by Hamel, B. B.
But if she keeps trying to break my rules, well…
The punishments will always be fun. At least a little fun. I’ll always make sure they feel good. I want to keep her thinking about what I can do to her.
But it won’t always feel that good.
I sigh as I pull into my spot and head into the office. I hate that I have to think about these things. I want her to just obey me, listen to what I tell her, let me have her body when I want it. She’ll enjoy it just as much as I do, that much is obvious. She just doesn’t know how to submit yet.
There’s a part of her that’s ready, but she’s fighting it. I have to get past that impulse, and then…
Well, then she’ll be all mine. And I’ll have to decide what I want to do with her.
The department is buzzing like always. I nod at a few guys and walk toward my office. “Morning, Jane,” I say to my secretary.
“Messages on your desk,” she says.
“Thanks.” I head inside and sit down. The messages are all boring bullshit, political stuff, the kind of shit I despise. I ignore most of it, except for one note.
I hesitate, but I pick up the phone. Detective Evans picks up right away.
“Morning, Detective,” I say.
“Good morning, sir,” he responds. “I didn’t expect to hear from you so quickly.”
“You’re running the biggest investigation in this town in years, so yeah, I’ll call right back.”
He hesitates a second. It’s only a second, but I can read a little uncertainty there. I want him uncertain, on his heels. That’s how I’ll get away with it.
“Sir, prints came back from the lab. No matches in any databases.”
“Keep looking.”
“We will. Fibers came back as well, they’re clean, no matches. DNA is still running, but…”
“You’re betting no matches there?”
“None, sir.”
I grunt. “Okay then. Nothing new.”
He hesitates. I expected him to hang up, but…
“Sir, there’s one thing.”
“Yes?”
“One of the fibers. It’s from a police uniform.”
I stay silent for a second. “Wasn’t that place crawling with uniforms?”
“Yes, but this fiber was on the body.”
Ah, shit.
I remember walking in there with the girl, looking at the body. I remember touching it like an idiot, getting blood on my fingers. I never should’ve touched it, but hell… I couldn’t help myself.
“What’s that say?” I ask him. “One of the responding officers. Got too close?”
“Could be,” he admits.
“Follow up. Make sure it’s just some idiot cop contaminating the scene.”
“Got it. Will do.” He hesitates again and I want to fucking scream at him. “Sir, are you sure you didn’t see anything off when you responded to the scene?”
“I told you already.”
“We should go over it again.”
“We shouldn’t. You got your interview already,” I practically snarl at him.
He doesn’t seem perturbed at all. “I’d also like to know where you went after you left the scene, sir. It could be important. There were other footprints, smaller ones, I think a woman was at the scene, and you might have seen her.”
Damn, damn, damn. He’s piecing things together too quickly or his own good.
“Follow up on the fiber and the prints.”
I hang up the phone without another word.
Fucking hell. Evans is really pressing this thing and I think he’s actually suspicious of me. I know he’s a good detective, but I didn’t know he’s suicidal.
Questioning your superior like that is the surest way to get fired in our profession. Either he doesn’t care or he really thinks I’m deep in this.
Fucking bastard.
I get up from my desk and head back out. I wanted to put this off, but I can’t wait any longer.
“Jane, I’m heading out, hold my calls.”
“Roger that,” she says without looking up.
I walk back to the car and get in, slamming the door shut.
I’m pissed. I wanted to let Emma stew a little bit longer down there, tease her some more, but I don’t think I can wait. I need her to tell me what she knows, every single little detail. I need to actually start working this case.
Not for her. No, when I solve this murder, I’m not sure I’ll even tell her.
No, I’m keeping this girl. Letting her go when the case is solved is the one promise I have no intention of keeping. I know, I know, it’s not great.
But fuck it. I’m not perfect.
I’m very far from perfect.
I head back to the house. When I get there, I head right downstairs.
She’s awake and sitting on the couch, watching TV again. She perks up as I come down the steps, and she’s actually smiling when I walk toward her.
“Good morning,” she says. “I thought you’d be at work.”
“I was,” I admit. “But I came back.” I sit on the couch with her. “We need to talk.”
She sits up straighter. She’s wearing a big sweater and a pair of yoga pants today. “What about?”
“That night. The man you saw. I need every single detail.”
“I already told you about him.”
“Tell me again from the beginning. Tell me absolutely everything.”
She stares at me and finally bites her lip. I know that look. It means she’s going to do what I say.
“What happened?” she asks. “Something at work?”
“Lead detective is suspicious of me,” I admit to her. No use in trying to hide it. “So I need to solve this case sooner than expected.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“I am disappointed, little Emma.” I lean closer to her, eyes meeting hers, a wicked little smile on my lips. “I hoped I was going to get more time with you down here.”
She starts breathing faster and I know she’s excited now. She knows what I mean. She knows what I’m thinking.
“Now,” I say, “tell me everything you know.”
