by S M Mala
‘Don’t you think you should do something for you?’
‘I want to go to Rome, and now you’ve grassed me up to my parents, they are saying I can’t go alone. And if you do come with me I suppose I’ll have to pay, but I can do it on my own.’ She folded her arms. ‘I’m going on my birthday. I am going to be thirty. It’s what I want to do, and you sorted it all out.’ Maddy stood and noticed Stasia was on the phone. ‘Everything okay between you two? I feel a little chill.’
‘It’s so, so.’ Ted pulled a face, then whispered. ‘I like her, I do, but there’s something missing. We click on many levels.’
‘Sex?’
‘Yes, that too but I’m not too sure.’
‘Oh?’ Maddy looked at him and could see he was deadly serious. ‘But she’s nice.’
‘And clingy.’
‘Ha! I’m the clingy one.’
‘You’re different. You don’t question where I am and who I’m with, especially if I’m out with a woman. Stasia gets upset other than when I’m with you.’
‘Wow, what a double edge compliment and insult at the same time.’ Maddy looked at the expansive white walls with expensive art. ‘Stan doesn’t seem the jealous type. He sits there most of the time listening to me natter away with a grin. Sometimes he types something into his phone or into that battered leather book of his. That’s about it. Then he plays guitar, and even Phyllis leaves the room.’
‘Is he that bad?’
‘I think he thinks he’s good which makes it a loss worse.’ Maddy started to laugh. ‘He also had the gall to tell me that Phyllis sings along. I bet the poor pooch is signalling to her fellow dog mates for help.’
Stasia walked back in and sat down next to Ted.
‘And has Stan mentioned anything else about his column?’ Stasia asked, flicking a glance at Ted.
‘He doesn’t talk to me about it. Thinks I can’t read,’ replied Maddy, letting out a little laugh. ‘I won’t embarrass him on Friday I am well behaved, and at least I’m not turning up in my dog suit, which might be good fun, don’t you think?’
The pair looked at her as if it would be the exact opposite then Ted frowned.
There was something her bestie wasn’t telling her.
‘Hurry up, Maddy!’
Stan shouted from downstairs. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Have you filled her bowl with water and left some snacks?’ she shouted out, checking the dress in the mirror.
Maddy couldn’t remember the last time she wore something in one colour, but the neckline got some getting used to.
It was low, and Ted gave her a bra that covered up part of her bosoms and matched the colour of the dress.
At times like these, she was pleased he worked for an underwear company or knicker factory as she would call it behind his back.
Pearl had styled her hair, so the curls looked sexier and polished plus she held Maddy down while trying to apply make-up. When an eye liner was forced near her eye, Maddy pushed Pearl off her demanding that she had enough slap on to cover a large house.
All she had to do was go downstairs and hope that Stan wouldn’t pull a face or laugh or ask her to get changed into something else.
Running down the stairs, she saw the back of him wearing rather decent clothes. Stan was tickling Phyllis who was rolling about on the sofa.
She slipped her shoes on, and cross-checked she looked okay before going into the kitchen to take a sip of water.
‘Come on!’ he shouted and marched out the front door.
Maddy had checked all the locks and patted Phyllis’s head. She then left the house, locked up and walked out. Stan was on his phone, texting furiously.
‘Phyl will be okay. There’s enough food and drink, but she’ll sleep when we’re out. I left my door open so-.’ Stan looked at Maddy and stopped talking.
‘I left my bedroom door open too just in case she wants to sleep in my bed. And Phyllis will switch on the television if she’s bored. She has been known to do that sometimes.’ Maddy smiled at Stan whose mouth was a little ajar. ‘You look nice.’
‘Madeleine,’ he said in a deep tone.
‘Please don’t moan. I made a big effort, and I’m not sure if I can walk in these shoes.’ She felt immediately deflated that he was going to be upset about how she looked. ‘You don’t have to speak to me all evening. We could just get drunk.’
‘Hello,’ he said and started to smile. ‘You look-.’
‘Be careful what you say. I’m quite sensitive.’
