by S M Mala
‘I love you,’ she groaned, coming in his arms. ‘I love you so much.’
And she did.
Just at that moment she looked into his eyes and noticed slight confusion.
That’s when it dawned on her, he probably did not.
‘Please, no!’
She was screaming. Her and Dora were free falling in the sky. All around her were clouds of white and she was trying her hardest to grab the girl’s hand. ‘Dora! Reach out to me! I can get you!’
But Dora was laughing and smiling, enjoying falling into the air while all Maddy could do was feel a dreaded fear that she couldn’t hold onto her.
‘Dora! Please reach out so I can get you!’
‘It’s okay,’ Dora replied. ‘I’m fine.’
Just then Dora put her hand out, and just as Maddy was going to grab it, it moved quickly out of grasp making Maddy scream.
‘Dora! No! Come back! Don’t leave me!’
She bolted right up and was confused on where she was before realising it was a dream.
Trying to stabilise her breathing she couldn’t, then felt a hand on her chest.
‘It was a dream,’ she heard. ‘Maddy, you had a bad dream.’
Slowly she focussed on Stan and noticed he was showered and changed.
‘Okay,’ she said, closing her eyes and trying to eradicate the fear in her body.
It wasn’t all about Dora.
It was now about him.
After she mentioned her words of love and noticed what she now thought was the look of terror in his eyes, they hardly spoke.
Second by second her heart had sunk seeing that he didn’t feel the same way and his silence spoke volumes. Now changed and ready to leave her home, probably without saying a goodbye, meant he wanted to slip away and hide.
‘You’ll be late,’ she said, seeing it was after six in the morning and a few hours earlier than he said he was going to leave. ‘You’ve got a long drive.’
Maddy then sunk back under the duvet, covering her shoulders and ears hoping not to cry at the awkward turn of events.
Her head was spinning, and she didn’t know what to say to him, whether to retract her declaration or just hope he would let her deal with the humiliation alone.
Dora would know what to do in a situation like this.
She felt him lie behind her and wrap an arm around her waist.
‘I was going to get you breakfast,’ he whispered.
‘Shops aren’t open this early in the morning, other than the garage down the road. Listen, if you want to go, just go. Like I said last night, tell me before you trample on my heart. You don’t have to, I can pick up the vibe.’
‘The vibe?’ There was a little hesitation. ‘I see.’
‘I’m sure you do,’ she replied, closing her eyes. ‘Kiss Phyllis for me.’
‘And what time is your flight?’
‘Three o’clock. I’m all packed and ready to go.’ Maddy felt listless and wanted just to stay with Stan, but that now wasn’t an option. ‘Don’t get breakfast for me. I’ll get something later.’
He tugged off the duvet and turned her around, as she looked into his clear, inquisitive, eyes.
‘Whatever you’re thinking, you’ve got it wrong,’ Stan said, looking quite serious.
‘You don’t know what I’m thinking.’
‘I think after last night when you didn’t utter a single word to me after we made love, I could hazard a guess.’
She stared at him and couldn’t figure out what was going on his mind.
It could all be a game, and he was playing with her head and heart.
That would be too cruel considering what was going on in her life currently.
‘I didn’t know what to say,’ she honestly replied, sitting up on her elbows and pulling the duvet up to cover her naked body. ‘You didn’t say anything to me.’
‘I was mulling things over.’
‘When someone says they love you it makes you want to think?’ Maddy frowned as she said it. ‘If you found it too much then I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘We need to talk, you know, you and me, and what’s going on between us.’
‘What is going on between us?’
‘That’s what we need to talk about.’ Stan sat up and looked down at her. ‘There are things you need to know.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like things!’ he said, looking agitated. ‘And now you want to talk?’
All she could was examine his face for the hundredth time and wonder if he liked her. Right now, she didn’t know what to think as he seemed more pissed off than anything else.
She sat up and wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her cheek against his shoulder.
‘I’m quite low maintenance, you know,’ whispered Maddy. ‘I know it seems that there is a lot going on around me but it’s not usually like that. My life is quite sedentary and simple.’
He started to laugh.
‘It is,’ she continued, starting to smile. ‘And when I like someone, I do like them. None of the flitting pretend friendship sort of thing. Relationships like that can sometimes be harmful, which I have learned in the past. When I trust someone, I truly do.’
Stan turned to face her, his smile now sympathetic.
‘I worry about you,’ he said, his face moving closer to hers. ‘What was the nightmare about?’
There was a sharp pain in her chest as she glanced away and looked at her hand.
‘Dunno,’ she lied.
‘Or don’t want to say?’ He pushed her back on the bed and removed his t-shirt.
‘I thought you were going.’
‘I didn’t do something,’ Stan said, pulling down the covers. ‘I wanted to cover you in birthday kisses.’
‘That’s not until tomorrow.’ Maddy closed her eyes and felt his lips on her throat then shoulders. ‘And you have to get our baby and take her up north.’
‘Your babies will be back in a matter of days, and I’ll be back with my babies,’ he said, kissing her breasts. ‘But you better be good when you’re away.’
‘What can happen in a matter of days?’
‘Hello?’