She goes over it all, starting at the top. She talks about the guy, about what she heard, about him pulling the trigger. She talks about struggling with him, about him running when I showed up.
I make her go over it again and again. And each time she tells the story, I keep realizing that we’re no closer than when we started. She doesn’t have a clear memory of what happened, like most people involved in these kinds of traumatic events. She reacted on instinct, even hit the guy, which is admirable, but it’s not helpful.
“I’ll recognize him,” she insists after we talk it through for the fifth time. “I know I’ll recognize him. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“He was so boring. Plain. I don’t know.” She shrugs a little and looks away.
I sigh and get up, stalking around the room. I’m frustrating, like a caged tiger. I thought she’d be able to clear this up easily, but I was obviously wrong. I mean, we’re no further along than we were before.
But at least she’s an eyewitness. I mean, she saw the fucking hit go down. She saw the guy do it. If it weren’t for the silent alarm that got triggered, she’d probably be dead, too.
I just need to find a way to get her memory to work again. I need to get her thinking clearly…
I stop pacing and turn to her, a smile on my lips.
Yeah, that’s right. I need her to think clearly. And what makes people think sharp?
“I want to try something,” I say to her.
She frowns a little. “Okay, like what?”
“Well, you admit that you don’t remember everything, right?”
“Right.” She shifts in her seat, turning toward me. “But I don’t know how to help that.”
“I think I do.” I walk closer to her. “Stand up.”
She hesitates a second, doubt in her eyes, but she slowly gets
to her feet. I look at her, at her gorgeous little body, and I know this isn’t going to work. But god damn, it’s going to be fun, and right now I need to blow off some steam.
“I want you to take off your clothes,” I say. “But do it slowly.”
“How will that help?”
I walk over to her and trail my fingers along her shoulders as I walk around her tight little body.
“There’s this thing called state dependency,” I say softly. “It’s the idea that the state you’re in mentally and chemically is the state that you’ll most easily recall something. So if you study for a test while you’re high and take the test while you’re high, it’s a good chance you’ll recall what you studied better.”
She bites her lip as I come around her again. “Okay, that’s interesting and all, but why do you think I should take off my clothes? I wasn’t naked that night.”
“No, but you were afraid.”
“True,” she says.
“Fear is a certain kind of emotion, and I’m not sure I want to replicate it exactly. But fear is also linked closely with desire.”
She screws up her face. “What? Really?”
“Think about it. When you’re afraid, your heart beats fast, your eyes dilate, you start to sweat a little bit. Fear and attraction are similar, physically speaking. Maybe if I can get you nice and aroused…” I trail off, staring at her again, a little smile on my lips.
I’m not sure if she can see through my bullshit. I bet she can, but I also bet she doesn’t care.
She wants this just as much as I do.
“You want to get me aroused,” she says. “And you think getting me naked is the way to do it?”
“I think obeying my commands is the way to do it,” I say. “I think you like being told what to do.”
She glares at me. “That’s not true.”
“It’s very true, perfect Emma. I just don’t think you know yourself very well.”
She keeps that hard look trained on me, but slowly, so slowly, she starts to take her top off.
I stand back and watch, eyes hungry for her body. She slides it up over her head and as she takes it off, her hair spills down all around her, breasts full and beautiful, nipples pink and hard. She clearly didn’t bother with a bra.
I can feel my heart beating fast as she looks back at me defiantly. “I don’t feel aroused,” she says.
I laugh gently. “You’re not naked yet, my dear. Go ahead, finish.”
She bites her lip and I can tell she’s already lying. She’s just as excited as I am.
I walk around her as she takes off her bottoms. She bends over, sliding them down her thighs, and I stare at her plump little ass and her pussy, barely covered by a strip of black cotton panties.
It’s hard not to grab her here and now and take her the way I need. But we’re trying to accomplish something, and fucking her isn’t going to help with that, even if I want it.
I come back around and she takes off her panties. When she’s finished, she leaves her clothes in a pile on the floor, her skin slightly dimpled with goosebumps, but she doesn’t try to cover herself.
“Very good,” I say gently, stepping closer to her. “You’re very good at obeying me.”
“It’s not hard.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised. For some people, obeying is very, very hard, but not for you. It’s…” I trail off, tipping her chin up to look into my eyes. “It’s beautiful.”
She bites her lip, eyes shimmering. “You think so?”
“I’m not the first person you’ve had to obey,” I say softly.
She looks away from me, pulling her chin from my grip. “Maybe.”
“Oh, I can see it. You have practice, and part of you loves it. I’m not judging, my Emma. We all have different backgrounds.” I smirk and step closer. “Are they the ones you’re running from?”
Anger flashes across her face. “Yes,” she whispers harshly.
“Do you hate them?”
“Yes.”
“Because they made you obey?”
She blinks. “No,” she says softly.
“Why do you hate them?”
“Because they hated me.”
I laugh gently and turn her chin back toward me. “I don’t hate you, my Emma. I ask you to obey me because I like you. I wouldn’t want to keep you if I didn’t.”