He laughed.
She didn’t know what that meant so folded her arms and waited to see what he was going to say.
Stan didn’t utter a word but kept glancing at her.
‘And if anyone starts to chat you up, tell me.’
‘Chat me up? Where do we go where there are there fit men?’ I will be well behaved like I always am.’ Then Maddy grinned. ‘You might pull, but I hear your heart still burns for your ex.’
As she said it, her heart sank a little.
‘Giselle.’ The smile was wiped off his face. ‘Stan, if you’re missing her then say something. Don’t be sad for the sake of it. If you explain that you’re not ready to make a big commitment, then she will understand. You can’t let love slip through your fingers when you get the chance. It’s too precious.’
‘That’s very sweet but not realistic. You can like someone and not want to, I don’t know, live with them.’
‘Why waste time not being with the one you love? Seems silly.’
Stan looked at her squarely in the eye and was about to say something but then smiled.
‘You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?’ she replied, grinning at his expression as they started to walk. ‘It’s okay. I’m a romantic idiot. When I get to The Trevi Fountain, I’m going to jump in. I’ll get arrested mind, but then at least I’ll get a wish to find a man who I love and who loves me in return. That’s far better than a coin.’
‘Funny girl,’ he whispered. ‘Why rush? Someone will turn up.’
‘Like Dr. Bob?’
‘Not like Dr. Bob.’
‘Mum said no more actors or musicians. My dad is still recovering from meeting Roland and as for my mum? I think she liked the money grabbing rascal.’ Maddy let out a loud sigh. ‘He has a way with women.’
‘Slimy.’ Stan frowned when he looked at her. ‘Why him? He’s so not what I’d expect you to go for.’
‘Why not? He was there, showing off and giving it large. That was just his ego! Roland chatted me up, and I needed some light relief.’ Maddy glanced up at the sky. ‘One of the kids had passed away, and Dora was really upset. It hit me hard, and there he was with whistles and bells. I didn’t mind that he fleeced me for cash.’
‘Have you ever had a serious relationship?’
Maddy didn’t know how to respond and thought about her answer, looking at him while scrabbling around for words.
‘Are you asking if I’ve fallen in love?’ Maddy let out a little sigh. ‘I’ve had my heart broken, and I usually want something I can’t have or, to be precise, doesn’t want me. Why do you think I want to go to Rome? So, I can wish for it to happen.’ She noticed he was staring. ‘Have you ever fallen in love? Do you know what it feels like?’
‘I’ve fallen in lust lots of times but love? I don’t think so. Some ex-girlfriends found that annoying or upsetting. I don’t see the point of saying I am if I’m not.’ Stan let out a long groan. ‘One day we can discuss this conversation when we have found our true love until then, let’s get pissed!’
‘Getting pissed might just be a more realistic option for me.’
‘I feel so happy!’
Maddy was getting pissed. She was in her element.
Stan was making her laugh, and they were having a great time. He was getting just as pissed as she and Maddy knew the lack of food wasn’t helping, but she didn’t mind.
It was still hard for her to eat out of her comfort zone because she was still worried tha
t her stomach would feel too full.
Or she would think it was and then try to purge her food as quickly as possible.
Then the horror of horror occurred.
She spotted Giselle walking towards them and nudged Stan who did a double take.
His ex looked stunning, and heads turned as she got closer.
‘Hi, Stan. Fancy running into you here?’ said Giselle as he stood, and they hugged.
Maddy smiled but felt jealous from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. She was a poor replacement.
‘And Maddy?’ she said, looking a little puzzled. ‘You’re here with Stan?’
‘Yes, he was at a loose end and needed the company.’
‘You look lovely.’ Giselle frowned while smiling then looked at Stan. ‘Different from usual.’
‘Yes, the spots have gone and-.’
‘I think she looks great!’ Stan interrupted while smiling uncomfortably. ‘Are you here alone?’
‘With some friends from work.’
She did a double take on hearing Stan speak. He sounded odd, not the same man she chatted with. It seemed forced.
