Mario stared at the man, not sure how to respond. This was not something he wanted to talk about with a group of people that included Roberta. "Julia told you that?" he asked.
"She didn't have to. It's obvious," Howard replied. "You're the man who dug her out of the rubble, and now you're the man who's freeing her from her self-imprisonment. But she also sees in you a man who will keep her safe once she returns to the world she left behind. What are your feelings for her?"
Mario glanced at Roberta, whose facial expression was flat, a clear indication that she'd shared information about him with the Barkers, no doubt her assessment that his feelings went deeper for Julia than he'd admit, and Roberta was right. "Regardless of Julia's feelings for me, or mine for her," he said, evading the obvious, "she knows nothing will go beyond friendship, and my goal before I leave is to get her back in circulation, which starts this afternoon when we take the horses into the mountains."
"She talked about that too," Howard said. "She's very apprehensive about going but determined to do it because she doesn't want to disappoint you, because she is in love with you."
"I'll acknowledge that she has strong feelings for me," Mario said, "but hell will freeze over before I'd ever take advantage of her or do anything to hurt her."
"Your coming back into her life and leaving her again will hurt her," Howard said.
"If you're suggesting I take her with me when I leave, that's not an option," Mario replied. "The witnesses I protect are not like Billy and Jeremy. They're loan sharks, hired killers, and criminals who have no conscious about fleecing anyone out of everything they own. And I'm not just a bodyguard to these wiseguys. I'm babysitter, housing lender, social worker, marriage counselor, the man in charge of keeping their lives stable and preventing them from setting up new criminal operations wherever I place them, which is another issue. They're masters at drawing unsuspecting victims into the fold, even local law enforcement, so I have to stay vigilant because it's hard to know who to trust when cops can be on the mob's payroll. I'm not in danger with these men because they don't fool around with U.S. Marshals, but I wouldn't want a wife, or anyone I cared about, living in this environment."
Bill, who'd been quietly observing, said to Howard, "From what I've heard about Julia and the family's involvement, I can't help thinking she's stayed where she was when Mario arrived because she's never been pushed out of the nest, so to speak, and what I see is Mario pushing her out. But part of her recovery will be Julia taking on the initiative to carry on when Mario leaves."
"Which will be diminished because the man she loves will have left," Howard said.
Roberta lifted her chin and straightened her shoulders, which set Mario on edge because he knew what it meant, which she affirmed when she looked at him, and said, "We're talking about a woman I suspect you feel far more for than just a friend. Besides, you've put in your time in the service. You have the option of retiring and settling down."
"Not if I'm moved from Senior Inspector to Supervisory Deputy," Mario said.
Roberta looked at him with a start. "When did this come about?"
"It's not official, but this morning I got a call from someone with connections," Mario said. He hadn't intended on getting into any of this with Roberta until after Christmas, and definitely not this particular morning, while sitting around the Barker's dining table.
"Then you must have been interviewed," Roberta said. "You never mentioned it."
"That's because I wanted to keep my options open and not get any pressure from anyone." Mario stopped there because he was in the company of the Barkers, and he didn't want to get into this with Roberta, who'd put the kind of pressure on him he knew in advance would come once she learned that he'd be opting for another lengthy stint in the service.
Roberta sucked in a long breath, which Mario knew was to check her aggravation that he hadn't shared this information with her, and said, "Where would you be located?"
"I won't know until I'm offered the position," Mario replied. "Nothing's in concrete yet."
"Then you have time to reconsider," Roberta said.
Mario looked at his sister, who'd been after him for years to get out of organized crime and settle down, and said, "It's a stepping stone away from Chief Deputy, which is where I want to be when I retire."
Roberta pinned him with the kind of look she got when she had no intention of backing down, and said. "Your whole life's been about protecting criminals, and you've spent all your vacations making repairs and improvements on the ranch when you could have had your own home and family. You'll be forty-six in February, and the next thing you know you'll be into your fifties, with no one to share anything with. You need to seriously reconsider before going into this, especially since we'll be selling the ranch."
