by Jessica M.
“I’m sorry Ma.”
“Don’t be Marlene, it’s not your fault. Your father needs to stop his nonsense before he loses all of us,” she mumbled.
This was the first time I heard my mom mention anything about leaving my father.
Smiling to myself, maybe my prayers were being answered after all. But even if not, before I returned to my New York life, I wanted to see what I could find on Karmen. Come hell or high water, she would leave my family alone.
Someone had to knock her off that high horse, and I was just the someone to do it.
Adonis
Getting the call from Karmen that Kash was hurt, I grabbed the last bag from next to the door, hopped in my car, and sped in the direction of the hospital. Feeling guilty because Kash left out so mad, I knew this was my fault. I just hoped that whatever happened she was still alive. My wife sounded distraught so I had no idea what I was about to walk into. All I knew was that it was about to be awkward as hell consoling my wife about her sister that was also my girlfriend. That’s some crazy shit right there.
Making it to the hospital in record time, I swooped in an emergency parking area not giving damn about a ticket. Rushing through the automatic doors, I saw my wife pacing the floor through a glass door which I assumed was the waiting area. Going as fast as I could, I made my way to her and as soon as she spotted me, she damn near leaped in my arms. Holding my wife, caressing her back, I did all I could to console her. Her body was trembling and her face was soaked with tears. Helping her to a chair, she sat and I took a seat next to her as she snuggled in next to me.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. She went off the road, hitting a guard rail. They said she may have blacked out behind the wheel.”
“Is she ok?”
“She’s heavily medicated right now, but the nurse said the doctor will be out soon. They are waiting for her test results to come back. I called my parents. They’re on the road now. My mother was hysterical and my father was shouting prayers and saying it was all my fault.” Karmen began to cry again and I pulled her under my arm, kissing the top of her head.
Karmen and her father never really got along, but I knew it had to hurt for him place the blame on her for Kash’s accident. If I were honest, my ass was to blame. I hit her with some devastating news and instead of me chasing her to stay put until she settled down, I just let her go.
I was hurting inside, but I couldn’t let my wife know it. She would for sure be suspicious if I cried like a baby that her sister was heavily medicated. My heart was hurting because I allowed this to go down.
Cuddling my wife, finally a doctor was walking towards the waiting area and I prayed he was coming to speak with us. There were plenty of families also waiting so there was a good chance that he was coming in to speak with someone else.
When the double doors automatically opened, not only did Karmen straighten up to see what family he needed, but so did the other people around us.
Glancing at his clipboard, he called out, “Family of Miss Kashae Howard please.” Karmen jumped up and so did I.
She walked swiftly in the doctor’s direction and he offered a smile. I couldn’t really read his expression, but the smile had to mean at the least that she was alive.
Please God, let her be alive! I’ll never forgive myself!
“Yes Doctor, she’s my sister and this is my husband. How is she?”
“Can we step out here please?” He walked back through the doors and we followed closely behind him.
Once we were in a secluded area, he flipped through the clipboard before speaking.
“Ok, first thing is first. She is alive.” I exhaled loudly and so did Karmen.
I squeezed the top of her shoulders from the back.
“Thank God,” Karmen said.
“Ok, so this is what we have. No broken bones, which is a miracle, but she has some bruised ribs and a fractured hand which I set back in its proper place. A little swelling around that hand, but other than that, nothing life threatening. And I’m not sure if I should say this or if you even know, but your sister is eight weeks pregnant. So, congratulations. I’m so glad that this talk did not go another way. It could’ve been bad. The police said her car was totaled and she went completely through a guard rail, almost over a steep hill. I only gave her drugs to rest so that her body would have time to heal for the baby’s sake. We are preparing her room now so you should be able to see her in an hour or so.” Walking away, he left us both standing there.
Pregnant?
By who? Me?
Was I the father of my wife’s sister’s baby?
Did I have two damn kids on the way?
How in the hell did I go from childless to possibly two kids, by sisters at the same damn time?
God surely knew how to punish someone.
“Wow.” Karmen turned around to face me.
I couldn’t even look at my wife.
“Kash pregnant? I didn’t even know she was having sex. It’s that Meesha bitch! Just wait till I get my hands on that hoe.”
Karmen was fuming but she had no idea who Kash was. Kash was her own person now. She smoked, drank, and whatever else she could get her hands on. In the time that Kash and I had gotten close, she was a different person all the way around and no one could make her do a damn thing. Not me, Meesha, or anyone else.
“Just calm down Karmen. Let’s celebrate the fact that she’s ok and when she wakes up, we can deal with the baby issue.”
Grabbing Karmen’s hand, we walked back to the waiting area since the doctor said it would be a while before we could go back to see Kash. I had to get back there first to find out what the hell was going on with this baby stuff before anyone else found out about it. How long had she known about this? Was that why she was so upset about finding out that Karmen was pregnant? Why didn’t she tell me when she saw me today about the baby?
I had so many questions and I grew anxious wanting answers.
