by S M Mala
‘I’m in the park and-.’ Maddy couldn’t speak because she was petrified about what was said that afternoon.
The reality of what Dora thought and wanted.
A cold fact that Maddy couldn’t face up to.
‘Go straight back home, and I’ll be there.’
‘I don’t-.’
‘Now, okay?’
But Maddy couldn’t move.
She sat as all the things she had tried to push out of her head came forging forward.
Her worry about Pearl’s mental state.
The fear that Dora was getting ill.
Both of them she had no control over though she thought she might be able to do something.
To help them a little, but right now she was failing.
She dialled the number and Dora picked up.
‘Maddy,’ the sweet voice said down the end of the phone. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Dora,’ was all she could whisper. ‘Why are you saying these things? I don’t know why you’re so bleak.’
‘I see,’ she replied wearily. ‘I can feel it in my body. I know when I say things, face to face, you start to look panicked and upset. I need to be honest. Things are happening, and I can’t stop it.’
‘I’ll pay for us to go to another doctor. Just let me find out what more I can do. It’s hormonal. You’re a teenager.’ Maddy heard her laugh then cough, the breathing wheezy. ‘Dora, I love you. I won’t let you down. Have one of my lungs?’ Then the laugh was a little bit louder. ‘What’s funny about that?’
‘Stan sent me the footage of you doing the fun run. Your version and his. I think you’re unhealthier than me!’
Maddy had to smile at the response as she shut her eyes.
‘Anything Dora, I’d do anything for you.’
‘Then be by my side when I need you. Don’t be scared. Promise me.’
Taking a deep breath, she let out a groan.
‘I promise, but we’re planning years in advance. Let’s concentrate on throwing a party for me when I get back from Rome.’
‘Are you still going? I thought you loved Stan.’
‘Shoosh!’ she said, wiping her tears away. ‘Don’t say.’ Then she let out a big sigh. ‘I’m just going to throw my loose change into the fountain to wish that he loves me back. I have a lot of loose change.’ Maddy looked up at the sky. ‘You better rest. I’ll come and see you on Wednesday when you’ve gone back home.’
‘Maddy.’
‘Think positive thoughts, okay.’
Maddy got to her feet and started to walk back to her house then saw Stan running towards her with Phyllis following. He threw himself forward and wrapped her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest.
‘I know, Maddy,’ he whispered into her hair. ‘Dora called me after you left the hospice. She was worried. Maddy, look at me.’ Stan tried to tilt her head up, but she didn’t want to him to see her cry so kept her chin down.
‘I just spoke to her and offered one of my lungs, and she laughed. She said I was unhealthier than her considering you sent her the footage of me doing the marathon. Oh, Stan!’
Then his lips travelled over her face until they met her mouth.
The kiss was gentle and warm as she looked up at him.
‘Can’t you see she’s not getting better?’ he asked, and that made Maddy cry some more. ‘You’re blind because you don’t want to see it.’ She just shook her head from side to side in response. ‘I’m not saying this to hurt you. That child is in pain, day in and day out. Her capacity to breath is getting harder, and they are facing up to what might happen.’
‘Don’t talk,’ she said, feeling like she was going to vomit. ‘Please don’t-.’
‘She needs you to be strong. Dora said you’re her best friend and the last thing she wants is to hurt you, but you can’t hurt her in the process. Ultimately you have to be there for her.’
‘Dora said so many things today.’ Maddy wept and looked down at Phyllis peering up at her. ‘I can’t lose her.’
‘Let’s go home.’
Stan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked her back towards the house, Phyllis obediently trotting beside them.
‘I’m at a loss on what to do. How can I help the people I love if things are happening? I can’t do anything.’
‘Some things you have no control over.’
‘Some things I have.’ She took the lead out of his hand and fastened it to Phyllis’s collar. ‘I’ll make some phone calls and see if I can get her into a better hospital. I know they’re doing their best, but I can do better. I have to do better.’