Mario glared at his sister, pissed with her for continuing something that should be discussed in private, although he suspected she was pressuring him in the company of the Barkers because she knew he wouldn't walk out. "The way I see it, if I'm offered the position I'll have about five minutes to come up with a reason not to take it. As it stands, I can't think of any reason, short of being wiped out in a car bomb explosion." Deciding he needed to leave before this group had his entire life planned, he said, "Thanks for the meal, and just so everyone understands, I won't be abandoning Julia after I leave. I plan to keep in touch with her, and even get back here on occasion, but she has work to do on her own, and that's the way it is right now. So if you'll all excuse me." He shoved his chair back, grabbed his jacket, and left.
Thirty minutes later, Roberta entered his cabin without knocking, and said, "I can't believe you walked out on the Barkers."
"I didn't walk out," Mario replied. "I thanked them for the meal, but it was a set up, and I suspect you were behind it. You've been after me for years to leave the service and settle down, and I'm getting pretty pissed that you don't seem to get the message, and getting into this with me in front of the Barkers was unacceptable."
"You could have at least told me you had been interviewed," Roberta said.
"Why, so you could start pressuring me to retire earlier?" Mario replied.
Roberta pursed her lips, then drew in a slow breath through her nostrils, and said, "I was fifty years old before I got married, and all those years I was living alone after Hilda and Otto died, were lonely years, except I didn't know they were lonely until Bill came along and gave me a pair of ears to listen to me, and words to communicate with, and a body to be with at night, and a reason to smile every day of my life, and I just want you to have the same happiness that comes with allowing someone into your life. Just because I witnessed a mafia execution by men you'd looked up to the way Sergei looks up to you, and which put us into witness protection, doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life trying to find justice. You've done your part. You've spent your life making up for what we had to go through in reinventing ourselves and becoming new people. Now it's time to let it go."
Mario knew Roberta was looking after his best interest, just as she had since he was twelve, but he was long past needing Big Sister to run things. "I appreciate your concern," he replied, "but this is a decision I'll make on my own."
"But you're still going riding with Julia today," Roberta said.
"Julia, Sergei, and Irina," Mario replied.
"Why the kids?" Roberta asked.
"Because I promised I'd take Sergei riding, and when Irina learned Julia would be going, she wanted to go too, so I'll put her in front of me. Just don't jump to any conclusion that we'll be ending up as one big happy family."
"It seems I have no choice," Roberta said. "I just hope you won't later regret passing up an opportunity to finally find happiness. You've never really been happy."
Mario said nothing, because part of what Roberta was saying was true. Yet, he'd never considered himself unhappy, just lonely at times.
***
Julia found out early on that, not only did music get her excited and energized,
but it made her heavy bag workouts more fun. Actually more than fun. Therapeutic. The pumped up feeling she got gave her the extra adrenaline to smash the invisible ogre, which in turn made her feel just plain good. And empowered. The music also made it easier to ignore distractions around her, like glancing out the window to see if Mario was coming, and when the intensity of the music increased, all she was aware of was the fun of jumping up and down while shadowboxing, or the therapeutic effects of punching the devil out of the bag to the rhythm and beat. Even her heartrate and breathing seemed in sync with the music, which she found exhilarating, and the more in sync she stayed, the greater her endurance, until after a short break, she'd find herself going for just one more two-minute round.
Finally, having decided she'd better stop, since she'd be riding a horse for the first time in well over twenty years and might be half dead the next day, she removed her gloves and unwrapped her hands, then took off her boxing shoes. The whole boxing workout started because of her apprehension about venturing out from the ranch, especially by horseback where they'd be going further and faster than on foot, but after the workout, she felt more confident.