Maddy couldn’t hide her frustration at seeing Giselle especially as she was having happy thoughts about Stan after making love to him earlier on in the day. ‘Are you okay?’
The woman looked angry as she stood directly in her path.
‘We need to talk. Where’s Stan?’
‘He’s gone away for a few days.’ She frowned at Giselle. ‘I’m in a rush.’
The rush was to get to the shop to order a cake for the following day.
She hadn’t told Stan that she had no intention of going to Rome.
After her dream, Maddy knew it was a sign to stay put and not go anywhere.
She planned to eat cake with Dora in celebration and make the child laugh.
All she did was make out to everyone else that she was in Rome, which wasn’t too hard. Standing in traffic and holding up her mobile phone to the beeping horns gave a suitable effect.
Everything was now put on hold as Giselle was preventing her from carrying out her errand.
The first thing that came to her mind was whether Stan told Giselle he loved her, and that was why the tall woman with the thin thighs had the upper hand.
‘Giselle, what can I do to help?’
‘Stan.’
‘Oh.’ Maddy didn’t know how to respond. ‘What about him?
‘You two have got close.’
‘He has been a really good friend to me.’
‘Really?’ The woman looked confused. ‘You think he’s a friend?’
‘Why yes,’ she replied, seeing from Giselle’s expression she didn’t think so. ‘We’ve grown to like each other.’
‘You don’t have any idea, do you?’
‘Whatever is bugging you, I can’t help.’
She walked off then stopped.
The comment took the spring
out of Maddy’s step.
She then turned around knowing she was only asking for trouble, she stared at Giselle.
‘What do you mean?’ enquired Maddy, not sure if she wanted to know. ‘He’s odd. I’ll give him that. And he wasn’t a fan of mine at first mainly because I was foisted on him.’
‘That’s putting it mildly.’ Giselle stepped forward as Maddy stepped back. ‘You don’t have any idea about him, do you?’
‘I expect you’re going to put me straight.’
Giselle looked like she was searching for something to say.
‘He used to talk about you when you first met,’ the woman said and grimaced. ‘He didn’t say nice things. The thing is, he didn’t like you.’
‘I know. I’m an acquired taste,’ Maddy said forcing a smile then looked at her polka dot trousers. ‘Not everyone likes dots.’
‘He didn’t like you.’
‘So, he said.’
‘I mean, he didn’t. Stan always went on about how strange your relationship was with Ted and that you were like an unwanted guest who was told they had to be invited to a party. Did you never wonder why he never asked you to go to his home? He’d ask all of Ted’s friends, the ones he knew, but never wanted you there. Maddy, didn’t you realise?’
‘I did, but Ted’s friends don’t ask me to their bashes, and I get used to it.’
‘You accept that all these people don’t like you and laugh at you behind your back?’ Giselle seemed offended by her sentence which made Maddy cringe with embarrassment. ‘The things he wrote, how can you think he’s a friend? I told him to stop at one point because even I could see the comments were cruel.’
‘Cruel?’ She shook her head wondering what he could have said.
‘Have you not read any of his columns?’
‘I asked about it, but he said it wasn’t interesting and-.’
‘Maddy! Have you see the stupid dog he’s writing about?’
‘Yes, but…’ She couldn’t think of what to say. ‘I think maybe you’ve got it wrong. I can see you still like Stan and-.’
‘Look at this!’ Giselle said and held out her phone. ‘Read it.’
Maddy blinked a few times and then saw the column headline ‘Frankly speaking.’ She glanced at the line and then skimmed down. Her eyes stopped at one section.
‘And alas, the irritation has arrived, like a mad pup with rabies and trying to look cute. An actual dog with rabies is far more appealing. Doesn’t she realise that people are laughing at her continual good nature? Lippy (little irritant person) just keeps on trying too hard and failing fast. It only my nearest and dearest could tell her lover boy to adopt another puppy. Something a little bit more endearing.’
‘I thought he was supposed to be funny,’ Maddy said realising it was about her. ‘That’s not bad.’
‘You should read them all. I’m only telling you this because you need to know. He is making a laughing stock out of you and who knows what you’ve told him because he will use it. Stan’s all about his writing and ambition, not about the person he’s hurting.’
‘Why are you telling me this?’ she asked, raising her voice, panic beginning. ‘What joy are you getting from it?’
‘No joy but you need to see when he’s used you, he’ll just cast you aside as he did to me.’ It was then she could see Giselle’s sympathetic expression. ‘The difference is that he has gone public with you and everyone knows. Hasn’t anyone told you?’
She swallowed hard and didn’t know what to say.
All she could do was sprint home as fast as she could, hoping it was just a terrible mistake.
‘You knew about this?’
Maddy had sat for hours reading the column from since she met Stan and each time she read something, it hurt. Her eyes were a little sore from crying, but all she felt was utterly confused and betrayed.
Very betrayed.
‘Maddy, I told you that he writes about things he knows,’ came the quiet response from Ted. ‘You shouldn’t be reading this when you’re away.’
Now wasn’t the time to reveal she hadn’t gone anywhere.
‘And you never told him to stop writing about me? He called me Lippy!’