‘I better be getting back,’ Giselle said, forcing a smile. ‘Ring me.’
‘Sure.’
Stan suddenly looked deflated then upset.
‘What was that about?’ Maddy started to laugh as Stan flashed her a warning look as not to be loud. ‘Stanley! She wants to spend time with you, and you’re playing hard to get. I can go home if you like.’
He was watching Giselle then looked at her.
The brooding man seemed deep in thought.
‘I’m confused,’ she sighed. ‘She obviously still likes you and you blatantly like her because you’re acting odd. Do you know your voice changes when you speak to Giselle? Like an insecure teenager. A bit like me when I speak to men in general.’ And Maddy laughed again this time attracting attention from a couple of men from another table. ‘You are funny!’
‘Can we go?’ he whispered, looking into her eyes. ‘I don’t want to stay.’
‘Are you embarrassed to be out with me? Isn’t it cool enough to hang out with barking Maddy?’
‘That’s not true. I like-.’
‘I want to dance!’ Maddy didn’t want to hear any bullshit right now. ‘Please?’
‘We’ll dance, trust me.’
Stan was looking at Maddy as they sat in a bar near where they lived that had a late license. She bought them a bottle of wine and people were dancing all around.
‘Why didn’t you want to stay in the pub?’ she asked, knowing he had gone a little quiet. ‘Is it because Giselle was there?’
‘This is better. Away from it all. Come on. You wanted to dance so let’s dance.’
Stan pulled her up to the dance floor and went right into the middle as she just got into the groove. Happiness was filling her heart as she wanted to have some fun and what better way to do it, with Stan. He didn’t immediately start dancing, just looked at her with his silly grin.
‘You think my dancing is bad?’ she asked, bopping away. ‘I can bust some moves you know.’
‘I’ve seen you dance lots of time, especially impromptu jigs in the pub when you have the puppy suit on.’
‘I like dancing with it on. It’s funny.’ Maddy laughed and flung her head back, trying to do some of her dance off moves that made him laugh out loud. ‘I make you laugh Stanley Franks, and never forget it. All these sultry, beautiful women you go for? That’s wonderful, but at least we talk.’
‘You never stop talking.’
‘And the day I do, you’ll know something is up.’
‘Come here!’
Stan grabbed her, and they danced together, laughing and singing along to the tunes.
It was fun.
Stan was fun, and she liked that.
Maddy also like him more than she wanted to admit.
Suddenly it as two o’clock in the morning and they found themselves walking home in the still of the night. Her home wasn’t too far away, and Stan seemed quite pissed, especially as she tricked him into a Sambuca drinking contest making sure every other glass she drunk was water.
‘I think you’re an inspiration, do you know that?’ he said, then laughed out. ‘You have been to me. Shall I tell you something, Maddy? When I first met you, I couldn’t figure it out.’
‘Figure what?’ she asked, looking up at his smiling face.
‘You. You’re a little odd and a bit irritating. I thought you were being too full on when we met, talking and asking lots of question. I ran away from you to get a break.’
‘I was friendly,’ she said with a scowl. ‘I know how hard it is to fit into a group of people and I didn’t want you or Phyllis to feel like an outsider.’ Maddy could see any romantic notions she had about Stan were truly hopeless. ‘If that upset you, then I’m sorry. I’ll know for next time not to chat, chat, chat.’
‘You’re an acquired taste, and you’re not that bad. Ted seems to adore you and so does Pearl, not to mention Phyllis.’ He laughed and put an arm around her while looking at his glass award. ‘You are an inspiration.’
‘I inspire you?’ she asked, now breaking out into a smile. ‘Me?’
‘Yeah but it’s not that straight forward.’ Stan then scowled. ‘And I hope you see that sometimes you need a muse of some sort to help you find an angel.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she honestly replied. ‘I don’t inspire anyone.’
‘You inspire the kids at the hospice and their parents. You made people sit up and think about what they’re doing, so that’s inspirational. Maddy, you’re more magical than you are barking mad, but you are pretty barking mad.’
