letters that were proof of the illicit affair. The two had blackmailed Alexandra into relinquishing her inheritance and she had been sent away here, to Mrs. Godersham’s Boardinghouse for Respectable Ladies. Not even the tempting thought of leaving Mrs. Godersham’s very watchful eye could bring Alexandra to agree to Mariah’s wild scheme. She was determined not to even bother herself with writing a response and set the matter from her mind.
However, it seemed Mariah was not to be deterred. A week after the arrival of the first letter, a second appeared for Alexa at breakfast. “You’ve received correspondence two weeks in a row. A record,” Helen said snidely. “What has happened to merit such an outpouring of popularity on your part?”
“Miss Carter, remember you are a young lady, not a slithering snake,” Mrs. Godersham reprimanded Helen. In response, Helen rolled her eyes as soon as the older woman had shifted her attention elsewhere. She hated it when the proprietress acted behaved like a manner’s mistress.
Alexandra excused herself to read in the privacy of her bedroom. The letter was as follows.
My darling Alexa,
I think, dear cousin, I can determine the cause of your silence. All I can say is my offer is still open. That Edmund doesn’t know is of no cause for you to worry. He won’t learn of your coming, but even were he to, it would have no effect on your standing at Mrs. Godersham’s. I’ve seen to that. I’m enclosing enough money to pay for your board for the next two years, should you need it in the event that Edmund changes his mind about doing so. But rest assured on that account, for my brother doesn’t bear a resentful
temper and I cannot envision him abandoning you completely. Spend the money or not; it’s for you to do as you will and is nothing to me. I’m more interested in how I can convince you to agree to my offer.
As always, your devoted friend, etc.
Mariah Morland
The irony of Mariah offering Alexandra alms in the form of her own money was not lost on her. If she were a prouder person, Alexa would return the banknotes which had accompanied the letter. In her current situation, she had no luxury for pride, however, and she carefully placed the money out of sight. She’d deposit it in the bank to keep her other limited funds company.
That should have been the end of it, yet Mariah’s scheme tugged at her, tempting.
She heard a knock on the door and Alexandra’s friend Charlotte Gray entered the room without waiting for a response. Charlotte, whose youthful appearance belied her 31 years, was the only person Alexandra could confide in at the boardinghouse, but even she didn’t know the truth about Alexa’s lineage.
“Apologies for intruding, but I couldn’t hold myself back anymore,” Charlotte said. “As much as it pains me to admit, Helen was right about the infrequency of your correspondence. I only have one guess as to who it might be, but if you and Henry Northam have mended bridges without informing me of it, I’m not sure I could ever forgive you,” she added reproachfully.
Alexandra was pleased by how little outward reaction she gave at the mention of Henry’s name. Yes, she had cared for him, even loved him, but he had made it clear that he wanted nothing more to do with her. “Then you have nothing to fear on that account,” Alexandra said calmly. “The letter is from my cousin. She writes inviting me to keep her company while she is in London for the rest of the season.”