Grabbing a hand towel, she mopped her brow and blotted the sweat running down her face. For the workout she wore the sports bra without the inserts because there was no point wearing them just to punch the bag, but she was so sweaty, the polyester cotton clung to her. She was about to strip down and bathe, when she saw Mario walk past the window, tapping on it as he did. "Can I come in?" he called out.
"I suppose," Julia called back, thinking, not only would Mario see her at her worst, but the sweat-soaked sports bra left nothing to the imagination. Even her heavy breathing from the workout, and now because Mario was there, emphasized what was beneath.
On opening the door, Mario's gaze went to her chest and hovered there for a moment, and even though she was fairly certain he didn't realize he was staring, she said to get around the awkwardness, "Okay, I'm not Wonder Woman today, but like you said, Wonder Woman can't box, and I've been going at it really strong."
Mario laughed. "I'll just tell you from a male perspective, Wonder Woman has nothing on you, and it's obvious you've been working. How do you feel?"
"Happy and exhilarated," Julia said, "I did five, two-minute rounds. And you're right. The music is energizing. But I must look a wreck."
Mario stroked her cheek with his bent knuckle. "No, you look like a prizefighter," he replied, "and you're even more beautiful than when you tried to beat the hell out of my chest when we were snowshoeing."
"I'm sorry about that," Julia said. "Well, maybe I'm not. I felt a lot better afterwards."
Mario laughed. "So did I."
"Because you kissed me?" Julia asked, surprised he'd bring up something he regretted.
"No, because I knew you'd finally started to take control of your life," Mario replied, "speaking of which, are you ready to ride?"
"I will be after I clean up," Julia said. It was then she noticed Mario was wearing western boots, which made him look like the other men on the ranch, except inside his jacket she could see he was wearing a navy T-shirt. She could imagine that shirt hugging a brawny chest and muscular arms her hands felt restless to touch. It was an odd feeling, wanting to touch a man again. But Mario wasn't just any man. He was the man who'd covered her body with his to protect her when she was buried alive, but the next time that would happen, if it happened, it would be to make her feel like a woman again for the first time in two decades...
"You're smiling," Mario said. "I'm thinking you've got a serious opponent tucked inside that punching bag and you're winning the fight."
"True about winning the fight," Julia replied, "but that's not the reason I was smiling, and as my boxing coach, you're not privy to the thoughts that go through my head when I'm boxing."
"You weren't boxing," Mario said. "You were smiling."
"I've been smiling a lot since you arrived," Julia replied, "and we'll leave it at that." She left the room before she would have to explain.
After a quick bath, she put on jeans and a long-sleeved flannel shirt, and pulled on a pair of western boots she'd dug out of a trunk, then returned to the living area to find Mario standing at the window looking out. When he turned, he looked concerned.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, wondering what could have happened between when she went to bathe, after their playful banter, and now.
"I didn't mention it, but Irina's coming," Mario replied. "She'll sit in front of me on the horse."
"She doesn't understand about my phobias and there's no way to explain them," Julia said, in an anxious voice. "If something happens she'll be frightened and I'll be mortified and—"
"Nothing's going to happen," Mario said, cutting her off short. "Part of the problem is you keep programming yourself to expect something to happen, which keeps you constantly on alert. Believe nothing will happen and it won't. Now, let's go enjoy the ride and the kids."
Julia knew Mario was right. He had an uncanny knack for knowing what was right for her, like he was the strength to her weaknesses. Shoving all negative thoughts aside, she turned her attention to something she'd wondered about and kept forgetting to ask Mario, ever since he arrived with a huge bag of boxing equipment, and two wrapped gifts. "Speaking of the kids, what did you get them for Christmas?"
Mario looked toward the table holding the tree, with the arrangement of presents on the floor beneath, and said, "I got Irina a suitcase shaped like a castle that opens up with rooms and a princess and little people, and I got Sergei an erector set."
"That is so amazingly sweet," Julia said. She placed her hands on Mario's arm and kissed him on the jaw. "Do you realize what an incredible man you are?"