They slowly walked down the pavement, and she thought hard about what he was saying.
‘You wouldn’t be taking the piss out of me behind my back, or even in front of my face, would you? I’d hate that.’
‘No.’ She noticed he seemed confused. ‘Why would you say that?’
‘I don’t know. I guess I’m paranoid.’
‘Maddy, have you got an eating problem?’
Stopping to a complete halt, she pursed her lips and held her breath for a moment.
‘Why’d you ask?’ she said, feeling herself get embarrassed at the question. Then Maddy didn’t have the heart to make up stories. ‘When I was being bullied they would say I was fat and ugly. It stuck in my head, and I tried to lose weight. The stress of what I was going through made it worse, and then I started being sick. That made me feel a little better, and the weight fell off. Still, they said I was fat. She said I was fat. Tara. And for a while when things got on top of me, I’d be sick to take some control of my life back. Only a handful of people know.’
‘I didn’t know. I’m sorry I asked,’ he said, turning to face her. ‘Is that the reason why you eat kid’s portions?’
‘I hate the feeling of being full, even now at the ripe old age of twenty-nine. And sometimes, very rarely, it happens but I try to control it. It is emotional, and stress based. Don’t tell anyone, please. It’s pretty private.’ Then she stepped away as they approached the house. ‘But I can still drink lots of alcohol, so that’s a good thing.’
‘And there are no physical side effects?’
‘Only mental’ she smirked. ‘Why do you think I talk so much? So, I don’t have to eat food.’
‘People leave their marks in so many ways, don’t they?’ he whispered walking up to her as she opened the gate. ‘Had you not been bullied then you’d be fine.’
‘I am fine but a little broken, that’s all. Not to worry. Nothing is going to make it worse. I won’t let it.’
Maddy knew that wasn’t true at all.
‘Pooch.’
Maddy lay in bed feeling like a lead weight. ‘You’re just tickling my feet.’ She smiled and buried her head into the soft pillow. ‘I’m not getting up today so get your daddy to feed you if he’s alive. If not, give me fifteen more minutes of slumber.’
Then she felt something move behind her back before listening to the breathing. As she turned her head, she noticed Phyllis was by her pillow, which meant…
‘What are you doing in my bed?’ she asked, seeing Stan’s feet were under her pillow. ‘You have a bed of your own.’
‘I’m dying,’ came the whisper as he cuddled her legs. ‘And this room is cooler, and the bed is comfortable. Can’t I sleep here?’
‘You are.’
‘Funny,’ he laughed then she felt him kiss her feet. ‘I think you have really sweet paws.’
‘I think you’re still drunk.’
‘I think we had a lot of fun last night.’ Stan sighed.
Last night was the first time she admitted to herself how much she liked Stan.
A hell of a lot.
Then she felt her bed suddenly bounce and realised Stan was sitting up.
‘Maddy, I’m sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘For stuff.’
‘Then you’re forgiven for stuff,’ she said and started to smile at the sleepy face. ‘You don’t look as bad as usual after a heavy night, so that’s good.’
‘You know I like you, don’t you?’ Stan then moved closer and lay next to her, placing his head on her pillow.
‘I wouldn’t come too close with my breath.’
‘I can cope. You should smell Phyl’s after she has had a bone from the butcher. It’s shocking.’ He pushed Maddy’s hair away from her face. ‘And what you told me about your bulimia. I hope it never comes back.’
‘You remembered?’
‘It’s not something I’m going to forget in a rush. But I won’t tell anyone.’ Stan touched her face, and she wasn’t quite sure what was going on. ‘Some of the things you say, well, they’re pretty funny especially when you don’t think they are. I’m surprised Ted and Pearl ever stop laughing.’
‘One of them, right now, only growls at the world.’ Maddy looked into the pretty eyes and smiled. ‘Pearl will get better in time. I’ll be there for her as that’s what friends do. Like we are friends now which is good.’ Something flickered in his face as if trying to digest her words. ‘We are, aren’t we?’