‘Stop it,’ he said, gently grabbing her by the arms. ‘Let it go, or you’re going to end up getting hurt.’
‘I don’t care about me!’ she shouted, seeing his eyes widen with surprise. ‘I don’t matter! I’m invisible, but these people aren’t. Pearl and Dora matter to someone; matter to a child, a parent. They have a future, and I have to help.’ Maddy moved closer. ‘Don’t you think I’ve not been hurting through all of this? I have to hide it.’
‘From whom?’
‘From them and me. I put a happy front on because I need them to know it’s going to be okay and it will be.’
For the first time, she knew that wasn’t the case, not with Dora.
‘I can’t lose her,’ Maddy whispered, and Stan hugged her tightly. ‘I don’t want to lose her.’
‘There is a chink in the spots,’ she heard him say. ‘Let’s go home.’
Maddy blinked hard as her eyes were sore but she held onto Phyllis’s lead while being led back. All the time she knew Stan was worriedly looking at her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she blurted out, wanting to think about something else. ‘Pearl thinks it’s odd I can’t do anything intimate on someone’s mattress.’
‘What?’ Stan did a double take, and she noticed he seemed confused. ‘So, you don’t go away for dirty weekends?’
‘I try to find hotels with nice baths,’ was her honest reply and she could see he was going to laugh. ‘I want to be honest.’
‘Okay,’ he replied, kissing her forehead. ‘That’s certainly different.’
They walked in silence as she watched Phyllis go a little further in front.
‘What if I can’t be strong for her, then what happens?’ Maddy swallowed hard, feeling sick once more. ‘I’ll let her down and myself.’ They got to the gate, and he held it open. ‘I don’t want-.’ She cried again, trying her hardest to hold it in as he placed a finger to her lip.
‘A nice bath is what we need,’ he said, stroking her face. ‘Let’s see what bubbles, which are empty round spots, can do to make you feel better then we can think about it.’
Maddy didn’t want to think about anything and especially not Dora getting seriously ill.
It was hard for her to swallow and the pain made her afraid that it would also be hard for her to keep down, and stop from throwing up again.
‘How does this feel?’
Maddy and Stan were sat in her bath which he had filled with bubbles. Because there wasn’t any bath liquid, he emptied half a bottle of shower gel as a substitute. ‘It smells nice.’
‘Coconut is pleasant’ she replied and stroked his legs. He had propped them up either side of the bath while leaning back. ‘And you’re sweet for doing this.’
‘Are you sure you don’t want to swap? I don’t mind sitting by the taps.’
‘This is fine.’
She had her knees up to her chest and looked at him staring at her. The sore eyes were starting to feel better though she didn’t. There was a heavy thud of depression in her chest.
‘It’s been a tough few weeks,’ she said, glancing around the bathroom. ‘With Pearl and Dora, then seeing that slut bitch and knowing she’s married to Dr. Bob. Not to mention Ted’s deceit, that’s like the cherry with a worm on top.’
‘What about me?’
Maddy’s eyes darted to him.
‘You’re amazing.’
That’s what she truly felt.
He was like the ray of hope in her heart when she thought things were at their lowest.
‘I worry about you,’ he said, moving closer. ‘I’ve seen the blip.’
‘I’m all blip.’ She smiled weakly and glanced at the bubbles. ‘They have an inside and outside, no edges. Just simple circles. A complete thing.’ Maddy blew some into his face. ‘And when I wear polka dots to cheer people up, I’m cheering myself up from feeling so low, once upon a time. When I couldn’t have anything in my center because it made me feel unwell.’ Stan stared at her, and she knew he was waiting for more. ‘I promised them I wouldn’t get ill again, I could control it, but over the past few weeks, it has been hard. I won’t let it take over me. I’ll be okay. Today though, I felt it creeping all over me again.’
‘Do you talk to anyone about it?’
She shook her head from side to side and looked down into the bath.