Kashae
Barely opening my eyes, I heard beeping in the distance. Blinking my eyes profusely trying my best to get them to focus, I wanted to know where I was. In the distance there was a clock hanging on the wall, but it was blurry. In the chair across the room was a figure but I couldn’t make out who it was, and that damn beeping was irritating my soul.
Coughing to gain some attention, whoever it was across the room jumped up running in my direction.
“Hey you, relax, let me get you some water.” It was my sister Karmen.
I watched as she took a small Styrofoam cup from next to the sink and filled it with water. Grabbing a straw, she tried to help me sit up a little as she positioned the straw in my mouth. Taking a few sips, it felt so refreshing. Releasing the straw, she sat the cup back down on the table next to me.
Looking around the room, it looked like I was in a hospital, but why? The last thing I remembered was storming out on Don as he told me he was sorry for screwing me over. The betrayal came rushing back to my remembrance and I was filled with anger all over again.
“What happened?” I asked above a whisper.
“I was hoping you could tell us.” She smiled.
“Us?”
“Yea, well Don went to the cafeteria to get some food, but he’ll be right back.”
Just the mention of his name had my pressure rising. I glanced over at the machine and my blood pressure was on the move.
Karmen looked at the beeping machine and then back to me with a worried expression on her face.
“Calm down baby sis, it’s not good for you or the baby. Now, that’s what we need to talk about. Kash, you’re pregnant. Did you know it? Who’s the father? I didn’t even know you were having sex. You could’ve come to me sis. You know this,” she whispered like someone else was in the room other than us.
Tears came to my eyes and my sister leaned forward, hugging me.
“It’s ok Kash. I’m here for you. Look, if the bastard doesn’t step up, you know me and Don got you. Now, Daddy mi
ght disown you, but you know I got your back.” She was grinning so I knew she thought it was a joke, but it was everything but in my eyes.
Being pregnant and my parents being upset was the furthest from my mind. If she only knew that her husband was my child’s father, she wouldn’t be making petty jokes right now.
“Don’t cry. I got you Kash. We will raise our kids together.” She kissed my forehead.
If I didn’t feel like shit before, I surely felt like shit now. The person who said she had my back, I stabbed in the back and was not only pregnant by her husband but had planned to live happily ever after with his ass until she popped up pregnant.
“Thank you, I’ll be ok.”
“Sooooo, who the hell this nigga is? I bet it’s Meesha’s tired ass people.” She scoffed.
Just like our parents, she put everything on Meesha but no one made me do a damn thing. I was my own person now doing what I wanted.
“No, it’s not Meesha. It was my choice,” I mumbled.
Before she could say anything else, in walked Don and my parents.
Covering my face in shame, my sister whispered.
“I didn’t tell them.”
When I offered up a smile of gratitude, she released me as our parents ran in our direction. My father damn near jerked me out the bed he was holding on to me so tight.
“I’m ok Daddy.”
“I’m glad you are. I knew it was a mistake leaving you here with her.”
“Her!” My sister got loud.
“Yes, her, you! However you want to put it, Karmen. I trusted you to watch out for your sister; instead, I see piercings on her face, ink on her body, and colored hair on her head. What in the world?” He looked as if he were about to faint.
“Please, not now. This is not the time,” my mother managed to get in as she leaned forward to hug me.
“Be quiet Kalissa! It was your idea to go along with this mess, and I listened to you! Never again!” He screamed at my mother.
“Don’t talk to my mama like that! You are such a trip. Mr. Man of God treating his daughter and his wife like crap. Kash is a grown ass woman who can do as she pleases. You act like she’s your woman and not your damn daughter! I love you, Kash, but I’m out of here. Call me once they leave.” My sister snatched her belongings up and stormed out the hospital doors with Don behind her. Don and I never even made eye contact, and I was fine by that. I just wondered if he knew about me being pregnant and if so, what did he think?
Karmen
Almost running out of Kash’s hospital room, through the hallways and out the exit to get to my car, I was fuming. My father always knew how to set me off. It angered me that no matter what happened, it was always my fault. He hadn’t even gotten the story on the accident or nothing, but it was automatically my fault.
My own father hated me and I had no idea why. I was tired of his bull and that’s why I left his house as soon as I did. He treated me like crap and since I was a grown up, with my own house and my own money I didn’t have to put up with it. This was why I always kept my distance from him. So, judgmental like he never did anything. How was it my fault that Kash had nose rings and tattoos? Hell, I didn’t even have any. Don tried his best to talk me into getting one when he got my name inked across his chest, but tats just weren’t my thing. But according to my father, it was my fault that Kash got her own.
Bullshit!
Forgetting Don was behind me until I heard his voice, I stopped walking so he could catch up with me.
“Aye, ride with me. You need to calm down. I’ll bring you to your car in the morning.”
Deciding Don was right, I followed his lead as we reached his car. He opened the passenger side door for me, and I slid in as he shut the door. Dropping my phone on the floor, I bent over to retrieve it when I was stuck in the finger by something sharp.
“Shit!” I snatched my finger back to survey the damage as Don slid in the driver side seat.
“What happened?” he questioned, pulling my finger in his direction.