She meets my gaze and I can see her chest rising and falling, her breath coming faster now.
“What do you want from me?” she asks. “Really, tell me the truth.”
I laugh gently and run my hands down her shoulders. I stop at her hips and step even closer, stooping to whisper in her ear.
“I want you, Emma, every inch of you.”
I can feel a little shiver run through her and I know it’s time.
“Think back to that night,” I say gently. “Think about it all. Close your eyes. What do you see?”
She’s silent for a second. We’re standing so close, our bodies practically pressed together. She’s completely naked, aroused, vulnerable, and I’m trying so hard not to touch her.
“It’s dark,” she whispers. “I hear them talking. I hear the gun go off. God, it’s so loud.” She flinches and I squeeze her hips tighter. “I see him coming toward me. I try to get away, but he catches me. That’s when I hit him. And then…”
Her eyes go wide.
“I can see his face. Oh, god, it’s so clear now. Dark brown eyes, short hair with a little gray in it, but he’s younger than I thought. He’s not old at all, maybe in his thirties.”
I grunt. “That’s good. Not a lot of young men with gray in their hair.”
“He’s average looking but his nose is slightly crooked... like someone hit him.” She laughs a little. “That’s why I thought I’d recognize him. Because of the nose. But I just couldn’t remember it exactly.”
I nod, smiling big. “You did good.”
“I did?” She meets my eyes again, smiling.
“You did,” I say, and I kiss her.
She kisses me back eagerly.
I don’t tell her just how good she did.
Pine Grove isn’t a big town. We don’t have a lot of young guys with gray in their hair, much less young guys with gray hair and broken noses.
It just so happens that we have one guy like that. And I know exactly where I can find him.
But not yet. God, not yet.
Right now, I want to celebrate. And there’s only one way I know how to celebrate.
I grab her hips tight and pull her close as I cover her with my kiss.
9
Emma
His kiss feels good, so good, like it’s a reward all in itself.
I didn’t think it would work. I mean, his whole explanation sounded like crap, but as soon as I took off my clothes and he got close to me…
He’s right. Excitement is a lot like fear. They’re so, so similar.
When he asked me to remember, it was easy. I closed my eyes and I could see it all clearer. And that’s when the face came to me.
I can tell how pleased he is. I can tell I did a good job.
And now I’m tired of being asked questions. I’m tired of talking.
Now, I just want to feel this. I just want to sink into it.
His lips against mine, his body tight to my skin. I love his taste, his hands, his muscles.
I don’t know how I let myself sink so easily into him. I should have my guard up, should keep my clothes on, should try and get away.
But god, this man. He’s too much. As soon as he tells me what to do, we both know I’m going to obey.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do love to obey. Maybe I got that from my parents, and now I’m broken, broken, broken.
But I don’t think that’s it. Not all of it, at least.
I think it’s him. Any other man and I wouldn’t obey. I wouldn’t give in to them. I’d fight and scratch and run screaming, because I earned my freedom once and I’ll earn it again. Nobody is going
to cage me against my will ever again.
This isn’t against my will. This is very much because I want it.
I let him push me back against the table. He squeezes my ass and lifts me up, putting me down on the smooth, cold wood. I wrap my legs around his hips as he puts one hand down my ass, moving it around toward my soaked pussy.
I groan into his kiss as his fingers find my clit. I know I’m dripping and swollen and needy for him. I don’t think I can hide what I really want, he already knows. He can see through me so easily.
I moan and roll my back as his fingers work my clit in delicious, slow circles. I groan into his mouth, bite his lip, feel chills down my spine. I groan and can’t help myself as I bite his lip again, making him grunt.
“That’s what you like now?” he asks gently, grabbing my hair with his free hand. “You want to hurt me?”
“Maybe,” I groan, his fingers pressing inside of me. His hand pulls my hair, stinging, painful, intense.
“Okay then, little Emma. I can show you what it means to hurt, but I’m not going to. I don’t think that’s what you need.”
“What do I need then?”
I lean back on my hands and he releases my hair. His other hand is still between my legs, stroking my clit, teasing me now, slowly and deliberately. It feels so good.
“I think you need a man to show you how to feel,” he says softly. “You know how to obey, that’s obvious. But do you know how to fuck?”
My eyes go a little wide. “I don’t… I mean, I’m not…”
He laughs gently. “Go ahead. Say it. I already know.”
I glare at him silently.
He can see it in me. He can see how I hesitate, how I’m unsure around him. I want to feel him but I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to taste him properly, how to let him have my body. I’m nervous and afraid and I want it so badly it almost hurts.
Of course I’m a virgin. It’s so obvious. And I don’t know why he’d want someone like me. I don’t know how to please him. I’ve never been allowed to have a boyfriend, and sneaking around my parents was never an option.
Now though… now I’m free to taste whatever I want.
“I’m a virgin,” I whisper. “Is that what you want to hear?”