‘I did when I happened when I was a teenager. The bulimia.’ Then Maddy looked at him. ‘My funny eating thing. Ted picked up on it first when I started to lose weight, but I didn’t realise how observant he was, seeing what I was eating wasn’t going to add to getting thin. It just felt better, letting it all out. It, for a moment, relieved the pain. Then I’d feel bad about doing it and hurting my body.’ Maddy let out a little sigh. ‘But I’m not as stupid as I act. I knew it would make me sick and I went to the doctors, behind my parents’ back, and got some help. It was more mental than physical. A way I deal with stress.’
‘And you choose to work for a hospice that raises money for the care of sick kids and teenagers. Then you walk into a place where you know some of the children won’t come out. How can you put yourself through that?’
‘I’m alive. I’m breathing. I’m well. They’re not. I’m living and some of them won’t. I can’t be sick and get stressed when I have it all, and what have they got? Not even time.’ She started to cry. ‘I can’t face anything happening to Dora. That’s not what I expected, and I don’t want her to give up because…’ There was a faltering in her voice. ‘Because if she does then, I will too.’
‘Barking Maddy.’ Stan grabbed her tightly as she rested her face on his wet shoulder. ‘Don’t get ill. Promise me. I’m here now, and you don’t need to get stressed. Ted and Pearl will be with you.’
‘As long as nothing else bad happens, I’ll be okay.’ He pushed her away and seemed perplexed. ‘What?’
‘When we first met, as I said, I wasn’t overawed. I thought you were irritating and slightly, well, odd. You can be quite annoying,’ he said apologetically. ‘You have to admit.’
‘Okay,’ she replied, sniffling, knowing he was going to say more. ‘So, you didn’t fall under my magical spell where everyone likes me?’
‘Yeah, and about that. The fact that you think there’s nothing not to like is, well, you know.’
‘Stanley, I’m not a complete idiot. I know people don’t like me. Just look at Tara whore face.’
‘Can’t you say her name without adding expletives?’
‘No.’
‘I see. And this is you being reasonable.’
‘Considering what she did to me, I think I'm very reasonable.’ Maddy pulled a face and sunk into the bath, letting the water splash over the sides as Stan grinned. ‘I knew you weren’t a fan, but I had fallen in love with Phyllis.’ That’s when she diverted her eyes not to betray who she had also started to fall for at that time. ‘You’re not that easy to get along with. Writing in that book of yours, tapping away on the phone then giving me strange looks.’
‘A woman dressed in a dog costume deserves to get weird glances.’ Stan bit his lip. ‘I was going through a rough time, you know. The words weren’t coming to me, and I was going to lose my job.’
‘You never said.’ Maddy sat up. ‘I thought you were good.’
He scrunched up his face as if wanting to say something.
‘I’ve been taking bits out of my life and writing about it. Because I found it quite funny my audience did too.’
‘Nasty things about women?’ She shook her head. ‘That’s not funny.’
‘People I knew. What they said and did.’
‘And that person you hate.’ Maddy tilted her head to one side. ‘Who is it?’
‘I don’t hate them.’ Stan swallowed hard. ‘That’s not what it’s about. Maddy, the thing is-.’
‘The thing is you got inspiration and probably since you met me.’ She forced a smile, trying to cheer herself up. ‘I have the knack of turning a negative into a positive, and I did that for you. Had we not met then your life would have been less fulfilling. So, I not only own half your dog but all of your success. I feel a bit better now.’
‘You make me laugh,’ he whispered, pulling her face closer to him. ‘Are you still going to Rome to waste your money?’
‘I will be on that plane come 12th and back into your arms afterward. 14th to be precise. You have got ten days to try and make me happy if you like.’ Then she hesitated. ‘I would ask you, but it’s something I said I would do alone.’
‘I’m going to see some friends in the Lake District as I wait for you to return with your prince charming. It’s going to be tough getting all three of us in bed.’
‘Are you going to?’
‘Going to do what?’
‘Make me happy?’