“Something poked me.” Jerking my finger away, I hit the light on my cell phone to survey the floor for what had pricked my finger.
Carefully looking, I lifted the small hoop earring, looking at it closely.
Don backed out of the parking space as I looked over the earring that I knew to be my sister’s. My mother actually purchased them for Kash’s birthday last year and had her initials engraved inside. Checking to be sure I was correct, there inside the loop of the earring were indeed the initials K.H.
“Why is Kash’s earring in here?”
Don glanced in my direction before shrugging it off like it was nothing.
“Who knows? She’s been in my car a million times.”
I couldn’t argue with that. He was right. She was my sister so she may have been in his car numerous times, but when? She hadn’t had car trouble as of late, and he’d never mentioned her riding with him anywhere.
With so much going on, I was learning to pick my battles. Plus, she was my sister. They were family. This baby had my hormones all over the place already. Exhaling and then smiling, I placed my hand on Don’s knee.
“I’m sorry for snapping. My father has me all riled up. I’ll be glad when he leaves.”
“If he leaves.” He scoffed.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean he made it clear that he made a mistake about leaving Kash here with us, so maybe he will make her leave or he’ll stay.”
“Hell nah! That nigga wants that money and status that church up there brings him. He loves Kash no doubt, but he loves that status even better.” I chuckled at my father and his antics.
“Plus, Kash is pregnant now and the father has to be here, so there’s no way she’s leaving if she’s carrying that nigga’s baby.”
“I’on know Kar. Your father has pull when it comes to your sister, and did she mention anything about the baby or the father?”
“Nope, nothing, but she will. I can’t wait to get her alone because I want to know who this nigga is. My sister deserves the best and he will not leave her to be a single damn mother. Hell no! I ain’t having it. I might just holla at that Meesha bitch to see what she knows if Kash doesn’t tell me anything.”
“Just leave it alone. It’s not your business Kar. Plus, you’re pregnant and need to worry about your own health.” He got snappy.
“Oh wow! Where did that come from?”
“I mean, you have enough to worry about. I meant to ask did you make an appointment to get checked out? Let’s be real Kar, you drink. A lot.” He put emphasis on a lot.
My feelings were a little bruised, even though I knew he was telling the truth, so I glanced away before a tear fell from my eyes. I never wanted to let him in on the fact that I was scared of being pregnant for that very reason. What if our baby was deformed or handicap due to my drinking?
“Fuck you Don.”
“Here we go again.” He then turned the music up.
* * *
An Hour Later…..
We rode the rest of the way in silence. When we made it to the house, I exited the car without waiting for Don. Once inside, we went our separate ways. Don had pissed me off even though I knew he was telling the truth. Taking a hot shower, I could hear my phone going wild. Thinking it might be about Kash, I hurriedly finished washing off so I could get out and get my phone.
Drying my body, I wrapped the towel around me securely before stepping inside my bedroom. To my surprise, there sitting on the edge of our bed with my phone in his hands was Don.
“What does Pastor Wells want with you?” he asked with furrowed brows.
“Huh?” I went to reach for my phone. I was nervous as hell.
Scrolling to read Maddox’s text, I was glad it wasn’t anything too terrible that I was unable to explain away.
There was also a text from my mother apologizing on my father’s behalf, but then I zoomed in on the text from Maddox that was short and simple.
&nbs
p; We need to meet.
I was sick of his family bothering me, especially when I had no plans of fucking with his ass anymore. He had too many issues with him, so it was over with us. So, what did he want now? Don had just come back home and I couldn’t allow Maddox and his insecure wife to mess that up for me and my baby.
“It’s nothing. I still look over the books here and there. That’s all.” I busied myself around the bedroom, lotioning my body and putting on something comfortable as I downplayed the communication between myself and Maddox.
“I had no idea you still helped out since your father left town.” Without looking, I could feel his eyes on me.
“Yea, I told him I’d help out when I could.”
“Oh, a’ight, and about earlier…” I turned around to stop him.
“It’s ok Don. You’re right, and I plan to make an appointment tomorrow to check on the baby.” I lowered my head.
Don stood, making his way over to where I was.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings Karmen. I’m just worried. That’s all.”
Lifting my chin with his finger, he did what I had been waiting on since he agreed to move back home. His lips connected with mine and I was in heaven.
* * *
The Next Morning…..
Don and I made love all night long. My body was sore, but it was worth it. I finally felt like our connection was back. His touch, his lips were all like I remembered. He lit a fire in my body that I thought was long gone. My husband put those other men to shame when it came to catering to my needs. That didn’t include penetration because Don was the only man to do that, but just his touch was like a bolt of lightning that rushed through my body.
With those other men, I would close my eyes and think about the money I was about to receive every time they touched me. I had to let them go if I wanted to hold on to my man. They weren’t worth the headache. My trust was now back in my man and no one else was needed. Now that I thought about it, it was never Don’s fault that I stepped out on my marriage. It was all me and all the hideous things my father did. He was the one that damaged my trust and my heart. It was him that made me feel like I had to always be in control.