‘It’s funny,’ Ted guiltily replied. ‘And take it as a compliment.’
‘But it’s not. It’s mean.’
Her voice cracked as she was beginning to see why Stan wanted to hang out with her. Things she had said and done seemed to amuse him, but there was a thread of mockery which dug deep into her chest.
It reminded her of being bullied at school and all the nasty words Tara had ever told her. But most of all she had been well and truly tricked by this man she had fallen in love with.
Something she thought would never happen again.
‘I warned you not to tell him too much,’ he said and let out a sigh. ‘Have you thrown all the coins into the Trevi Fountain yet?’
‘Not yet,’ she said, glancing at her suitcase which was lying on the ground. ‘Ted, does he really dislike me that much?’
‘I had a word with him when I found out what he was writing. I told him to tone it down as it was offensive to me.’
‘I thought you said it was funny?’
‘It is but because I know what you’re like and how sensitive you can be, I mentioned to Stan to choose his words wisely, or this would come back and bite him, which he thought was rather amusing because of the dog costume.’
Maddy closed her eyes, knowing that she had been duped.
‘I’m going to read them all and then I will-.’
‘That’s not the wisest idea,’ Ted said quite sternly. ‘Not the day before your birthday.’
She knew it was worse than he was letting on.
‘How bad can it be?’
The answer to that question came when she had read up to the point where he had to stay at her home. Stan had mentioned her dalliance with an unsuitable man and her constant irritating flirting. He even mentioned he had to lock his door in worry that she might pounce on him to chew his bone and make it turn into a stump (Maddy knew it was a reference to his cock).
The thing she didn’t account for was the tears rolling down her face in the true knowledge that all the people who knew her and him would know about it.
All the sniggering and staring at them wasn’t because they looked cute together.
It was because people were laughing.
Mainly at her expense all because of Stan.
Frankly speaking, it was obvious he couldn’t stand her, and that hurt the most.
‘Surprise!’
Maddy stood with her box of cupcakes and watched Dora smile. ‘Why go to Italy when I can spend my birthday with you?’
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked as Maddy was taken aback by how weak Dora looked. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes, just feeling tired.’ Immediately Maddy knew her lame excuse was going to be picked up on. ‘No, I’m not, but I don’t want to talk about it. I am thirty, and you are thirteen. I’d rather be with you.’
‘Oh, Maddy!’ Dora said, flinging her arms open as Maddy rushed towards her and gave a big hug. ‘That’s brilliant, it is, and you’re wearing my favourite suit.’
‘Yes, and I have a spotted collar to make me look hot.’
Holding her, Maddy felt how fragile Dora was then noticed Linda walk into the room.
‘Maddy’s come to see me for her birthday which means I can give her the present,’ Dora excitedly said. ‘Have you got it, mum?’
‘How lovely to see you. Happy birthday,’ Linda said to her, giving a big hug. As she pulled away, Maddy noticed she looked really upset. ‘You’ve made Dora’s day, you have.’ There was emotion stabbing in her voice, and she looked at her daughter. ‘And you don’t know how much.’
‘And she has brought cupcakes,’ said Dora, sitting up in bed. ‘You will stay here for the rest of the day, won’t you?’
‘Where else am I going to go?’ Maddy glanced at Dora then looked at Linda. Th
ere was a quick shake of the head as if telling Maddy not to ask questions. ‘Can I stay here today?’
‘That would be wonderful.’
Something told Maddy that Dora wasn’t feeling that well but wanted to hide it.
She took a deep breath and smiled at her friend knowing everything was going to be okay. Maddy would cheer her up and make her better.
A few hours later, and after they had eaten birthday cake when everyone in the hospice had joined in with the singing, she conveyed her problems to Dora who was looking intently at her as they lay next to each other on the bed.
‘I think you’re upset because he didn’t tell you he loved you,’ sighed Dora, stroking Maddy’s hair. ‘He did tell me he had written something, and he was worried about your reaction. When I read them I-.’
‘You read them?’ Maddy looked at Dora’s innocent expression. ‘Then you can see how hurtful it is. Why didn’t you say?’
‘Because.’
‘Because what?’
‘Because you’ve liked him from the moment you set eyes on him. I knew that, and he probably did too. And you’re pretty blatant about it,’ giggled Dora. ‘He said he’d never seen a tail wag as much as yours.’
‘He’s been using me,’ Maddy unhappily replied. ‘He has allowed people to laugh at me behind my back because of his words. It’s a betrayal!’
‘He’s not betraying you. Stan’s just saying how he feels.’ Dora stared into Maddy’s eyes. ‘It’s a gentle teasing.’
‘Is that what you call it?’
‘Tell him how you feel and let him explain. It’s that simple. A bit like you.’
‘Why, you cheeky thing!’ laughed out Maddy tickling Dora.
‘Maddy, thank you for being my friend,’ Dora said, taking her hand as they stopped laughing. ‘I think he does love you and will explain about the column.’
‘You think?’ Maddy sniffed. ‘Anyway, I’ll go to Rome next month and shove all the coins in one go. I’m bound to find some desperate man then.’
‘But you want him.’