‘I think I do that already, don’t you?’ he replied and stared at her for a moment. ‘Follow me.’ Stan got up and stepped out of the bath, taking a towel as she watched the water go down. ‘And dry yourself off.’
Slowly she got out of the bath, still with a slightly heavy heart and knew her birthday wasn’t going to be as planned. Maddy quickly towel dried her body then walked to her room.
He wasn’t there.
‘Stan?’
‘I’m in my room.’
‘Your room?’
‘Yes, my room.’ She walked into the room, and he was lying on top of the bed, only wearing a smile. ‘Welcome to my place.’
Maddy noticed he had thrown his clothes onto the chair.
‘Why not my room?’ she asked, dropping the towel to the ground and stepping closer. ‘It is a bigger bed, and this is not your room.’
‘It’s as much as my room as Phyllis is your dog.’
‘Point taken.’
Stan stood up, his body still wet and closed the door. She felt him walk up behind her and stroke the skin on her back.
‘I’m not going to make you happy,’ he whispered.
‘Oh,’ she disappointedly groaned.
‘But I am going to make you very happy.’
‘Really?’
Slowly he turned her around and started to kiss her mouth. She parted her lips, wanting to taste him as she gently held on to his slim hips.
The kiss was long and passionate as she felt his hands ride up and down her back then caress her breast. Maddy squeezed his arse and pulled him closer feeling his skin against hers.
‘I’m going to make you forget about everything. Wait and see.’ Stan said, pulling away from her lips.
Then he placed kisses all the way down her body until he was on his knees, looking up at her.
As much as she tried to smile something was wrong and she started to choke up, seeing he was going to do his best. It was when she looked into his eyes, Maddy noticed the pained expression on Stan’s face as he slowly stood up.
‘I wish I could tell you that everything was going to be okay because I hate seeing you so sad.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You’re not.’ He wrapped his arms around her as she felt his skin on her face, warm and soft. ‘Promise me you won’t start being sick.’
‘I feel hopeless and useless. Why is it that the people I care about are going through this? I don’t get it.’
‘It’s life Maddy, that’s what happens.’
‘But I don’t like it.’
‘Like me instead.’
He held he
r by the shoulders and looked into her eyes, kissing her again as she breathed in his breath and tasted him with her lips. Stan pushed his body against her, and she stroked his back then ran her fingers through his hair.
Her breathing started to get heavy as she opened her legs wanting to feel close to him. All the time his lips were on hers, his hands squeezing and stroking her flesh.
‘You make me happy,’ she whispered, pulling away. ‘Thank you for being there for me. I know you’ll never let me down.’
‘How can you be sure?’
‘I’m very sure about you.’ Maddy knew the declaration was a little bit full on. ‘And I hope you’re sure about me.’
There was a flicker in his expression as he stared at her as if ticking something over in his head.
‘You, little pup,’ he whispered, then kissed her. ‘Are better with words than me, sometimes.’
She grabbed his shoulders, and they kissed and touched, their actions becoming heated. His lips travelled all over her body, gently sucking at her breasts and small flickering kisses all over her stomach. He then turned and took a condom out, handing it over to her. Bending down, she placed her mouth at the end of his dick and gently sucked it, licking the end before placing the rubber and rolling it all down. She watched while her hands rubbed the base of his shaft.
Maddy lay back down and looked up at him. His hand went between her thighs, feeling for her nub as he lay on top. The fingers were pressing at her, rubbing her gently but with a firm precision.
She felt him push slowly inside as she wrapped her legs around his back. Closing her eyes, she felt his breath against her cheek and his small jolt with the hips until he was deep inside.
Maddy looked at Stan.
There was nothing she could say seeing the man she loved examine her face as he thrust slowly. The muscles in her body clenched hard around him, wanting to feel every part of his body in her.
Slowly they rocked and kissed, holding each other close, their skin sticking to each other. Then he positioned himself which made her gasp, as the thrust became harder and faster, building up to the point she knew her body was going to explode. The first orgasm came, as her thighs stretched, and her hole tightened around his solid cock, then another and another.