Mario laughed. "I didn't pick out Irina's gift. The lady in the store did. I don't know anything about gifts for little girls beyond age three."
"But you still got the kids gifts," Julia said, "and now you can help Sergei build something with the erector set."
Mario gave her one of his half smiles. "That's the idea. I never had an erector set when I was a kid, and now I'll get to build a motorized crane with a rotary body with an extendable hook, and a six volt motor to run it."
Julia saw the enthusiasm in Mario eyes. In fact, he looked like a kid at Christmas, and she suspected there was a big void in his life too, one that was being partially filled by helping a boy build a crane, a boy he'd taken under his wing, like a son.
CHAPTER 12
When Julia and Mario arrived at the stable, they found Sergei saddling a horse under Jack's guidance, and Irina standing off to the side, watching. Irina immediately ran over to Julia, who gave her a hug. Jack, seeing Mario, walked over to him, and said, "I can't think of anyone off this ranch who Grace would trust these kids with but you, but she does want them back in time to get them settled in bed early since tomorrow's Christmas."
"That won't be a problem," Mario said.
"Okay then. I'm putting Sergei on Bramble. He's old and settled and he'll follow wherever Bullet goes, which is the horse you'll be riding since he's a well-seasoned mountain horse we use for riding double with kids."
"What about Julia's horse?" Mario asked.
"She'll be riding Sugar, the little sorrel over there," Jack replied, indicating a saddled and bridled mere, who looked at them with curiosity. "Sugar's about as laid back as a horse can be, and she'll follow wherever the other horses go. All three horses know the trail, which is well-trampled all the way to the cabin."
"We won't be going that far," Mario said. "We'll ride about half way there and turn around. This is mainly to get Julia back on a horse and give the kids a chance to ride."
"What about cell service?" Julia asked.
"No problem," Jack replied. "You can get a clear signal from the mountaintop where the cabin is, although there are some dead areas between here and there."
On hearing the words 'dead areas,' and knowing how far they might end up from the ranch, Julia's heart began t
o quicken. But deciding she would not cave in this time, she willed herself to be the woman Mario wanted her to be, and imagined punching the bag and feeling the empowerment it gave her when she did. Inadvertently, she raised her knotted fists, and catching herself, dropped her hands to her sides, then glanced at Mario, who winked and smiled, and she knew he'd seen her squaring away with an imaginary bag. But that little wink and smile set her heart quickening in a good way, and had her smiling too.
When the horses were saddled and ready, Jack turned things over to Mario, and said, "I always keep my cell phone with me, and you have my number, so call if you need anything. Otherwise, we'll see you back here in a couple of hours."
"More like thirty minutes," Julia called after Jack, as he was walking off.
"Gloves on, hands up, elbows in," Mario said.
"Okay, you caught me squaring off with an imaginary bag, but it works," Julia replied. "On the other hand, instead of a punching bag, I could imagine holding a tiger by the tail, or something similar, which would be an even better distraction."
Mario looked at her in amusement. "You'd better be glad we're not alone because that kind of talk could get you in trouble."
Julia gave him a wry smile. "That depends on your definition of trouble," she said.
Mario's eyes sharpened, then he glanced down at Irina who was holding Julia's hand, and said to Julia, "We'd better cut this off here and concentrate on riding, but we will pick it up later."
As they headed across the open snowy expanse between the stable and the woods—Mario with Irina in the saddle in front of him, Sergei just behind, and Julia bringing up the rear—Julia was so absorbed with her playful exchange with Mario just before leaving, and Mario's comment about picking things up later, that she found herself fantasizing about what could take place in her cabin when they returned. She was becoming increasingly preoccupied with wanting Mario's arms around her, and kissing him, and having him kiss her back. And now the thought of making love was beginning to take hold, something she couldn't do with Cole after the bombing, and even now she couldn't imagine making love with any other man but Mario.
Finding Justice (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 12) Page 14